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Post by BA on Dec 3, 2007 22:15:33 GMT -5
We have had some really great open discussion here so far, ladies (and gay gentleman). I wasn't sure where this topic would fit, but I am curious to know what kind of emotions the sight of (or relationship with) a wheeler arouses in you. Is it one specific feeling or a myriad of feelings? Do ALL of these feelings feel good?
Confession: As progressive as I am, I sometimes feel a bit of pity. What bothers me is that the pity has an arousal component to it. It feels too maternal, in an icky sort of way. This makes me feel quite tingly good in my body but it makes me feel guilty in my mind. I have a hard time reconciling the conflict. Does anybody understand what I am experiencing?
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Post by faith on Dec 3, 2007 22:28:18 GMT -5
I don't feel that way so can't relate.
I have thought about this before. For me (I think) wheelers seem to be the perfect combination for me. A combination between hard and soft.... strength and tenderness.... strong and gentle at the same time.
So although there is a huge sexual component, part of it isn't sexual at all.
So... no pity.... no feelings on that level.
Just a perfect combination.
Add intelligence, passion and a sense of adventure... can't imagine anything better.
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Post by georgia on Dec 4, 2007 6:30:04 GMT -5
AB, there is something like that with me sometimes. Maybe knowing that molecule of pity is frowned on is what lends excitement to it. One thing I never want to see are 'before' pictures. I just don't want to know about before. I saw a series of photos of a guy who had been quite a daredevil and the photos showed his body before and after the injury. I don't know exactly what to call the emotions I felt. They were strong and they weren't pretty. 'Right now' is just fine, thanks.
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Post by Cake on Dec 4, 2007 14:08:42 GMT -5
Great question, AB!
I know what you mean when you talk about the pity you sometimes feel. For me, it's similar, but I'd rather call it compassion. Pity is different, it's more abstract, whilst compassion is almost like feeling the pain yourself. I have these moments, and it really hurts. These are also the moments when I'm sometimes ashamed of myself, ashamed that I get turned on by a thing that is connected to pain. And yeah, the compassion feels tingly good in my body, too.
The emotions a wheeler can arouse in me are therefore very mixed. It's pride, it's pain, it's vulnerability. And longing.
But I can also relate to what faith said about the combination of hard and soft. I've thought about this hours and hours of my life. It often feels to me like what's so intriguing about a wheeler is maybe the fact that he's broken - literally. Stronger than an able bodied man, but at the same time more vulnerable. Like the two halves of his body which represent this fact. Difficult to put in words what I mean...
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Post by BA on Dec 4, 2007 18:44:10 GMT -5
Great question, AB! I know what you mean when you talk about the pity you sometimes feel. For me, it's similar, but I'd rather call it compassion. Pity is different, it's more abstract, whilst compassion is almost like feeling the pain yourself. I have these moments, and it really hurts. These are also the moments when I'm sometimes ashamed of myself, ashamed that I get turned on by a thing that is connected to pain. And yeah, the compassion feels tingly good in my body, too. The emotions a wheeler can arouse in me are therefore very mixed. It's pride, it's pain, it's vulnerability. And longing. But I can also relate to what faith said about the combination of hard and soft. I've thought about this hours and hours of my life. It often feels to me like what's so intriguing about a wheeler is maybe the fact that he's broken - literally. Stronger than an able bodied man, but at the same time more vulnerable. Like the two halves of his body which represent this fact. Difficult to put in words what I mean... You know, this is possibly the most expressive description I have ever read. Yes, this is EXACTLY how I feel. You have just put it into much better words than I could. You are right, the correct word isn't "pity", because I really don't "feel sorry for". It is a highly charged amount of com-passion (interesting how that word has 'passion' in it). I think my problem is that I have been raised in such a way (church - whatever), to associate compassion with giving of self emotionally and spiritually in an almost asexual manner. How can the object of my compassion generate such passion?? Why do I feel guilty about that? Sometimes I feel selfish. |
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Post by Cake on Dec 4, 2007 19:13:11 GMT -5
I think the guilt we feel is logical, but actually wrong. Compassion and sexual passion aren't mutually exclusive. Why should they??
You're probably right when you say it has something to do with how you were raised. We learned to feel for someone without personal motives, as in to feel compassion for someone means you must forget about yourself completely. Compassion which generates passion and affects you in an almost positive way is therefore not honest, but actually selfish - that's what we learned. But I do think that this view is oversimplified. There are so many things about human nature which are far more selfish than that.
And you said it: Fascinating, the word com-PASSION. If you look at it that way, it all becomes different. To feel for someone, maybe even feel their pain, feel close to them, is the real compassion. And if it then creates a sexual feeling, so be it!
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cwbjr
Junior Member
Posts: 56
Gender: Male
Dev Status: Devotee
Relationship Status: Single
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Post by cwbjr on Dec 4, 2007 21:06:56 GMT -5
excitement. curiosity. nervousness. hope.
no compassion or pity here. but then again, i rarely feel those for anyone. ;-)
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anais
Junior Member
Posts: 66
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Post by anais on Dec 5, 2007 9:37:37 GMT -5
Dear all, this is amazing- the discussion and this section of the board. There is so much I want to say, but in the same time feel uncapable of expressing my experiences in english words, I just don't have the vocabulary, it is so frustrating! So that most of the time I just read and have a "wow, this is so like me!!!" feeling. But to contribute something: damn yes, the compassion feeling is there. And, Cake, I think I understand the "broken man" metaphore you used. It is like this broken element adds an immense value to the physical and mental values of the person. I think the feeling of guilt comes from an impression that me, as a "whole" person is in some way better, stronger. It arises the question why do I deserve something, that the other doesn't have? If you think about it, you can feel pity only for someone who is less than you (poorer, weaker, less fortunate, somone who lost something that you have), and it is like patronising someone. And you also can't help feeling good about how lucky you are. I think pity, is the other side of jealosy,which also arises guilt feelings. But on the other hand, this domineering aspect is also a great turn on. I like to dominate in a relationship with an AB guy, so I guess my devo fantasies amplifies this feeling. But domination, especially female domination, in our society in a way assosiates with "being cruel" or immoral. So there is a conflict between the drive and the social norms. And where there is a conflict, there is self-punishment as a compensation to rull out the disonance. I think that those guilt feelings (not for who I am, but for the compassion part of the story) are one of the things that prevented me from making contacts with disabled guys. Oh, and there is more of it that makes me feel REALLY guilty, and I hope I won't be judged too severely. The compasionate aspect of my devotee(ism?) is accompanied with another great turn on for me, which is to feel that I kind of do a favor to someone (it is so ugly, that I migh as well bury myself after typing it). I know that those are my self-confidence issues, but with AB guys I use to have a feeling that they do a favor to me, when they are with me. While in my fantasies of a disabled guy, it is me who chose, who make the move, me who gives up on something in order to be with. And when I think of it, it is terrible. But than again, I believe that every emotion, every desire, no matter how ugly it seems, is legitimate. It is there, you can't fight it, you can only acknowlege it and take a responsibility for owning it. No one can be judged by their feelings, only by their deeds. And that is what calms down y rigid super-ego  |
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Post by BA on Dec 5, 2007 17:07:00 GMT -5
Anais, have no fear. You have expressed yourself beautifully. I get it... ALL of it.
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Post by natasha on Dec 5, 2007 19:41:16 GMT -5
Great question, AB! I know what you mean when you talk about the pity you sometimes feel. For me, it's similar, but I'd rather call it compassion. Pity is different, it's more abstract, whilst compassion is almost like feeling the pain yourself. I have these moments, and it really hurts. These are also the moments when I'm sometimes ashamed of myself, ashamed that I get turned on by a thing that is connected to pain. And yeah, the compassion feels tingly good in my body, too. The emotions a wheeler can arouse in me are therefore very mixed. It's pride, it's pain, it's vulnerability. And longing. But I can also relate to what faith said about the combination of hard and soft. I've thought about this hours and hours of my life. It often feels to me like what's so intriguing about a wheeler is maybe the fact that he's broken - literally. Stronger than an able bodied man, but at the same time more vulnerable. Like the two halves of his body which represent this fact. Difficult to put in words what I mean... This is so true, i dated a few wheleers and had a serious 2 years relationship with a para and yeah theyre perspective about life is soooooooo diferent from the ab's guys, which made them even more interesting as a man in my opinion! Cake, you always seems to read my mind!!lol... I think the same.. And yeah, I do sometimes had been felling ashame of myself also for liking the things that are so diffcult for others... But I think thats good because were not robots or monsters!! ...  |
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Post by charlene on Dec 6, 2007 3:06:04 GMT -5
AB, I can relate to what Cake and you are saying... I would say it's compassion, too. I noticed that those feelings depend a lot on who you're with. My bf tends to "whine" ( ) a lot at times. I know there's so much pain and grief and loss, but he's kinda digging the attention he gets from people. Those feelings come up when he has a "bad day" and there sure are a lot of them...  |
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Post by georgia on Dec 6, 2007 4:26:35 GMT -5
Icky cliche but true - "strong at the broken places" ... ?
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Post by dolly on Dec 9, 2007 11:36:37 GMT -5
I know what you mean when you talk about the pity you sometimes feel. For me, it's similar, but I'd rather call it compassion. Pity is different, it's more abstract, whilst compassion is almost like feeling the pain yourself. I have these moments, and it really hurts. These are also the moments when I'm sometimes ashamed of myself, ashamed that I get turned on by a thing that is connected to pain. And yeah, the compassion feels tingly good in my body, too. The emotions a wheeler can arouse in me are therefore very mixed. It's pride, it's pain, it's vulnerability. And longing. But I can also relate to what faith said about the combination of hard and soft. I've thought about this hours and hours of my life. It often feels to me like what's so intriguing about a wheeler is maybe the fact that he's broken - literally. Stronger than an able bodied man, but at the same time more vulnerable. Like the two halves of his body which represent this fact. Difficult to put in words what I mean... really well put, cake. thanks! this is a great topic, AB. i definitely feel those mixed emotions but my feelings relate more to cake's term of compassion vs. pity. i find those moments often hit me hardest when they come out of nowhere when i am with someone i may know quite well. it sounds cliche, but i really do often "forget" about the level of disability someone has when i am with them. until they/we go to do something and they need some help or we hit some obstacle and i have a moment of sort of "awareness" that is not always at the forefront of my consciousness. then i get that pang that AB described so well This makes me feel quite tingly good in my body but it makes me feel guilty in my mind. I have a hard time reconciling the conflict. it's the part of my devness that i probably have struggled with the most within myself. i think it's because i am attracted to confident, self-sufficient guys that it kind of gives me that "jolt" when i get those sudden clear-as-a-bell insights into the reality of their situation. the guilt is in the fact that that jolt doesn't feel all bad..... |
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devotee87
New Member
Posts: 28 
Gender: Female
Dev Status: Devotee
Relationship Status: In a relationship
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Post by devotee87 on Jun 25, 2012 6:28:21 GMT -5
It is true that it is difficult to comment on the subject without shock or offend the reader. However, I admit to feeling compassion, sense of living with disability the person and not to accompany him on his disability. But still, admittedly, is the presence of obstacles in the way of disability that's exciting. Both shocked that things can not be more natural, and both the pleasure of seeing the person inside to fight to move normally. See the difficulty that a man has got in his car, see a guy on crutches painfully climb three steps ... But still, this continuing need to want to help, to alleviate hardship, to simplify life, and make it more natural. So yes, see a disabled man trapped in everyday life, it's exciting, it creates compassion, it makes us want to help, but also to admire!
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