|  Author | Topic: Sexual Relief for the Disabled (Read 6,081 times) |
E
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|  | Re: Sexual Relief for the Disabled
« Reply #75 on Feb 28, 2009, 11:35am » | |
Feb 27, 2009, 9:06pm, matisse wrote:
Feb 27, 2009, 8:27pm, E wrote:
I missed something.
... why wouldn't I? |
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Ummmm, because you wouldn't have your chair with you? Seriously? I can see a manual chair user going anywhere, but not if you really need a power chair.
Call me a control freak but I would not go anywhere without my chair. I would be stranded where ever they put me down and how would I go to the bathroom? The most I have done is allow myself to be carried into a restaurant, maybe once or twice, but I am not sure I would do that again. |
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I'd be in my power chair, of course. And me and said power chair would have arrived at the place via my vehicle.
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Hungry. Last night. No way.
I was gonna be left hungry. Then your daddy caught me sneakin' out your bed.
It's just a game I play. It's just I roll that way. Don't think, sweet baby, I'm messin' with your head.
I'm a smooth rider baby
You know I just keep movin' on...
— Dave Matthews Band
Smooth Rider |
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lithiumcreations
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| | Re: Sexual Relief for the Disabled
« Reply #76 on Feb 28, 2009, 5:11pm » | |
Feb 28, 2009, 6:32am, Triassic wrote:e, that was just an example, i thought up off the cuff. my point was that disabled folks are NEVER going to be able to really, truly keep up with free-ranging ABs even in a more or less officially 'accessible' environment. not really. not w/out lots of help from the ABs, not w/out slowing them down and/or causing them inconvenience after a certain period of time. you raised this point yourself in a post awhile back, if memory serves.
i might add that it's not NECESSARILY always a bad thing. i've noticed that AB's-especially when young-do a fair amount of pointless or ill-advised to-ing and fro-ing when out on the town or recreating or whatever... |
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You make it sound like the "disabled" and "ABs" are a different species. It's like, you don't think you're good enough to hang out with the "mystical and all powerful ABs." Sure, being disabled we do things differently, sometimes really differently, but that is why we need assistive technology and personal assistants, they level the playing field.
As for slowing people down or inconveniencing them, f*ck that attitude. People who like you will want you around.
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deeva
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| | Re: Sexual Relief for the Disabled
« Reply #77 on Feb 28, 2009, 7:25pm » | |
maybe it's wrong for a devotee to comment on this, but i think there is a different between having a positive attitude and being unrealistic. as someone who specifically has an interest in disabled people i still think there are significant social and physical obstacles no amount of assistive technology and personal assistants can ever overome. I don't think it's ultimately about leveling the playing field to the point where ABs and disabled people can do all the exact same things with the same level of normality. Whether you are AB or disabled there are just certain things that will be extremely difficult and, in a way, never fully possible .. as a skinny woman with "skinny genes" in the family i'm never going to become a wrestler even if i work out six hours a day, it's just not compatible with my body type to have that muscular physique.
to the poster above me, you say f*ck the attitude of thinking you might inconvenience other people. i sort of agree, but i also think that is a denial of the truth. to me clubbing is the essence of spontaneity and lack of inhibitions, which seems to fundamentally clash with the thought of carers, assistive technology, transfers, planning accomodations, etc. if i had a disabled bf i wouldnt want to drag him around town to 50 nightclubs, i can think of countless other more fun things for us to do that wouldn't be such a pain for both of us. disabled or not i think it's not about convincing yourself that you can do anything you want - that's just naive, nobody can do EVERYTHING. it's about finding the kind of lifestyle and activities that complement you best.
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E
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| | Re: Sexual Relief for the Disabled
« Reply #78 on Feb 28, 2009, 7:45pm » | |
Feb 28, 2009, 6:32am, Triassic wrote:| e, that was just an example, i thought up off the cuff. my point was that disabled folks are NEVER going to be able to really, truly keep up with free-ranging ABs even in a more or less officially 'accessible' environment. not really. not w/out lots of help from the ABs, not w/out slowing them down and/or causing them inconvenience after a certain period of time. you raised this point yourself in a post awhile back, if memory serves. |
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I just happened to run across a pic of me inconveniencing some people. Look how annoyed they are.
![[image]](http://photos-h.ak.fbcdn.net/photos-ak-snc1/v318/78/114/749872927/n749872927_761551_8311.jpg "[image]")
Another group of slowed down, inconvenienced folk... really upset...
![[image]](http://photos-a.ak.fbcdn.net/photos-ak-snc1/v346/238/85/1020423413/n1020423413_183120_9817.jpg "[image]")
These people were especially annoyed because they all had to be loaded up in my handicapped accessible van. Just look at the grief on their faces.
![[image]](http://photos-h.ll.facebook.com/photos-ll-snc1/v276/8/74/533269403/n533269403_564167_2240.jpg "[image]")
I've said before that gimps don't deserve to live, but I can't see me saying we can't keep up on a social setting when places are accessible, as they generally are here.
Oh, and I can't drive. I always need a driver. But that never seems to be a problem. My friends want me around and, generally, they're not leaving me for the next spot, but asking, "Where we going now, E?"
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Hungry. Last night. No way.
I was gonna be left hungry. Then your daddy caught me sneakin' out your bed.
It's just a game I play. It's just I roll that way. Don't think, sweet baby, I'm messin' with your head.
I'm a smooth rider baby
You know I just keep movin' on...
— Dave Matthews Band
Smooth Rider |
|
matisse
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| | Re: Sexual Relief for the Disabled
« Reply #79 on Feb 28, 2009, 8:17pm » | |
Feb 28, 2009, 7:45pm, E wrote:| My friends want me around and, generally, they're not leaving me for the next spot, but asking, "Where we going now, E?" |
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So, you are a party animal extrovert. You probably would have been the leader of the pack as an AB, too.
But what about the people who aren't that way naturally? What of the bookish nerd who was destined to meet his girl by impressing her on the battlefield at a Renaissance fair? Or the firefighter whose soulmate would have fallen for him in uniform? It's easy for a person for whom sociability comes naturally, to tell someone else to just go out and do it.
In my case, while I am a sociable person, if my life/career/whatever depended on my ability to "network," I would be destitute. That is a skill that I am terrible at, and I actually hate it. I would not be too happy about people who are clearly very good at networking, to tell me that I can just go out and do that because they can.
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lithiumcreations
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| | Re: Sexual Relief for the Disabled
« Reply #80 on Feb 28, 2009, 9:36pm » | |
Feb 28, 2009, 7:25pm, deeva wrote:maybe it's wrong for a devotee to comment on this, but i think there is a different between having a positive attitude and being unrealistic. as someone who specifically has an interest in disabled people i still think there are significant social and physical obstacles no amount of assistive technology and personal assistants can ever overome. I don't think it's ultimately about leveling the playing field to the point where ABs and disabled people can do all the exact same things with the same level of normality. Whether you are AB or disabled there are just certain things that will be extremely difficult and, in a way, never fully possible .. as a skinny woman with "skinny genes" in the family i'm never going to become a wrestler even if i work out six hours a day, it's just not compatible with my body type to have that muscular physique.
to the poster above me, you say f*ck the attitude of thinking you might inconvenience other people. i sort of agree, but i also think that is a denial of the truth. to me clubbing is the essence of spontaneity and lack of inhibitions, which seems to fundamentally clash with the thought of carers, assistive technology, transfers, planning accomodations, etc. if i had a disabled bf i wouldnt want to drag him around town to 50 nightclubs, i can think of countless other more fun things for us to do that wouldn't be such a pain for both of us. disabled or not i think it's not about convincing yourself that you can do anything you want - that's just naive, nobody can do EVERYTHING. it's about finding the kind of lifestyle and activities that complement you best. |
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If wanting people to have a chance at the life they want through personal assistants and assistive technology is naive, then yes, I'm naive. Absolutely nothing is guaranteed to ANYONE, but I still try the things I want to try.
If my girlfriend and I WANT to go to "50 nightclubs," I don't see it as a "pain."
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Triassic
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| | Re: Sexual Relief for the Disabled
« Reply #81 on Mar 1, 2009, 10:36am » | |
well, i geuss to each his own, but i fail to find the fun in trying to navigate through packed, dimly lit rooms full of drunk people tripping over your chair, slamming into you because they didn't notice you way down there what w/all the flashing lights and deafening noise.
OR...or, this huge big deal is made about getting you through; 'hey! HEY, heads up, comin' thru here! outta the way please! thanks...comin' thru!' everybody clears a path, makes way...then you're stuck for the duration wherever they put you.
so yeah, clubs=fuuuun! 
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<aka; triassic> '...the form of all things, but devoid of all form...' -arthur machen, 'the great god pan' |
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genuinejoe76
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| | Re: Sexual Relief for the Disabled
« Reply #82 on Mar 1, 2009, 11:21am » | |
E, you posted these pictures of you out at a bar socializing with young ABs. My question is... when was the last time one of them wanted to accompany you home and engage in sexual activities? One can go out and socialize every night of the week, but if none of that socializing ever leads to a relationship or even a one night stand, then all that socializing is really pointless from a standpoint of sexual relief for a disabled individual.
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devogirl
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| | Re: Sexual Relief for the Disabled
« Reply #83 on Mar 1, 2009, 1:31pm » | |
Matisse raises a good point: personality is important here. Not everyone wants to go out clubbing, and please, let's not hold that up as the only model of "normal" socializing. Triassic, I suspect that you wouldn't find those noisy, crowded clubs fun even if the chair were not an issue. I used to go out to clubs when I was younger, but now I find it really boring and irritating. It's also not the only or even necessarily the best way to meet someone, even for what Craigslist calls a "casual encounter."
On the other hand, it's never wasted time if you're out having fun with friends. Going out with the single-minded goal of hooking up is the surest way to drive the ladies away. The more you are an active part of a social group, whether that involves going to clubs or a reading group at the local library, the more likely you are to meet a potential partner. That's just the way it works for everyone, AB and disabled.
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| | Re: Sexual Relief for the Disabled
« Reply #84 on Mar 1, 2009, 2:57pm » | |
Thank you for making that point, Devgurl....clubbing is definitely overrated, and it's not the measure of someone's socializing worth. I was the same, in my younger years I was very into the local music scene, and went out a lot. Now, if I'm meeting friends, that's great, but I'm pretty damn comfy at home, too. I have to say, 'the internet and cable' keeps me entertained, but also get out with buddies a few times a week, too. I have an AB friend that is constantly trying to go out because he has no cable or computer. He's bored silly at home. I'd be a different animal without those things. I've tried meeting THE RIGHT chick by running an ad on Craig's List, and the responses I got were TERRIBLE. I've even tried match.com with rotten luck. It seems like years ago it was a LOt easier to meet interested, and interesting, girls. Maybe it's the age thang...IDK. WHATEVER it is, I don't want the welfare system to send over a chick to make me feel better...lol (uh, my attempt to get back on thread subject)
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E
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| | Re: Sexual Relief for the Disabled
« Reply #85 on Mar 1, 2009, 3:04pm » | |
Feb 28, 2009, 8:17pm, matisse wrote:
Feb 28, 2009, 7:45pm, E wrote:| My friends want me around and, generally, they're not leaving me for the next spot, but asking, "Where we going now, E?" |
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So, you are a party animal extrovert. You probably would have been the leader of the pack as an AB, too.
But what about the people who aren't that way naturally? What of the bookish nerd who was destined to meet his girl by impressing her on the battlefield at a Renaissance fair? Or the firefighter whose soulmate would have fallen for him in uniform? It's easy for a person for whom sociability comes naturally, to tell someone else to just go out and do it.
In my case, while I am a sociable person, if my life/career/whatever depended on my ability to "network," I would be destitute. That is a skill that I am terrible at, and I actually hate it. I would not be too happy about people who are clearly very good at networking, to tell me that I can just go out and do that because they can. |
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Now we're getting into personality type, not disability. Triassic said a disabled person CAN'T keep up with ABs socially. I don't find that true.
But yes, I'm doing what works for my personality. I'm not really a club kinda guy, but I do enjoy trying new restaurants, going out to bars I like, having some drinks with friends, etc. That third pic was from a concert -- I see a lot of live music. It's a passion of mine. On Wednesday, I'm going to see Robin Williams. I'm a go out and do stuff person. I'm a social person and I do well making/keeping/enjoying friends. That's me and I make that work for me.
I'm also a big geek at heart, though. I think I've become more social over time as a necessity to know and spend time with people.
Now, if my personality was different, I'd like to think I'd make that work for me, too. Maybe if I wasn't going out, I'd be home writing the great American novel, or I'd be more focused on growing my business, or I'd become a bible scholar or a chess expert or a professional poker player or whatever... and then use that to meet people. You found what worked for your personality -- wife, kids, etc. I'm not saying everyone should be like me, but you have to work with what you have... be it your disability, personality, etc.
I do what works for me. That's all anyone can do.
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Hungry. Last night. No way.
I was gonna be left hungry. Then your daddy caught me sneakin' out your bed.
It's just a game I play. It's just I roll that way. Don't think, sweet baby, I'm messin' with your head.
I'm a smooth rider baby
You know I just keep movin' on...
— Dave Matthews Band
Smooth Rider |
|
E
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| | Re: Sexual Relief for the Disabled
« Reply #86 on Mar 1, 2009, 3:09pm » | |
Mar 1, 2009, 1:31pm, devogirl wrote:| On the other hand, it's never wasted time if you're out having fun with friends. Going out with the single-minded goal of hooking up is the surest way to drive the ladies away. The more you are an active part of a social group, whether that involves going to clubs or a reading group at the local library, the more likely you are to meet a potential partner. That's just the way it works for everyone, AB and disabled. |
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Right on.
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Hungry. Last night. No way.
I was gonna be left hungry. Then your daddy caught me sneakin' out your bed.
It's just a game I play. It's just I roll that way. Don't think, sweet baby, I'm messin' with your head.
I'm a smooth rider baby
You know I just keep movin' on...
— Dave Matthews Band
Smooth Rider |
|
E
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| | Re: Sexual Relief for the Disabled
« Reply #87 on Mar 1, 2009, 3:41pm » | |
Mar 1, 2009, 11:21am, genuinejoe76 wrote:| E, you posted these pictures of you out at a bar socializing with young ABs. My question is... when was the last time one of them wanted to accompany you home and engage in sexual activities? |
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Quite frankly, that's none of your freaking business. However, to answer the nature of your question, it does happen. Less than AB guys? Yeah, probably. But certainly more than never. I have a feeling you think, and Matisse earlier pointed this out, that your average, single AB guy is getting laid a lot more than reality dictates. I have a good looking, AB guy friend. There's nothing wrong with him. Great guy. But he'll have no problem telling you I have an easier time with women than him. He's just not that kinda guy. I think there are lots of AB guys who aren't pulling home girls like you imagine they are.
Mar 1, 2009, 11:21am, genuinejoe76 wrote:| One can go out and socialize every night of the week, but if none of that socializing ever leads to a relationship or even a one night stand, then all that socializing is really pointless from a standpoint of sexual relief for a disabled individual. |
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I suppose if you're just going out looking for a quickie, then yeah, it might often be "pointless" to you. I go out to enjoy the company of fun people and have a great time. Devogirl said if you're going out with a single-minded purpose, you're scaring your prospects away. It's true. I'm going to clue you in on a secret here: You generally have to know some girls and be friends with them before you get the chance to have sex with one. Crazy, huh? I've had female friends for years before I ever "engaged in sexual activities" with them. You know why I was able to stay friends with them for those years? Because I wasn't trying to have sex with them -- sincerely wasn't trying. I was just enjoying their company and friendship.
Last night, a good female friend of mine brought her two girlfriends over, the four of us went out to eat, we had some drinks, then came back to my place and played board games until 3 AM (recession party! woohoo!). I didn't really know the other two girls, but I do now. One, in particular, seemed very cool. I'll probably hang out with her again. Now, will this result in "sexual relief for a disabled individual?" Most likely not, but it's always good to have another cool friend and, maybe... it could lead to more. At least there's a chance. However, you never get to that point if you're just hunting for an easy lay. If you're sad and desperate, you'll never get anywhere.
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Hungry. Last night. No way.
I was gonna be left hungry. Then your daddy caught me sneakin' out your bed.
It's just a game I play. It's just I roll that way. Don't think, sweet baby, I'm messin' with your head.
I'm a smooth rider baby
You know I just keep movin' on...
— Dave Matthews Band
Smooth Rider |
|
matisse
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| | Re: Sexual Relief for the Disabled
« Reply #88 on Mar 1, 2009, 5:08pm » | |
Mar 1, 2009, 3:41pm, E wrote:
Last night, a good female friend of mine brought her two girlfriends over, the four of us went out to eat, we had some drinks, then came back to my place and ....... |
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Do you think this story might have ended differently if you were AB?  Or do I just read too many Penthouse Stories?
(Disclaimer: I haven't read a Penthouse story since college...........)
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genuinejoe76
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| | Re: Sexual Relief for the Disabled
« Reply #89 on Mar 1, 2009, 7:23pm » | |
Mar 1, 2009, 3:41pm, E wrote:| However, to answer the nature of your question, it does happen. Less than AB guys? Yeah, probably. I think there are lots of AB guys who aren't pulling home girls like you imagine they are. |
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I think you overestimate greatly the number of times "it does happen" for disabled guys.
Mar 1, 2009, 3:41pm, E wrote:| I suppose if you're just going out looking for a quickie, then yeah, it might often be "pointless" to you. I go out to enjoy the company of fun people and have a great time. Devogirl said if you're going out with a single-minded purpose, you're scaring your prospects away. |
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When I was younger, I frequented bars and cubs regularly, and no, I did not have this "single-minded purpose" that you speak of. My intent was to meet people, and perhaps get the phone numbers of some ladies, not for booty calls, but rather so we could get to know each other outside of the club scene. From my experience, 99.9% of any potential prospects were scared away the moment they got a glimpse of my wheelchair and wouldn't take the time to even get to know me. The other 0.1% would already be wasted. Perhaps the world is different in Florida, but this is how the world works here in Ohio.
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