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Post by faith on May 21, 2008 0:47:53 GMT -5
Is anyone else experiencing stronger dev feelings as they get older?
When I was younger- high school, college age- it was all new... it had no name and I thought I was the only one. Dev feelings came and went. They always came back but were not always consistent.
As I get older I have noticed the dev feelings come more often, are stronger and last longer.
Anyone else experience this? Any ideas why?
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Post by Ciao Bella on May 23, 2008 3:20:22 GMT -5
For me, I think it's not so much that my tendencies are getting stronger as get older...I think my tendencies were stronger when I was younger simply because I didn't have any "outlet" so to speak - it was a bit difficult to find sites on the internet where I wouldn't feel guilty or horrible for feeling my feelings.
I find that my tendencies are stronger when I'm apart from my partner, physically, for long periods of time, and that the internet now doesn't really fill that need (not talking here of just sexual needs).
Therefore, my dev tendencies tend to lay low when my partner and I are together ... like there's no need that needs to get filled.
I know I tend to rattle on but I hope I made sense??? LOL
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Post by Claire on May 23, 2008 8:29:27 GMT -5
Faith, that sounds exactly like me. I had the same experience at high school and college age. The only thing I can add is that I had a fascination with disabled people that started before puberty. The sexual element kicked in a puberty. I found out what a devotee was when I was 26 or 27. It's been 10 years now!
Yes, as I get older, the feelings get stronger. I've never been with a wheeler, and I'm sure I never will, as I'm married to an AB guy. But it's to the point now where I can't have an orgasm unless I fantasize about paralyzed legs, etc. It makes me feel guilty, I don't want to fantasize about other things when we're having sex, but that's just the way it is, now.
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Post by dolly on May 26, 2008 10:36:22 GMT -5
i can definitely relate to stronger dev feelings as i get older.
i have wondered if it has to do with physiological age or if it's just knowing (and accepting) myself better. there is also the fact that i only discovered this site and the existence of other devs in adulthood which finally gave me the opportunity and venue to explore this part of myself.
i relate to what isabelle said in that my dev feelings do subside when i actually have a wheeler in my life. it's like "all is well in my world" and i don't need to seek out additional stimuli.
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Post by Peony on May 10, 2014 8:07:20 GMT -5
Um...I know this thread is reeeeally old...but I just happened upon it, and it gave me a fright! I think my devness has gotten stronger as I've gotten older! I still have very big lulls in it, but I feel like it's more intense and lasts longer when the highs come around too. Like dolly mentioned (almost 6 years ago, goodness), I think it's partly due to acceptance and a better understanding of myself...but dang...where to in 10-15 years?!
Just thought it was an interesting one to ponder on...
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Post by Maurine on May 10, 2014 18:23:29 GMT -5
I wouldn't object to my devness becoming even stronger. So far it's been pretty constant throughout my life. The only thing that's changed is that it's no longer restricted to theory and fantasy.
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Post by lavly on May 11, 2014 6:23:41 GMT -5
I think my devness has quitened down. I'm even though I live more of a dev life now and I have assimilated devness in my everyday life ( this board , through daylie dev chat, wheeler bf) I still feel like my hidden aurges are more quite these days . But hey it sounds like I'm the only one
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Post by sweetequine on May 11, 2014 10:48:44 GMT -5
Mine have gotten stronger I think. I have to wonder if there's some underlying psychological or biological basis for it? Perhaps the thought of getting older and not ever experiencing being with or dating a DA guy intensified the urges to find one. Maybe even having the feeling that some women face of their "biological clock ticking away" in regards to having children? I dont know. But for me I think that may be the case. I am now dating an awesome quad, and I have to agree with someone who posted in the thread earlier that the dev urges aren't as strong when we are together. I think being together pacifies the nurturing dev part of me. The devness is still there, but definitely not all encompassing.
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Post by Peony on May 11, 2014 17:15:02 GMT -5
Yeah...I was actually thinking yesterday that I feel like my devness is more conscious now, if that makes sense. It was also much more repressed and unpredictable when I was in my mid twenties. It's not like I'm an old dame at 32, but I feel like I give it appropriate space now. But the obsession side if it...it's not always like that, and we've talked about it elsewhere on the board...but dang. Now I'm more confident and know I can make sh*t happen in my life if I want to...that makes it pretty strong sometimes. Combined with that is a few other moral and psychological dilemmas just to keep it interesting
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Post by Peony on May 11, 2014 17:15:47 GMT -5
Thanks for your thoughts so far though
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Post by ruthmadison on May 12, 2014 8:32:18 GMT -5
Hmmm. Interesting. I feel the reverse. I feel like it has calmed down a lot.
When I was a teenager I was a slave to my hormones and I felt such huge ups and downs and everything was life and death. Now my devness and I have an understanding of one another and I feel like it has settled into a good place in my life. I turn to it when I want that thrill and to be turned on and at other times it mostly leaves me alone.
I wonder whether this experience is connected to whether or not one has dated a disabled guy. It seems like a lot of people saying it has gotten stronger have not had the oppoortunity to? And maybe their psyche is pushing for it in some way? While for me, I dated a number of disabled guys until I was really able to appreciate how perfect for me my husband is even though he isn't disabled.
But that's not to say that I have sex without the dev stuff. I never do and I doubt I ever will. To me, that's what makes it a fetish in my life: I can't have sex without at least the fantasizing about it.
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Post by Peony on May 12, 2014 17:37:54 GMT -5
So all of this to say, I'm not sure if my devness is less because I'm older, or if it's less because it's not contained in a small space in my head. It is able to wander at will through my life. It is not concentrated by fantasy, but rather diluted by my everyday experience. It is flavor and enhancement to my entire life, no longer a raw ingredient only sampled in limited amounts. To me it sounds like your devness is so much more now
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Post by Peony on May 12, 2014 22:22:34 GMT -5
To me it sounds like your devness is so much more now Interesting, but no, overall it IS much less. I barely notice disabled guys out in the world these days. I have almost zero interest in most of the disability links or other random stuff that comes across my facebook page or in the blogs I read. In other words, the things that used to push my dev-buttons not only don't, I don't even notice them in most cases. As for actual dev content, since my husband and I at the moment maintain different residences (necessity, not choice), I don't get the day-to-day access that most married people have with their spouse. So I really thought I'd have more devvy thoughts, more dev days, when he's not here. But that has not happened. So I do really think my devness has significantly diminished, both in frequency and in pitch. I just don't have those dev highs... but then again neither do I have the extreme dev lows that would follow, almost like a depression. It's just a buzz that's there, but nothing demanding or time-consuming. And it has focused on my husband. Even when he's not here, I just can't seem to reach the place that for decades was so comfortable unless he's there in it with me. I have quite a few go-to fantasies that just don't do it for me anymore. Maybe this will change. Maybe after a few more years, the honeymoon will end and I'll have room in my head for other stuff. But for now, and for the past few years, he's it for me. And that's just fine by me. I guess where I was going with more is that it seems so integrated now...although everything always looks smoother from the outside in, right? Regardless...still so happy for the two of you. Although the irony of being married to your perfect man and having to live in different countries...so wry it would almost make me laugh...but only on the good days! *shakes fist at the universe for you*
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Post by Emma on May 12, 2014 23:37:15 GMT -5
I just don't have those dev highs... but then again neither do I have the extreme dev lows that would follow, almost like a depression. It's just a buzz that's there, but nothing demanding or time-consuming. Um, holy shit!!!!!!!!!!!!! That is totally me! I have always wondered why I never felt the dev highs and lows you all talk about; thinking that was yet again a difference between me as an amputee dev and the SCI or open-minded devs here. Now I know. I was with my husband when I found PD and heard about the highs and lows. Once I was with him, it has been as L described, a buzz that's there but not demanding or time consuming. Now that I think back I did have dev highs and lows before I met my husband but they were really low (like nonexistent devness) and then it would come back and make me realize that it was not going to work with the AB guy I was currently trying hard to date. So, thank you L for saying that so articulately. I could not have even explained it to myself let alone the others here until you made it clear in my own mind. But to answer the original, resurrected question. I don't think my devness has gotten stronger as I got older. My life is unimaginably busy with two kids under 2, so being a dev is on the back burner......yeah I keep up with PD and my dev friends here but other than that I have no time to be a dev.......hardly any time to think about thoughtful responses to threads, browse you tube, check my dev e-mail, or even think about devy intimacy with my husband. Thanks again L for that post.
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Post by Peony on May 13, 2014 0:21:24 GMT -5
Hurray for steady, happy devness! Not so much for having no time for intimacy though!
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