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Post by Inigo Montoya on Dec 12, 2009 11:05:23 GMT -5
Where have you unexpectedly discovered or rediscovered missing parts of yourself? I had a moment this week where I discovered part of my femininity in a dojo, just after finishing karate class... which was unexpected. I had expected to find bits of myself in that room... maybe some determination, strength and confidence or even weakness... but not the lost or ignored delicacy of my form and movement. It was a beautiful moment. I don't know if this makes sense to anybody else. I'd been involved in a conversation on the woo woo board where one of the guys was talking about seeing the divine feminine in the women he saw in his life. And I thought... wow, I wish someone would see me that way... totally ignoring the point that it's ME who most needs to see that in myself. Anyway.. where have you unexpectedly discovered or rediscovered parts of yourself?  |
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Post by E on Dec 12, 2009 12:30:43 GMT -5
In my hip.
In my left hip, I have constant, blinding, excruciating pain. When it decides to cramp, I'm forced to bend over to the side. My jaws lock. My face turns red. If I'm alone, there's often a loud gutteral growl as I force myself back up, the bone-on-bone popping and grinding as I straighten, sometimes audible to people nearby. This goes on all day.
As I go through my life, few people are aware it's going on. Though I have a suspicion it hurts about as much as a gun shot or a broken bone -- it definitely far exceeds my broken face -- there's no glamorous wound broadcasting my agony. It's silent. It's hidden.
We've discussed before how disability and its limitations can be inherently emasculating. In my pain, though, and in the way I deal with it privately, how I struggle with it on my own, and how I continue to do all the things I want and need to despite it, I feel a bit more man-like. It has that crawling through the dirt in a war zone, running a marathon through the desert, diving into a fire to save something precious type feel. The only difference is I'm not accomplishing anything grand or newsworthy -- no war mission, no marathon prize, no baby saved in a fire -- I'm just keeping my life, which is prize enough for me.
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Post by Inigo Montoya on Dec 12, 2009 14:09:13 GMT -5
I'm not sure what to say... aside from I'm grateful that you've shared that. Thank you. |
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Post by Triassic on Dec 12, 2009 16:39:34 GMT -5
i thought you were getting that hip seen to, e...
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Post by E on Dec 12, 2009 17:46:49 GMT -5
i thought you were getting that hip seen to, e... Being seen to can take a while. |
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Post by doe on Dec 13, 2009 4:50:08 GMT -5
Four Leaf (I don't really know what to call anyone any more - so I revert to type), your post is timely. I've had several moments of self discovery lately, some of which have been unexpected. Most of me has gone missing somewhere over the last decade or so and I'm slowly putting me together again. Some of the pieces of the puzzle have changed over time, as well as the relativity to other pieces, but I can't wait to have all the pieces come together again. I'm truly excited about the whole that is emerging  . I'm sure I have confused you all, but all I am trying to say is that it is very easy to lose yourself in the daily acts of just getting through life and all its responsibilities. Weird as it sounds, some of my discovery moments have in fact taken place right here on this board, or more accurately by participating in it. So go figure - LOL. And Four Leaf, what you project via your own relationship with yourself is what others tend to see. So embrace that femininity with all you have ! |
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Post by Pony on Dec 13, 2009 12:13:17 GMT -5
This is actually a good thread, and I could write a whole piece on this, but I'll spare everyone the 'long' story. But I will sum it up as two lives I've lived. Only by chance have I had the chance to live this 2nd one, and through that experience of losing so much I've gained other pieces that I was missing in my 1st life. At times I wish I could meet that mixed up kid I was to somehow equip him with the tools to live a more peaceful life, but you cannot travel the same road twice in life. We are all on a road that always goes forward, maybe twists n turns, but always forward. i've discovered so much about WHO I am, and as I get older I discover other hidden layers. There's a saying that says 'you learn a lot more by traveling a rough road than you do a smooth one,' and I do believe this is true.
Thanks Four-Leaf Art for creating a cool thread!!
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Post by BA on Dec 13, 2009 13:40:29 GMT -5
Most of me has gone missing somewhere over the last decade or so and I'm slowly putting me together again. Some of the pieces of the puzzle have changed over time, as well as the relativity to other pieces, but I can't wait to have all the pieces come together again. I'm truly excited about the whole that is emerging . I'm sure I have confused you all, but all I am trying to say is that it is very easy to lose yourself in the daily acts of just getting through life and all its responsibilities. Weird as it sounds, some of my discovery moments have in fact taken place right here on this board, or more accurately by participating in it. So go figure - LOL. Doe, I couldn't have said that more perfectly. My sentiments reflected in a mirror, exactly. |
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Post by laurasweetou on Dec 13, 2009 17:09:27 GMT -5
Most of me has gone missing somewhere over the last decade or so and I'm slowly putting me together again. Some of the pieces of the puzzle have changed over time, as well as the relativity to other pieces, but I can't wait to have all the pieces come together again. I'm truly excited about the whole that is emerging . I'm sure I have confused you all, but all I am trying to say is that it is very easy to lose yourself in the daily acts of just getting through life and all its responsibilities. Weird as it sounds, some of my discovery moments have in fact taken place right here on this board, or more accurately by participating in it. So go figure - LOL. Doe, I couldn't have said that more perfectly. My sentiments reflected in a mirror, exactly. Mine, too. I thought I was done being in what i would call really bad relationships. Not talking about the one in CA. I'm talking about the one I came back to in MN twice. This guy is terrible to me, yet I stay because I feel trapped. I had worked really hard to learn to not fall into this again, and here I am... stuck! It's depressing and claustrophobic. |
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Post by Ciao Bella on Dec 14, 2009 8:58:55 GMT -5
The past couple of years, though tumultous, have paved the way to some hard learning (both good and not so good). The first of the learnings was to have learned to finally have the courage to have and accept what I want in my life, that is to find the perfect man for me who just happens to be a para. The second discovery is that I am stronger than I have ever given myself credit for. Being physically away from my mum and close set of friends (my support) meant that I really had nobody to turn to when I was being torn between my marriage commitments and my destiny. The third, and certainly not last, discovery is that because of what I've been through, I do have some life experience I can be proud of and that can be told. And I hope that these life experiences contribute to my being the person I am today...a bit more patient, a bit more understanding, and a bit more empathetic to others. Doe, I could not agree more with you about it being so easy to lose yourself in the daily routine of life. Just recently, I have moved branches for the company I work for, and this new situation has given me a bit more perspective (which I was hoping to achieve anyway) and a bit more leeway in terms of creativity in my role. Sometimes, change is good...may not be apparent at first, but eventually it all comes good. So here's a toast to all who continually seek or accidentally find themselves...be it in a journey of self-discovery or an "aha!" moment whilst enjoying a sundae cone from Maccas |
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Post by Inigo Montoya on Dec 14, 2009 10:26:46 GMT -5
And Four Leaf, what you project via your own relationship with yourself is what others tend to see. So embrace that femininity with all you have ! Thanks, doe. And, Tony, write a whole piece if you want to. I'd be interested to read it. Dev-et, I wish you could break that cycle once and for all.  And, Isa, cheers! |
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Post by doe on Dec 15, 2009 4:19:25 GMT -5
Doe, I could not agree more with you about it being so easy to lose yourself in the daily routine of life. Just recently, I have moved branches for the company I work for, and this new situation has given me a bit more perspective (which I was hoping to achieve anyway) and a bit more leeway in terms of creativity in my role. Sometimes, change is good...may not be apparent at first, but eventually it all comes good. Bella... you got that right, sometimes change is good. In fact most of the time it is and it is essential if you want to be challenged, evolve and grow. The trick is to avoid too much in too short space of time. On the flip side, too much safety, comfort and complacency is not good either - we humans need to continually push our boundaries, otherwise its rutsville  . B ******** (do you come with footnotes?). Go the tomboys... I'm totally with you on the basketball, skateboarding, etc. Don't surf, but hey, I never had a doll as a kid and totally loved my electric car racing set - best toy I ever had........ still love playing with car racing sets, though now I get to play with someone elses ;D! |
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Post by Triassic on Dec 15, 2009 7:15:58 GMT -5
isabelle, i just learned maccas is australian for mcdonalds...
bananas; so...let's see 'em, come on; the PICS of you in that minidress.
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Post by Ciao Bella on Dec 15, 2009 7:41:35 GMT -5
Tri - I really shouldn't have shortened that...sorry dude!
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Post by Triassic on Dec 15, 2009 23:54:12 GMT -5
my late friend ken always called mcdonald's 'mack and don's steakhouse'. |
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