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Post by lavly on Nov 1, 2010 4:48:54 GMT -5
I ask anything and answer whatever if people don't like my honesty they don't have to read it ! ..... That helps me learn things aboiut my dev feelingstoo x[/quote] thats so how i feel. i think on a diffrent link last night someone said that a member was not going to come back cos they might have not liked what was some of the replys to his question and at first that made me go awwwwwww but then i thought about it awhile and i was like "ummm grow some balls". if you can handle someone not agreeing with you on line then how you going to get through life. so i say just be you and say how you feel. inoder to really find out who you are. having said that i dont think im going to have any dev friends left after i say how i feel. cos if im honist i dont think the way i vew my self in a good light when i think about my self as a dev.
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Post by lavly on Nov 1, 2010 4:52:25 GMT -5
I’m wondering if this cyclic devness is common or you think that it is just life that gets people up and down. for me it is ... for sure ... like you right now its strong cos im on this site ... but other times its not that strong
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Post by lavly on Nov 1, 2010 5:02:48 GMT -5
Oh and welcome to the board Lavly! I know, trying to sort out all the dev feelings can be scary, but we've all been there. A lot of us seem to go in cycles, I know I certainly do. Sometimes one thing, sometimes something else. It may be impossible to know why. Just enjoy it! thanks hun
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Post by BA on Nov 1, 2010 5:11:30 GMT -5
having said that i dont think im going to have any dev friends left after i say how i feel. cos if im honist i dont think the way i vew my self in a good light when i think about my self as a dev. I don't think you will ever get a cold shoulder from this board for expressing your negative feelings about this attraction. I used to feel like I was a fairly horrible person because of this.
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Post by Inigo Montoya on Nov 1, 2010 6:40:27 GMT -5
having said that i dont think im going to have any dev friends left after i say how i feel. cos if im honist i dont think the way i vew my self in a good light when i think about my self as a dev. I don't think you will ever get a cold shoulder from this board for expressing your negative feelings about this attraction. I used to feel like I was a fairly horrible person because of this. I agree. I've come a long way in this and feel much better about things, thanks in large part to interaction here with devs and wheelers. But I still have the occasional moment.
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anais
Junior Member
Posts: 66
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Post by anais on Nov 1, 2010 8:23:09 GMT -5
Trinity, devogirl, the cycles thing is a great enigma. I remember many dicussions on the subj, but they are never enough )) I think, it is a matter of many factors combining together. Physiological, psychological and situational. Basicly, as I found out recently, I need minimum 3 things in order to enter a cycle: 1. (most important) A powerfull trigger - an image in a movie, a real person I meet, a text I read. 2. Being in a mood to indulge in a fantasy. Which means, being in a kind of a floating state of mind, concentrating on my inner world more, than on the reality outhere. This state of mind inhances and exacerbate the feeling, which was awaken by the trigger. 3. (the most unexplicable part of the package) A physiological reaction. I think, it has something to do with the ovulation cycle, but not a full correlation. I suppose, the amounts of testosteron secrected play some part. I suppose so, since I have s condition of an excessive testosteron, which is reduced by antipregnancy pills. When I stop using them - the cycles become more frequent and stronger. Perhaps it might be true for some of you as well. Interestingly, though, it doesn't have almost anything to do with my "normal" sexual drive, so go figure Anyway, when there is a physical reaction to a devo image, I know, the cycle has begun. I must say, that sometimes he physical doesn't happen, and than the devo feelings are much less intense. Still pleasant, but in a different way. More like getting into a safe place, a place of almost nurturing thoughts and images (I guess, I learned to connect my devo emotions with this sense of "safe place"). But, the physical thing, this unmistakable and unique effect of a "stab in the back", it is a demand for a phase to start. It is so powerfull, that keeps feeding me for a couple of days, recreating itself over and over in different situations. In those times, any fantasised image can give me the "dosage". This is the most cherished state, in which I feel like my skin becomes thinner and every nurve is exposed. Again, physiologicaly speaking, I believe it works the same way as drugs do. It triggers the dopaminergic system in the brain, the area of pleasure. Any pleasure, not only sexual. How does it happen? I have now clue. What I am sure of, is that we are blessed, because we have an additional source of pleasure, one, that most people don't have, and they sometimes search for it in not very adequate ways. I assume, that we, davs, have very receptive dopaminergic system, which is triggered more easily, than in most people. Since this hypothesis is based basicly on nothing wanted to ask you. Do you find, that you sometimes experience other sorts of pleasure as very stimulating? I mean, do you easily respond to other stimulating triggers, such as food, alcohol, cigarettes, love affairs? Do you find, that you generally are an addictive person? Probably, every one in a way is always in a search of pleasure, but I an talking about an underlying, basic charachteristic, which I presume the devs might share (if my dopaminergic theory is somewhat close to the real state of affairs). Addiction to stimulation as a trait. Does any of this sound familiar?
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Post by Emma on Nov 1, 2010 12:13:46 GMT -5
What I am sure of, is that we are blessed, because we have an additional source of pleasure, one, that most people don't have, and they sometimes search for it in not very adequate ways. I assume, that we, devs, have very receptive dopaminergic system, which is triggered more easily, than in most people. Since this hypothesis is based basicly on nothing wanted to ask you. Do you find, that you sometimes experience other sorts of pleasure as very stimulating? I mean, do you easily respond to other stimulating triggers, such as food, alcohol, cigarettes, love affairs? Do you find, that you generally are an addictive person? Probably, every one in a way is always in a search of pleasure, but I an talking about an undeigure out rlying, basic charachteristic, which I presume the devs might share (if my dopaminergic theory is somewhat close to the real state of affairs). Addiction to stimulation as a trait. Does any of this sound familiar? Wow Anais your post really made me think and yes, it all sounds familiar. I have given up on spending time trying to figure out what made me a dev and just enjoy it but I do appreciate hearing others theories. I also completely agree that we are blessed because we have another source of pleasure other non-devs don't have. I think we have the ability to have better sex and more intense relationships due to our additional dev attraction. This is something I wish I could share with my non-dev friends but I know they would not understand. I do think that I respond to other stimulating triggers more strongly than many others and that certainly could be linked to my dopamine receptors.
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Post by trinity on Nov 2, 2010 1:03:58 GMT -5
I assume, that we, davs, have very receptive dopaminergic system, which is triggered more easily, than in most people. Anais, thanks a lot! I found many items in your post familiar and YES, I’m generally an addictive person. I’m not sure that addiction means I’ve a very receptive dopaminergic system, but this aspect is out of my knowledge. To survive to my “hunger of everything”, I’ve grown a strong self control that permits to me to give up to things, drove by the perception of danger (in depending from something or someone). Devness is the only aspect I’ve never completely manage. I’ve spent lots of energy to deny my dev impulses and feelings but it never works. Now my devness is completely “out of control” and, finally, I’m feeling better. Considering the past, I’ve notices that dev-cycles represents the more active and positive moments of my life. Together with the dopamine, I feel the adrenalin produced by devness that takes me to a different level of energy. If I leave devness act, as I’m doing now, I start working faster and better, going regularly to gym, being more present and reactive. I suppose that a part of this power comes leaving devness go. This permits to me to save a lot of (positive) energy I can spend differently. But that power-saving theory does not totally explain my hyperactivity.
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Post by Dee Dee on Nov 3, 2010 19:33:10 GMT -5
I'm not sure I should answer this question cos it is or was a major issue for me, involving so much guilt. I find deformaty and speech imparements very very hot ( wheelies, not mute/deaf people specifically), I've yet to meet a guy with cp and that could possibly be another ten for me. Ath, if I may ask - which kinds of speech impairments do you find hot? Are you referring to people with cerebral paralysis and the speech impairment they often have? I have been thinking about this, and as I would find CP men attractive, sine qua non, a CP man with a speech impairment of the severe or moderate kind would do absolutely nothing for me. They have to be well spoken. On the other hand, and this may be a bit contradictory to the above, but I do think that an intelligent guy with a slight lisp can be quite hot . This brings me back on topic about devoteeism itself: the contrasts and the dichotomies between the well-functioning body parts and the disabled ones remain extremely interesting and quite attractive to me . I do think it has a lot of bearing on the fact that to me humbleness and fragility are also very attractive traits in a man.
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Post by Emma on Nov 3, 2010 20:33:54 GMT -5
I’m in a hard dev phase of my life, drove by my very late awareness. I missed this until now....how old were you when you realized you were a dev Trinity? I was around 18 or 19 which is pretty late compared to other people I have talked to.
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Post by trinity on Nov 4, 2010 3:01:55 GMT -5
When I star realize what I'm doing, what I am ....I think I was 12-13. A was strongly attracted by a disabled guy in my school and other girls in my class considered me very strange. Actually, devness apart, probably I'am quite strange When I understand what the word DEV means ... what about 42? I know it is unbelievable, I work on the Internet all day so I would have met PD or other dev sites somehow in the last 15 years. This is more than “strange”. I’m really scared by this sort of selective avoidance I had.
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Post by BA on Nov 4, 2010 9:03:59 GMT -5
Trinity, I was roughly the same age when I first heard the term. I had absolutely no clue whatsoever that this had an actual 'name'. Imagine my suprise?
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Post by Be As You Are on Nov 4, 2010 23:13:03 GMT -5
Trinity, I was roughly the same age when I first heard the term. I had absolutely no clue whatsoever that this had an actual 'name'. Imagine my suprise? Ditto Trinity and BA.. I never realized that the "feelings" I had were shared by others and that they had a name. And unlike some here who then had a "lightbulb moment" upon finding this site, I lurked for awhile before I was able to honestly examine my feelings and realize that I was a dev. Now I often wonder if my life would have gone in a different direction if I had understood these feelings years before I did... Oh well, better late then never I guess..I'm going to go with "40 is the new 30 motto"! So I'm not such a late bloomer
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Post by trinity on Nov 5, 2010 22:36:02 GMT -5
Trinity, I was roughly the same age when I first heard the term. I had absolutely no clue whatsoever that this had an actual 'name'. Imagine my suprise? Yes, I can . In my case, surprise left immediately the place to curiosity, that is another strong instinct in me. I read all I was able to find for an entire month, including a lot of old posts from PD, a long list of scientific and less scientific contents and all the few sources in Italian (a wonderful selection of insults, IMHO). As a result of this surfeit…I took 42 years but, I’m strongly aware now! Now I often wonder if my life would have gone in a different direction if I had understood these feelings years before I did... In my case I can say absolutely yes, but I’m satisfied by my life and this new awareness is just a great opportunity to improve it in the future. I also think that I’m discovering devness now because I was unable to manage it before. Girls, no regrets on the past, just new chances for what will be! Oh well, better late than never I guess..I'm going to go with "40 is the new 30 motto"! So I'm not such a late bloomer This is not my problem: I’m 29 since 1997!
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Post by devogirl on Nov 12, 2010 23:31:57 GMT -5
Anais, thank you for another amazingly insightful post! I've been meaning to reply to this for so long, sorry the reply is late. Interestingly, though, it doesn't have almost anything to do with my "normal" sexual drive, so go figure Anyway, when there is a physical reaction to a devo image, I know, the cycle has begun. I must say, that sometimes he physical doesn't happen, and than the devo feelings are much less intense. Still pleasant, but in a different way. More like getting into a safe place, a place of almost nurturing thoughts and images (I guess, I learned to connect my devo emotions with this sense of "safe place"). But, the physical thing, this unmistakable and unique effect of a "stab in the back", it is a demand for a phase to start. It is so powerfull, that keeps feeding me for a couple of days, recreating itself over and over in different situations. In those times, any fantasised image can give me the "dosage". This is the most cherished state, in which I feel like my skin becomes thinner and every nurve is exposed. Again, physiologicaly speaking, I believe it works the same way as drugs do. It triggers the dopaminergic system in the brain, the area of pleasure. Any pleasure, not only sexual. I definitely have a stronger sex drive when I am in a devo cycle, so maybe it is related. But in my case, these devo cycles happen over such a long period of time that I don't think it's related to ovulation--usually I'm "on" for three to four months, then I can be "off" for over a year. I'm not sure if I am naturally more sensitive to dopamine. I'm not addicted to anything except chocolate, I've never liked alcohol. However, I do feel that over time I've learned to somehow short-circuit my pleasure-reward system by thinking devo thoughts. Not every time, but often, I can give myself a little shot of endorphins just by thinking of certain things. That's really powerful stuff, no wonder we get so obsessive. I totally relate to what you said about feeling like devo thoughts are your safe place, I feel the same way. I suppose in the most primitive part of the brain, pleasure and safety are intertwined. But again, I also think this is the result of years of habitual thinking--I usually think devo thoughts as I'm falling asleep at night, so it's also wrapped up with feeling warm and relaxed.
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