Ask a wheeler: body perceptions

[Dee Dee]

Here is a new question for our wheeler/disabled guys on the board: it may be sensitive, so just reply in accordance with your level of comfort. 

How do you perceive your own body?

[Deleted]

Hmmm this is not as easy to answer as I thought it would be.

In one sense I perceive my body as whole. I don't picture myself with arms or legs, when I dream I don't have limbs. I'm comfortable with that aspect of my body.

I do have body issues though. I have scoliosis and I think it's ugly. I'm ashamed of it. I try to avoid taking my shirt off during sexy times. Obviously keeping my shirt on when that dev came to visit me wasn't going to fly so I had to email her and warn her ahead of time about my scoliosis. She didn't care at all and it affected nothing but I'm still ashamed of it.

I have a receding hairline and I'm ashamed of that.

I hope I answered this satisfactorily

[matisse]

There is a huge difference in how I feel vs. how I look in the chair. I don't think about my disability much during the day, I just go about my business and I think that makes me kind of forget how incredibly crippled I actually look--if I happen to see myself in a full length mirror.

Outside of the chair, there is a big difference in how I look vs. how I could look if I was not disabled. If I didn't have this condition, I would be way above average in fitness, and above average in looks. Right now in my 40s, I'd be in my prime as a chick magnet, really.

Outside of the chair, compared to other men my age, I actually look ok. I keep my weight down and am thinner than most guys my age. I don't have a potbelly, though my abdomen is not flat like it used to be, due to my loss of muscle mass over the years.

[skywheeler]

As a gigantic, bloated lump of awkward flesh which on a good day is disguised by halfway decent fitting clothes with only a few crumbs or stains. But, I don't think about it a whole lot, and I figure that those around me are more enamored by my sparkling personality, brilliant mind and charming wit, and are also happily apathetic towards my body.

[Deleted]

I was worried about writing three paragraphs but I boiled it down to one word.



Broken.





If you can understand the context and all the weight that goes with it. I just said a mouthful.

[Tek]

Sometimes, when I see a picture of myself I feel like: "whoa, I look a lot more disabled than I feel." But in the end, It's not something I get hung up on. It's just who I am.

The only 'problem' i have with myself in regards to my disability is the fact that I've got a caved in chest (Pectus Excavatum). When I wear something, it's not too noticeable. However, It is something I'd like to change (primarily for health reasons, but of course the visual change would be an added bonus).

The biggest discrepancy between reality and what I perceive is my speech. I have some trouble talking, and being understood. But when I talk I hear the words come out clear as day, but other people just don't hear it like I do. That is probably the one thing that keeps me constantly aware of my disability (unless I'm with people that have gotten used to listening to me and understand what i'm saying 90% of the time).... That, and stairs... I hate stairs ^_^

[jd]

It's funny, the more I think about it, the harder it is to answer the question. I think I struggle with this one because I seem to have trouble separating the personality from the equation. In other words, I am very happy with who I am as a whole, but when I have to separate and focus on the body, it's almost as of I can't do it. When I just go with the quick gut reaction to the question I would say only somewhat pleased. There are things I am very happy with and others where I would say - man that seems odd LOL. But again would I say I am please, no - but I would say that I am quite like the norm in that regard; whether in a chair or not. We are our own worst critics... I don't think about it too much (similar to how matisse described) well except when there is a whole flight of steps in front of me with no way around

In summary, it's OK but I will do the best I can with what I got.

[britishtetra]

I've been thinking about what to write on this topic....tough one, but honesty always counts I suppose..

Years ago I use to wear long sleeve shirts to cover my leather wrist splints, I hated wearing them, but if I didn't my arms would flop and I couldn't do my joystick etc.. These days I don't bother. I hate my big belly, thin legs, the catheter out of my belly and all of the toe nails I have had removed due to socks put on wriong etc.
I have to wear a belt in my chair because my balance is crap which makes my quad belly stick out more....sods law.
What can you do, eat bloody salad for the rest of my life!..then I'd get to loose and that's a nightmare!

I hate that due to my sitting I've got the farmer giles...."you asked"...basically I'm broken, but my humour is better, I'm spiritually better and I get free car parking...super..

Keep smiling hey?

Pete,

[Kiran]

I know a easy way to not have to think how I feel about my body all the time: I just avoid mirrors... Despite the efforts I do to feel comfortable with myself in pics of family parties or pics with my work team, I really hate mirrors! Maybe for the simple fact of my chubbyness or my gradual hair loss, I only forget my dis if I'm busy thinking about other things: work, sports, whatever! Or if I'm in the company of an amazing dev that makes me forget my hard life for a while...

[Kiran]

Even stranger is thinking about how all of these problems with self acceptance started: Even my nine years old, I even noticed that my way of walking was unlike the other people. Until a little girl who passed me with their mother stared at me and asked candidly: "Why do you walk with a limp like that?" I honestly didn't know what she was talking about. After all, I thought I walked just all other people do! Days later, I went to an orthopedic shoe store with my parents and what was my surprise when I looked in the mirror while walking with my new shoes and I finally realized what the little girl meant...

[wheelz1979]

being a quad i don't like that i don't have full finger function. so thats the main thing that bothers and embarrasses me about my body.

[zendog]

Having been in a chair for 35 years now I am pretty confortable in my own scarred up skin.However I have broken my big toe five times so I always wear socks to hide it .(lol) I think I am more handsome than I am but I chalk that up to self confidence. .QUOTE“Nobody sees anybody truly but all through the flaws of their own egos. That is the way we all see ...each other in life. Vanity, fear, desire, competition-- all such distortions within our own egos-- condition our vision of those in relation to us. Add to those distortions to our own egos the corresponding distortions in the egos of others, and you see how cloudy the glass must become through which we look at each other. That's how it is in all living relationships except when there is that rare case of two people who love intensely enough to burn through all those layers of opacity and see each other's naked hearts.”
― Tennessee Williams

[Kiran]

How Beatiful quote!! Only a great playwright could say something so deep and true about the human soul!

[jturk]

I love my body because it's me. Sure I don't look like some underwear model or anything but I am totally okay with that. I used to have a lot of hangups but then I got over them when I was 18 and suddenly depending on other people to take care of me all the time. I am comfortable being naked, in fact I really enjoy it. I even sleep that way if you must know lol. I don't have a "normal" body but those things that make me look a little different are totally a part of who I am.

[Dee Dee]

Thanks for all your honest replies, guys :-)