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Post by kivic on Dec 16, 2013 18:44:08 GMT -5
Hm, this "sexualisation of fear" sounds absurd to me. It has nothing to do with what I feel, nor does it fit with my experiences. I have never seen anything in my family that would make me believe that my mom or my sister could be devs too. I am pretty sure they aren`t. Nor do they fear health problems/disability. In our neighborhood, there was a man who was deaf and a child with down syndrome and my parents were cool with that. No particular reaction, no fear they could have transferred to me. I am pretty sure I am a dev since birth. As long as I can remember I`ve been interested in disability, and I always knew it was something related to sexuality. That`s why I never talked about it, not even when I was little. For me, it was always "private". How do you know it has nothing to do with what you feel? Given, for each of us, our experiences and how we express ourselves are different, but don't dismiss this idea as absurd. I believe it has merit. My mum is very receptive to disability and did not instill any fear in me in regards to it either, and yet, I have these incredible sexual attractions that are instantaneous thus I lean towards a more genetic hereditary concept. I too am a dev since birth and can relate to some of these emotions of fear when interacting with PWD (at least certain men I find attractive). This thread is really just an exploration of that attraction and possible reasons why or where it stems from. That's all, simple questioning to understand myself/ourselves better, to have a greater understanding and level of acceptance so it doesn't always have to be something that is not talked about.
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Post by Emma on Dec 17, 2013 0:37:56 GMT -5
The sexualizing fear theory does ring a bell for me as well. Its hard to put into words but seeing someone missing significant parts of their body evokes shock in many people and I guess for me that shock is a sexual turn on. It's WAY more complicated than that for sure but that seems to be getting at the cause of being a dev more than most theories I have heard.
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wompingwillow
Junior Member
Posts: 64
Gender: Female
Dev Status: Devotee
Relationship Status: Single
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Post by wompingwillow on Dec 17, 2013 1:36:26 GMT -5
This is such an interesting topic! I haven't recognized any devvy behavior/speech in any of my female (or male) relatives, but given how far I kept/keep it under wraps, I'm not really surprised. On the other hand, I definitely showed signs of being a dev when I was a kid (before I learned/realized it was an interest I should hide) so maybe it's easier to spot in children once you know what you're looking for.
Cake, I totally agree with you about the sexualization of fear. It was such an intense, uncomfortable emotion - still can be, even now that I recognize it for what it is. Maybe especially now that I recognize it for what it is?
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Post by Maurine on Jan 7, 2014 17:15:43 GMT -5
My mother is definetely not a dev. My father not either.
My sister might have slight dev tendencies. We used to like similar types of physical features on men, but nowadays she says she as the younger sister was just influenced by me. However, she still likes "physical imperfections" like overlarge or broken noses on men and she's definetely not interested in that boring type of men most women are attracted to. Even though we're very close she doesn't like to discuss dev stuff with me so I don't know to what degree she comprehends my attraction. At least she thinks my boyfriend is really cute and rather good-looking and she likes to push him in his chair, but I don't think this has anything to do with her being slightly dev.
I cannot think of any other relative who might have dev tendencies. Maybe my sister's slight tendencies just ground in my strong influence on her - not that I intended it!
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Post by Maurine on Jan 7, 2014 17:23:06 GMT -5
Actually, thinking about this just made me remember something from my earlier days I had forgotten: That when I was a confused teenager, not having figuered out what is was with me and disabilities, I didn't even KNOW it was a sexual thing at all...! Back then, all I knew was that I felt this sort of twisting in my gut whenever I saw a disabled person, especially people in wheelchairs. It wasn't a comfortable feeling at all, just a very intense one... And now, now I remember what it felt like: Fear. For years, as I was wondering what was wrong with me and I hadn't figured out that the "twist in my gut" was in truth sexual arousal, one of my theories used to be: "Maybe I'm just extra sensitive when it comes to pain? Maybe that weird feeling is just intense fear of that pain?" So, wow, I think DG really hit the nail on the head. There IS a connection there. In my childhood I didn't notice it was a sexual thing, either. I'd have to look it up in my diaries, but I think I was 13 when I analysed my feelings and reactions to dev stuff and thus figured out that I was sexually aroused by it. However, it has always been a positive feeling for me. Comfortable is not the right word, rather intensely exciting, thrilling.
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Post by strawberrybubblegum on Apr 19, 2016 6:19:23 GMT -5
Have you noticed any dev-like behaviour from either your mother, sister, daughter? Im pretty damn sure my Mom isn't a dev. When I showed her a picture of my boyfriend in his wheelchair, she asked if he had had an accident or was born like that, so she obviously doesn't see the difference between acquired and congenital disabilities, which is something I think we all do. I know that she finds Joaquin Phoenix's scar super hot, though, so there's that. But then again I think many many women, especially her age, find Joaquin Phoenix to be an attractive man. EDIT: I've been looking for a thread about suspecting when someone else is a dev apart from family. Do we have something like that?
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Post by robbb on Apr 19, 2016 15:39:16 GMT -5
I'm fairly certain my mum isn't a dev in any sexual sense but she is definitely drawn to anyone she considers 'different' from her 86 year old's point of view.
I've always said if I ever took a gay, wheeling, ethnic minority guy home she would pee herself with excitement!
R.
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Post by Melina26 on Apr 19, 2016 17:07:41 GMT -5
Great topic! I'm sure my brother isn't. My mom...i could suspect but its a very wild guess, based on the husband she chose, cuz he wasn't disabled but emotionally damaged, somehow weakened, and I could tell she had some pleasure in the dynamics where she takes care of his damaged soul...haha maybe I'm just seeing things. But who knows...
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Post by kivic on Jul 1, 2016 20:16:34 GMT -5
Interesting!! What is it that she did that made you think she could have been a Dev?
I believe this is still a relevant topic in that we, as a culture of people, don't openly speak about our devness in our familial or social circles.
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Post by faith on Jul 3, 2016 2:20:55 GMT -5
Yes, I very much see it in my daughter. She's actually dated 2 disabled guys.
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Post by disableddev on Apr 8, 2017 6:53:39 GMT -5
Interesting thread! I think my mom was a dev. She said something about playing with crutches when she was a young girl. Thing is, she never needed crutches!
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Post by ada on Apr 21, 2017 18:35:23 GMT -5
I heavily suspect of the women in my family. My mother fears blindness, and she's told me more than once that her life would end if she became blind. I know that she's read some historical romances with disabled characters and that she's a sucker for damaged heroes, but I can't know for sure. We're very close, so maybe someday I'll ask her. I also suspect of my grandmother, who married my grandfather, a guy who almost lost his leg and still has a limp. Definitely the "damaged" type. And I'm almost 80% sure that my little sisters are devs; their favorite character in this children's series is a blind boy (they 'fangirl' over him all the time, and he's apparently not even the main love interest), and they always want to hear me talk about my friend Tony, who's blind. The youngest one even told me once that it'd be cool if our dad was blind, which is something I remember thinking to myself when I was about her age, when my father was the most handsome/awesome guy in the world. And while she said that, my other sister just giggled and blushed, which is something I know I do whenever someone mentions anything disability-related around me. I'll talk about it with them when they're a bit older. Hey, maybe I'm from a long line of devs, hahah
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xana
Junior Member
Posts: 67
Gender: Female
Dev Status: Devotee
Relationship Status: Single
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Post by xana on May 2, 2017 5:04:41 GMT -5
Don't have a daughter but my mum and sisters are definitely not dev. I am the only one in the family. My grandmother was ok with me having a wheeler boyfriend when I just one day out of the blue asked her how will she feel about me bringing home a wheeler and to me her response was the only one that mattered and she had no problem with it all she wanted was for me to be happy.So who knows maybe she was a dev too
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devorah
New Member
no longer active
Posts: 33
Gender: Female
Dev Status: Devotee
Relationship Status: Married/Domestic partnership
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Post by devorah on Jul 12, 2017 6:19:33 GMT -5
I have multiple and sundry children, and yes, I see things there... For example, my eldest has dual enrolled to be a Sign Language interpreter. I hadn't considered it was genetic, though. I just taught the kids ASL from the time they were toddlers, and she happened to take it and run with it. Yes, they're fascinated with disabilities, but I thought that was just a kid thing - learning about things that are unfamiliar and interesting, seeing something *different* and being intrigued. Time may prove me wrong...?
Don't hate me for this, but I SERIOUSLY hope that sexual preferences are not genetic. Between my parents... good merciful heavens, I can't even! I spent my entire life trying to be the 'white sheep' in a seriously wonked up black sheep MESS, and if it's just going to come around to the fact that I'm destined to fall off the ladder I've tried to climb to get away from that? That seriously bothers me. (Not dev-related, just unmentionably disastrous.) Now I wonder if I haven't manipulated the mess that is within in order to make it a milder level of 'disturbing' (which it is, to me) but not full-on 'wrong'?
To coin a Keanu phrase... "WHOA."
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Post by elbs on Aug 12, 2017 4:30:48 GMT -5
Nope. Mom and Dad show absolutely no interest in disabilities. My brother seems to be interested in autism, but it's probably just because he has an autistic sister.
It's interesting what you said about the childhood signs. What kind of devvy things did you do as kids? Around 10-ish I got super into pretending to have disabilities - blindness, paralysis and amputation especially (I would bend my leg and put it in my pants knee-first and wander around on one leg).
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