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Post by Valkyrja on Apr 4, 2014 15:52:29 GMT -5
If talking about what I like the most... I have to say that I am totally into the "acquired injury" And the age when the injury was sustained is really important too... if he is too young, sometimes it does not allow him to grow up. But I like the well adapted guy so... no tragic heroes; that is only nice on books.
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Post by Emma on Apr 4, 2014 23:48:03 GMT -5
If talking about what I like the most... I have to say that I am totally into the "acquired injury" And the age when the injury was sustained is really important too... if he is too young, sometimes it does not allow him to grow up. But I like the well adapted guy so... no tragic heroes; that is only nice on books. I'm sure you've heard the saying that a guy stays the same emotional age as when he was injured? I have found this to be pretty true, self. Obviously it's a generalization and just a wives tale, but there is some truth to it. I will forever be married to a 22yr old marine... I find this phenomenon to be really interesting and agree with you tc in saying it seems to be true that some guys get stuck at the age they were injured. I just have my own personal observation of the disabled guys here (and a few guys I met on other places back in the day) but it seems that the dudes injured in their teens are sort of stuck there. The guys injured as little kids, before say, the age 13 or so are a totally different story. I have myself a 24 year old marine
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Post by Maurine on Apr 5, 2014 4:37:07 GMT -5
If talking about what I like the most... I have to say that I am totally into the "acquired injury" And the age when the injury was sustained is really important too... if he is too young, sometimes it does not allow him to grow up. But I like the well adapted guy so... no tragic heroes; that is only nice on books. I'm sure you've heard the saying that a guy stays the same emotional age as when he was injured? I have found this to be pretty true, myself. Obviously it's a generalization and just a wives tale, but there is some truth to it. I will forever be married to a 22yr old marine... Admittedly, I don't know enough wheelers to disprove this, but it's definitely not true for my boyfriend. He told me how his accident changed his relation to his emotions. He's become emotionally stronger and is less affected when bad things happens. He's learned to somewhat control his emotions. According to him, he was more euphoric and naive before his accident.
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littlesparkle
New Member
I love a man on wheels...
Posts: 48
Gender: Female
Dev Status: Devotee
Relationship Status: Single
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Post by littlesparkle on Oct 12, 2014 9:57:12 GMT -5
I've never been with anyone else who was disabled except my ex. He acquired his injury in his 20s and he was very athletic. So although he was a quad he had very broad shoulders which I found really sexy even though his arms were very thin from muscle atrophy. So from my own experience; acquired would be my preference.
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Post by Maurine on Oct 16, 2014 13:13:57 GMT -5
As for the age when someone was injured, I always mostly (but not exclusively) fantasised about people injured in accidents occurring at my age at that time. So, as a child, I preferred guys injured during their childhood, whereas that might be too early for me now. Interestingly, my age when I met my bf is the same as his age at the time of his accident.
As for congenital disabilities, I think I prefer them in women rather than men. I haven't known enough congenitally disabled people to be sure, though.
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Oct 17, 2014 9:52:03 GMT -5
I guess I'm one of the few who prefer congenital disabilities...most likely because I'm a hardcore cp dev. However, it does totally depend on the guy -- how he was raised and how that has shaped his personality. I don't like when the guy is overly dependent (mostly emotionally), clingy, needy, socially awkward, etc....which I think is common among guys who were coddled by their parents since childhood.
In my limited experience, I found that guys who have been disabled since birth/shortly thereafter are very in tune with who they are, their limitations and struggles because they have had to deal with it all their life. Again, it totally depends on the guy, but I found that some guys with acquired disabilities tend to have a chip on their shoulder. They try to over-compensate and brag about how hot they were prior to their injury, how popular they were with the girls, etc. I'm not trying to generalize, but that has been my experience.
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kayla
New Member
Posts: 17
Gender: Female
Dev Status: Devotee
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Post by kayla on Oct 17, 2014 12:42:47 GMT -5
I guess I'm one of the few who prefer congenital disabilities...most likely because I'm a hardcore cp dev. However, it does totally depend on the guy -- how he was raised and how that has shaped his personality. I don't like when the guy is overly dependent (mostly emotionally), clingy, needy, socially awkward, etc....which I think is common among guys who were coddled by their parents since childhood. In my limited experience, I found that guys who have been disabled since birth/shortly thereafter are very in tune with who they are, their limitations and struggles because they have had to deal with it all their life. Again, it totally depends on the guy, but I found that some guys with acquired disabilities tend to have a chip on their shoulder. They try to over-compensate and brag about how hot they were prior to their injury, how popular they were with the girls, etc. I'm not trying to generalize, but that has been my experience. I'm with you on preferring congenital disabilities over acquired... I mean, I'm attracted to both, but there's just something about guys who have had to live with their disability their whole life. I agree that it depends on the guy, though.
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Post by lucretia on Oct 19, 2014 12:45:45 GMT -5
As some of you know, I've only recently split with my boyfriend (who is disabled since birth). And one of the reasons was his lack of social skills. He probably would have been someone who belonged to your "there's just something "off" category. He is a smart and intelligent guy. I had great conversations with him and he is also very different with people he meets online and talks to via PMs, Skype etc. BUT in a social setting with people he didn't really know (or has "only" met 10 times or more), he was acting strangely quiet. He came off as moody, uninterested in the conversation etc because he decided not to engage in the conversation. Also, when people asked him questions he would only answer with as less words as possible. That’s why he also gave off the “I don’t even want to talk to you” - “stop annoying me” vibe. His social awkwardness was mostly linked to his disability because he always thought about what the person he’s talking to is thinking of him/his disability. I also agree with what you said about the parents being overprotective. His parents weren´t overprotective but they (especially his mom) helped him out a LOT. If he asked for help, she was right there to help. She never questioned if he maybe could just do it himself – or even requested that he at least TRY to do it himself. So he got help with things he didn’t need help for or which he could have easily done himself. For example: His mother did all his washing. I didn’t really approve of it, because I knew he could easily (!) do it himself but he was just being lazy. In the end, he agreed with me and bought himself a washing machine so he could do the washing at his place I think that because his parents were always “ready to help and jump in” and because it was just really easy for him , he was really quick to ask for help. For example: A friend of ours wanted to get into his apartment (we gave her the keys) but she had trouble unlocking the door (because of air pressure). So she called us up and asked if she was doing anything wrong/could do anything differently. We told her a few tricks but after it didn’t work for another few rounds, he said “I will just call my dad and he will let her in”. And I was like “nooo! It´s your dad´s day off – I am sure he has better things to do than to help xy open the door. And I am also sure xy won´t mind trying it out for another few minutes. I am sure she will eventually be able to open the door – and if she really can´t open the door – she can just ask your neighbours!” I was shocked that he was so quick to ask his dad for help – not even considering that he probably has better things to do … (I must admit that his parents live very close to him, appr. 10 minutes drive, but still…) I know I don't know you...but I do know your ex. And I'm not the only dev who finds it unfair that you keep writing these oddly revelatory posts about a fellow member of this board. I know you're posting in devs only, and maybe you think that's better. But the truth (as you know) is that though he is one of the "good ones" who would never come to devs only and read stuff, these things keep getting back to him. And it's just not cool. Because 1) he can't defend himself (and we both know there are two sides to this story), and 2) you're potentially jeopardizing future relationships between him and devs on this board by saying things like there's "just something off" about him. I considered just PM'ing you, and maybe I still should have. But I decided to respond publicly because you've made this public, and I think it's only fair that he have someone in his corner, publicly (he has others in private, too). My suggestions, which you are of course free to toss out, are that you either post in a sub-forum that he is allowed to post responses in, or you just stop posting about him like this on PD. I'm sorry if this sounds harsh. I'm just having a hard time with these posts. And no, he did not ask me to write this. I have had both online and in-person relationships with other members (some ex-members) of this board in addition to Alf. I agree that public airing of "dirty laundry" is not in good taste... however, on the other hand... if all of us kept our PD pasts hidden, so much would be lost. I'm not saying we should be free to bash our exes, but at the same time neither should we feel that we have to keep our stuff to ourselves. I didn't know this was about another PD member until you pointed it out, and I'm sure I'm not the only person who didn't know. One of the harshest criticisms I have with devs is the tendency for some devs to gang up on, and against, those IN relationships - to side with the "injured wheeler". Many of my friends have been a victim of this as have I. There are many reasons relationships end, and just because someone is great online doesn't mean they are great in person. If we can't freely discuss our relevant, real life experiences... why are we even here?
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Post by didi on Oct 19, 2014 12:51:15 GMT -5
Okay, I´ve got to be honest with you. That post hurt me a lot - and by a lot, I mean a lot.
I had NO idea YOU know who my ex is! Actually, I always thought that I know every single one of them personally. But I guess there is a lot of talk behind the scene.
I never ever would have want to make him seem "bad" and thus stop other devs from getting to know him. As I said, he is a great guy.
I never wanted to tell anyone from the board - so that if we break up, I´d still be able to go to my little, secure dev-corner and talk about my heartache and my thoughts there. A place where I will be accepted and where I can get input from other devs who may have struggled with the same things as me.
I am sorry I was wrong about that.
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Post by lucretia on Oct 19, 2014 12:58:32 GMT -5
Okay, I´ve got to be honest with you. That post hurt me a lot - and by a lot, I mean a lot. I had NO idea YOU know who my ex is! Actually, I always thought that I know every single one of them personally. But I guess there is a lot of talk behind the scene. I never ever would have want to make him seem "bad" and thus stop other devs from getting to know him. As I said, he is a great guy. I never wanted to tell anyone from the board - so that if we break up, I´d still be able to go to my little, secure dev-corner and talk about my heartache and my thoughts there. A place where I will be accepted and where I can get input from other devs who may have struggled with the same things as me. I am sorry I was wrong about that. There are many of us in your boat. Don't feel so bad. Break-ups happen, and they happen on PD as well as out in the world. If we think about it as just a very large circle of people who all know each other, of course there are hidden alliances as well as hidden agendas happening all the time. PD is not nor has it ever been, "safe". But it is "safer" than many other places. Some of us did start another place, truly devs only... but it's hardly ever used. Most of us are just too busy to have more than one place to express....
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Post by queenjane on Oct 19, 2014 13:06:46 GMT -5
Okay, I´ve got to be honest with you. That post hurt me a lot - and by a lot, I mean a lot. I had NO idea YOU know who my ex is! Actually, I always thought that I know every single one of them personally. But I guess there is a lot of talk behind the scene. I never ever would have want to make him seem "bad" and thus stop other devs from getting to know him. As I said, he is a great guy. I never wanted to tell anyone from the board - so that if we break up, I´d still be able to go to my little, secure dev-corner and talk about my heartache and my thoughts there. A place where I will be accepted and where I can get input from other devs who may have struggled with the same things as me. I am sorry I was wrong about that. There are many of us in your boat. Don't feel so bad. Break-ups happen, and they happen on PD as well as out in the world. If we think about it as just a very large circle of people who all know each other, of course there are hidden alliances as well as hidden agendas happening all the time. PD is not nor has it ever been, "safe". But it is "safer" than many other places. Some of us did start another place, truly devs only... but it's hardly ever used. Most of us are just too busy to have more than one place to express.... And if it makes you feel better, Dilara, I'm sure there are lots of us (like me) who have no idea who your ex is, nor do we feel the need to find out who on the boards it is you're talking about. Your history is your history, in my mind.
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Post by didi on Oct 19, 2014 13:15:15 GMT -5
[/quote]
I'm not saying we should be free to bash our exes, but at the same time neither should we feel that we have to keep our stuff to ourselves.
If we can't freely discuss our relevant, real life experiences... why are we even here?
[/quote]
I did not want to bash my ex. I was just trying to express what I´ve felt.
I am not a selfish, mean woman who wants to wash dirty laundry. I am just someone who wanted to share her thoughts. I am full of emotions right now as - believe it or not - this break-up is not easy for me. Everything, I am saying on here is not to make my ex seem like a dick but is rather for me to share my emotions with people who may GET it - who've also been with wheelers or guys who had troubles accepting themselves. Devs who may offer some piece of advice as to how to help someone overcome his insecurities ...
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Post by lucretia on Oct 19, 2014 13:28:16 GMT -5
I'm not saying we should be free to bash our exes, but at the same time neither should we feel that we have to keep our stuff to ourselves. If we can't freely discuss our relevant, real life experiences... why are we even here? [/quote] I did not want to bash my ex. I was just trying to express what I´ve felt. I am not a selfish, mean woman who wants to wash dirty laundry. I am just someone who wanted to share her thoughts. I am full of emotions right now as - believe it or not - this break-up is not easy for me. Everything, I am saying on here is not to make my ex seem like a dick but is rather for me to share my emotions with people who may GET it - who've also been with wheelers or guys who had troubles accepting themselves. Devs who may offer some piece of advice as to how to help someone overcome his insecurities ... [/quote] Exactly. I was not criticizing you in any way. I have been run through the wringer on more than one occasion by devs who (for whatever reason, and mostly those in their own relationships so not even in the "single and looking pool") who felt it was their mission to "defend" any and all wheelers... regardless of what someone else may have experienced. I think there are very few guys who would make a list to stay away from, but there are even fewer who would make a "Perfect Wheeler" list.
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Post by Ath on Oct 19, 2014 16:56:36 GMT -5
I didn't feel that you put him in a bad light.It just seemed like you needed someone to talk to about it. Its hard to break up with someone who you do like and care about. You could be describing several of the guys with disabilities from birth that I've dated and even the dude I live with now... And some of it is even why I prefer disabilities from birth. I don't think there is more off with them than there is with me.... I argued a lot about the "I'll just call dad" thing, even if it means our life will be slightly more difficult. But then I understood thats also just how they communicate. Asking his dad for help is the same thing as just asking his parents to come over for dinner. As if he needs an excuse and purpose. He still takes it too far sometimes and I don't really like when he invites them to our home without asking me first but there is no changing him and he just cant see my side of it. And I know if we started a debate about what is reasonable, I'd loose. It took him several years to be comfortable with my family. We are still working on him feeling ok with inviting friends over after his first and second burnout. -it took him four years to invite his best friend over and when he did she showed up five minutes later.
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Post by Inigo Montoya on Oct 19, 2014 19:40:35 GMT -5
didi, Just a note to say that I think you weren't out of line. I never saw you say that he was not a good person. And long ago, I was caught in a situation (out on the regular board) where I felt, strongly, the need to share about someone who was also a member here. I tried HARD to not indicate in any way at all who he was but he recognized himself in his behavior and was LIVID. It was ugly. Very ugly. I think there were maybe 4 or 5 people who knew that he was the one I was talking about before he made sure everyone knew. I have no clue who your ex is and don't really care. But I do find it curious, since he's, reportedly, one of the "good ones" who wouldn't read this section, that this stuff is getting back to him. So, I guess someone must be telling him what's said here. One wonders what positive purpose those people think it serves to tell him things that they apparently expect to upset him. Shit happens on the board and behind the scenes, I have seen guys (and devs) do much, MUCH worse than this. I know one guy who regularly posts in general about his ex, saying really ugly things. And I've seen more than one person whom I thought was one of the "good ones" take open pot shots at an ex. I didn't think that you were doing that at all. If you need to discuss it but no longer feel like you can here, please feel free to pm some of us.
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