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Post by Cake on Apr 11, 2014 17:19:25 GMT -5
So I don't know about you guys, but I'm still in a poll mood  And I thought Val's great one could need a follow up question... |
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Post by Valkyrja on Apr 11, 2014 17:39:30 GMT -5
I agree, Cakie... total poll mood!!
Voted!...
Guess like you, I voted the 1st one.
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Post by lavly on Apr 11, 2014 18:30:26 GMT -5
i just cant think of one but i like this hole new poll thing ...
i remember having survey on here awhile back ... it was really cool to answer them cos its was a starting point for convos or thought.
ps loving dev section at the moment
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Post by kivic on Apr 11, 2014 18:30:43 GMT -5
I'm really enjoying all the polls; I think they bring us all a little closer, and maybe give us a better understanding about how diverse we are. Thanks, ladies!
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Post by Maurine on Apr 11, 2014 18:55:14 GMT -5
Yes, the board, especially the devs only section, seems to be far more active at the moment. Any ideas why?
I still wish there were much more devs participating in the polls.
I like polls, but the options often don't cover all the possibilities.
As to the question, I'm with a great guy, who is a quad, and I'm more than happy about it.
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Post by Ruby on Apr 11, 2014 19:51:24 GMT -5
Yes, the board, especially the devs only section, seems to be far more active at the moment. Any ideas why? I still wish there were much more devs participating in the polls. I too have noticed this and I really think it's pretty nice. I'm a little excited the devs section has a better traffic flow. As to why I would have to say the situation with wheelers. More or so the newer members. Just doesn't seem like they are very understanding of different views or just observations made by other members. Eeh...I'm enjoying the dev section. Though I don't have the courage or the ability to always word everything I want to say correctly and post I love reading your posts girls (: thanks (: Also I voted(; I'm in the early stages of a relationship at the moment, and I'm excited to see where it goes. We fit pretty well together. So it's nice to enjoy time with each other. |
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Post by Valkyrja on Apr 11, 2014 19:57:48 GMT -5
Tc123... We are humans and, the most important thing, we are women!... we ALWAYS (consciously or not) are going to long for what we don't have. So... no matter our "condition" and how happy we could be... that little bug called "unconformity" that has permanent residence in the deepest abyss of our hearts ; sometime, when you are less expecting for it, is going to bother the peace of your mind. And it is not because we don't love "our current situation" it is just because we are women and that is our nature.  My humble pov! jajajaj  |
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Post by Cake on Apr 12, 2014 6:18:12 GMT -5
Do you think that by saying you're longing for what you don't have, that automatically discounts your current partner? I would suspect that most people wouldn't admit,even to themselves, if they long for the other because they may be happy in their current situation, but may deeply secretly wish that their partner was the other.. You know? Here's what I mean- for me... I am happy in my current relationship, and in my current state of devness, I don't know that I would be happy with an AB.... So I certainly don't long for an AB in my current "condition" (lol, I wrote condition, and it sounded like a diagnosis... But thought I'd keep it as tongue and cheek).  But if I lived in an alternate universe where I wasn't in my current state of devness, I just think it would be a lot easier being with an AB. So- if you truly are happy with your current status, can you even say that you long for the other? Or can you? That's an interestin point you make tc! I for one don't think longing for something automatically discounts what you do have. Like Val said, it's only human that from time to time we dream and wonder if the grass is maybe greener on the other side. What makes the important difference is whether those fantasies diminish our happiness... Because if they do it probably means we really aren't happy. But even that is open to debate, because some people can loose themselves in a fantsasy of a perfect different life that in fact would just bring as many ups and downs. And the reason why they're not happy is not their partner but their unrealistic expectations. Anyway, sorry that I didn't consider the grey in the poll. With the category concerning the longing I actually meant being in a relationship where people are overall not happy. So what does everyone think? Should I maybe change de poll and make it more subtle in that regard? Like replace that category with "I'm with XY but unhappy and long for XY"? |
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Post by Peony on Apr 12, 2014 8:25:59 GMT -5
For me I think the term 'longing' is pretty heavy...in that for me, if I long for something I want it *really* badly...like, so badly it makes me sad, and I feel like it would be to the detriment of how I feel about my partner. But 'trying on' what other people might be like, and going down a little garden path in my head definitely doesn't feel like it takes anything away from my relationship. Sometimes it actually really rejuvenates my feelings and it makes me much more appreciative of my partner. Is that odd? I'm not sure if that answers the question!
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Post by Peony on Apr 12, 2014 10:23:08 GMT -5
I think we all look over the fence to the grass on the other side. I think it a part of being human. We always have a twinge of "what might have been". But that does not necessarily diminish what IS. Many of us have experienced finding happiness where we did not expect it. That does not mean we wouldn't have found it somewhere else, nor does it mean that we COULD find it somewhere else. We create our own happiness, for the most part. I'm not saying that no matter where we find ourselves we should accept, dig in, and be happy at all costs. That's silly, and non-productive. If we feel oppressed, abused, silenced, unfulfilled (despite our best efforts, and effort must be made in any relationship)... then of course we should look elsewhere. But just understanding our human-ness, our need to compare and contrast, our desire to explore alternate realities... that does not mean we are not happy where we are in our lives. Fantasy and reality co-exist and yet have little bearing on each other. My fantasy life has never impacted my reality, unless I was truly unhappy. I DO think we can give fantasy too much weight. I DO think we can make ourselves miserable with the "what-if" questions. But we must first have gaps, unfulfilled places in our heart. If we find ourselves fraught with "what might have been", then it IS time to evaluate WHY. WHY am I unhappy? WHY am I unfulfilled? Some people never get to the why's, and will flounder in and out of the quicksand of self-doubt for years. No thing can bring happiness. No other person will ever fill those gaps. But the wrong situation, the wrong relationship will highlight those gaps and conceal the fact that we alone are the agent of our own destinies. Amazing thoughts and advice x |
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Post by Cake on Apr 14, 2014 4:55:50 GMT -5
I'm surprised to see that so far no one has voted that they are unhappy in their relationship...
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Post by kivic on Apr 14, 2014 19:05:02 GMT -5
Ok, here's what I want: When there's a squirrel in the attic, I want an AB. When we go Christmas shopping, I want a DA. When there's a helicopter on my roof, I want an AB (don't ask). When I am at an amusement type park, I want a DA. When I am hanging Christmas lighs, I want an AB. When I'm bringing the Christmas decorations up from the basement, I want a DA (elevators are awesome). When I am looking at my future, my life, my husband, I want a DA. And in the bedroom, I want a DA, or a massage therapist. Hope I am not being too picky. This is what swirls around in my head often when I ponder my decisions in life. I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels this way. I don't think that it would ever change how I feel about my partner if he wasn't able to do as much as an able-bodied partner. I think it's important to be picky that way you don't make too many compromises |
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Post by Emma on Apr 17, 2014 23:51:53 GMT -5
Woah, wow TC that's great. I think only you can tell what happens next. I think it can be very anti-climactic for a lot of us especially when the other person doesn't have a big reaction. My only experience is telling friends who also didn't make a big deal out it it. I think its really hard to convey how deep it is and how much of a part of you it is especially when you are trying to not freak the other person out. I didn't have much follow up with my friends but I'd guess with your husband that will be different. Maybe wait a few days and see if he brings it up again. If he doesn't and you want to share more with him open up the discussion again. You could start by asking if he has any questions about it but I have found that if people don't understand enough about it they don't even know what to ask. You could tell him about this community or how its like a sexual orientation, that may give him an idea of the depth of it.
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Post by kivic on Apr 18, 2014 12:33:02 GMT -5
tc123! That's a big step in self-acceptance; it most definitely was for me after I told my husband. It's a gradual process though, once you talk about it with your SO, it does become less of a burden. It just takes time and a lot of thought. I know my guy was very inquisitive yet also accepting of it in the same respect. It won't happen overnight and maybe your hubby will come back with some questions, but it will happen. I told my guy @8 months ago, and it feels settled now. It sits pretty good with me. It doesn't hang between us, it's just a part of who I am, and because he loves me, he accepts me. Congrats! For me it has made a world of difference in my journey of self-acceptance and openness.
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Post by kivic on Apr 18, 2014 23:37:12 GMT -5
Admit to your partner first about being a dev compared to admitting to friends or siblings?
I think it's all a matter of the partner you're with. If they are open minded then perhaps their reaction would vary from someone who is less open minded. I think for a disabled partner,there would be a degree of understanding as they could possibly be more familiar with something of this nature, yet I think it also takes a greater degree of openmindedness to grasp the concept/sexual desire/sexual orientation and that depends on the person even if they are disabled.
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And I thought Val's great one could need a follow up question...
