Defining my devness (devs only)

[vegmama]

You never cease to amaze and inspire me, TC!!  I love you for being brave enough to put this up!  


I very much agree with your definitions of quad and para...and the emotional aspect too!

 
In the spirit of trying to be more open, I'll share my theory on what turns me on about CP/spasms.  (Not sure if this has already been said before...if so, I apologize.)  Anyways...so you know how when we (females) orgasm, we get all twitchy and spasmy...almost like a loss of muscle control?  Well, I think when I see CP/SCI spasms, it makes me think of an orgasm and is a huge turn on.  Hope that makes sense?

[Emma]

Aaah so interesting TC! This reminds me of a similar tread on an old myspace amputee/devotee group I was a part of where the devs were trying to explain to the male amputees why DAK amputees seem to be most popular with female devs. I too appreciate how guys who are missing their legs look when not in a wheelchair and the whole wide shoulders/no lower body definitely is a big part of my attraction as well. I appreciate independence and seeing a guy get around using his arms and butt is definitely hot. I guess the one additional thing for me is I really like how stumps look and feel. I also like the symmetry of a DAK amputee. I also really appreciate the appearance of a guy missing both arms for similar reasons - symmetry and the look/feel of stumps. Seeing how those guys move their upper bodies is attractive to me as well.

[Ath]

Wow this would be really difficult but so interesting to do. I'm going to need some time for this.

[kivic]

Jul 12, 2014 21:02:42 GMT -5 @tc123 said:

A few days ago I was talking with a friend about my devness. For the most part, he gets it. He gets the appeal, gets the attraction. But there are still things that I can't explain how I would like to.  I get very frustrated too, because sometimes I just really want people to "get it."  The most difficult thing to explain was the conflicting attractions. How can you be sexually attracted to a para and an amp at the same time? Or how can you like the atrophied, motionless legs of a man, and still be attracted to a deaf man with functioning  legs, or a guy with cp who can still walk? Etc. Etc. Etc. The list if contradictions goes on and on. 





--------

I love that you're able to define your devness so clearly in what you do find attractive. It's really hard to put your finger on it and explain what the common factor is in our/your attractions to different disabilities. This is something I think about too. Do you think it's the degree or severity of a disability that contributes to it?

For me, I am attracted to certain disabilities more than others, but that's not to say I don't find other disabilities attractive. I am attracted to the psychology effects/emotional component as well and the ability to ''own" those emotions and express them. I love a man who is in tune with his emotions and able to express them. . That is a turn on for me.

I think there is a huge physical attraction that is heightened with the emotional aspect of a disability, and those 2 things make a dangerous combination for my arousal.

[Deleted]

Jul 12, 2014 22:46:34 GMT -5 vegmama said:

You never cease to amaze and inspire me, TC!!  I love you for being brave enough to put this up!  


I very much agree with your definitions of quad and para...and the emotional aspect too!

 
In the spirit of trying to be more open, I'll share my theory on what turns me on about CP/spasms.  (Not sure if this has already been said before...if so, I apologize.)  Anyways...so you know how when we (females) orgasm, we get all twitchy and spasmy...almost like a loss of muscle control?  Well, I think when I see CP/SCI spasms, it makes me think of an orgasm and is a huge turn on.  Hope that makes sense?

CP is my fav too   Comparing CP spasms to orgasms...hmmm....very interesting...I've never actually thought of it that way but I can see where you're coming from. 

For me, the main thing that turns me on about guys with CP is the way they move and lack of balance.  I also love the way their muscles look, contracture of the hands/feet, the writhing, trouble with speech, the spasticity....damn...I'm getting turned on just thinking about it!! 

I've recently been catching myself thinking a lot about paras/quads, which is out of the ordinary for me because I'm so exclusively attracted to CP'ers (or so I thought).  I think when tc123 mentioned "physical vulnerability" she hit the nail right on the head. Just a side note: I'm on a dev high right now. Seriously, I feel like it's getting out of control lol.

Thank you for starting this thread tc123! Everything you mentioned are things I have thought about in my head but never really put into words or told anyone.  You have more balls than I do

[Emma]

I really wish other devs would join in and share why they are attracted to certain disabilities. It may inspire me to share more about my attractions.

[tabby]

OMG this is a hard question. To actually sit here a think about it and to chase my thoughts and feelings down to a post that makes sense and doesn't cop out of the question. I have started a reply umpteen times.

In general terms I think that all my dev attractions stem from the dichotomy between strength and vulnerability and how each feeds the other. The more severe the disability the more these character traits are brought to the surface. That is probably why I lean more to quads, high paras, blindness and deafness.

Since joining PD I have been interested in finding out more about dev attraction to amps. I wouldn't say that this is something that I share to a large extent and have been wondering why? I think it is almost a socialised fear of the stumps, almost like you are supposed to not notice the appendage is missing. But I have found that Emma's explanations as to why she is attracted to amps has opened my mind to that and I wonder how it would feel and if a partner would mind you liking that part of their body. Also I was reading Ask James thread last night and i think that it just showed how curious i was and that I probably haven't been exposed to many amputees. Where I work there is a clinic now and again but I have never seen a amputee guy that has caught my eye. I wonder also if it is the disability that the guy cannot move their legs that I am attracted to and amps can so it isn't so intense a feeling for me.

Ah, I just realised that the disability has to be complete. I wouldn't be as turned on by a partially sighted guy as I would someone completely blind, same with SCI with incomplete injuries. Well there is something I never realised before this thread!!

[Ath]

This is difficult. ( I’ve sort of narrowed it down in “Fractions” when I describe why I was so attracted to Ajje and in a different way in paradevo.proboards.com/thread/2945/morphine)

I like the lack of muscle tone, the lack of movement and lack of strength. I like the lack of control, the slow movements and the body language. The body language is very fascinating to me.
I like a thin body and a curved, rotated spine and /or hip and how this affects his posture and also the shape of his chest.
( But someone who is just very thin or who has scoliosis does nothing for me).
I like that even though there is a lack of movement there is no lack of sensation.
I like bones, I like bony hands and even how the kneecap looks against a skinny leg and a “skinny face” with high cheekbones.
I like tight contractions of knees, elbows, wrists, neck and I have a thing for the “typical” tight jaw, or the sma “overbite” but those are less important.
I also like long necks and the contrast between bony shoulders, thin neck and jawline.

But I also like the guys with md who look ”heavier” even though they are underweight. The lack of muscle and movement, perhaps skinny legs but a soft belly and soft hands and a double chin.

I find all this very fascinating and the funny thing is it only takes me seeing a guy when I’m out or a guy to post a picture of himself and I will go “Oh that’s cool.. “ lol.
I’m really finding new things to be curious about every day and that’s why I love being a dev.


Emotionally… it’s difficult for me to go there because at the very bottom of the dark well I do believe that I am or have been chasing what I have had and lost, and you can’t live that way and it makes me feel kind of sick. I don’t really know why I went so far down

I suppose in a way, I need someone who communicates well, and having md forces you communicate a lot, like asking people to do things for you.
*sigh* here we go. I like that my partner needs to trust me with his life and I like knowing that he would do anything for me. With md, it’s just not talk… you have to live to the fullest every day. Ok so maybe me and my dude aren’t really at that point - we still have the “everyday life”, but it’s easier to let the small things pass.

I tried so hard to pretend that I could ignore all the problems, the "unspeakable" and the discomfort that md causes, but I can't, not even in a post like this.
I hate it. I hate what it does to people. But I can't feel guilty anymore, I'm passed that.
I don't like that he will get worse, I do like this idea or is it perhaps an illusion?, what ever, that it brings my partner closer to me because I'm by his side and we fight and we try to find solutions together.
It makes me angry when I think about it, very very angry because its so.. unfair... that I don't have words for it.

I don't think I could ever have that connection with an AB guy. And I'd simply be bored with an AB guy.

[Maurine]

There's something about disability and the use of tools like wheelchairs and crutches that turns me on, but I neither know what it is nor can I describe that strange, fascinating feeling. However, I can tell what parts of those disabilities that I'm most interested in and exposed to are particularly devy to me.

Low quads and paras:
I like to watch them transfer from and into their manual chairs and how they adjust their position and their legs in it. I like the way they move inside their chairs. Pushing a manual chair is such an incredibly sexy way of locomotion. I also like the sight of an empty chair beside their possessor, e.g. when he's in bed.
I love low quads' hands. The sight of a still, curled-up hand is sexy to me, but I also enjoy watching it in action. Their feeble grip, their trying to open their palm or move their fingers, their way of holding and picking up things, ...
I dislike quads' usual incapability to do all their personal care on their own. I like paras' independence.
I prefer incomplete SCI. I think it's partly because I like things that don't work properly but still have some functionality. I like that my bf has some control of his abdominals despite being a quad. Also, it's interesting to explore what body parts he feels more or less clearly.

There's also something about high quads' physical passiveness that slightly tweaks my devness, but I think I prefer SCI that allows movement of the upper body at least with the help of arms. As I haven't really been exposed to many high quads though, I can't say a lot about them.

I like disabilities that cause limps and the necessity to use crutches. I like to watch people lean on crutches as well as the sight of crutches near their seated possessor.

There are more disabilities that are sexy to me, but I haven't been exposed to them enough to tell in detail what I like about them.

A lot of my devness is about body parts that work with restrictions but work nonetheless. Low quads' hands are an example, another one would be SCI that leaves partial upper body control so the person in question is able to sit upright but only insecurely so.
Body parts that don't work at all are sexy to me, too, but in a somewhat different way.

I should also add that I'm strongly focused on the tools that go along with disability, wheelchairs and crutches being the most obvious ones. Trachs are somewhat devy, too, as well as very small things like tools for quads' hands. It's not the tools themselves though that turn me on, but the fact that they are needed and the way they are used.

[kivic]

Jul 14, 2014 14:02:10 GMT -5 @tc123 said:

One more thought on this (apparently I have many thoughts!!)- in regards to some of the guilt that we feel as devs. Maybe some devs still feel guilty for why they're attracted to who they are attracted to. Maybe that's part of why it makes it so difficult for us to put the stuff out there.

But here are my thoughts about this- things happen in the world. Some more "tragic" than others. And devs are often attracted to the outcome of these things seen by society as tragic. However- I am not hoping for these injuries/disabilities to happen. I also did not cause them to happen. They happen regardless of me.
This is why I've never really felt "guilty"about my attraction.

I think it is more insulting to these men to be embarrassed about why we are attracted to them. Why shouldn't we be attracted to these things? It's more uncommon than the average attraction. But how is it that much different than some of the more common attractions?

I would love to know that a man loves my imperfect body. I certainly wouldn't be offended.

Agreed!

One reason I did not list all of this things I find attractive in a guy with SCI is that you have already listed many of the things I like.  I find it interesting that so many of us find the SAME THINGS attractive.  We must have come from the same "soul" pool. 

[kivic]

There's no other reason for it

[Ath]

I'm not really sure why sci and amps has never been high on my "dis-list", cp is on it though not as high as md.

I had exposure to amps md and cp growing up but never sci. When I do think of sci then it is the hands and the idea of
exploring where he can and cannot feel that interests me. But... its so... static...
SB is more interesting to me than a later injury but Im not sure why.

In cp I like spasms and the voice but also the idea that it is possible to improve with training.

amps... I just never sexualised it until I was much much older. I had a friend who I forgot was an amp.
I remember chatting here with some one and thinking I didn't know any amps.
There were just so many things about him that was more important than his amputation.

ofc that is always the case but you know what I mean...

When I was in the 9th grade or something I read a book about a blind boy that really really wind me up
but I''ve not reached that again with blindness.
I did go on a few dates with a deaf guy as well.

[faith]

Although my devness is sexually turned on by the physical and outward appearance of a disabled guy, it is way more than that.

It is an immediate and involuntary physical feeling. It starts out as a tightening between my legs and then a slight contraction that runs from the lower part of my vagina almost to my lower back. Sometimes just the sight of a guy in a chair can do it to me and I don't have to do or think of anything to make it happen... it just happens because it is who I am, it's how I made.

Disabled guys are exposed and they can't hide behind a physical front like so many other guys do. The physical disability automatically makes them more vulnerable, more real.

So physically I am immediately turned on by an attraction I can't explain well.... gutteral, almost primal. But it is the emotional connection that is such a turn on- they are interesting, fascinating, sometimes mesmerizing. Yet real. Authentic.

Not sure this defines my devness... but explains it as best I can.

[eva]

I’ve been thinking about it, and it’s kind of hard to define exactly what it is for me. I agree with many of the answers above. I am undoubtedly attracted to the physical part of SCI (otherwise I wouldn’t be a dev and any wounded soul would do), but it’s really mixed with the emotional wound that comes with it.

[melita]

I am quite new in all this. I mean, I've discovered 2 years ago that attraction I've felt all my life has a name. Now I am so sorry this discovery came to me so late in my life...
Anyway, my main attraction is definitely blindness, amputation as well.
But for me the guy has to be highly intelligent, gentle, tender, understanding, inventive, with sparkling personality and then his disability is of secondary importance. I feel that men with disabilities are more profound as human beings having past through hell and this is the reason they appreciate little, seemingly unimportant things and find joy in them.
And on physical level it's their vulnerability, a degree of dependence and the way they cope with it that makes my guts clench.

Thank you all so much for being so brave sharing your attractions.