|
|
Post by Ath on Aug 8, 2014 3:51:41 GMT -5
Has anyone else been told to their face that you focused too much on the disability*?
What other major issues did you face in a dev/ pwd relationship that made you end it? Or not continue to date him.
I've done the faded love thing were I just didn't feel anything for him anymore,
I've had my losses (omg stop nagging already Carolina! ; p) and I've had the whole spectacle where
he cheated on me and said those words. Ofc I've had dates that "could have been" something but we never
followed through, but my latest ex really is the only pwd partner that I've had any trouble with.
That guy knew that I had been searching for a disabled guy and he went trough the whole
'Omg nobody has ever touched me like that before" stage but we never ever talked about
devotees.
I think hearing that * is one of the things that devs fear most? because its the last thing we want.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Aug 20, 2014 13:05:16 GMT -5
I actually had kind of the opposite happen, where I was told that I didn't pay enough attention to the disability - weird, isn't it? He was actually upset with me that I wasn't focused solely on his disability, but instead I allowed it to fall into the background of the very, very brief relationship. My first dev/dis relationship should never have been, IMO. However, I was naive, and he was quite the charmer at first, so... I ended it when he made insane demands, like how I needed to drop my career, and be his carer full time if I wanted things to last.
I had an opportunity with what I thought was another, more suitable PWD. He ended up being a cocky SOB, telling me he could have any woman he wanted, and I should be grateful that he was taking a chance on someone like me. I was out so fast, I left him shaking his head in disbelief.
I've come to find that I don't want a partner to focus on my devness, just like most would rather we don't focus on their disability. Dev/Dis relationships (in my experience, which is limited, mind you) can be quite the balancing act. I can honestly say though, that the disability in itself has never been the issue for me, but rather the attitude of the partner. Sure, I guess the disability can play a part in the attitude someone develops, but I think it's a cop-out sometimes - like hey, I've had a hard life, you don't know what it's like, I can't help it if I'm an asshole...etc etc.
Needless to say, I'm really careful and selective when entering the Dev/Dis relationship world now.
|
|
|
|
Post by eva on Aug 21, 2014 6:35:13 GMT -5
I've come to find that I don't want a partner to focus on my devness, just like most would rather we don't focus on their disability. Dev/Dis relationships (in my experience, which is limited, mind you) can be quite the balancing act. Maybe it would be wise to not disclose your dev status right away ? Unless your partner really understands what a dev is, I think it may alter the dynamic of the relationship if there is some kind of misunderstanding. My relationship ended because of natural reasons, nothing to do with my devness. I didn't even know it had a name at the time. Actually, with hindsight, had I known more, I'm sure the intimacy would've had much more depth. In short, if PD had existed back then, I would have handled things differently. |
|
|
|
Post by BA on Aug 22, 2014 23:18:56 GMT -5
HE focused too much on his own disability. He had big anger issues and was controlling and possessive. I thought we could work it out over time, but he just would revert back to the same old, same old. It was a total of 5 years. Great sex, many dev moments - but in the long run, the "whole package" just wasn't there. He didn't know I was a dev because I didn't that there was such a term.
|
|
|
|
Post by hanabanana on Sept 4, 2014 1:54:16 GMT -5
It never began?
I need to work on my pickup lines some more
|
|
|
|
Post by Ath on Sept 4, 2014 4:16:14 GMT -5
You dont need much of a pickup line on the board.... but its hard to find a real match ofc
|
|
|
|
Post by queenjane on Sept 16, 2014 22:04:02 GMT -5
My past relationships with PWDs - short- and long-term both - all went sour because the guys weren't ready for any sort of real commitment. It's been a long time since I've been in a serious relationship, it's really just been a series of close calls for years. The guys' personal issues have gotten in the way to the extent that no matter how well I've tried to treat them it hasn't been enough. Or at least that's how it feels?
|
|
tabby
Full Member
Hello PD
Posts: 153
Gender: Female
Dev Status: Devotee
Relationship Status: Married/Domestic partnership
|
Post by tabby on Sept 17, 2014 5:16:21 GMT -5
I was with a guy who had CP but not too severe. I ended it because he was an immature twit, emotionally all over the place and very disrespectful of me.
|
|
|
|
Post by jrm on Sept 18, 2014 16:11:43 GMT -5
I've only had two relationships with PWDs that got past the chatting or phone calls stage. The first guy died about 7-8 months into our relationship. The second guy was extremely selfish and immature. Everything had to be his way and done when he wanted it. I'm embarrassed to say that I put up with it for WAY too long before finally telling him to get lost.
|
|
|
|
Post by Ath on Sept 19, 2014 11:01:13 GMT -5
seems like disabled men are like men in general  |
|
|
|
Post by vegmama on Sept 19, 2014 11:37:13 GMT -5
My past relationships with PWDs - short- and long-term both - all went sour because the guys weren't ready for any sort of real commitment...The guys' personal issues have gotten in the way to the extent that no matter how well I've tried to treat them it hasn't been enough. Or at least that's how it feels? I second that queenjane. It's sometimes feels like you give, give, give - of your time, emotions and feelings, to get very little in return. I'm a patient person, but you need a little 'something' back from time to time. Otherwise, it's not really a relationship is it? It takes two to tango. Oh my goodness...exactly! What I'm struggling with is when to know enough is enough? I only really and truly have begun to identify/embrace my devness throughout this year, so I'm new to dating PWDs. I just don't know how to recognize whether it's deep emotional problems/walls or that "he's just not that into me". UGH!  |
|
tina
Junior Member
Posts: 94 
Relationship Status: In a relationship
|
Post by tina on Sept 19, 2014 12:22:08 GMT -5
My take on this is that it doesn`t matter wether someone is unable to commit due to deep emotional problems (regardless what caused them), immaturity or if he is just not that into you. You are not going to solve deep emotional problems of your partner with love. Believe me, like millions of women before me, I tried and failed (not with a disabled guy, but I don`t think that makes any difference). Either someone is ready for a serious relationship with you and thinks that you are the right one, or he is not. And if he is, you will notice. If he wants to be in your life like that, he will let you know, and there won`t be any doubt - I promise! He still may have problems, but he will be willing to work on it without you having to "break through his walls", or you having to pressure him about it.
|
|
|
|
Post by lisa on Sept 28, 2014 14:47:03 GMT -5
Well, I guess I haven't spoken about it on the board since ppl knew who is involved and stuff. Anyway, some time has passed...
One might be interested in whether it's been the dev thing or the disability that made the relationship end and in my case both has played a role. Disability, even if it's just physical, can cause immobility of the mind and I guess in the end I didn't like being the only active one in the relationship any more. In a mental sense, more or less. Additionally, long distance really sucks and didn't work for me on the long run.
|
|
|
|
Post by Emma on Sept 28, 2014 23:08:38 GMT -5
I'm sorry to hear things didn't work out between you two Lisa. I think I know what you are getting at when you say "I didn't like being the only active one in the relationship any more". Being very active myself it can be a tricky balance.
|
|
littlesparkle
New Member
I love a man on wheels...
Posts: 48
Gender: Female
Dev Status: Devotee
Relationship Status: Single
|
Post by littlesparkle on Oct 12, 2014 9:45:21 GMT -5
I'm not religious at all but his parents were. We lived together for 3yrs and his parents didn't like it. They were very protective of him especially his mother; she couldnt bear the thought of someone else taking care of her son. They also wanted grandkids but we didn't want to have kids nor were we in a hurry to get married..we were happy with our situation. All this caused a lot of issues and his mother tried to break us up; trying to set him up with other girls from their church etc. We tried to work it out. He suggested we move to a different state but I couldn't live with myself knowing he would alienate his parents because of me. It was one of the hardest decision I had to make.
|
|
