dealing with your own shortcomings

[Ath]

I'm a bad sick person. Very whiny and need a lot of attention.
For someone who's into disabled guys I'm not as ok with my own shortcomings as I wish I was. I don't like being in pain and when I have an endo relapse I feel really sorry for myself where I'm lying in a big pile on the bathroom floor.
I even refuse to wear glasses.

I wonder why it is like that.

[hanabanana]

Sometimes it's easier to focus on helping others than helping yourself. It's something to work on.

[Inigo Montoya]

Oct 1, 2014 13:36:16 GMT -5 @tc123 said:

I have a hard time asking for help. I never accept help to the car with my groceries. If I am physically trying to lift something heavy into my car and a passerby offers to help, my automatic response is "no thanks, Im fine!" without even thinking it though. Once they leave, I feel like a dummy and should have accepted the help. Sometimes I do need it. It's just in my nature to feel like I should be able to do it myself.
I'd much rather be the one offering to help than to ask for it.

We are soul sisters.

Also, specifically at work, I'd almost rather be drawn and quartered than ask for help. I am trying to overcome that.

[Dee Dee]

Ath, what do you mean by "endo relapse"?

I can recognize what is said in the above, since I am often very quick at offering others my help and at the same time forgetting my own needs. It seems that a lot of women have been brought up like that, always trying to please everybody else :-(

[Ath]

Endometriosis. In short and simplified the blood goes into part of the body where it shouldn't and you get inflammations.
I used to get sick with fevers and a lot of pain twice per month and because of that I was never really well. Then I got pcos too, where your eggs dont drop and your hormones are messed up, and didn't have problems more than 3-4 times per year. So for me that was kind of positive.
I had to go to a nurse that "popped" the sacs when they grew too many and painful. Now they seem to work better, but it means I have a cycle again. The hormones and pills prescribed to me made me even sicker, so I had to stop them.
Now I have periods that last upto one day or one month and are very painful. I can bleed horrible ammounts for one day, then not bleed at all for 3 days, and then it starts again. And then I get sick again when the eggs try to drop. *whine*
Sometimes I only get pelvic pain(spd) and sometimes I cant do anything. Its tireing to be in pain and get weekly sinusinfections and fevers only because you are a woman ; )

[Emma]

This is really interesting! I'm also terrible at asking for help and have the knee jerk response of "no thanks I'm fine". I wonder if this is a dev thing, a woman thing or what.

It has come up a lot lately with having two young kids. I'm easily overwhelmed and not good at asking for help and when I do its often when I'm beyond frustrated and am rude or obnoxious about it. I'm working on it too, always.

[Maurine]

ath, I'm sorry you have to deal with that, sounds like it sucks :/

I hate to be offered help, especially if I don't need it. I also try not to offer help to other people too often. I like to help my guy, but not with things he can do and only in moderate doses and when we're alone. It's a private thing for me. I also strongly dislike other people helping him (too much), e.g. pushing him on even floor or picking things up for him while he's trying to do it himself.

[eva]

I think Deedee has a point there. As far as I'm concerned, I have no problem at all accepting physical help (I think that's what we're talking about, right?). I don't think I ever did, although I do many things by myself.
Ath, endo is terrible. I had a friend who suffered from it. I'm not sure I would speak about shortcomings in that case, since it can really be very limiting. (((( ))))

[devogirl]

Don't be so hard on yourself! Endometriosis from what I hear is incredibly painful, and PCOS can also really mess you up. Hormone imbalance is sneaky, you may look fine on the outside but the mood swings, depression and low energy are real, not just in your head. If spending some time curled in a ball gets you through it, so be it.

Not wanting to ask for help is definitely a woman thing. We're supposed to always put others first and repress our own needs. The hell with that, I say! The idea that you have to go it alone and reject help for anything is a modern myth. Delegating, asking friends and family for help and even hiring help if you can at all afford it will make your life much better.

[lilyth]

I have endo too! I'd high five you but it's nothing to high five about. Haha.

I have no problem giving help, or asking for it/receiving it! I think I'm just really into people being there for one another, and I think it's a huge part of my personality. Which works really well being a dev, haha. Except when your boyfriend really doesn't like help...

[littlesparkle]

I get very moody and cranky before that time of the month and my ex-bf always used to joke about it being the period monster. He had an alarm set in his phone to warn him. He was very understanding and a very easy-going guy. Often the issues that bother me would be things like someone parked in the handicap spot without proper tag, or someone pushing their way through a line to get ahead. Or hotels who don't understand what truly being 'accessible' means. I would get so worked up and angry about those things, whereas he would just brush it off. But I have learnt to be more patient in the long run.