|
|
Post by queenjane on Oct 27, 2014 16:29:49 GMT -5
I have ALWAYS had dark matter. These days I'm open about my devness and don't care nearly so much about keeping evidence of it hidden (well, maybe the erotica, that's not to be shared with the general public). But I remember at age seven scouring the elementary school library shelves for books with disabled guys in them. I simply didn't want to read anything else, but I was also terrified anyone would pick up on it. So I kept this obsessive habit a secret my entire childhood and adolescence. Once I was away at college I was free to indulge in devvy things to my heart's content.
|
|
|
|
Post by dolly on Oct 27, 2014 17:03:30 GMT -5
I saw Coming Home many years ago I think before my spinal cord tumour reared it's ugly intent?? Anyway I do remember it made me cry. I think most guys have dark matter whether they are AB or disabled!! I have some on my laptop and probably on my mobile history!! Back in the day before the interweb we used to keep our dark matter under the mattress, hidden in the garage, wardrobe or loft? In fact I probably still have some in the top of my cupboard and the loft. Sadly I can't reach it anymore and too embarrassed to ask anyone to get it for me, Ha-ha!! Oops, seemsnice, this topic is Devs Only! please don't quote or reply to errant posts in devs only, just use the "report post" feature and the moderators will deal with it and delete it. thanks. |
|
|
|
Post by kivic on Oct 27, 2014 17:22:56 GMT -5
It's true, even though I am out to my husband, I still feel a bit awkward talking about or watching anything with him. I think it is partly habit that I keep my dev material hidden, not that anyone would really recognize the commonality in all of these movies and question them. I also don't offer up my reading list off my Kindle either, but maybe that's one thing that could happen that would push me further along in my dev journey, as in complete acceptance/openness to those that matter in your life or the fact that if I don't make a big deal about it then they shouldnt' either. I have some pics on my phone that I have acquired through Google searches and have not deleted. I have an answer ready for when/if anyone asks about these pics. As long as you are prepared with a simple answer that, hopefully, doesn't need much explaining, I think you'd handle displaying your dark matter well. You should just put one of those movies on your shelf and then add them as you become more courageous. Before you know it, they're all out there  |
|
|
|
Post by Emma on Oct 27, 2014 22:36:53 GMT -5
I have some pics on my phone that I have acquired through Google searches and have not deleted. I have an answer ready for when/if anyone asks about these pics. What is your prepared answer?  Oh and yeah I hate that feeling of seeing something with a disabled person when I'm around someone who I have told about being a dev. If its a hot guy and I'm with a girl friend I have no issue and often will make a comment highlighting that I noticed the person. If the person is not hot, old, the wrong gender or whatever I often also try to make a comment making it clear I'm not attracted. Thankfully none of that happens with my husband. He knows what I like and knows that 99% of the disabled people I see are not attractive to me at all. He is also not the jealous type which is amazing. Jealous guys are so tough. |
|
kayla
New Member
Posts: 17 
Gender: Female
Dev Status: Devotee
|
Post by kayla on Oct 27, 2014 23:19:51 GMT -5
Yeah, I've got my Kindle full of devvy stories. Interestingly, my parents bought the Kindle for me as a Christmas present a few years ago and as far as I know they're convinced that I never use it and that it was a waste of a gift. I wish I could tell them that no, it wasn't, but I can't possibly do that. My "dark matter" stays hidden away from everyone, at least until I decide to be more open about my devness.
|
|
|
|
Post by faith on Oct 28, 2014 2:45:28 GMT -5
Dark Matter.... it would make a great name for a book.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Oct 28, 2014 12:44:05 GMT -5
Inkdevil, first off I didn't think you would hide your "dark matter", you seem soooo open...:-)
As for me, I think often about "coming out" in some way or another and I guess I have gotten very close but just couldn't take that last step...then again I think about why should I come out...
I am also not actively hiding everything. I have two sites on my FB likes who deal with disability and I think about what my "friends" would think if they saw that and they would probably wonder why I "like" those sites. Oh well, I deal with that if the question arises...
Then I was very proud of myself when a couple of months ago I finally put a bumper sticker on my windshield of Ruth Madison's site "Dev Love Press"...I had the sticker at home for a long time and didn't know where to put it and then I finally thought, whatever, I am going to stick it to my windshield and if anyone asks then I deal with it but at the same time I drive around with that and really hope that here or there someone will remember it and check out the site which will then also point them into the realm of devotees.
If my friends would actually ask me about it, I plan on telling them about these books and it would maybe also give me a chance to tell them about my own writing. I don't put that out very open and I have many reading friends and often I find myself wanting to tell them about my writing and the PD Story Blog for a matter of fact, I just don't know how they would react though. Every once in a while I hint at my writing but not active and open enough for people to ask more about it.
I have BDSM related books (not talking about Fifty Shades of Grey) on my shelf that are up on the top but not hidden away, even my kids could find them if they would look.
I am trying to think if I am really hiding a dark matter but I guess not so much. When I do see a hot wheeler and my husband is with me, he will know because I have to grab his hand and hold on to not pass out...LOL
I don't really read too many dev books or watch dev movies, just doesn't come up and when I read I actually read very innocent books, Mystery and Comedy, same with movies, doesn't really happen a whole lot.
|
|
|
|
Post by kivic on Oct 28, 2014 17:26:41 GMT -5
I have some pics on my phone that I have acquired through Google searches and have not deleted. I have an answer ready for when/if anyone asks about these pics. What is your prepared answer? Oh and yeah I hate that feeling of seeing something with a disabled person when I'm around someone who I have told about being a dev. If its a hot guy and I'm with a girl friend I have no issue and often will make a comment highlighting that I noticed the person. If the person is not hot, old, the wrong gender or whatever I often also try to make a comment making it clear I'm not attracted. Thankfully none of that happens with my husband. He knows what I like and knows that 99% of the disabled people I see are not attractive to me at all. He is also not the jealous type which is amazing. Jealous guys are so tough. Prepared? Did I say prepared? Eep!!! I have a few floating around in my head. " I liked it." "It's retro wheelchair pics, which I like." Any other questions they ask, I'll just have to wing it, hopefully, maybe. *Um, I've got all kinds of dark matter in a folder in my pics, some darker than others. |
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Oct 28, 2014 18:12:50 GMT -5
Starting to think I am a pretty boring dev...I don't have any pictures on my electronic toys nor a bunch of dev movies or books on my shelves  |
|
|
|
Post by kivic on Oct 28, 2014 18:41:30 GMT -5
kivic, you little tease, what darker than dark matter?! Don't leave us all dangling... What?! I'm not teasing. There is some dark matter and then there is some darker matter  Of course, I can send you the file and then you'd know what kind of dev I really am! Of course it's never easy to bare your soul and baring a dev-soul can be more difficult. I'm just taking baby steps, but I keep moving forward so I'm happy with that. |
|
savannahgirl
Junior Member
Posts: 76
Gender: Female
Dev Status: Devotee
Relationship Status: Married/Domestic partnership
|
Post by savannahgirl on Oct 30, 2014 11:19:28 GMT -5
With me my dark matter is my husband doesn't know about my "attraction." I tried explaining it when we were dating but needless to say the words didn't come out right and I dropped it. So he doesn't really know. He also doesn't know I'm in this group. He's not the type who would mind I just don't know how to approach the subject so I just stay quiet. Also I am a writer, which he does know, but I don't let anyone read my stories I just write them for myself and my main character is always a paraplegic who by the way always gets the girl.  . I feel I need to keep the stories to myself because they are some of my deepest feelings and emotions and I just don't want to share them. So I guess thats my dark matter. |
|
|
|
Post by BA on Oct 30, 2014 20:13:35 GMT -5
With me my dark matter is my husband doesn't know about my "attraction." I tried explaining it when we were dating but needless to say the words didn't come out right and I dropped it. So he doesn't really know. He also doesn't know I'm in this group. He's not the type who would mind I just don't know how to approach the subject so I just stay quiet. Also I am a writer, which he does know, but I don't let anyone read my stories I just write them for myself and my main character is always a paraplegic who by the way always gets the girl. . I feel I need to keep the stories to myself because they are some of my deepest feelings and emotions and I just don't want to share them. So I guess thats my dark matter. You'd be surprised with how many devs were in the closet when they found pd, and never planned to tell their husbands (myself included). But, a few months in, you'll likely also feel the "need" to tell him. Or, Maybe not! Who knows. It's not an easy convo to have. But, it's was a big burden to carry once I delved into this world a little more, to keep it hidden from him. I had no problem hiding it before PD. I think you'll find the urge to tell him will increase, and you'll find the right way to do it. But I still don't tell my husband ALL of my darkest/deepest things either. There are some things that can still remain for me. I never thought I would be able to discuss this with my husband, or anyone for that matter. I surprised myself after bolstering my courage up in this group. What I thought was a horrific, shameful secret was not a big deal to him. Though he didn't really understand it, nor embrace it, he didn't reject it either. I did feel a sense of relief, as I don't care if he ever came across this site or what I write on it. It's nice to not have to hide that anymore. As to Darker Dark Matter - I think we all have it hidden in there somewhere. What deeply turns us on, even within the context of the disability or surrounding it...such as helplessness aspects, bondage/domination, etc, etc. We women hide so much of our sexuality that we think is so base and terrible. The realm of fantasy is huge. As taboo as we might think it is... it's probably not that taboo. Years ago a woman named Nancy Friday wrote some wonderful books about womens' fantasies. The range of 'dark matter' was glorious and I felt so 'not dark'. www.amazon.com/My-Secret-Garden-Nancy-Friday/dp/1416567011 |
|
|
|
Post by Emma on Oct 30, 2014 23:31:57 GMT -5
I never thought I would be able to discuss this with my husband, or anyone for that matter. I surprised myself after bolstering my courage up in this group. What I thought was a horrific, shameful secret was not a big deal to him. Though he didn't really understand it, nor embrace it, he didn't reject it either. I did feel a sense of relief, as I don't care if he ever came across this site or what I write on it. It's nice to not have to hide that anymore. Woah BA, I'm happy to hear that! |
|
|
|
Post by Emma on Nov 1, 2014 22:35:56 GMT -5
Is everyone's dark matter a physical thing they can get rid of like Heather implied? I figured there was a lot of online stuff the ladies indulged in that can't just be gotten rid of.
|
|
lilyth
Junior Member
Posts: 74
Gender: Female
Dev Status: Devotee
Relationship Status: In a relationship
|
Post by lilyth on Nov 1, 2014 22:57:30 GMT -5
Though I don't make any effort to hide it, I do have "stuff" and always have...mostly just bookmarked blogs that I like reading, a few dvds featuring disabled characters, and probably my biggest stash of stuff would just be stories on my e-reader about wounded romance heroes (that's not even my type of disabled guy, if you look back on my dating history...all congenital or pre-adolescent accident...) But when I'm actually dating a pwd, I don't even think about that stuff. It's like I don't need this, I have it right in front of me...haha. Anybody else experience that?
|
|
. I feel I need to keep the stories to myself because they are some of my deepest feelings and emotions and I just don't want to share them. So I guess thats my dark matter.
