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Post by blueskye101 on Dec 6, 2014 23:28:46 GMT -5
I know that lot of you know about my childhood memories, for them: sorry!! jajaja When I was like 5 or 6yo I remember I used brooms like crutches. It was funny because, like I said before, I used to have all a story in my fantasy where the one in crutches wasn't me. Then I evolved to the wheelchair. I remember turning upside down my mom shopping cart and I sat there moving the little wheels with my hands. Again, there was a story about that in my mind. Later, when I was like 10, I moved to "play doctor" with my cousin (poor guy!!) and in the game he always had an accident that "used to break his back". Then I found a good use to the "barbies" (I hated dolls before that)... "Ken" was always seated in the armchair and he "couldn't walk". My sister hated that because when she asked I told her "No, ken cant walk because he has an accident". When I was like 12 (30 years ago we still played with dolls at that age!) it wasnt an accident anymore but it was much more elaborated like: "he fell from the horse and he hit his back on the fence and he broke his back in the waistline and a piece of bone damage his bone marrow" jajajaja.... As you can see, I had very elaborated fantasies even when I was a child. This soooo similar to my past too. It's pretty cool to see how alike our fasinations and interests were. I did the Barbie thing too with making them paralyzed, blind or pulled their legs off. Had a friend in the neighborhood that would play Dr with and was never sexual but I was always trying to talk him into having his legs "not work" This was like 3rd grade. I did the crutch thing too with brooms or sticks. I remember being entranced with any story or movie with disabled characters. Heidi, The secret Garden, pirate shows. Wasn't much around when I was a kid. Lol Advanced to books with any little bits of disability in them. I took the stories and then embellished the disability and made them into elaborate love stories by the time I was a teen. I always hid this from everyone. Was married 32 yrs and he never had a clue. Books and movies hidden.
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Post by Valkyrja on Dec 7, 2014 15:26:25 GMT -5
LOL... at home my devness was some of my "weirdness"... When I was a kid, my mom watched me play but she never said nothing... they saw the movies I watched and the books I read (always tried to get some book with ANY KIND of disability that means it was usually blindness, amputee or deaf/mute) and for them it was just that: "She has a thing for the wounded heros"... I think at home, just because I was always "gothic" (dark or whatever was called when I was a child) they thought it was part of that, part of my "dark being". Now, after 20 years with my guy... it is something he seems to believe is one of my weirdness too. He makes fun with his friends about me watching movies or shows in any language (english... french... german... chinese... etc! jajaja); he jokes with them saying: "It is so weird because sometimes I wake up in the morning and there is a guy on the tv speaking korean" and he laughs. The books... the fanfics... all of that is in the category "wounded heroes" and the "that's the way she is" As you can see, it is a secret I am a dev but the secret is that I never say it out loud, I never said: "I am a dev, that means.... blah, blah, blah". Perhaps that's why I am okay with that "secret"... because I never hid all my dev stuff. The only thing I felt I had to hide was the drawings, I had never the courage to draw the guy in the wheelchair.
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Post by tori on Dec 9, 2014 15:10:00 GMT -5
As a child I was always fascinated by disability, my grandparents had an old pair of crutches at their house (wooden ones) and I always played with them. I started noticing when watching TV shows and they would have characters with disabilities that it would give me that "tingly" feeling as a kid. I had no idea that this was something sexual until I hit puberty and I knew that it was something more than a curiosity. I started reading anything I could and watching anything I could that would have characters (male or female, didn't matter) with a disability.
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1nfused
New Member
Posts: 31
Gender: Female
Dev Status: Devotee
Relationship Status: Single
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Post by 1nfused on Jan 29, 2015 21:14:26 GMT -5
Wow!!! I love everyone's stories. This makes me feel so much more normal. I was always interested in anyone disabled (male or female). Being a little kid is was very easy to always just go up to them and say hi. That's all I did too!! I just said hi. Also, a couple of years ago, I found a diary I kept while in middle school. I confessed my devness in it. I went on ego I didn't want a guy who "was regular and walked". I talked about how I wanted the guy I married to be in a wheelchair... I loved finding that. Also, I constantly daydreamed about disabled men. I had relationships with many AB men and enjoy it, but there was that thing missing... I'm so glad I have it now! Awh, that's seriously cute! Thanks for sharing. I'd have loved to go up to them and say hi, unfortunately I was far too self-conscious to do that as a kid. (Despite the fact that my kid-cred would definitely have allowed me to do this easy and get away with it every time... too bad I didn't realise that back then.) @ thread: Same thing here! I remember writing a lot of stories in my childhood and early teenage years, the vast majority of them were one story on repeat: cute but lonely girl meets handsome disabled guy who (and for some reason all my stories involved the following) showed her something remarkable. Like teaching her to rock climb and taking her with him to foreign lands. Sometimes I'd even be my own synchroniser and tape them on my old fisher price recording casette player. ogodlol. (I wish I still had those tapes.) Plenty more, but I'm all done with walls of texts for today.
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kathy23rd
New Member
Where ever you go, there you are
Posts: 13
Gender: Female
Dev Status: Devotee
Relationship Status: In a relationship
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Post by kathy23rd on Oct 25, 2015 5:09:31 GMT -5
Hello everyone, I'm new to this forum, today actually, and now I see there's a word for my "thing" that I can't explain... I cried a little. This is so awkward and embarrasing to me, filled with guilt, but I have to come out, at least for my own sake. This is really exciting, too. It's a thing and I'm not alone! Sorry if it turns out to be a long post, I just have to let it out... (And also, sorry for any misspellings, english is not my mother language). My first childhood memory is of my dolls, no matter size or type, teddybears and soft toys, to be in a hospital. They were constantly in my hospital and I had about 15 patients that I carefully cared for. I think I was about the age of 3 to 4 years. And then my very special and really weird "first time", that I can't really explain, except now I know I am a dev, happened behind the livingroom door when I was about 5. It is really strange to me, because up until that time I am 110% sure, absolutely, that I had never seen a disabled person before, and most of all, had NO idea what so ever, to why and how you could or would replace a missing limb (leg) and how it would be or look like. I just did for myself. It was this toddlers toy, I was vay too old for it, but I found a way to use it "my way". It was in plastic, a sort of a coneshaped, thick stick on a small "platform", that you were supposed to put 6 or 7 rings on to, in the colors of the rainbow. When you were done, it would have the biggest ring in the bottom and the smallest ring on top. I found out that if I took the whole toy apart, I could use the stick in the middle as my peg-leg. Really weird... I sat there behind the livingroom door, bended my right knee so the rest of my foot was under my butt, and put the stick towards my knee and there was my peg-leg. I remember it was really private to me and I didn't want my mum to see it. I remember not having any embarrasing feelings, it was just what it was, and it was private. The concept of embarrasment and shame I didn't understand or have until later on. After that, the dev moments just kept on coming, of course with a little bit more embarrasment so I kept it secret, with Ken badly injured in a selfmade wheelchair or Ken missing his entire right leg (oops), little stories I wrote about cute boys and so on. Also; my parents are architects, so they had their office in the basement filled with books and documents dealing with rules and regulations for buildings and homes - and the best part was, a whole section of it contained how to build for disabled people, and a lot of facts about wheelchairs (sizes, types, required turning radius etc.) I could sit on the floor and read and look at pictures for hours, of course when mum was busy taking care of my two younger brothers and dad was out on a construction site, and I was in heaven. My "radar" was turned on and when I saw disabled people, looking very discreetly of course, I found it very, very fascinating. Wow, this is sooo, sooo weird and awkward for me to tell you guys... but thank you for letting me. I've been reading on this forum for about three days now before I decided to join, and you guys are amazing. Thank you for sharing all your thoughts and stories and supporting each other!
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Post by Celaena on Oct 25, 2015 7:18:21 GMT -5
Hello everyone, I'm new to this forum, today actually, and now I see there's a word for my "thing" that I can't explain... I cried a little. This is so awkward and embarrasing to me, filled with guilt, but I have to come out, at least for my own sake. This is really exciting, too. It's a thing and I'm not alone! Sorry if it turns out to be a long post, I just have to let it out... (And also, sorry for any misspellings, english is not my mother language). My first childhood memory is of my dolls, no matter size or type, teddybears and soft toys, to be in a hospital. They were constantly in my hospital and I had about 15 patients that I carefully cared for. I think I was about the age of 3 to 4 years. And then my very special and really weird "first time", that I can't really explain, except now I know I am a dev, happened behind the livingroom door when I was about 5. It is really strange to me, because up until that time I am 110% sure, absolutely, that I had never seen a disabled person before, and most of all, had NO idea what so ever, to why and how you could or would replace a missing limb (leg) and how it would be or look like. I just did for myself. It was this toddlers toy, I was vay too old for it, but I found a way to use it "my way". It was in plastic, a sort of a coneshaped, thick stick on a small "platform", that you were supposed to put 6 or 7 rings on to, in the colors of the rainbow. When you were done, it would have the biggest ring in the bottom and the smallest ring on top. I found out that if I took the whole toy apart, I could use the stick in the middle as my peg-leg. Really weird... I sat there behind the livingroom door, bended my right knee so the rest of my foot was under my butt, and put the stick towards my knee and there was my peg-leg. I remember it was really private to me and I didn't want my mum to see it. I remember not having any embarrasing feelings, it was just what it was, and it was private. The concept of embarrasment and shame I didn't understand or have until later on. After that, the dev moments just kept on coming, of course with a little bit more embarrasment so I kept it secret, with Ken badly injured in a selfmade wheelchair or Ken missing his entire right leg (oops), little stories I wrote about cute boys and so on. Also; my parents are architects, so they had their office in the basement filled with books and documents dealing with rules and regulations for buildings and homes - and the best part was, a whole section of it contained how to build for disabled people, and a lot of facts about wheelchairs (sizes, types, required turning radius etc.) I could sit on the floor and read and look at pictures for hours, of course when mum was busy taking care of my two younger brothers and dad was out on a construction site, and I was in heaven. My "radar" was turned on and when I saw disabled people, looking very discreetly of course, I found it very, very fascinating. Wow, this is sooo, sooo weird and awkward for me to tell you guys... but thank you for letting me. I've been reading on this forum for about three days now before I decided to join, and you guys are amazing. Thank you for sharing all your thoughts and stories and supporting each other! Hi Kathy!! Welcome. I'm excited to see another newbie joining. I've only been posting for about two weeks and I've already met some great people, so I hope you have the same experience. :-)
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kathy23rd
New Member
Where ever you go, there you are
Posts: 13
Gender: Female
Dev Status: Devotee
Relationship Status: In a relationship
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Post by kathy23rd on Oct 25, 2015 7:43:18 GMT -5
Thank you! Yes, it's great to join you guys, it opened up a door to who I really am, and that's a little scary but great now as I understand it's not "wrong" in any way I'm so grateful I found you devs! Absolutely have the same experience as you (based on a lot of reading older posts), and you being the first one to answer, so thank you again
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Post by blueskye101 on Oct 25, 2015 12:55:13 GMT -5
Welcome. And sorry for the " likes on the earlier threads guys. Not paying attention and don't remember reading some of these. Great to have some new but oh so simular stories. Puts a smile on my face and I'm saying, yea, yea
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Post by strawberrybubblegum on Oct 25, 2015 13:37:04 GMT -5
Reading this I realized that I cannot remember the first time I saw a person in a wheelchair or a cast but at the same time I remember thinking about people in wheelchairs and casts often from a very early age on and especially that I already only liked a very specific kind of people in wheelchairs back then already, which was paras, but I didn't know that specific term and disability until later on.
The earliest I remember is playing with my Barbies and putting "casts" (toilet paper) on them and I think I also played that they were paralyzed.
And of course devy thoughts about casts and wheelchairs, but I never told anyone.
Just recently I told my boyfriend about my devy childhood memories when we were talking masturbation and he's the only one who knows.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Oct 25, 2015 14:23:03 GMT -5
I don't have many devvy childhood memories. I do remember that one of the boys in my class once broke his ankle and that I was fascinated by him using crutches. And I have always had a thing for hospital series and movies with injured characters. Never paid much attention to it. After all, my parents encouraged me "to be normal" and not stand out too much, so I never talked about this.
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katz
New Member
I have no idea what I am doing... :-)
Posts: 20
Gender: Female
Dev Status: Devotee
Relationship Status: Divorced
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Post by katz on Oct 25, 2015 23:16:34 GMT -5
When I was in the 2nd grade, there were two 2nd grade teachers at my school. The other teacher was married to a man in a wheelchair. I don't know what his disability was but looking back, I wonder if it was ALS... anyway, I remember viewing him as very "special" and desperately wishing I was in the other class so I could have a chance to talk to him and maybe get to know him. I always watched him closely when he was at the school and fantasized about being able to help him if he needed something. I used to wish I was married to him...
One of my Barbies was paralyzed from the neck down like Joni Eareckson. I had read her book about a million times. I actively sought out books with disabled characters and read them over and over.
In middle school I became best friends with a blind girl who had transferred to our school. Most of the other kids my age went out of their way to avoid her but not me. I loved her blindness and found her incredibly fun and interesting. It wasn't as if I looked passed her disability though, I liked her even more because of it and I knew it.
In high school we occasionally had a substitute teacher who was in a wheelchair. I had a terrible crush on him and got butterflies every time I saw him. I saw him outside of school once and was so freaked out, I couldn't even say hello. The only other crush I had was a senior who was suddenly stricken with Bell's palsy. His whole right side was paralyzed from his face to his arm and leg. He was attractive to me before but when that happened it pushed me over the edge into a full blown crush.
I know there are so many more little memories but those are a few of the big ones I can recall right now. I'm so relieved to see that I'm not alone with these feelings!
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Post by robbb on Nov 3, 2015 9:33:41 GMT -5
It's some time since I've posted on PD but I thought you might find this interesting.
I think I've explained in other threads about the guy I saw with the full length leg plaster cast and the friend of my parents who was a leg amputee, both when I was about 6 or 7 years old.
My first experience of SCI was when I was about 10 or 11 years old. The brother of one of our neighbours came to live with them. He had been in the military but had broken his back falling from a climbing training frame. He would be maybe 22 or 23 years old, fit and good looking by standards of the day. This was the mid-70's so a bushy moustache and long hair was the norm.
He used to park his car in front of our house and I would watch intently from my bedroom window as he lifted his legs in and out of his car and transferred in and out of his clunky folding wheelchair. He never wore shoes always pale grey socks and I was fascinated by the shape and stillness of his feet on his footrests. He would often come home quite late at night and I would jump out of bed if I saw car lights in the dark of my bedroom to watch him through a slit in the curtains.
I had tried saying hello a few times but always got little reply, he was actually quite grumpy but I didn't mind that. One day as I came home from school he was by his car. He had dropped his keys and they had gone under the car so he couldn't reach them and asked me to get them. I knelt down to look and found my face no more than an inch or two from his feet which was amazing, it was all I could do to tear my eyes away to look for the keys. As I reached under the car with one hand I tried to balance myself with the other on the kerbstone but was looking under the car and accidentally put my hand on top of of his foot. He didn't react (I discovered why as I learned about SCI later) so I kept my hand there for a few seconds, although it felt like forever. The feeling was electric and it was probably the first time I was truly sexually aroused.
At that age I hadn't realised that I was gay so it's true to say I was attracted to SCI guys before I was attracted to men in general.
From then on whenever I saw him I would look at his socked foot and long to touch it again.
Then one day after about a year he disappeared never to be seen again. It turned out he had moved away the USA to marry his girlfriend. Even after all these 40 years I can still feel his foot under my hand.
R.
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Post by Clair deLune on Nov 3, 2015 15:54:22 GMT -5
it's true to say I was attracted to SCI guys before I was attracted to men in general. Story of my life, robbb
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Post by lucretia on Nov 3, 2015 20:17:08 GMT -5
it's true to say I was attracted to SCI guys before I was attracted to men in general. Story of my life, robbbDitto. Honestly? I think if I weren't s dev of sci guys I'd be farther away from the straight side of the spectrum than I already am.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 3, 2015 23:28:09 GMT -5
My earliest dev memory is from when I was in kindergarten. My elementary school had older students volunteer to help supervise younger students during lunch time. One of the lunch monitors for my class was a boy who wore leg braces, though I was never sure of the cause. I had a massive crush on this boy and was endlessly fascinated by his braces. He was my first crush and I have often wondered whether my devness was innate or triggered by this boy.
The scenarios I made up when playing with my barbies or beanie babies usually involved someone with a disability. I remember frequently stealing my brother's spiderman action figure because it had knee joints, making it better equipped for sitting than a Ken doll.
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