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Post by Deleted on Feb 11, 2015 12:33:59 GMT -5
I'm there with you. I want to know what it's like. I don't want to pretend or anything, but I want to sit there and imagine, as far as I could. I know it still wouldn't give me a *huge* insight into life in a chair, but... maybe it's just that having that perspective might increase the empathy?
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Post by alexa2010 on Feb 11, 2015 12:58:24 GMT -5
Same here.
I don't want to pretend but just to try how it feels or how hard it is to wheel around.
Although when I was a child I remember lying in bed on my back pretending not to be able to move my legs. I think I was maybe 7 or 8 years old.
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savannahgirl
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Post by savannahgirl on Feb 11, 2015 14:32:01 GMT -5
I actually used one last year at Disney. I had just had surgery and didn't feel I could walk around EPCOT all day so we rented one. I have to say it wasn't fun. I certainly have a new respect for DA people.
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Post by Emma on Feb 11, 2015 18:45:56 GMT -5
Oooh great thread!
I'd say I'm with you Inky, I would love to be in my husbands body for a day. I got all my questions about wheelchair use answered when I played wheelchair basketball weekly for 2-3 years. Initially the chairs we used were just regular chairs so I got to see how they moved. Eventually we moved up to actual sporty basketball chairs so I got to test those out a lot as well. I've been that teenager trying out crutches when a friend had a broken leg too. I'd still like to try out some forearm crutches one day even though I don't have a think for any disability that requires their use.
Back when I first discovered the online dev community I remember thinking about BIID and wondering if that was what was going on with me. I kept that option on the table for a while before I sorted it all out and not consider myself 100% dev and 0% BIID. I don't want to have a lifelong disability. I still would love to try out different disabilities however I'd always want to go back to being AB after it got frustrating/boring/annoying/etc.
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1nfused
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Post by 1nfused on Feb 12, 2015 3:31:05 GMT -5
Great thread.
Yes, that's definitely a big thing for me.
I know this isn't what you mean (and on that note, yeah, I definitely enjoy handling 'hardware' to get deeper insight into what it's like, too. Even things I'm not usually interested in too much such as wheelchairs.) It's definitely a mix of empathy and a kind of fetishism for the stuff, too. The "tools of trade" of disabled people are generally a thing of interest for me, and sometimes I'll enjoy a disability more because I happen to like the hardware needed more than I would for another disability. It's an even split between fetishism and curiosity / empathy for me in that department.
Now for something a little more strange: For all my life I've actually wanted to be a disabled guy, too. (With my preference and perhaps sexual orientation, of course.)
I used to love roleplaying being a disabled guy as a kid, and somehow it's still a secret wish of mine. I'm alright being a woman, but I'd prefer to be a guy. (Disabled would pretty much be a must, there.) If I was a guy it would definitely, definitely turn me on on myself. I enjoy the idea of being physically limited, even of mild to moderate suffering every now and again. I'd like to not be able to do certain things, and require the help of others ever so often. It's not just attractive for me when other people come in the picture, I'd actually enjoy it alone, by myself, too. Everything I find hot in guys as a girl, I'd preferably want to *be*.
This is why I sometimes take control of the guy character in my fantasies.
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Post by strawberrybubblegum on Feb 12, 2015 3:40:58 GMT -5
Very interesting question.
I have never EVER have wanted to become disabled. In fact, it's the complete opposite for me: I always was fascinated by others with disabliyties, yet always been terrified to become disabled myself or one of my loved ones (except for partners, I had fantasies, daydreams and even actual dreams about my AB partners at the time being in a wheelchair). When I was younger I used to sometimes think: Why do you have such weird (devvy) thoughts? You'll end up in a chair yourself for having these fantasies!
On the other hand I think if I ever date a guy in a wheelchair I will definitely sit on his chair at least once. I want to get the feeling of how to get around with it.
And Emma mentioning the crutches of a friend in a leg cast made me remember that two people I knew used crutches because of a cast or surgery but I never asked them to use their crutches as I was terrified that someone could think it was weird and figure out I'm a dev. Kind of stupid since everyone in class used the crutches at least once but I just didn't feel comfortable, especially not with so much people around. I remember that I once asked my grandma (she was a nurse) if I could borrow two crutches for "a school play" from the hospital. She got me them and I kept them for a couple of weeks. I'd be up in my room using the crutches all the time and it was awesome, but I only did it when I was alone.
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Post by Clair deLune on Feb 12, 2015 10:26:26 GMT -5
wow, this is such an interesting thread! And it's stirred up quite a bit of ponderings for me, that's for sure. I've come to several different ways of thinking on this and I guess it's easiest just to list them (because some of them seem to contradict - nobody ever said being a dev made sense in the first place, so I guess this shouldn't be as distressing as I'm finding it?)
1) YES. A thousand times yes, of course, OF COURSE I have wanted to try out various DA hardware. I want to know what it's like to sit in a wheelchair and move it around, especially a sleek, sporty wheelchair. I want to know what it would be like to walk with crutches, wearing leg braces. I want to know what being paralyzed feels like. I want to know what having other motor-related issues feels like. I want to know what operating a prosthetic limb feels like. Very much so.
2) I think that, growing up and growing into myself, there was a lot of blurring between what I wanted to BE and what I was attracted to. Maybe it's sort of like men who feel something special and/or sexual about dressing up like beautiful women and also feel something special and/or sexual about being WITH beautiful women. I often imagined myself as the one with the disability, and still do from time to time. I have never, EVER considered this any form of BIID. My understanding of this is that it's someone who feels that they were born in the wrong body, that their body is "wrong" somehow and it would be "right" to be disabled. I don't feel that. My body, with all its functions and dysfunctions, feels like my body. I imagine that if I ever did become disabled, my body would feel very much like it was NOT my body, at least for some period of time after such an event. It certainly would not feel like "oh finally, everything is as it should be"
3) I have read a few times about the theory that our earliest fears can be sexualized. Like someone who experienced a house fire as a small child, perhaps one that had traumatic consequences, might grow up to be a pyromaniac, or someone who is sexually aroused by burning things down. They probably won't, but it can happen that way. My earliest memories of being aware of disabilities are very much associated with the fear that I could end up that way myself. My earliest fascinations with disability were very much a search for knowledge, because perhaps in some way if I could understand these things, they would be less mysterious and less frightening, kind of like forcing myself to confront something I found so disturbing, in order to gain some control over my feelings and reactions. Maybe even if I understood how disabilities happened, that would in some way protect something like that from happening to me.
In my imagination, at first it would always be something I imagined happening to someone ELSE, never, ever to myself, but then once in a while I would have dreams that it was ME in the wheelchair, ME in the body cast, and I would wake up thinking, I had this dream to teach me a lesson, it is not right to imagine people experiencing something so awful, I'd better stop thinking about these things or its going to end up happening to me. (I also believed, for quite some time, that I had somehow caused a classmate of mine to be injured being hit by a car and be in a body cast and out of school for the rest of the year) Somehow this very, very gradually gave way to me pretending when I was dead certain I was alone and no one would ever find out what I was doing. And yes, something that had been so disturbing and shocking to me as a very young chid somehow turned into something sexual. When I first read that theory it clicked right away, like, oh. OH. THAT is how I got like this. Every other offered theory (i see myself as inferior, I am afraid of penises, I want to be in control of my partner, I saw a dis person when I was young and it was my first sexual feeling, etc) just never rang true for me. Then again, one of my parents is a dev, so it could very well be genetic, but the sexualization of fears theory just FEELS right to me. But to keep to the point, my earliest dev-ness did not include ANY desire to try out ANY hardware, it was most certainly more like a complete aversion/fear.
4) I do still contemplate how it would be possible for me to scratch this particular itch. If I used one of the wheelchairs in the mall, would that do it? That is a wheelchair, and it would be my first and only time ever using one, would I want to do that? Just to finally do it? I haven't yet, so probably not, although those are definitely inferior wheelchairs. Would I buy myself crutches at the pharmacy and try them out at home? I've had plenty of opportunity to do something like that, and I've thought about it, but again, I never have, so I guess I don't want to that badly.
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Post by Justagirl on Feb 12, 2015 14:39:21 GMT -5
3) I have read a few times about the theory that our earliest fears can be sexualized. It's these convos that keep me coming back to PD. Where else can we connect with other people about.... any of this?
There was a thread a while back that someone shared with me when I first mentioned the "fear based memories" that I had. I believe in the thread, Devogirl mentioned that there is a theory about childhood fears manifesting into a sexual desire.
I tried to do some research on this myself (nothing too clever, I googled for a few hours). I couldn't really find anything that I could connect to devness. I am curious though.
I am also interested to know that others also have a similar experience in their young dev-lives. My fear wasn't necessarily about myself becoming disabled. It was my family. AND YET, flash forward 20 years, and I brought a disabled man in to be a member of our family.
It all still boggles my mind.
I find this whole idea very interesting and one that's never crossed my mind before. My experience is going to sound cryptic, so I apologize, but I believe you guys may be on to something. I went through some traumatic experiences as a kid and they have stuck with me well into adulthood. For the longest time I was adverse to the entire subject.....didn't want to see it, talk about it, deal with it, etc. However, only since I have found my dev side and been here at PD has it actually become a turn-on for me in my fantasy place. And this entire time I have been telling myself it is the last thing that should be on my You Tube list. It is not a disability, however it does have similar characteristics. And I do tend to think about it with the dev stuff that turns me on. Hmmm, I think I just saved a ton of money on a therapist!  |
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Post by Maurine on Feb 12, 2015 18:23:21 GMT -5
I'll come back to this when I have more time and the opportunity to think clearly. I'm not sure how much I'm willing to share about this particular issue. I'm pretty sure it all has to do with me being afraid of being pitied. I'll write a more detailed answer as soon as possible.
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Post by Justagirl on Feb 12, 2015 19:28:40 GMT -5
This is a perfect example of when I wish devs only was really only devs! We could facilitate a private, dev-members only discussion!
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Post by Deleted on Feb 12, 2015 20:43:01 GMT -5
That is why inky got a private message from me...
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Post by mwin on Feb 13, 2015 3:22:50 GMT -5
Been pondering this one.
Pretty sure the hardware does nothing for me sexually. If I see an empty chair, it peaks my interest only in so much as - where is the person who owns the wheelchair, I hope they come back while I'm still around!
Same with crutches etc, love the movement of the person using them but on their own..meh. I've had a go on people's crutches but no more so than a non-Dev would do and it was curiosity rather than wanting a thrill.
So I guess hardware interests me only in so much as how it interacts with the person using it. I would maybe like to try stuff out to gain a bit of understanding but then again, I don't think wheeling around in a wheelchair for a bit would give me much more than I already understand.
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Post by Emma on Feb 13, 2015 10:27:36 GMT -5
This is a perfect example of when I wish devs only was really only devs! We could facilitate a private, dev-members only discussion! Ok, I'm going to concede on this occassion and agree that a DO area, that really is DO, would be useful right now. Inkdevil backpeddaling frantically :-) There is a place like that, PM inigo/ spinning circle and she can let you know the details (I hope that is okay inigo!) |
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Post by lucretia on Feb 13, 2015 14:30:42 GMT -5
Ok, I'm going to concede on this occassion and agree that a DO area, that really is DO, would be useful right now. Inkdevil backpeddaling frantically :-) There is a place like that, PM inigo/ spinning circle and she can let you know the details (I hope that is okay inigo!)  |
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Post by eva on Feb 14, 2015 6:15:12 GMT -5
What tc123 wrote.
I'm surprised so many devs want to try the wheelchair, I never did. I sat on his maybe once or twice, can't remember. And on the very edge because it made me really uncomfortable. On the other hand, I am definitely fascinated by the WC, I love straddling him on it, sitting on his lap, seeing it by the bed, touching it... I wonder if the fascination would be as strong if it became just a "tool" to me? I'll have to think about it.
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