Fantasy boyfriends

[Inigo Montoya]

I've had them but not the same guy. It has varied over the years.

I'm really sorry that your last relationship left you hurting that badly.

[devogirl]

Oh my god, thank you for this! (and the ladies who brought this up in other threads) Just when I thought there was nothing new about my devness that I haven't already discussed, wow, you all keep surprising me.

So, YES, I had a long term fantasy boyfriend. It started when I was probably 12 or so. I never told anyone because I knew I was way too old for an imaginary friend, but I thought about him all the time in middle and high school. He was blind, and I had this elaborate life story for him where he and his family lived as tenants in our house and we went to school together, the 12 year old version of true love. Whenever I was by myself, I pretended he was with me, and when I went to sleepaway camp I wrote him letters. I even had a birthday for him that I "celebrated" every year. I guess all the time I spent pretending to lead him around paid off when I met a real blind boyfriend in college, I was totally ready, haha.

The fantasy went away for a while during and after the IRL blind boyfriend, but came back in a big way in my late 20s - mid 30s as I was serially dating and feeling very frustrated with not finding my ideal guy. Unfortunately, part of the original fantasy was that we were best friends as kids then he moved away and we grew apart as adults. I guess I was drawn to the tragic love story, where adulthood is spend pining for the lost love of youth. But once I reached that age in real life, I realized the tragic ending sucks, so I "rewrote" it to make us end up together. It finally went away when I met my husband.

I'm so embarrassed to even admit all this here. I've never told anyone. But I know that all those years of elaborate plotting and fantasizing is what helped me become a better writer. When I'm writing, it's exactly the same thing, playing out scenes in my head. So I suppose it wasn't all a waste of time.

[eva]

One of my friends (not a dev) had a fantasy boyfriend for many years when she was younger so I guess it's not just a dev thing. I've made up fantasy boyfriends, but I'm mostly inspired by real ABs. Otherwise, it's kind of blurred, like I can't really see his face.
Nivalis, you might be hurting right now and your fantasy might not work anymore but. trust me, you're never too old for love ((( )))

[Deleted]

I don't remember ever having a fantasy boyfriend but I know I made up stories in my head forever and even as a teenager I wrote romance so maybe that was just putting the fantasy on paper. I couldn't only keep it in my head so I wrote it down. I was always a daydreamer (still am...:-)) but I don't remember fixating on a fantasy boyfriend. Even the stories in my head vary and like Eva states, I can't really see his face. My stories back in the days didn't involve disabled characters because I didn't know but I know they always involved struggle and lots of emotions. When I read through that stuff now I am like "Aha" moments left and right...:-)

[savannahgirl]

Yes I have been down that road and still travel it when I need a reality escape.

[Emma]

Nope never

I'm not imaginative at all and think that's why.

[Emma]

Apr 29, 2015 6:45:15 GMT -5 @inkdevil said:

But then I never did the whole 'Dev from childhood' thing either

Yay there are more of us late bloomers!

[Maurine]

I haven't had a fantasy boyfriend in the way you described. Only a couple of times I had an imaginary boyfriend sitting beside me in class. I mostly fantasise in a different way though. I've had a fantasy world in my head for almost all my life, and there are some characters in it whom I'll obsess over from time to time. I usually don't identify with their partners though and I'm not really part of my fantasy world.

[whisperingpines]

I had few. They changed during the years I was growing up, but I still remember them What a wonderful way to fall asleep during long nights laying in bed.. I even had one when I was married. I know, that's bad. I tried not to, but he always came back.

But I haven't had any after starting to date wheelers. I have too much memories I can use instead And boy, do I love my memories

[Clair deLune]

Sort of... I did a lot of daydreaming, and still do, but a lot of times I wasnt myself in my daydreams so Im not sure that counts as having an imaginary boyfriend. When I was around 10-11 I stayed in a hotel with my dad on a business trip, and the room 2 doors down had a portable ramp placed in front of it for a few hours. Over the course of the three days I was there I concocted a vivid fantasy about the ramp user. In my imagination I met him, befriended him, spent the night with him, the whole shebang. And in my imagination, of course, I wasnt ten years old and neither was he. At the end of the three days we parted ways and that was the end of it, because even at ten years old I was a commitment-phobe.

I also, at 13-15, decided to write a novel. Looking back, it was my fantasy life, with me as a fantasy version of myself, not held back by insecurities or social problems or money problems or familiy problems or anything else. "My" love interest in this novel was a dis guy... Sometimes. I thought, at that age, that Id write and complete this novel and get it published and be famous, sort of like SE Hinton writing her first novel as a teenager, about teenagers, and I was certain I could never let anyone read this story if the love interest/main guy character was disabled. I figured that would "out" me and at that age, that would have been terrifying. I kept trying to rewrite the story with him as an AB and I just couldnt get the "me" character interested in him.

I never finished the story, and Ive since destroyed any evidence that it ever existed. It was THAT terrifying to me that someone else might be privy to my fantasies.

Ive done a lot of thinking lately about how my devness has changed compared to back then and I think a lot of it boils down to separating the drama associated with a traumatic injury with a person's disability. As a teenager, I guess I did have a thing for the drama, just like I had a thing for tortures souls and a guy who's dark and mysterious ans uncrackable. As an adult, Ive had more than enough drama in my real life to get any thrills out of imagining it and the last thing I want is to go though life with someone who is so dark, mysterious, and uncrackable that he cant be a true partner to me. But... The true devness remains.

These days I stick to my stories. I dont imagine chance encounters leading to soul-mate-esque bonding because Im married and I feel already fulfilled in that area. My "fantasies" are more like stories, where I am someone else, and I DO need that, and I (or the character Ive created, who isnt me) find it ina PWD guy. Because I am a writer, even my fantasies stay grounded in reality. They are not the same as what I imagined as a teenager, where the guy automatically got me, where I automatically understood him, and where everything just meshed comfortably the first time. I thingbeing in a relationship as long as I have has led me to value things I never considered when I was a teenager, like having to learn to understand each other and having to work on making my needs known before I can have them met.

[Deleted]

not as such, but love playing out fantasies in my head and daydreaming. Once or twice I've played out my fantasies on chat, hmm that was hot.

[siouxwin]

I remember fantasizing about a boy in a wheelchair from about age 10. I built a wheelchair for my Ken doll using the lids off of Pringles cans and popsicle sticks and lots of glue. lol

[Deleted]

Wow Clair deLune. That's amazing. I can certainly relate to that.
The many books I have written making sure however to "destroy all evidence" of it all.
I was terrified.
I love reading and I do a lot of daydreaming. So while I dont have an imaginary BF, I do live a lot of stories with a beginning..middle part and of course a happily ever after part. The story differs every time. Sometimes it has a medieval settings, sometimes Victorian. But never Scifi for sure.

[devorah]

I write them. There have been many, and they're utterly fantastical - nothing like what guys today are like. I blame this on Turner Classic Movies. But I go between them, depending on the ebb and flow of my dev level.

[shape]

Well, I'm not sure it is exactly the same, but pretty similar in my case. Whenever I liked a boy, I soon started daydreaming about him blind. And a lot of daydreaming! But when I found another, then it was this new guy who became blinded somehow. Not an imaginary bf remaining always the same, but so many..