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Post by freya on May 18, 2015 5:59:43 GMT -5
Hey, I'm new here, so I'm sorry if this subject has been covered before.
My whole life I have never been able to be aroused (at least to the point of climax) by AB men. I can think an AB guy is smokin' hot, we can have great chemistry, but once it comes to "finishing the job" the only way I can is by imaging a PWD. I'm currently in a long-term relationship with an AB guy, and I always feel guilty about having to do this, almost like I'm mentally cheating on him or something (he knows about my being a dev, but not that I have to do this when we're having sex). I did date a SAK amputee, and it was the best (most frequent) sex I've ever had. I'm not even a huge fan of sex (as you guys discussed in another topic) but with him I craved it like crazy. I feel like I'll never be able to get that back with any AB guy because I'm a dev. It kind of makes me sad.
Have you guys experienced this when you were/are with a AB man? Thoughts?
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Post by kat on May 18, 2015 7:50:24 GMT -5
Absolutely. Everything you wrote resonates. I've kind of come to accept that with any AB guy, the sex life will/would probably always be "less than." Of course it's possible that one day that could change, but I doubt it.
I would say don't feel guilty about fantasizing though! Most people do it at least sometimes, dev or non-dev.
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Post by Maurine on May 18, 2015 8:16:11 GMT -5
I think it's not unusual to fantasise during sex, whether you're a dev or not, whether your partner is disabled or not. I think even for devs who are with a disabled man and who have great sex with him it's fairly common to fantasise during sex after a few years into the relationship. It's nothing to feel guilty about.
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Post by killercupcake on May 18, 2015 8:18:19 GMT -5
I fantasize all of the time with AB men. It just isn't enjoyable if I don't. I even remember one time asking a guy not to move so much. Haha My first (and so far) only orgasm was with a quad. I think AB men just don't hit the right "turn on" buttons for me.
Edit:Typo
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Post by freya on May 18, 2015 9:06:06 GMT -5
I fantasize all of the time with AB men. It just isn't enjoyable if I don't. I even remember one time asking a guy not to move so much. Haha My first (and so far) only orgasm was with a quad. I think AB men just don't hit the right "turn on" buttons for me. Edit:Typo OMG the "don't move so much" comment is spot-on! lol. |
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Post by kivic on May 18, 2015 10:31:27 GMT -5
I fantasize all of the time with AB men. It just isn't enjoyable if I don't. I even remember one time asking a guy not to move so much. Haha My first (and so far) only orgasm was with a quad. I think AB men just don't hit the right "turn on" buttons for me. Edit:Typo OMG the "don't move so much" comment is spot-on! lol. I orgasm 99.9% of the time I have sex with my AB hubby and I use fantasy each and every time, but then I knew how to make myself orgasm from a relatively young age pre boyfriends and husband. It's got to be both a physical and emotional connection that makes great love/sex compatibility. It's not necessarily the responsibility of your partner to make you enjoy sex and orgasm, you've got to bring your game too, be it fantasy or role play or whatever it is that gets you there. |
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Post by Deleted on May 18, 2015 12:46:22 GMT -5
My husband is AB and I have never been with a dis guy so I don't know but I never achieved orgasm with conventional sex, not in the beginning of our marriage when we were still "crazy" for each other and not now in the middle of my life when I know myself so much better. I do know how to achieve orgasm though all the time but not through conventional sex and we incorporated my fetishes into our sex life and they actually have nothing to do with fantasizing about a disabled man. I actually doubt even a disabled man could bring me to orgasm without my external stimulants I kind of need. My husband and I stopped putting pressure on each other of achieving orgasms all the time on my end. I sometimes am just happy when he gets his needs fulfilled and we just "love" on each other and when I feel like it we incorporate my stimulants and it is all good for both of us. I don't think there is anything wrong with fantasizing though. I have discussed that with my hubby many times and a funny thing he said once when I felt bad about maybe thinking about para guys sometimes and how it would be, he says, "Don't worry, you have been so many women already in our marriage..." and then he listed all these names of hot babes in the celebrity world....LOL So much for fantasizing...:-)
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Post by eva on May 18, 2015 12:56:07 GMT -5
YES, Kivic, this is so true! I fantasize most of the time too. Like Maurine said, I think many women do, no matter if their partner is AB or DA. It's funny how many women fantasize about someone else (or the DA boyfriend). Obviously, men must do it too  |
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savannahgirl
Junior Member
Posts: 76 
Gender: Female
Dev Status: Devotee
Relationship Status: Married/Domestic partnership
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Post by savannahgirl on May 18, 2015 22:22:30 GMT -5
I am also married to an AB guy and use imagination all the time when we're having sex. Mine is picturing a certain guy that I find really cute as a para. It works every time. Have It old my husband? No. Its my personal fantasy and honestly I don't care if he fantasizes either. Whatever gets us going for a great night is ok with me. I don't tell,he doesn't tell. Works for us. |
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Post by Deleted on May 18, 2015 22:29:53 GMT -5
I don't HAVE to fantasize I'm with a PWD 'to finish the job' but I do fantasize on a regular basis. I'm glad to see that everyone else seems to be having fantasies whilst with someone, makes me feel better about doing it ;-)
This is a great discussion topic, thanks for starting it.
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Post by Deleted on May 19, 2015 10:37:42 GMT -5
Being that I've been fortunate (for lack of a more appropriate description) enough to have both experiences, I found that while I have fantasized in both relationship types, it was much more often in my AB ones. Like @tc123 said, I don't mind if he fantasizes too, but we have an agreement that what we fantasize about stays a fantasy (unless it's something we're both capable of). I see nothing wrong with fantasizing. Sometimes you need that extra boost!  |
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Post by mwin on May 20, 2015 13:47:09 GMT -5
Even with fantasies I find it very difficult to 'finish off' through conventional sex with my AB hubby. If I'm doing my own thing (with or without him) then with the help of fantasies, I'm ok. I try not to feel guilty about it because I'm sure he'd rather I did that than just never climaxed but I've never tested my theory! And hypocritically, I would be pissed off if he told me he fantasised as consistently as I did about exactly the same thing. But hey ho - I'm sure he has his thing as I have mine.
And 'stop moving' has been uttered more than once! Hahaha
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mags0528
Junior Member
Posts: 59
Gender: Female
Dev Status: Devotee
Relationship Status: Single
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Post by mags0528 on May 20, 2015 22:38:19 GMT -5
I fantasize all of the time with AB men. It just isn't enjoyable if I don't. I even remember one time asking a guy not to move so much. Haha My first (and so far) only orgasm was with a quad. I think AB men just don't hit the right "turn on" buttons for me. Edit:Typo Yes!!! I did this when I was engaged to an AB guy. I was like, "Don't move...stay right there..." lmao. Thanks for posting this, guys!!! |
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Post by ruthmadison on May 26, 2015 7:08:45 GMT -5
Hey, I'm new here, so I'm sorry if this subject has been covered before. My whole life I have never been able to be aroused (at least to the point of climax) by AB men. I can think an AB guy is smokin' hot, we can have great chemistry, but once it comes to "finishing the job" the only way I can is by imaging a PWD. I'm currently in a long-term relationship with an AB guy, and I always feel guilty about having to do this, almost like I'm mentally cheating on him or something (he knows about my being a dev, but not that I have to do this when we're having sex). I did date a SAK amputee, and it was the best (most frequent) sex I've ever had. I'm not even a huge fan of sex (as you guys discussed in another topic) but with him I craved it like crazy. I feel like I'll never be able to get that back with any AB guy because I'm a dev. It kind of makes me sad. Have you guys experienced this when you were/are with a AB man? Thoughts? This is exactly what I experience. This is why I still know I'm a dev even though I'm married to a non-disabled guy. I have never in my life ever experienced an orgasm without disability factoring in in some way. Luckily my husband understands that and he is a very secure person so he knows that some visualizing of a fictional person in my head doesn't take away from my love for him and the chemistry that we do have. I never thought that I would be able to enjoy sex with an AB guy, but with my husband I really do. I felt like I had to awaken my sexual side with several disabled partners and that allowed me to tap into it more easily when I met my AB partner. |
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Post by Deleted on May 26, 2015 10:03:15 GMT -5
I guess I'm in a very high dev phase because I've been lurking through all the last threads and posts for 2 days now and I found this one interesting enough to dare a few comments However I am not too thrilled about the idea that men can read our thoughts!  As already mentionned a few times I am an old dev ( meaning old in age but also a dev forever without knowing it and discovering it only a few years ago) I am happily married to an AB and sex has always been good. I don't complain about my intimite life. But one thing for sure: I don't fantasize with him! My fantasies are in my dreams, reading, writings and watching movies with PWD (mainly wheelchairs, braces and crutches) If with my husband I don't like being in charge and on top, in my fantasies I always am! I've been trying to figure out why because I'm not in SM relationships at all. But making love with a paraplegic turns me on a lot. ( in my dreams obviously! ) Well, to a para would be more appropriate. I think it's the whole point. The impotence of a para not only doesn't bother me but arouses me. ( don't need a healthy 'snake in the trousers' to orgasm! ) Cheer up PWD PD members! All is not lost !  My husband knows about my devness and we talk about it freely and rather frequently. He asked me a few times if I would like him to play a role, like being more passive and submissive but it doesn't interest me. My biggest frustration and regret will be not having experienced a relationship with a PWD  . Maybe it wouldn't have worked at all but I'll never know. After all when fantasies are fulfilled there are not fantasies anymore and I still have that. So, I'm going to hang on to those and to girls like you who can understand what I'm talking about. Thanks for bringing up this interesting topic! |
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As already mentionned a few times I am an old dev ( meaning old in age but also a dev forever without knowing it and discovering it only a few years ago) I am happily married to an AB and sex has always been good. I don't complain about my intimite life. But one thing for sure: I don't fantasize with him! My fantasies are in my dreams, reading, writings and watching movies with PWD (mainly wheelchairs, braces and crutches) If with my husband I don't like being in charge and on top, in my fantasies I always am! I've been trying to figure out why because I'm not in SM relationships at all. But making love with a paraplegic turns me on a lot. ( in my dreams obviously! ) Well, to a para would be more appropriate. I think it's the whole point. The impotence of a para not only doesn't bother me but arouses me. ( don't need a healthy 'snake in the trousers' to orgasm! 
. Maybe it wouldn't have worked at all but I'll never know. After all when fantasies are fulfilled there are not fantasies anymore and I still have that. So, I'm going to hang on to those and to girls like you who can understand what I'm talking about. Thanks for bringing up this interesting topic!