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Post by Ath on Nov 15, 2015 2:26:45 GMT -5
I'm bored. I want to feel the high, the craving, the curiosity and the excitement... I miss the endorphins!
It took me two months to realise a guy in our temp staff has cp, and by then he was like "wtf how could you not tell?" Any other time that would have drivven me crazy, I wouldnt have been able to focus on anything else. Why cant I have just a little ammount of insanity in my life? ;p enough dev high to be up there but still able to function in every day life.
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Post by robbb on Nov 17, 2015 2:22:37 GMT -5
I definitely have dev highs and lows, nothing inbetween. I'm usually kicked out of a low when I see a hot wheeler. Is there ever just the right amount of devness in our lives though? It's always been an all-consuming or a completely put on the back burner thing for me. There doesn't seem to be a middle ground. Does being in a relationship with PWD keep your Dev desires from peaking because you are getting little bits of what your brain needs every day? I thought I'd be on a complete Dev high at the beginning of a relationship with a disabled man, but I'm not at all. I'm almost more turned on when I'm not with him - replaying things after the event in my head, or looking at pictures of him. Unfortunately, I don't even get the same kick from seeing other disabled guys anymore. Perhaps because a lot of my curiosity has been satisfied, my questions answered about how they live their lives. There is little new and unknown stuff left that would previously have given me that Dev rush. Not that you ever become less of a Dev...it's just impossible to get back that first time rush of Dev discovery and it's a feeling I'd love to rediscover. That's really interesting. I've never been with an sci guy but have often wondered if it would spoil my dev side if I were to be. R.
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theodora
New Member
Posts: 18
Gender: Female
Dev Status: Devotee
Relationship Status: In a relationship
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Post by theodora on Nov 29, 2015 15:50:50 GMT -5
I can totally relate to what you wrote! My high and low dev cycles come and go and there is absolutely nothing I can do to either stop or enforce them.
Over the years I've learnt to surrender and I try to enjoy the positive aspects of both phases. In a high dev cycle I love to “live” in my fantasy relationship with a wheeler, read PD threads and fiction, analyze my devness and overall, use the high level of energy that kicks in. I cherish the deep connection to my feelings, emotions and affections. When my devness decreases, I’ve learnt that there is absolutely no point in trying to stay in my fantasy world, watching youtube or whatever. It almost feels hollow or, how you say, dull. The low dev cycles are here to make me stay in my relationship with my great AB partner. They help me to see that what I have is more important to me than what I miss. And it’s always comforting to know that I can rely on these ebbs and flows.
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Post by kivic on Dec 2, 2015 14:30:02 GMT -5
I've been thinking about this lately because I've been super busy with my life and not very active here or WC or with devfriends. Being a Dev IS part of who I am and even when in a low or not purposefully seeking devmaterial and riding that wave it is always present. I sat down to watch a movie with my kids a couple weekends ago and randomly pick a movie where one of the lead characters suffers a SCI in a car accident. Seriously this shit happens a lot where I choose a book/movie unknowingly and it hits my devbuttons. I continually see things through dev-eyes no matter if I'm high or low.
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Post by Celaena on Dec 2, 2015 22:27:16 GMT -5
I go through highs and lows, but I've only ever been into the fantasy of it. I think if I did go to RL that it would definitely change the way I view and think about things. Usually I just need to revisit a good movie or book to get me interested again. I have a few fallbacks that I always revisit when I am feeling the super low. @lucyirons I don't think you would stop being a dev, per se, but the way you view things could easily change or evolve. Perhaps it is the grass is always greener cliche. kivic- What movie did you pick?
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Post by faith on Dec 3, 2015 2:47:17 GMT -5
I'm on a super low right now. It's been the longest, actually. And I'm really starting to believe that it had to do with taking the leap from fantasy to RL. Do you guys think you can just stop being a dev? No... I do not. I fought it for years but it always came back. I don't think it is something you can turn off and on... it just is part of us. And I completely agree with you all.... it seems it's either all or nothing, never just something between. Like all encompassing thoughts and can't wait to embrace every single part of devness or cleaning the kitchen or washing your hair is fine- like nothing in the middle.
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Post by strawberrybubblegum on Dec 3, 2015 14:10:58 GMT -5
I think I'm also in a low right now... How is it for you guys when you're in a low and see a guy with your prefered dis or for the ones with PWD partners how does being with your guy change when you're in a low. I notice in myself that I don't think of his disability and such that often anymore and that things that would usually drive me crazy don't anymore. Also when I'm with him and we're lying in bed or so I really need to remind myself that I'm a dev. I used to not be able to stop touching him and now... Well I still do it, but it's by far not as intense anymore.
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Post by Valkyrja on Dec 7, 2015 9:25:12 GMT -5
I am in a low for a long time now. But in my case.... it is the real life struggle: a pre-teen kid that is driving me nuts and all the stress.... I am "craving" for my devness. a big part of my is missing and I really miss it... a lot!
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 8, 2015 15:46:29 GMT -5
I've also been experiencing a dev low.
I think me coming out to my hubby as a dev has something to do with it. He was really cool about it though and I'm glad I can now be open about it with him.
At the same time, I really miss being a closeted dev. Some things just taste better when consumed in secret.
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Post by kivic on Dec 8, 2015 16:57:43 GMT -5
Celaena Keep in mind it's a kids movie m.imdb.com/title/tt2325491/I think it's natural to have highs and lows with your sex drive but it's also important to keep in touch with it and give yourself what you need. It's almost impossible to get rid of it without adverse effects somewhere else in your life.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 9, 2015 14:40:50 GMT -5
Is there ever just the right amount of devness in our lives though? It's always been an all-consuming or a completely put on the back burner thing for me. There doesn't seem to be a middle ground. Does being in a relationship with PWD keep your Dev desires from peaking because you are getting little bits of what your brain needs every day? I thought I'd be on a complete Dev high at the beginning of a relationship with a disabled man, but I'm not at all. I'm almost more turned on when I'm not with him - replaying things after the event in my head, or looking at pictures of him. Unfortunately, I don't even get the same kick from seeing other disabled guys anymore. Perhaps because a lot of my curiosity has been satisfied, my questions answered about how they live their lives. There is little new and unknown stuff left that would previously have given me that Dev rush. Not that you ever become less of a Dev...it's just impossible to get back that first time rush of Dev discovery and it's a feeling I'd love to rediscover. This. 100% this. I've been MIA from here, as well as WC for quite some time now, and I definitely think it's because of my all-time dev low. I'm almost certain it comes from the transition of fantasy to reality. I'm simply living my life, my daily, routine life. I'm most certainly happy, but I no longer get that rush I'd spent my whole life living for. I'm still a dev, just a sated one I suppose!
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Post by lisa on Dec 16, 2015 14:56:34 GMT -5
I'm also experiencing dev lows on a regular basis. I found that it especially happens during times when I'm quite occupied with life. So if I'm really stressed and have lots of things to think about and nearly no time for myself I kind of forget my devness. Although I'm always aware that it is there, it just moves to the background. During these times I'm even more interested in disability in politics and all this stuff. So I'm reading articles on disability rights rather than watching videos featuring hot disabled guys :-D.
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Post by strawberrybubblegum on Dec 21, 2015 13:41:44 GMT -5
I forgot to mention that for me, 7 months into my relationship with a wheeler, I'm more his girlfriend now than I am a dev. I love the guy and that's definitely not only because of his disability. Of course I'm still a dev, too, but for me the person is so much more important than anything else and my role as his girlfriend is also by far more important than my devness.
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Post by strawberrybubblegum on Dec 21, 2015 13:45:37 GMT -5
Although I think I'm still on a dev low, I'm craving the emotional side of my devness to be satisfied and that (sadly) is what seems to be lacking from my relationship. It's not even that I need him to be working through any emotional issues related to disability or anything like that. I just need him to have an emotional connection to me. To put all of himself into this relationship. To poke around inside my head and to find out what makes me tick. He doesn't do that and it makes me sad. Beyond sad. I feel broken by it after four plus months of pouring my heart and soul into 'us', I'm not feeling that any of my effort is being reciprocated. But he loves me apparently. I don't understand. Perhaps our versions of love are a lot different? Perhaps in order to feel happy, he doesn't actually need that much from me. All I know is, I need more. Way more. The physical side alone is nowhere near enough to push all my buttons. I need someone to be as into me as I am into them. I'm so low ladies, I'm hanging out the bottom of Santa's sack...and it's not a happy place to be. Oh Inky, I'm really sorry to hear that! Me and my guy just got over pretty much the same issues just a month or so ago. He wasn't giving everything and letting himself all into the relationship. I know how you must feel. all I know is that what helped us was time, talking and me showing him that for me this is real and what I want. Also spending more time together helped, as I basically moved in with him during that time we were figuring this all out.
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Post by Inigo Montoya on Dec 21, 2015 23:29:58 GMT -5
Although I think I'm still on a dev low, I'm craving the emotional side of my devness to be satisfied and that (sadly) is what seems to be lacking from my relationship. It's not even that I need him to be working through any emotional issues related to disability or anything like that. I just need him to have an emotional connection to me. To put all of himself into this relationship. To poke around inside my head and to find out what makes me tick. He doesn't do that and it makes me sad. Beyond sad. I feel broken by it after four plus months of pouring my heart and soul into 'us', I'm not feeling that any of my effort is being reciprocated. But he loves me apparently. I don't understand. Perhaps our versions of love are a lot different? Perhaps in order to feel happy, he doesn't actually need that much from me. All I know is, I need more. Way more. The physical side alone is nowhere near enough to push all my buttons. I need someone to be as into me as I am into them. I'm so low ladies, I'm hanging out the bottom of Santa's sack...and it's not a happy place to be. I'm sorry that it's not as happy as I was imagining it was, @inkdevil. I think that the different versions of love thing is pretty profound and I don't know have advice on adjusting or fixing that. I know what you mean, though. There's the Love Languages book. Having recognized the issue maybe that would help? Otherwise, I have no idea what to do. Hugs. I wish I could help.
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