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Post by Deleted on Jan 3, 2020 17:05:45 GMT -5
The only wheelers I spotted recently out in the wild were all women. Not interesting for me at all. Too bad. Second doesn't really count as "spotting" since it was planned. I recently went on a second date with a para. Well, to call it a date would be too much. We met at his house watched a movie, ate pizza. We're truly NOT meant for each other but let's say we're good in giving each other comfort. I guess it's something like a friendship-with-benefits-as-long-as-I-am-single-I-am-OK-with-it-sort-of-thing. I am certain he has the exact same feelings about it, so we're good and no one gets hurt. I totally get it with women, it usually doesn't do anything for me if they are straight I guess. Only once I saw a lesbian woman in a chair and it totally gave me all kinds of devy feelings. I think I mentioned it here in the thread. She was with her female partner at the hospital I work at and I was like completely stricken with her. She had that boyish look on her and was like super hot to me, it totally threw me off that night. I had felt a total rush with her. I'm sorry you are not feeling it with the para, that would be totally awesome if you would feel connected though. I wish I would have a guy like that to hang out with. Does he give you dev feelings or not at all? Are you exploring your devness some more with him then? I'm really interested in that arrangement if you want to share more.
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Post by feelsunshine on Jan 3, 2020 18:13:41 GMT -5
The only wheelers I spotted recently out in the wild were all women. Not interesting for me at all. Too bad. Second doesn't really count as "spotting" since it was planned. I recently went on a second date with a para. Well, to call it a date would be too much. We met at his house watched a movie, ate pizza. We're truly NOT meant for each other but let's say we're good in giving each other comfort. I guess it's something like a friendship-with-benefits-as-long-as-I-am-single-I-am-OK-with-it-sort-of-thing. I am certain he has the exact same feelings about it, so we're good and no one gets hurt. I totally get it with women, it usually doesn't do anything for me if they are straight I guess. Only once I saw a lesbian woman in a chair and it totally gave me all kinds of devy feelings. I think I mentioned it here in the thread. She was with her female partner at the hospital I work at and I was like completely stricken with her. She had that boyish look on her and was like super hot to me, it totally threw me off that night. I had felt a total rush with her. I'm sorry you are not feeling it with the para, that would be totally awesome if you would feel connected though. I wish I would have a guy like that to hang out with. Does he give you dev feelings or not at all? Are you exploring your devness some more with him then? I'm really interested in that arrangement if you want to share more. Yes, I remember that you posted about that encounter and I remember how it blew off your mind! I found him on FB on a travel group. He posted he's in a wheelchair and looking for friends who he could travel with. Perfect! That's my thing!!! I replied and we figured we live less than 2 hours apart from each other. He is 4 years younger than me (and I tend to only fall for guys who are older than me, even its only a few years). And let's say he's not a master in communication and time-management either. And there's other stuff - so please no one blame me on that the mentioned reasons aren't good reasons for not falling for someone. We don't have a lot in common. I visited him a couple of months ago, then we lost contact. This was really upsetting for me. But he came back in contact explaining that he had to go to rehab and just couldn't manage to keep in touch. He apologized and invited me over again two weeks ago. I reminded myself how straight-forward he is and I didn't want to be too bitchy and accepted the apology. I spent the night there. And yes, he certainly gives me dev feelings and he is also nice to look at. I have seen some good couch transfers ;-) Its the most comforting thing to lie in the arms of a para and just giving each other comfort... giving each other the feeling of being needed and wanted. Just hanging on the couch, watching a movie, holding each other. Taming para legs. He told me having me here was a nice christmas gift for him. So please, people don't get the feeling anyone of us is taking advantage of anything. We mutually know that we're not meant for each other as in a deep romantic relationship. but we're both ok with it the way it is. LOL and don't ask me about how that travel plans are going. Haven't made up anything yet And please, I ask one more favor. Please don't quote to this post. I have the feeling that I don't want this post to be out here forever....
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Post by Deleted on Jan 3, 2020 21:03:02 GMT -5
I think it's a great arrangement then if everything is out in the open. Who knows, maybe more can become of it?
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Post by Deleted on Jan 3, 2020 21:10:43 GMT -5
feelsunshine you’re both adults, both clear about the boundaries in your friendship and doing absolutely nothing wrong. You don’t need to explain or defend your choices, just enjoy them x
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Post by strawberrybubblegum on Jan 3, 2020 23:31:02 GMT -5
You guys. I just got back home from a night out with friends and I saw a gorgeous young low quad. I’m pretty sure he was younger than me, although I couldn’t say how much. I noticed him right when we entered and at first I could see him from afar. Then we left the club, got something to eat and went back and he was still there. This time we stood and danced right next to him. I’m super bad at flirting, so I think we had some eye contact, but I’m not even sure. I had the biggest dev rush. At first, I was tempted to go talk to him, but I’ve been seeing a guy for about five months now - basically we’re in a relationship. So there I was, right next to this gorgeous, young quadriplegic and I couldn’t do anything. At first I wanted to so bad (ok, who am I kidding? I wanted to do it the. whole. night.), but then I started talking some sense into myself about how great and good of a match this guy I’m seeing is, that I’ve committed to him, what do I even want from this wheeler, blah blah blah. The “worst” part is this is the second wheeler spotting of this kind I’ve had in about a month. The other one was at a Christmas market I was visiting with a friend and there was this very attractive para. He as well was standing not far from where I was and talking to someone for a while. All that time I was thinking of whether or not to go talk to him and what to say. That day I was with a friend who knows about my devness and she encouraged me to go talk to him. Back then I wasn’t as committed to the guy I’m seeing as I am now, but I had already told him that I wasn’t seeing anyone else, so I really struggled on whether or not it was even okay to go up to the para and exchange numbers. Of course all this thinking took too long and he took off before I could even attempt to go talk to him. Now, one thing I’m noticing as I’m writing this is I’m not sure if I’m even still single. Second is I’m so freaking tempted when it comes to wheelers. Of course there are attractive ABs as well, but I just see them, enjoy the eye candy and move on. But with wheelers I really wanna talk to them and get to know them. Third is what the actual fuck, universe?! For 26 years I see exactly zero attractive wheelers with the right disability in the more or less right age range out and about. And now two in one month?! Right after I’ve started to embrace what I’ve got with this guy? Is that a sign? A joke? In German we have this saying that goes something like “all good things come in threes”. So I guess if I soon have a third wheeler spotting of this kind, I’ll know.
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Post by Inkdevil on Jan 4, 2020 2:40:56 GMT -5
I said “why don’t you do that?!” He just kind of huffed and said “Shit chair. His wheels are too small.” That makes no sense to me. My ex had HUGE wheels and did that all the time in Vegas and airports. I just spotted from behind the first time. Its not that hard. I thought paras learned how to do that in rehab......... It wasn’t anything to do with having small wheels and using the escalator, he just thinks wheelchairs with smaller wheels make people look tiny! And so low down. I think he had a point. Having larger wheels may only boost you up a little bit, but every little helps, as Tesco says.
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Post by missparkle on Jan 4, 2020 7:45:02 GMT -5
... what the actual fuck, universe?! For 26 years I see exactly zero attractive wheelers with the right disability in the more or less right age range out and about. And now two in one month?! Right after I’ve started to embrace what I’ve got with this guy? Is that a sign? A joke? In German we have this saying that goes something like “all good things come in threes”. So I guess if I soon have a third wheeler spotting of this kind, I’ll know. Hahahaha! It's so cute! In Serbian we have similar saying, something like " the third is the luck"! As for the guy you are seeing, I totally get your struggle. But just talking on your night out with a handsome quad in not like adultery and you have committed crime you'll burn in hell for, by my opinion. As the matter of fact, I think this way, suppressing your wishes, it will be haunting you more. Maybe if you just started talking to him you'd have a chance to realise he's jerk, or not interesting, or with very stupid ideas, or whatever. This way, leaving it on fantasy level, he is staying "perfect" in your imagination. And that is something very hard for your ab guy to fight against. See? 🤔
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Post by devogirl on Jan 4, 2020 9:01:32 GMT -5
feelsunshine I have been there! I spent my 30s dating wheeler guys who were not good partners, one after another, immature guys with issues, but the sex was so great, I just couldn't stop. I don't regret it, I think as a dev it's important to have those experiences but I wish I could have been more honest with myself that it was really just about the sex, and not tried so hard to make the relationships work. When you say "We don't have a lot in common" that really resonated--I did that so many times. I thought I was being open-minded, but in hindsight I think common interests are super important for a serious long term connection. You don't have to be exactly the same but at least a few big interests have to be aligned.
strawberrybubblegum I feel you on the longing and frustration. I have been there with that also. Sorry I don't have a good answer or really any advice. I did approach a few wheelers I met in public randomly and soon discovered they were not who I wanted to be dating at the time. That allowed me to let go of the feeling that my perfect fated guy just passed by me. I guess you have to think of your current guy and these potential future guys separately. How are you feeling about your current relationship apart from anything else?
We also have the saying in English "things come in threes" and "third time's the charm." Here's hoping there will be a third one.
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Post by feelsunshine on Jan 4, 2020 10:57:02 GMT -5
Thank you devogirl for your words - that means a lot to me.
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Post by strawberrybubblegum on Jan 6, 2020 2:18:32 GMT -5
Thanks missparkle and devogirl for your replies. I actually thought something along those lines that talking to him would probably take away the “magic”, but I had already told my boyfriend that I wasn’t going to (via WhatsApp) so I didn’t. Now, a couple days later, I’m not mad at all about how I handled the situation and don’t feel like I missed an opportunity or so. I guess that has to do with me already there thinking to myself why it didn’t even make a difference talking to him, since I know my guy is worthy of my unshared attention. As to my current relationship, took me quite a while to allow my feelings to develop, but now I’m finally there and it’s amazing. He’s seriously amazing as well, sexy and cute all at once, very intelligent conventionally as well as emotionally, super caring and shows me a lot that he cares deeply about me. Just this weekend he surprised me with some pretending and even though it’s not the real deal and I didn’t know if I would like pretending beforehand, it was seriously 🤯.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 6, 2020 9:44:36 GMT -5
Thanks missparkle and devogirl for your replies. I actually thought something along those lines that talking to him would probably take away the “magic”, but I had already told my boyfriend that I wasn’t going to (via WhatsApp) so I didn’t. Now, a couple days later, I’m not mad at all about how I handled the situation and don’t feel like I missed an opportunity or so. I guess that has to do with me already there thinking to myself why it didn’t even make a difference talking to him, since I know my guy is worthy of my unshared attention. As to my current relationship, took me quite a while to allow my feelings to develop, but now I’m finally there and it’s amazing. He’s seriously amazing as well, sexy and cute all at once, very intelligent conventionally as well as emotionally, super caring and shows me a lot that he cares deeply about me. Just this weekend he surprised me with some pretending and even though it’s not the real deal and I didn’t know if I would like pretending beforehand, it was seriously 🤯. It sounds like you met a good guy and have a great relationship. Dont be tempted by the dream idea of a pwd relationship, it still has its normal positives and negatives. Enjoy what you have x
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Post by cilantro on Jan 8, 2020 13:26:19 GMT -5
So... was scrolling through OkCupid last week and suddenly locked eyes on an amazingly handsome quad. He was around my age and only lives like 20 minutes from me so what the heck, it was perfect. I sent him an intro message, which I never do and basically obsessed for a few days over checking my okc waiting for him to match with me. Well, I was all set to post on here about my disappointment at never getting the opportunity to charm the pants off of him, when suddenly it pops up that I matched with him. Now comes the hard part, wooing. He loves hockey, which makes him a very specific type of person— a type I have less than no experience with. Do I tell him I’m a dev or naw? So much potential to screw it up, especially since we don’t seem to have much in common, yet here he is in my path and I can’t help but want him as my companion for a stretch. Wish me luck!
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Post by missparkle on Jan 8, 2020 15:55:25 GMT -5
Do I tell him I’m a dev or naw? So much potential to screw it up... Wish me luck! I believe that is the question many of us had been troubled with, at least at some point. In a way, it is devs' variation of question "should I show my wheelchair on dating profile, or not?". Immediately just declaring yourself as a dev, without first letting him to know you at least a bit, comes with certain risks. You can easily get rejected if he is not dev-positive, if not worse. And second, there is a risk he may never consider you seriously, but just as an opportunity for easy lay. On the other hand, I personally always struggled badly if I didn't get out with it, it bothered me, I felt it is not right that I hide the real reason I was interested in him. I always had to come up with stupid explanations why I'd chosen to write to him, how come I knew so much about SCI, etc... If only my poor C5 uncle knew I was using him as an excuse in every possible situation, no matter it was all true, it was lousy excuse. And it was lie. Right now, if there was I guy I would be interested in, I would tell him I was particularly attracted to "guys like him". I wouldn't use any labels and definitions, I would just slowly, gradually, explain my attraction. And you know what, if he freaks out about it, it better be sooner than later!
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Post by AlrightyAphrodite on Jan 8, 2020 17:05:08 GMT -5
I would say it's something you can casually bring up on the second or third date when you're hopefully talking about sex...
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Post by robbb on Jan 8, 2020 17:42:15 GMT -5
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