DEV High

[kyliestarz]

pam, since spring, wow. Lucky/poor you. I do find dev highs can last so long that I forget they're even highs, and it's just like the norm. Breaks do come though, eventually. When I go on vacation or am stressed at work it lulls.

I've seen posts from women here talking about long-term dev lulls, and kinda losing their devness, so maybe we should consider ourselves lucky.

If I had a choice to loose my dev high forever I guess I'd stay an insatiable dev because aspects of it feel pretty darn good. I really can't imagine being any other way. A big part of who I am, at least internally, is dev highness.

[pam]

Dec 5, 2018 22:37:32 GMT -5 kyliestarz said:

pam, since spring, wow. Lucky/poor you. I do find dev highs can last so long that I forget they're even highs, and it's just like the norm. Breaks do come though, eventually. When I go on vacation or am stressed at work it lulls.

I've seen posts from women here talking about long-term dev lulls, and kinda losing their devness, so maybe we should consider ourselves lucky.

If I had a choice to loose my dev high forever I guess I'd stay an insatiable dev because aspects of it feel pretty darn good. I really can't imagine being any other way. A big part of who I am, at least internally, is dev highness.

I guess it is long, but I had a really long dev low while raising kids where is almost disappeared. So apparently my mind us making up for that time and feels it needs to catch up lol.i would not want to lose it either. I can't imagine not having dev thoughts. Maybe I would feel different if I would have had IRL experiences. From what I read on here, it can be difficult.

[Deleted]

Nov 29, 2018 4:11:53 GMT -5 katdob said:

I’m on a dev high at the moment and it’s driving me insane. Constantly watching programs with paras/ quads and reading. If anyone does find others ways to control it it I’d be happy to give it a go.

I know you have a story on the Blog but how about writing? Does it not keep you balanced in a way? I know it helps me. Even if I don't work on my current story, I read some of my other developing stories or start jotting down new ideas. Or I look back at my old one's and edit a little here and there.

[Deleted]

I think writing may be a good outlet for everyone. Even it's just journaling or jotting down shorts about anything in our head. I have done that, just dev stuff that comes to mind and I write it down. I also write other type of stories when the mood strikes me, more on the able bodied, sexual and fetish side of things.

[SouthernCalGal]

Nov 29, 2018 4:11:53 GMT -5 katdob said:

I’m on a dev high at the moment and it’s driving me insane. Constantly watching programs with paras/ quads and reading. If anyone does find others ways to control it it I’d be happy to give it a go.

katdob, I just create this really devvy story in my head that involves a PWD of my dreams. I can work through the story for days - adding to it and growing the story.  I can do this while driving to work, cooking and when insomnia strikes.  Sometimes, it is such a peaceful place to land and I look forward to getting into my DEV head story  .  Hope that helps!  I am currently on a DEV high as well!!!!

[laur]

Dec 5, 2018 22:37:32 GMT -5 kyliestarz said:

If I had a choice to loose my dev high forever I guess I'd stay an insatiable dev because aspects of it feel pretty darn good. I really can't imagine being any other way. A big part of who I am, at least internally, is dev highness.

I definitely feel this way too, even though I get what you and pam are saying about how it can be tricky when you’re in a relationship with an AB guy. Even though it does sometimes suck in that way, I have always been a dev and like the intensity about it, as well as the community I’ve come across through it!

[pam]

Dec 6, 2018 15:05:52 GMT -5 SouthernCalGal said:

Nov 29, 2018 4:11:53 GMT -5 katdob said:

I’m on a dev high at the moment and it’s driving me insane. Constantly watching programs with paras/ quads and reading. If anyone does find others ways to control it it I’d be happy to give it a go.

katdob, I just create this really devvy story in my head that involves a PWD of my dreams. I can work through the story for days - adding to it and growing the story.  I can do this while driving to work, cooking and when insomnia strikes.  Sometimes, it is such a peaceful place to land and I look forward to getting into my DEV head story  .  Hope that helps!  I am currently on a DEV high as well!!!!

I also have dev stories in my head. I can make up complicated stories/characters, also with PWD of my dreams. Of course, I make the storyline exactly like I want and the PWD has the personality I want. It's a wonderful way to fall asleep at night!

[devogirl]

I do that too! It's how I do my most enjoyable writing, planning it out at night then writing it down later. Although when the dev high is really intense, it keeps me awake and even makes me wake up in the middle of the night. I've been riding out a slowly dwindling dev high for months now and writing like a maniac, it's so fun.

[kyliestarz]

I used to smoke. After quiting, I realized part of what made smoking so great wasn't just how nicotine made me feel, it was having this strong, recurring desire, this craving, and then being able to satisfy it multiple times a day. It felt great to really, really want something, and then to just get it, at lunch, on breaks etc. After quitting I lost that want/get pattern.

That's kinda how I think positively about devness. People that don't desire something as much as we do dev things might be missing out.

Now, After writing this I'm just realizing that I'm comparing my devoteeism to a highly addictive drug...this might be pause for thought.

[pam]

Dec 6, 2018 22:44:05 GMT -5 kyliestarz said:

I used to smoke. After quiting, I realized part of what made smoking so great wasn't just how nicotine made me feel, it was having this strong, recurring desire, this craving, and then being able to satisfy it multiple times a day. It felt great to really, really want something, and then to just get it, at lunch, on breaks etc. After quitting I lost that want/get pattern.

That's kinda how I think positively about devness. People that don't desire something as much as we do dev things might be missing out.

Now, After writing this I'm just realizing that I'm comparing my devoteeism to a highly addictive drug...this might be pause for thought.

I understand what you are saying. Funny how the brain works. My mind seems to want to stay busy thinking, and devness is one of its favorite things to think about. Devness satisfies it and relaxes it.

[Deleted]

Ive been with my pwd partner for 2 years now, up until very recently i was in dev heaven but lately ive just not been feeling that way. Im really worried that it was just the initial "early relationship" high and am questioning my longer term committment.
Really feeling down at the moment and just cant make sense of how my feelings have changed.

[Deleted]

Dec 7, 2018 13:08:31 GMT -5 @delight said:

Ive been with my pwd partner for 2 years now, up until very recently i was in dev heaven but lately ive just not been feeling that way. Im really worried that it was just the initial "early relationship" high and am questioning my longer term committment.
Really feeling down at the moment and just cant make sense of how my feelings have changed.

I think every long term relationship changes over time and some make it and some don't.
Even though I feel 2 years is not that long to have already lost that happy initial feeling to be in love and be with someone.

I don't think it matters if it is a PWD/dev, AB/dev or any other variation relationship. Anything long term with someone needs constant work and pushing through the rough patches if both partners really want to make things work.

Different things can be the reason to make a relationship come undone, not enough romance, not enough alone time, not enough sex, not really being honest and open with each other or with ourselves, too much stress, too many life problems, taking each other for granted and not working on keeping the flame burning, wanting different things, having different dreams, so many things can be a reason. Even babies and becoming new parents can be a real test to any marriage/relationship...
And sometimes people just change and then it comes down how does a couple adapt to those changes or if they can't, the relationship may either change or possibly fail.

I guess since it has only been 2 years with your bf I feel maybe there are other factors playing into you not feeling all the way happy anymore. I don't think a dev low is a reason for you not feeling happy, something else has probably changed or the way you feel about your bf has changed.
I hope you can figure it out and maybe find that spark again.
Does your bf know you are a dev? What do you think is missing in relation to you being a dev?

[Deleted]

Dec 7, 2018 21:37:22 GMT -5 Dani said:

Dec 7, 2018 13:08:31 GMT -5 @delight said:

Ive been with my pwd partner for 2 years now, up until very recently i was in dev heaven but lately ive just not been feeling that way. Im really worried that it was just the initial "early relationship" high and am questioning my longer term committment.
Really feeling down at the moment and just cant make sense of how my feelings have changed.

I think every long term relationship changes over time and some make it and some don't.
Even though I feel 2 years is not that long to have already lost that happy initial feeling to be in love and be with someone.

I don't think it matters if it is a PWD/dev, AB/dev or any other variation relationship. Anything long term with someone needs constant work and pushing through the rough patches if both partners really want to make things work.

Different things can be the reason to make a relationship come undone, not enough romance, not enough alone time, not enough sex, not really being honest and open with each other or with ourselves, too much stress, too many life problems, taking each other for granted and not working on keeping the flame burning, wanting different things, having different dreams, so many things can be a reason. Even babies and becoming new parents can be a real test to any marriage/relationship...
And sometimes people just change and then it comes down how does a couple adapt to those changes or if they can't, the relationship may either change or possibly fail.

I guess since it has only been 2 years with your bf I feel maybe there are other factors playing into you not feeling all the way happy anymore. I don't think a dev low is a reason for you not feeling happy, something else has probably changed or the way you feel about your bf has changed.
I hope you can figure it out and maybe find that spark again.
Does your bf know you are a dev? What do you think is missing in relation to you being a dev?

Thanks for your thoughts dani. Im hoping its just that ive had a few other life issues recently and have never coped well with extra stress, i tend to retreat and shut myself away. This has all coincided with him moving a really long way in order to move in together. Weather has been dreadful which for a pwd makes it tough to get out and do things, so maybe im just going a bit stir crazy.
As a dev, he is my perfect other half plus he is a really good person and after some terrible other relationships i appreciate that very much.
Im trying to just chill out, deal with issues i can fix, walk away from ones i cant fix and hope that when everything settles down so will our life together.
As a dev i thought i knew a lot about disability and obviously had the added bonus of the attraction to it. But day to day life can be a bit harder. There is no such thing as suddenly deciding to go out or an easy trip somewhere new or just being spontaneous. I guess its just a learning curve for us both.

[Deleted]

@delight
so of course the moving part and moving in together can cause a tremendous amount of stress for anyone. I hope it all works out for you. Hang in there