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Post by SouthernCalGal on Apr 17, 2018 22:27:53 GMT -5
I don't know what kind of relationship you have with your daughter, but I would rather die than talk about my erotic imagination with my mom. Also nothing would kill my interest faster than having my mother recommend a devvy book or tv series. I think super casual is the way to go. Answer questions if she asks, maybe leave books/videos for her to stumble across on her own but don't push. We have an amazing, straight forward relationship. I would never share my DEV dreams but have thought about approaching her with the idea that some people are attracted to those with disabilities. I have to remember she is the "Fault in our Stars" generation.
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Post by SouthernCalGal on Oct 31, 2018 23:02:42 GMT -5
So...here I am again. My daughter volunteered for a 2 hour event tonight in our City where kids can have a safe Halloween. She came home telling me her heart was full!!! "There were so many kids in wheelchairs mom-it was so cool. They felt so comfortable. I loved it. My friends were really uncomfortable. I don't get it."
Intuitively, I think (and know) she is a DEV. I just need to figure out how to introduce it to her. She goes to college next year and I want her to know that this is okay. Sometimes, I think she will just follow where her heart will lead without any questions - that is what I hope for 😊.
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Post by Emma on Nov 1, 2018 1:47:59 GMT -5
Could it just be that she is really caring and compassionate and not actually sexually turned on by disability? In my mind that is what the big difference is between devs and just other people who date disabled people. I'm sure that is hard to know about your kid. Do most people even really know what truly turns then on by that age anyway?
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Post by devogirl on Nov 1, 2018 8:49:26 GMT -5
I sure knew by that age, actually I knew by age 4 but I couldn't articulate it. It wasn't until I was 21 or 22 that I could actually admit to myself in a coherent way that I had a sexual interest in people with disabilities. We've had plenty of teens try to join here, so I think it's not uncommon especially today for kids to realize it early.
I really have no advice, sorry! I am dreading when my kids reach that age. I'm not embarrassed to talk about regular sex stuff, but kink and my or their personal desires...uuuhhhhh....it's so tricky to thread that needle between providing needed information and support vs oversharing or making assumptions about them. Also keep in mind that if she googles the word devotee, this site will almost certainly be one of the first hits. Do you want her reading this message board? On the other hand, if she searches for more general terms she will find all kinds of terrible, shaming misinformation, especially on wikipedia. So yeah, I have no idea what to say or not say.
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Post by Betty on Nov 1, 2018 9:16:53 GMT -5
Also keep in mind that if she googles the word devotee, this site will almost certainly be one of the first hits. Do you want her reading this message board? On the other hand, if she searches for more general terms she will find all kinds of terrible, shaming misinformation, especially on wikipedia. So yeah, I have no idea what to say or not say. And if she finds this site she is also likely to find your posts and your profile. Something to think about as you prepare for future conversations.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 1, 2018 9:26:57 GMT -5
I don't know an answer why people are devs and how it is triggered or developed but I do remember in my early teenage years feeling drawn to kids that were different aka had a disability. I wanted to be friends with them. It wasn't sexual at that time but just a profound curiosity. As I developed sexually I know now that the curiosity changed into something deeper and became sexual. I also have distinct memories now how my fetishes developed.
I think being a dev you are definitely able to keep an open communication with your daughter about disabilities and disabled persons and that's what I recommend. Don't ever make her feel ashamed for being interested in the disabled kids/people. Let her know that you are just as interested or show interest in her experiences when she does talk about those things like the Halloween. Make her feel safe coming and talking to you about her experiences and feelings. Counteract any guilt or shame she may feel with being open minded and interested in her thoughts and emotions and validate her. When there is an opportunity ask open ended questions that can lead to a conversation. This is really true for anything when it comes to our kids...especially also the sex talks. Don't make them feel ashamed or like that can't talk to you.
When I grew up people were still a lot less open and a lot of times disabled persons were pitied instead of looked at as regular members of society. With that being said I would have never admitted that maybe a guy in a wheelchair would very much interest me in other ways beyond pity or such. I really hate that it was like that back then because it caused a lot of emotional chaos for so many years or at least not being open about being a dev. My mom was just here for a few weeks in September and even in her old age now she is still like that and I HATE it. I wanted to say so many times something about the way she talks about disabled persons in her circles and those are not just elderly folks.
Anyways, I know one thing and that's how not to be with my children...I hope I succeeded or will succeed in raising my kids to never be afraid or feel awkward to come to me with anything that is going on, sexually, socially or professionally. So far I think I did okay and I have boys. Good luck all you parents out there! It's not easy.
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Post by SouthernCalGal on Nov 1, 2018 12:23:11 GMT -5
Thanks everyone for your feedback - so many good responses and things to think about. I have written a lot on here regarding this subject. It is one of the primary reasons I signed onto PD because I wanted to get feedback from other DEVS regarding raising a potential DEV. I will admit to all of you - I do dread the day when she asks me if I am SouthernCalGal. I totally forgot about that ! But, it would definitely open up a fascinating dialog between mom and daughter! I'll let you all know if and when it happens.
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Post by SouthernCalGal on Nov 1, 2018 12:24:58 GMT -5
Also keep in mind that if she googles the word devotee, this site will almost certainly be one of the first hits. Do you want her reading this message board? On the other hand, if she searches for more general terms she will find all kinds of terrible, shaming misinformation, especially on wikipedia. So yeah, I have no idea what to say or not say. And if she finds this site she is also likely to find your posts and your profile. Something to think about as you prepare for future conversations. Betty, I totally agree!!
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