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Hassle
Nov 25, 2018 20:31:23 GMT -5
via mobile
Post by pam on Nov 25, 2018 20:31:23 GMT -5
If I would have ever dated a PWD when I was younger and my parents were alive, it would not have gone well. They were very old fashioned and would have thought, as others mentioned, that I was wasting my life, that I would have to take care of him, that he would never be able to work, etc. All the old fashioned opinions. My mom was overbearing, so just having to listen to her may have kept me from dating any wheelers.
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Post by Mets on Nov 26, 2018 19:40:36 GMT -5
I think a HUGE part of it is the job factor. For some reason, it seems like society classifies disabled people into two groups: -The Working Disabled - these people are badass and cool, “independent”, they’re disabled but they don’t let their disability define them blah blah they’re just like regular people -The Unemployed Disabled - these people are sad and a burden to their families, they’re not ideal partners, and get a lot more pity than the first group
I can see why it broke down that way, but it’s still pretty damn harsh that are society so heavily judges someone’s value based on whether or not they can generate financial income. My friends have more or less always treated me fairly and equally, but I’ve been so much more respected by certain family and particularly my friend’s parents, since I’ve gotten a decent job. Really bothers me that I might not be treated the same way if I wasn’t able to work.
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Post by darthoso on Nov 26, 2018 20:08:39 GMT -5
- The Working Disabled - these people are badass and cool, “independent”, they’re disabled but they don’t let their disability define them blah blah they’re just like regular people Especially since "Disability" has become code for "bum who sits on the couch all day cashing a disability check because his back hurts". My Dental Hygienist thinks I'm a god because I'm employed "unlike those other people with less issues than you". Most frustrating is individuals with that attitude are in part why the US disability system sucks, it's over regulated to fight fraud that makes getting a job so much harder.
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Post by matisse on Nov 26, 2018 20:15:20 GMT -5
I think a HUGE part of it is the job factor. For some reason, it seems like society classifies disabled people into two groups: - The Working Disabled - these people are badass and cool, “independent”, they’re disabled but they don’t let their disability define them blah blah they’re just like regular people - The Unemployed Disabled - these people are sad and a burden to their families, they’re not ideal partners, and get a lot more pity than the first group I can see why it broke down that way, but it’s still pretty damn harsh that are society so heavily judges someone’s value based on whether or not they can generate financial income. My friends have more or less always treated me fairly and equally, but I’ve been so much more respected by certain family and particularly my friend’s parents, since I’ve gotten a decent job. Really bothers me that I might not be treated the same way if I wasn’t able to work. Is this different for wheelers? I think society judges all men based on the job-worthiness. This hits wheelers harder. But I can't say I would be OK with my daughter marrying a guy I consider a deadbeat, whether AB or wheeler.
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Post by Betty on Nov 26, 2018 20:29:33 GMT -5
I think a HUGE part of it is the job factor. For some reason, it seems like society classifies disabled people into two groups: - The Working Disabled - these people are badass and cool, “independent”, they’re disabled but they don’t let their disability define them blah blah they’re just like regular people - The Unemployed Disabled - these people are sad and a burden to their families, they’re not ideal partners, and get a lot more pity than the first group I can see why it broke down that way, but it’s still pretty damn harsh that are society so heavily judges someone’s value based on whether or not they can generate financial income. My friends have more or less always treated me fairly and equally, but I’ve been so much more respected by certain family and particularly my friend’s parents, since I’ve gotten a decent job. Really bothers me that I might not be treated the same way if I wasn’t able to work. Is this different for wheelers? I think society judges all men based on the job-worthiness. This hits wheelers harder. But I can't say I would be OK with my daughter marrying a guy I consider a deadbeat, whether AB or wheeler. I agree society values men by their income potential and related accomplishments, (and women by their appearance.) I do think for PWDs there is a difference between being a true deadbeat due to laziness vs. too severely disabled to work. Marriage-worthiness raises some different issues, especially for those of child bearing age expecting to raise a family. High income, from any source, can help to ease the perceived "burden."
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Hassle
Nov 28, 2018 0:11:21 GMT -5
Post by Betty on Nov 28, 2018 0:11:21 GMT -5
Is this different for wheelers? I think society judges all men based on the job-worthiness. This hits wheelers harder. But I can't say I would be OK with my daughter marrying a guy I consider a deadbeat, whether AB or wheeler. I agree society values men by their income potential and related accomplishments, (and women by their appearance.) I do think for PWDs there is a difference between being a true deadbeat due to laziness vs. too severely disabled to work. Marriage-worthiness raises some different issues, especially for those of child bearing age expecting to raise a family. High income, from any source, can help to ease the perceived "burden." This entire documentary series is good, but this clip seems especially relevant.
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Hassle
Dec 5, 2018 16:20:34 GMT -5
via mobile
Post by TotalBias on Dec 5, 2018 16:20:34 GMT -5
I get hassled about dating PWD a lot, especially now that I’ve dated two guys with SMA, both of which I initially met online. My parents are like how do you find these people?! And I’m like... shared interest... which is true. 😂 All of my parents are pretty unintentionally ableist and misogynistic. They really think I need to be with some big, strong man to quite literally physically take care of me *rolls eyes.* They’re mindset is particularly confusing because I’m in a PhD program and am independent with my own place, own car, own income... 🙄
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