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Post by Deleted on Nov 28, 2018 12:39:18 GMT -5
A question for all our pwd members. Would you be happy if your son/daughter started dating a pwd ? Or would your own experience of life with a disability mean that you would prefer them to be with an AB ?
Obviously number one is that they are respectful and love our son/daughter, this was a purely hypothetical question as to the opinion from a pwd point of view. ( Following on from the thread about if we've had hassle in our dating preferences ).
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Post by queenjane on Nov 28, 2018 13:39:30 GMT -5
This is an interesting question @delight, I'm curious to hear how our guys answer! Even just the hypotheticals, for those without children.
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Post by Mets on Nov 28, 2018 13:53:12 GMT -5
As long as it seemed organic and for the right reasons, I don’t think I’d have any issues with it. I think most PWDs have so many secret but great qualities, and I’d be glad my child would get to experience that.
As others have said here before, if it wasn’t so logistically challenging, I think a lot of us PWDs would seek to date other PWDs because of the commonalities in those qualities.
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Post by darthoso on Nov 28, 2018 14:23:38 GMT -5
I could see my niece dating a pwd, she's been helping me with small tasks since she was 8 and now volunteers in her middle school's Special Education Department. Over the summer I was between PCAs so I "hired" her for 3 weeks as a mini PCA ($10 a day towards a new school clothes shopping trip with my Mom). Point is I don't think disabilities phase her and given some of the boys she's told me about at school... I'd be all for it.
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Post by Tek on Nov 28, 2018 14:52:50 GMT -5
I suppose that, if it's for the right reasons, I'd be okay with it.
I've always been quite (mayebe too) mindful about how I'm perceived by the parents of my partner whenever I've been in a relationship. And I always start off with "this is not what a parent wants for their child". I definitely get over it after actual interactions with the parents (and time). With that in mind, I'm sure I'd 'get over it' as a parent too. as long as I know that the PWD that my kid is dating treats my kid right, and my kid knows 100% fully well what they're getting into. Luckily the kid would know exactly what it's like to live with a PWD, and my partner would know all there is to know about dating a PWD.
I think that a PWD would not necessarily bring anything more or less to the table than an able bodied person could with regards to basically any non physical aspect of a person. For every amazing PWD out there I'm sure there's an equally amazing AB person out there and vice versa.
So basically, If my kid's a Dev I'd tell them to go for it. If they're not a Dev but just met this really amazing disabled person.. I'd say: go for it, but know what you're getting into.
Of course this all becomes a moot point if I have a daughter. In that case no man shall ever be good enough ^_^
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Post by ada on Nov 28, 2018 15:31:41 GMT -5
Oh and my 8yr old grandaughter has asked for a kids wheelchair for xmas, shes escalsting from wrapping her brother up in bandages and making him pull his arm out of his jumper cos she likes it when he looks like hes only one arm 🙄 there are no Ken dolls with all 4 limbs in her collection 😂😂 Dev alert, dev alert, dev alert! |
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Post by matisse on Nov 28, 2018 15:51:16 GMT -5
Dating I wouldn’t care. But if they got married I would be a little sad. It’s a tough life for a spouse. I would probably have a talk with my kid to try to make her or him understand what they are getting into.
I feel that as a husband and father my biggest “failure” has been my disability.
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Post by someonerandom on Nov 28, 2018 17:44:55 GMT -5
Ew, kids. If I were cursed with one I think it would be cool if they dated a cripple. I'm not trying to play the oppression Olympics or anything, but to draw a comparison it's kind of like if my child entered a same sex relationship, or dated someone of a different race than them... May add some challenges to life, but I wouldn't be against that either.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 29, 2018 14:36:20 GMT -5
Thanks for the answers so far. My thinking was along the same lines...certain extra challeges and issues but for the right person its more than worth it.
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Post by britishtetra on Nov 29, 2018 19:53:47 GMT -5
When I first broke my neck in 1990, my sister used to visit me, at the time she was 15. While I was in there she used to talk to the guy in the next bed which eventually grew into something more. She later moved in with him when she 16 and lived with him for three years. He was a tetraplegic, C5/6 and to be honest although he is my best friend I was glad that she left him. He had violent mood swings, and treated her badly.
Like the older gentlemen above my nieces and nephews have done tasks for me, and I wouldn’t wish it on her to date a guy in a chair. I know this might seem controversial for such a site such as this. But let’s face it, it’s bloody hard work! Attraction is one thing but changing soiled sheets five and six times a day, is no bloody picnic!
My niece is my other sisters kid.
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Post by Betty on Nov 29, 2018 20:21:00 GMT -5
Like the older gentlemen above my nieces and nephews have done tasks for me, and I wouldn’t wish it on her to date a guy in a chair. I know this might seem controversial for such a site such as this. But let’s face it, it’s bloody hard work! Attraction is one thing but changing soiled sheets five and six times a day, is no bloody picnic! Which is a good reason for having a paid care giver for those tasks and keeping romantic relationships separate, at least most of the time. |
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Post by britishtetra on Nov 30, 2018 3:27:08 GMT -5
Betty, that might work in your own little world but in reality it doesn’t happen. The girlfriend inevitably always wants to do the care, to help or she sees what it’s really like having a partner with a disability. Perhaps I’ve just become a old cynic, a woman told the other day that I’ve got no empathy, umm charming.
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Post by lucretia on Nov 30, 2018 12:10:10 GMT -5
Inevitably? I'd argue no. Even as a dev I had no interest in the dirty details. It happened occasionally and it was what it was, but no. Given the choice I'd rather not be involved in the personal care.
For some people, sure. But definitely not inevitably.
I think that having separation between PCA duties and romance is important.
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Post by britishtetra on Nov 30, 2018 13:48:47 GMT -5
Yes but say if there isn’t the money or services to give you the break between romance and caring… that has happened many times. In Britain if say I had a GF they would often or not be emotionally blackmailed to help.
The way that it is…
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Post by matisse on Nov 30, 2018 18:50:04 GMT -5
Betty, that might work in your own little world but in reality it doesn’t happen. Well it's happening now to me. The girlfriend inevitably always wants to do the care My wife has never wanted to do the care. She's an emergency backup. Which happens maybe once a year or less. And this is good, because she's terrible LOL. It's also weird for both of us. I need someone who is subservient and follows my instructions. She's......not the subservient type. Yes but say if there isn’t the money or services to give you the break between romance and caring… that has happened many times. I can see your perspective due to the money issue. It's just so expensive to be a wheeler. I can totally see how, for most wheelers, it's not feasible to always be able to have a separate caregiver. That sucks but yeah it's reality. |
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