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Post by lars on Feb 23, 2019 14:05:28 GMT -5
And for you disabled bros out there, there's an easy mode for this: Take a good set of pictures, download Tinder and pay for the gold membership. You'll get to browse all the people that matched you, if you see someone interesting, you can match her back. If you've made your disability easy enough for people to notice, the chances are that the people who matched you will be fine enough with it. The algorithm works against us, and I don't like the idea of people running their business on people's loneliness and basic human needs, but it's what it is.
Be nice, don't be cunts and don't try too hard.
Edit: This works best in places with high population densities. If you live in a small village in Alaska, don't get your hopes up.
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Post by fray on Feb 23, 2019 14:19:38 GMT -5
Yeah when I was on dating sites I absolutely would search words like “wheelchair” or “spinal cord injury” so I mean if you make it easy they will come hahaha Or, as lars suggested, just be upfront and if people message you or whatever, chances are they’re fine with it
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Post by Sir Paul on Feb 23, 2019 15:17:55 GMT -5
Hehe. Don't sell yourself short. You're being pragmatic about bringing people together! I don't know if there's a realistic way to identify devs or dev-friendly PWD's in the wild. The best idea I could offer would be to meet a person in the normal way (running over their foot is my go to strategy for this), get to know them, then if they seem open minded, bring up the topic of devotee-ism in a casual way to get their thoughts. Oh, that’s brilliant! So to me that means, I should just place my foot under some guy‘s wheelchair and get rolled over. That should be easy. I‘ll do that first time I get a chance. 😀 I like Hopper's swooning idea, except that not everybody will appreciate a person whimsically falling in their lap. Worse yet, they may not be able to stop or might take evasive maneuvers, thus putting you in danger! I'm too weak to handle a lady suddenly descending down on me. Most likely we would both go careening into a fountain or a group of kids on a field trip. You better just give me your best "I'd sure like a ride on THAT!" look and if I'm not a completely oblivious idiot, I'll strike up a conversation. Or get close enough to let me run over your foot. I'd be gentle. Just the tip. edit: tip of the foot.
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Post by linda on Feb 23, 2019 17:29:32 GMT -5
Oh, that’s brilliant! So to me that means, I should just place my foot under some guy‘s wheelchair and get rolled over. That should be easy. I‘ll do that first time I get a chance. 😀 I like Hopper's swooning idea, except that not everybody will appreciate a person whimsically falling in their lap. Worse yet, they may not be able to stop or might take evasive maneuvers, thus putting you in danger! I'm too weak to handle a lady suddenly descending down on me. Most likely we would both go careening into a fountain or a group of kids on a field trip. You better just give me your best "I'd sure like a ride on THAT!" look and if I'm not a completely oblivious idiot, I'll strike up a conversation. Or get close enough to let me run over your foot. I'd be gentle. Just the tip. edit: tip of the foot. How heavy is that wheelchair? Can I keep my foot?
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Post by Sir Paul on Feb 23, 2019 19:57:22 GMT -5
How heavy is that wheelchair? Can I keep my foot? Ha! After some brief pressure, your foot would quickly recover. Unless you're wearing open toed shoes - then all bets are off. Do you often wear sandals? I drive a fairly light "scooter," whereas those bigger electric wheelchairs are HEAVY! Manual wheelchairs are somewhere in between, of course depending on the weight of the passenger. So, pick your victim...I mean, your person of interest, carefully.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 23, 2019 22:43:26 GMT -5
It's funny how we are discussing the physics of wheelchair pressure and weight on toes, sandals or not...I will go buy a pair of steel toe boots...I think it may look hot with a short skirt...lol
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Post by dannyboy95 on Feb 24, 2019 6:16:56 GMT -5
Yea I certainly think tattoos in your face are always a good idea <.<
But sarcasm aside when it comes to the world of online dating Lars made a lot of very good points. Make sure we devs can find you. Having a profile which has no indication whatsoever that you have a certain disability makes it nearly impossible for us to make you out. And for devs well I write in my profiles that I'm open to meeting people with disabilities. That should at least make some PWDs feel less reluctant to contact me. And if you have at lease one picture that is somewhat dev specific in your profile will make it much easier to guess that you're open.
But if I understand right the OP was talking about real life encounteres like in a bar or so. For that it's a wee bit more tricky but for example when being openly gay was still dangerous homosexuals would wear a certain type of moustache or an ear ring in one ear to make themselves recognizable to other gay men.
My ideas would be: as a dev you could wear a discreet little "awareness ribbon" of a specific colour that's not used for some other purpose yet.
As a wheeler what might work is for example some sticker on your wheelchair like this symbol of a woman sitting on a wheelchair guy's lap or if you are more hardcore even more explicit symbolism (for example if you go to a hook up bar). Or accordingly some type of ribbon or similar symbol that you can wear on your clothes or mobility aids.
And well then being open and upfront and asking and telling is really a helpful thing too. If you're disabled and somebody hits on you just ask them what they think of your disability and vice versa. Otherwise it would anyways get awequard in the long run eventually.
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Post by newmn on Feb 24, 2019 8:53:26 GMT -5
Yeah when I was on dating sites I absolutely would search words like “wheelchair” or “spinal cord injury” so I mean if you make it easy they will come hahaha Or, as lars suggested, just be upfront and if people message you or whatever, chances are they’re fine with it What are some of the best sites that have keyword searches? I recently saw a profile photo of a guy in a pride parade with wheeler off in the distance behind him. Thought it might be tacky to contact him and say "I'm not interested in you, but do you happen to know the guy in the chair in your photo?"
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Post by wheelzoffortune on Feb 24, 2019 11:08:03 GMT -5
And for you disabled bros out there, there's an easy mode for this: Take a good set of pictures, download Tinder and pay for the gold membership. You'll get to browse all the people that matched you, if you see someone interesting, you can match her back. If you've made your disability easy enough for people to notice, the chances are that the people who matched you will be fine enough with it. The algorithm works against us, and I don't like the idea of people running their business on people's loneliness and basic human needs, but it's what it is. Be nice, don't be cunts and don't try too hard. Edit: This works best in places with high population densities. If you live in a small village in Alaska, don't get your hopes up.
I did that. I paid for membership on Tinder and Bumble and the people who swipe right on me (who I also swipe right on) almost never say anything. I'd say I get one match every two weeks or possibly a bit less than that, but out of those matches that I do get, only 1 in 10 ever reply and the ones that do reply typically go silent after a day or two, anyway.
(FWIW, I live fairly close to NYC during part of the year and Tampa during the other part of the year.)
I don't necessarily think it has anything to do with the wheelchair, though. I think it is just really tough for guys on dating apps. I've been thinking about doing eHarmony at some point because I think that might yield better results.
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Post by Hopper on Feb 24, 2019 12:32:55 GMT -5
I like Hopper's swooning idea, except that not everybody will appreciate a person whimsically falling in their lap. Worse yet, they may not be able to stop or might take evasive maneuvers, thus putting you in danger! I'm too weak to handle a lady suddenly descending down on me. Most likely we would both go careening into a fountain or a group of kids on a field trip. You better just give me your best "I'd sure like a ride on THAT!" look and if I'm not a completely oblivious idiot, I'll strike up a conversation. Or get close enough to let me run over your foot. I'd be gentle. Just the tip. edit: tip of the foot. Very good points there. I lose my logic when I get whimsical. It does bring up the fascinating subject of weight distribution, ideal falling positions etc. Oh, and while it's in my head, seating positions for a ride along.
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Post by fray on Feb 24, 2019 14:18:07 GMT -5
Yeah when I was on dating sites I absolutely would search words like “wheelchair” or “spinal cord injury” so I mean if you make it easy they will come hahaha Or, as lars suggested, just be upfront and if people message you or whatever, chances are they’re fine with it What are some of the best sites that have keyword searches? I was specifically talking about okcupid, where you can search peoples profiles for specific words
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Post by Mets on Feb 24, 2019 17:04:05 GMT -5
And for you disabled bros out there, there's an easy mode for this: Take a good set of pictures, download Tinder and pay for the gold membership. You'll get to browse all the people that matched you, if you see someone interesting, you can match her back. If you've made your disability easy enough for people to notice, the chances are that the people who matched you will be fine enough with it. The algorithm works against us, and I don't like the idea of people running their business on people's loneliness and basic human needs, but it's what it is. Be nice, don't be cunts and don't try too hard. Edit: This works best in places with high population densities. If you live in a small village in Alaska, don't get your hopes up. to summarize this
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Post by lars on Feb 24, 2019 17:27:19 GMT -5
This right here, Mets. I get quite a lot of attention from women who somehow miss the wheelchair, and the hint about it on the text. More often than not, disappointment follows. Somehow it seems that it's often more disappointing for the girls, when figuring it out. When it comes to the mainstream crowd, some just are equipped with a more open-mind to trying new things, but many are more conservative. Perceptions about sex, how it should be, it's all very much stuck in one mindset for many. Then again, I have my preferences, too, and there's no point in dragging it on, if it's a biggie for someone.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 24, 2019 17:54:54 GMT -5
And for you disabled bros out there, there's an easy mode for this: Take a good set of pictures, download Tinder and pay for the gold membership. You'll get to browse all the people that matched you, if you see someone interesting, you can match her back. If you've made your disability easy enough for people to notice, the chances are that the people who matched you will be fine enough with it. The algorithm works against us, and I don't like the idea of people running their business on people's loneliness and basic human needs, but it's what it is. Be nice, don't be cunts and don't try too hard. Edit: This works best in places with high population densities. If you live in a small village in Alaska, don't get your hopes up. to summarize this Also, don't be 40.
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Post by Mets on Feb 24, 2019 18:01:06 GMT -5
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