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Post by Deleted on Mar 30, 2019 16:21:19 GMT -5
...and there is the assumption that devs have caretaker personalities. Most devs actually don't want to be caretakers but very much appreciate independence within the possibilities of a PWD's daily life
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Post by Deleted on Mar 30, 2019 16:22:54 GMT -5
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Post by Mets on Mar 30, 2019 18:54:12 GMT -5
First, welcome to the forums! You seem like a cool dude. But Iβm going to have to agree with the others here that even 1% is an extreme overestimate. That would mean 35 million devs in the world... and this forum, probably the largest community of female devs, has less than 100 active members. Many extremely unique conditions and communities are highly researched, so Iβm not sure that book is any evidence of a large dev population. If anything, having a total of β4β book ratings on Amazon implies that basically nobody had interest in the book or bought it.
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Post by pam on Mar 30, 2019 21:20:45 GMT -5
...and there is the assumption that devs have caretaker personalities. Most devs actually don't want to be caretakers but very much appreciate independence within the possibilities of a PWD's daily life I also would not want to be a caregiver on a regular basis. I would not mind occasionally. But that is not my attraction. I would want my partner to be independent, strong and willing to take care of me.
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Post by SouthernCalGal on Mar 30, 2019 22:49:43 GMT -5
I am not a caregiver type personality. I LOVE resiliency!!!! Of course I would help if we were on a trip or something else needed to be done or an emergency would rise up. But, my PWD dreams are with a man who has it all covered!!!! And, if something were to arise, we would figure it out together! He would talk to me and we would figure it out .
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Post by devogirl on Mar 31, 2019 2:42:59 GMT -5
There's no way devs are 1% of the population, even including devs who are not self-aware. While it's true that paraphilias of all kinds as a whole are extremely common, attraction to disability is a very small subset of that group. If there were really so many devs, we would see more of them online. But now 10+ years after starting Paradevo, we have just over 2000 members, and of that half or more are PWDs. Also there would be a lot more communities online.
Also you say you have done research, but your assumptions about devs seem to be based on stereotypes, and not on reading what devs have actually posted here. You also seem uninformed about real, ethical BDSM practices. I am a dev who is also into BDSM as a domme, but I am not into caretaking at all. I have dated many PWDs but never one who had a PCA, and I have never desired to fill that role myself. The turn-on in BDSM is about consciously and willingly exchanging power--a guy desires to submit to me, willingly giving up control. In other words, it's sexy and fun when it's all about play and pretend. But when it's about real life issues, I expected the guy to be able to take care of himself or to tell me what he needed. I would never assist a PWD in domme mode. These are not at all the same things.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 31, 2019 9:22:43 GMT -5
I'd estimate devotees are actually about 1-2% of the population, most likely overlapping with the BDSM community. However, because of stigma and confusion, it's likely that less than 1% of devotees are open about their attractions. I'm basing this on research into other paraphilia communities, like feederism. I disagree with just about your entire comment. I think youre way over estimating with 1 or 2%. Also why would you assume that being attracted to someone with a disability would overlap us into BDSM ? And quite what feederism has to do with our paradevo community boggles my mind....
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awesomeonwheels
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Post by awesomeonwheels on Mar 31, 2019 12:24:07 GMT -5
Well, that certainly started a conversation. ππ
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Post by Deleted on Mar 31, 2019 13:46:29 GMT -5
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Post by Deleted on Mar 31, 2019 15:01:29 GMT -5
Well, that certainly started a conversation. ππ I appreciate new members becoming involved on the board but posting comments that you expect to be controversial is surely counter productive ?
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awesomeonwheels
New Member
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Gender: Male
Dev Status: Disabled Male
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Post by awesomeonwheels on Apr 1, 2019 9:25:27 GMT -5
Well, that certainly started a conversation. ππ I appreciate new members becoming involved on the board but posting comments that you expect to be controversial is surely counter productive ? That was sarcasm. I'm not proud of having accidentally offended folks. I'm trying to take the edge off the awkwardness.
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Post by newjess on Apr 1, 2019 10:30:35 GMT -5
I appreciate new members becoming involved on the board but posting comments that you expect to be controversial is surely counter productive ? That was sarcasm. I'm not proud of having accidentally offended folks. I'm trying to take the edge off the awkwardness. This just happens to be a really sensitive subject because there is A LOT of misconception and it can be very frustrating. Also pretty much all the research I've encountered considers it a disorder or a sickness, which is disheartening. Not only for devs but for PWD too. That disability and sexuality are so separated in our society that one must be sick in the head to find it attractive? Boo To be clear I DON'T think that's how you were portraying it though. You are obviously very open minded, and I think it is great you are interested in learning more about us
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Post by blueskye101 on Apr 1, 2019 23:35:23 GMT -5
I appreciate new members becoming involved on the board but posting comments that you expect to be controversial is surely counter productive ? That was sarcasm. I'm not proud of 6having accidentally offended folks. I'm trying to take the edge off the awkwardness. That's how I took it ...sarcasm. I'm glad you are posting and joining in even though do not agree with your premise much. But that's ok. You were not rude or annoying with it and it started a good conversation what you might get a better grasp of us a bit.
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Post by linda on Apr 2, 2019 11:41:38 GMT -5
I appreciate new members becoming involved on the board but posting comments that you expect to be controversial is surely counter productive ? That was sarcasm. I'm not proud of having accidentally offended folks. I'm trying to take the edge off the awkwardness. I took it the same way and didnβt feel offended at all, even though I donβt agree on the BDMS part as well, Iβd just second the fellow devs who have commented above. But itβs great you are curious and open minded. And you did indeed start an interesting discussion here which also teaches me a lot, since I myself am just a new dev virgin here learning about myself and the whole subject in general.
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Post by Amee on Apr 3, 2019 14:14:22 GMT -5
This is a very sensitive topic, so I'm a little worried I'll be misunderstood... But I'll try to share my thoughts anyway, because I find the discussion so interesting.
So, these thoughts are based purely on my own personal experience and anecdotale experience reading posts on here, reading dev fiction and the comments on stories and what the readers found to be "devvy" parts: While I think devness is a very complicated thing and comparing it to BDSM (or the desire to be a caretaker) is probably a mischaracterization, I don't think it's entirely absurd to suggest that there might be an overlap or some similarities. To me, the important thing to remember is the distinction between purely sexual attraction and all the other aspects that play a part in attraction and romantic relationships. It's always been mind-boggling to me how ridiculously mainstream all my non-dev attractions are. I like men, who are emotionally strong, highly intelligent and physically able. In AB guys, I love muscular bodies and physical prowess - in PWDs as well, for that matter, to the extent that it's possible. At the same time, when I read dev fiction, I often feel my buttons pushed at moments of vulnerability. And every now and again I feel my buttons pushed at things I'm a little uncomfortable with. My perception is that this paradox of liking both strength and vulnerability is pretty common among devs. And I think a possible explanation would be that there is some kind of slight divergence/disconnect between what triggers us in a purely sexual way and what we find attractive in a more holistic way.
This disconnect wouldn't be something that's unique to devs, either. Quite on the contrary, actually. How often have you heard guys comment that a particular woman has "a hot body, but an ugly face"? Which to me seems to suggest that what they find sexually attractive and what they find aesthetically attractive are not necessarily the same and don't always overlap. For a more extreme example, take rape fantasies. It's pretty well researched that a very large minority of women (30% to 50%) have fantasies of being raped. Yet, obviously none of these women would actually want to be raped. But there's something about the idea of physical force that triggers them sexually and which might be explored in a safe setting in a conscious and consensual way (the same way I'm assuming BDSM works).
I'm not trying to say that devness is like BDSM (I don't even know enough about BDSM to speak on that). But I guess I do see parallels in the sense that there might be this divergence between sexual triggers and what we want in actual relationships. Just because devs find a certain physical weakness attractive, doesn't mean at all that they find weak people attractive or that they want a partner to be weaker in a relationship dynamic (quite the contrary in my experience). Or that they desire to be a caretaker. Just because some devs have their buttons pushed by what you might call "struggle" (or overcoming difficulties in a more positive sense), doesn't mean at all that they like it when their partners (or strangers) actually suffer or have a hard time. And in that sense, I guess I wouldn't be all that surprised if there were some similarities in how devness and an interest in BDSM work on a psychological level.
I don't know... I might be completely off here. I just wonder if sometimes we get too reflexively defensive about these things, because we're so used to being called sick and creepy on the Internet. But I'm more than happy to hear counter-arguments to my thoughts or be corrected if I got something wrong.
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