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Post by SouthernCalGal on May 24, 2019 14:06:56 GMT -5
Hi Nia, I’m excited to hear more about this new guy! Is he an amp? I’m also curious about your bf, I’d that what you’re struggling with? Nia, oops, I didn't know you were in a relationship. I could see where that might cause a big struggle . It is a struggle that some devs who are married have too. I wish you luck in the decision that you finally decide.
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Post by Deleted on May 30, 2019 14:23:00 GMT -5
Hi Nia, I understand the quandary in how/whether to move from an online relationship to meeting in real life as it is something I have experienced too. Especially if you are in a relationship; that piles on the complexity too. I am sure that if you trust yourself you will make the best decision for you. Maybe this is something you need to experience to find out what is right for you? Or maybe you already know. Sometimes you just have to take a chance. I figure we're only here once so we need to make the most of our time. No prizes fir guessing what I did!
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Post by lavly on May 31, 2019 0:57:22 GMT -5
Have you watched the new benay Brown on Netflix about vulnerability. i think it has a lot to do with where you're at right now. if you place yourself in a situation that causes vulnerability and that situation doesn't end up being totally favourable, it will still be way better than not experiencing that experience. The moment we feel the most vulnerable to give us the joy.
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Post by Nia on Aug 31, 2019 13:42:40 GMT -5
My dear dev sisters sorry for not being here after posting my last thread. I’ve read all your comments multiple times and I’m overwhelmed by how you care and how much thought you are putting into what I shared. The reason I was away is partially because of tons of work but also because AMAZING thing happened to me. But first to answer your kind answers about my current relationship because I see that some of you at first totally supported my situation and then when figured I’m in relationship asked me if all is ok etc... Long story short I’m in a relationship and all is still ok. I don’t want to say my relationship is open because it’s not but we have an agreement to explore (because both of us have very specific taste/needs/orientation so we understand each other perfectly). We are open to each other and aware that if we forbid those things to each other we have no future. So if something happens it’s not a deal breaker immediately. And it works. We had something aside less than 3 times both of us combined in 5 years and up until now nothing serious came up so we are together and happy. I don’t want to disclose him here but he likes something I cannot provide just as he has all healthy limbs... So back to the story with my pwd. We didn’t see each other still. We still text and all is ok but no progress. But I met someone else. 4 months ago totally out of blue... through a friend.... and he is beyond perfect to the point that I cannot believe he is real. He lives relatively close (1 hour flight), and he has my preferred disability. He lost his left leg above the knee (half thigh or a bit higher) 10 years ago in a car accident. He never heard about devs before and he was amazed by the fact we exist. He was curious about details and never judged about anything. Long story short we met. We hooked up. I lost my mind. He lost his too.... I don’t know what happens now. We talk every day and we will meet again end of September. I’m both happy beyond imagination and confused about what happens next and worried I’m now unable to be with able bodied guy ever again.... I’m not thinking about huge steps now but I feel different. I’m definitely this what I felt all my life. I didn’t idealizing anything. I loved every little bit of it and reality is better then I imagined. I’m no longer a dev virgin I can say now I always envied all of you girls who had disabled boyfriends and asked myself if I’m going to figure it’s not for me when it finally happens in reality. And now I know I wasn’t imagining. And yes he has a relationship and 2 ex wife’s and 3 kids lol and he is amazing. Ex professional sportsman and European champion in the his discipline:) so sexy as fuck. I’m fucked quite literally and metaphorically
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I miss u
Aug 31, 2019 16:05:10 GMT -5
via mobile
Post by Nia on Aug 31, 2019 16:05:10 GMT -5
By the way I told him about PD (I didn’t say the name just that there is a forum for girls like me) and he was amazed:) later we didn’t talk about it again and I thought of sending him a link:) But I’m afraid of him reading all the shit I poured here over years (even though I told him everything) and also I’m a bit territorial lol so I guess no for now Any of you girls have similar experience of finding pwd offline and bringing him here?
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I miss u
Sept 8, 2019 21:20:56 GMT -5
via mobile
Nia likes this
Post by lavly on Sept 8, 2019 21:20:56 GMT -5
I would dealt stuff that has to do with him asap. Hope all is going well
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I miss u
Oct 15, 2019 15:58:15 GMT -5
via mobile
Post by Nia on Oct 15, 2019 15:58:15 GMT -5
Girls, girls, girls. Im in fucking agony. And the worst part is is the fact that I literally have no one to talk to it’s all in my head my biggest secret and my biggest problem and at the same time best thing that ever happened to me... In short I’ve seen my amputee guy again 2 weeks ago and it was a blast. Better than the first time... we connected on all levels known to human kind... and I have to say I have zero tolerance to bulshit and I’m not that kind of a girl who imagines things that do not exist... on the contrary. I doubt everything and when it’s crystal clear I’m not convinced. But girls... with this guy everything was there... you know that stage when no language or words are needed... and in case you are still wondering if I misinterpreted the whole shit we had a conversation about our feelings and he confirmed that he feels the same shit I feel... I asked him if he is falling in love with me and he said fucking YES. And long story short I came back after a weekend spent with him and we just drifted apart. Like At first I noticed he is not texting me first but that I’m texting him and shortly that turned into him not answering my texts for 2 or more days... and when he answers he is not responding to what I wrote but just saying things like “kiss baby...” I’m not a type of girl who would turn glan close from fatal attraction... I just wrote that I’m sad because he is not writing back and that’s all... so far no answer. I’m puzzled. I’m grown up girl with experience in dating various guys with different backgrounds... this left me puzzled. I’m positive about his feelings towards me. No way I’m wrong about that. I’m not pushing him or even suggesting anything about us to him so he has no reason to be frightened.... I’m perfect lover. Respecting his life not threatening in any way... so what the fuck? ? What is the reason for him to cut the whole thing and give me the silent treatment??? What have I done? He told me I’m his dream and phantasy come true in every way- physically and mentally. That he is crazy about how I look and that he loves my brain even more.... so what the fuck? I’m hurt, I’m lost I’m puzzled and I’m disappointed.... and I don’t have to explain my side of the story to you girls.... of course that after being with him I’m changed and that I’m now sure about what I am and what I need. I now definitely know I’m what I always felt I am and that relationships with ab guys are something I practiced because I tried to fit in or because I didn’t have what I wanted. Now after him I feel changed beyond “repair”. I feel like a fraud because I’m in a relationship with ab guy and I’m depressed and anxious about it., I feel like I should end it and rather be alone then in this semi-relationship..... but I don’t have courage or energy for one more big cut in my life.... I’m happy and desperate at the same time.... sure about what I am finally and lost all at the same time. And what’s worse I’m totally uninterested about any other pwd ... I just want him....
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Post by Deleted on Oct 15, 2019 19:58:54 GMT -5
Im so sorry to hear this, going from absolute happiness to misery. Horribly it appears to be very common these days, ghosting is like a textbook of what youve just described. It will be so hard for you as you have questions that wont be answered but try to take a step back and see if he gets in touch. Maybe he is just a bit scared of your feelings for each other or maybe he is a total jerk who has played with your heart. Only time will tell, but i hope for the best for you. Stay strong, his behaviour isnt caused by anything you said or did. Xx
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Post by devogirl on Oct 15, 2019 20:24:00 GMT -5
I'm so sorry this has happened to you. It's so, so painful but unfortunately common. Why do people disappear like that, when they seem to really want to be in the relationship? Usually it comes down to fear and emotional damage. Maybe he can't handle commitment, or is scared by the intensity of his own feelings, or there is something in his past that prevents him from moving forward.
This happened to me so many times. One time an SCI guy ghosted on me just as he was going into the hospital. I thought he was dead. It was horrible. The worst part is not knowing, and wondering what went wrong. The only thing you can do is distract yourself and move on. It takes a long time, but you'll get there. The main thing is not to blame yourself. Some people just can't handle a relationship, even if they genuinely love you.
As for your primary boyfriend, it's probably not a good idea to make huge decisions now when you are so upset, but it does seem like that needs to end too. You can give yourself some time, maybe a few months or so to evaluate and see where you are.
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