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Post by Deleted on Oct 13, 2019 12:31:46 GMT -5
Hi. Ive been with my pwd partner for a few years now and still live apart. When im on my own my dev fantasies and highs are a big part of my life but i find that when we have been together daily for weeks/months it seems to fade. As if the biggest dev high is in the anticipation ? What do the other devs who are in long relationships think ? Do you find that our fantasies can become normality ? Edit : i should add that it is still a million times better than any AB relationship ive ever had, just asking the question of any others who are maybe married etc.
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Post by robbb on Oct 13, 2019 14:18:47 GMT -5
I can't answer that specific experience but I do think in general in life anticipation can often be better than than an actual experience.
The hunt is better than the kill being the slightly inappropriate expression that springs to mind.
R.
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timm
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Relationship Status: Married/Domestic partnership
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Post by timm on Oct 13, 2019 14:46:28 GMT -5
Hi. Ive been with my pwd partner for a few years now and still live apart. When im on my own my dev fantasies and highs are a big part of my life but i find that when we have been together daily for weeks/months it seems to fade. As if the biggest dev high is in the anticipation ? What do the other devs who are in long relationships think ? Do you find that our fantasies can become normality ? Edit : i should add that it is still a million times better than any AB relationship ive ever had, just asking the question of any others who are maybe married etc.
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timm
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Posts: 28
Gender: Male
Dev Status: Devotee
Relationship Status: Married/Domestic partnership
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Post by timm on Oct 13, 2019 14:59:56 GMT -5
I think what you describe happens in every long term relationship whether straight, gay, AB or PWD. The novelty and excitement of a new partner diminishes somewhat and if you’re lucky is replaced by a different affection and love based on mutual respect, common goals and shared experiences. It’s taken me a lifetime to see this clearly.
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Post by Deleted on Oct 15, 2019 9:48:30 GMT -5
I think it shows that despite what some people assume, we are definitely far more complicated than just our attraction to pwd. The disability alone is never enough to sustain a relationship. Like anyone, personality, humour and lots of other characteristics are just, if not more, important.
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Post by Deleted on Oct 15, 2019 16:21:03 GMT -5
Any long term relationship needs lots of care and work to be sustained. Change is inevitable, people change, relationships change, circumstances change...the true challenge lies in making it through these changes and hopefully coming out of it still loving that other person on a much deeper level. I do believe having separate interests and spending time apart can keep things fresh. Keeping the communication channels open, looking at the bad and rough times with humor, not taking each other for granted are also very important. If devness is an attraction it's a given that the initial attraction and romance changes in a long term relationship but hopefully it will change into something even better and more rewarding, a connection of complete trust and knowing true love.
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Post by Deleted on Oct 15, 2019 16:24:18 GMT -5
I realize that my reply doesn't completely answer the original question...I am sitting in the waiting room of a clinic typing this...will come back to this...😉
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Post by Nia on Oct 15, 2019 16:38:03 GMT -5
I’m not sure my answer would be the one you are searching for because I don’t have a long term relationship with pwd but I have some kind of real time relationship and it’s definitely different from what I expect in areas you are talking about. I was super surprised to find out my pwd sex was not the best sex in my life ?! I always thought that I would experience nirvana with the first pwd I would fuck. You can imagine my surprise when that didn’t happen.... it’s so weird and hard to explain... I’m so into him I’m close to literally exploding but when we have sex it’s so overwhelming for me I cannot collect my thoughts and be in the moment. But what’s weirdest afterwards when I’m alone playing with myself I only use and replay moments from when we were together.... and same pictures work for me endlessly.... I don’t know what is the matter with me. I don’t know what would or will happen if I would be with this guy regularly.... we just made love like 7 times and I guess I’m so excited I cannot still believe he is real.... I literally have to remind myself that I’m experiencing the right thing finally when I’m with him... crazy. And I’m so overwhelmed I cannot relax or enjoy
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Post by lizzy on Oct 15, 2019 17:40:38 GMT -5
It is no secret that I am married (to an able bodied man), but the best sex and the best sexual experiences I have had have been with dis guys. Fully aware that a clandestine day here and there does not equal living day-to-day with a disability.
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Post by Deleted on Oct 15, 2019 19:26:32 GMT -5
So I read over this again and I guess my reply was not totally off when it comes to relationships. As far as a specific dev/PWD relationship, I also believe that being apart is always a spark in a relationship, dev/PWD, AB/AB, any kind of relationship. I was apart from my husband for extended periods of time throughout our Military years and even though it was very difficult, it was also a good thing at the same time. The anticipation and joy to be together again made us realize what we had missed and caused butterflies every time. This is not true for anyone, I believe a good basis and stable foundation of a relationship/marriage has to be present for something like this to work. People can indeeed grow too far apart and it is almost like meeting a stranger and having to adapt to each other all over again every time they come back. And this could lead to actually very rocky ground in a marriage. As far as the sexual urges I can't say, I have never been with a PWD and funnily I don't miss the sexual part of it at all because I have a fulfilled sex life with my husband. I don't long to be sexual with a PWD, it is a nice addition in my fantasies but it is not what gets me off. If a PWD of my liking comes along, then we will see but I'm a kinky weirdo so he has to be okay with that part of me as well. My husband and I have an "open" marriage for that reason but so far no PWD has come along...
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Post by Deleted on Oct 15, 2019 19:47:20 GMT -5
I’m not sure my answer would be the one you are searching for because I don’t have a long term relationship with pwd but I have some kind of real time relationship and it’s definitely different from what I expect in areas you are talking about. I was super surprised to find out my pwd sex was not the best sex in my life ?! I always thought that I would experience nirvana with the first pwd I would fuck. You can imagine my surprise when that didn’t happen.... it’s so weird and hard to explain... I’m so into him I’m close to literally exploding but when we have sex it’s so overwhelming for me I cannot collect my thoughts and be in the moment. But what’s weirdest afterwards when I’m alone playing with myself I only use and replay moments from when we were together.... and same pictures work for me endlessly.... I don’t know what is the matter with me. I don’t know what would or will happen if I would be with this guy regularly.... we just made love like 7 times and I guess I’m so excited I cannot still believe he is real.... I literally have to remind myself that I’m experiencing the right thing finally when I’m with him... crazy. And I’m so overwhelmed I cannot relax or enjoy I really get what youre saying, the scenarios of our time together can arouse me intensely when im alone but when we're together i get really turned on by just ordinary things he does (i mean not during sex). Impossible to explain, i cant even make it clear in my own head.
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Post by Deleted on Oct 15, 2019 19:51:51 GMT -5
So I read over this again and I guess my reply was not totally off when it comes to relationships. As far as a specific dev/PWD relationship, I also believe that being apart is always a spark in a relationship, dev/PWD, AB/AB, any kind of relationship. I was apart from my husband for extended periods of time throughout our Military years and even though it was very difficult, it was also a good thing at the same time. The anticipation and joy to be together again made us realize what we had missed and caused butterflies every time. This is not true for anyone, I believe a good basis and stable foundation of a relationship/marriage has to be present for something like this to work. People can indeeed grow too far apart and it is almost like meeting a stranger and having to adapt to each other all over again every time they come back. And this could lead to actually very rocky ground in a marriage. As far as the sexual urges I can't say, I have never been with a PWD and funnily I don't miss the sexual part of it at all because I have a fulfilled sex life with my husband. I don't long to be sexual with a PWD, it is a nice addition in my fantasies but it is not what gets me off. If a PWD of my liking comes along, then we will see but I'm a kinky weirdo so he has to be okay with that part of me as well. My husband and I have an "open" marriage for that reason but so far no PWD has come along... I agree that you need a strong basis in a relationship for times apart to work successfully. I also have quite a love of kink and as we're so open with each other have been able to explore a lot of both our fetishes. Ive just been surprised by the difference between spending all my life fantasising of a life with a pwd, and the reality. Its as good as i hoped but in ways i hadnt expected. I thought the disability would be the major part whereas in reality its much less than i assumed.
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Post by Nia on Oct 15, 2019 19:56:55 GMT -5
So I read over this again and I guess my reply was not totally off when it comes to relationships. As far as a specific dev/PWD relationship, I also believe that being apart is always a spark in a relationship, dev/PWD, AB/AB, any kind of relationship. I was apart from my husband for extended periods of time throughout our Military years and even though it was very difficult, it was also a good thing at the same time. The anticipation and joy to be together again made us realize what we had missed and caused butterflies every time. This is not true for anyone, I believe a good basis and stable foundation of a relationship/marriage has to be present for something like this to work. People can indeeed grow too far apart and it is almost like meeting a stranger and having to adapt to each other all over again every time they come back. And this could lead to actually very rocky ground in a marriage. As far as the sexual urges I can't say, I have never been with a PWD and funnily I don't miss the sexual part of it at all because I have a fulfilled sex life with my husband. I don't long to be sexual with a PWD, it is a nice addition in my fantasies but it is not what gets me off. If a PWD of my liking comes along, then we will see but I'm a kinky weirdo so he has to be okay with that part of me as well. My husband and I have an "open" marriage for that reason but so far no PWD has come along... I agree that you need a strong basis in a relationship for times apart to work successfully. I also have quite a love of kink and as we're so open with each other have been able to explore a lot of both our fetishes. Ive just been surprised by the difference between spending all my life fantasising of a life with a pwd, and the reality. Its as good as i hoped but in ways i hadnt expected. I thought the disability would be the major part whereas in reality its much less than i assumed. Exactly!!!! I feel like I’m out of my body. Everything that plays out in front of me is so amazing I cannot process. I constantly have to remind myself to come back in that moment and to finally watch and not imagine. And I feel some weird embarrassment of doing things I need like touching his left leg which he doesn’t have or observing him.... I’m worried not to come up as freak
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Post by devogirl on Oct 15, 2019 20:32:45 GMT -5
The dev thrill did fade for me even a few months into a relationship with a PWD. Part of that is I think because fantasy and reality is always slightly different. There were also times when I enacted a kink fantasy and it was fun but not as intense as in my imagination. Part of it is also that the novelty wears off over time. When you feel you are denied an outlet for dev fantasies, they can become more and more intense, but when it's right in front of you every day, it fades into the background.
Physical attraction alone is not enough to sustain a relationship. That's true for everyone. I don't think we as devs need to construct any more complicated reasons.
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Post by Deleted on Oct 15, 2019 22:54:47 GMT -5
...and maybe there is also a difference to having a partner AB or PWD and having to keep the devness a secret which can cause issues or more intense dev longing. I can't imagine if I would have had to keep my devness a secret, I think that would have caused problems. Being able to be openly dev with my husband is a good thing.
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