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Post by bojangler on Oct 19, 2019 20:32:34 GMT -5
I want to preface this by saying it's not my intent to offend anyone with this topic. I hope the way I present my questions makes that evident. But I know religion is a touchy subject for some and so I apologize in advance if bringing this up offends.
From a bit of Internet searching, it seems this is a common thing that happens to many disabled people. You're out somewhere minding your own business, you get a tap on the shoulder and someone you don't know asks if they can pray for you. For me personally, I've had it happen two times. The most recent time was a couple days ago. I ordered delivery for dinner and when the driver saw that I use a wheelchair, she asked if she could pray for me. I was caught off guard, just as I was the first time, and so my natural reaction was to say "uh, sure." Internally, both times I did not want this to be happening. But I don't want to come off as a jerk and just say "no." After she was finished, she looked me in the eye and said "you're going to walk very soon." I'm not religious, and the whole ordeal just makes me feel like a prop to make the other person feel better about themselves. Like I'm broken and in need of a repair that only this person's beliefs can provide. But I wanted to see what others think.
And so, my questions are for both the religious and non-religious out there.
Have others had this encounter before? What do you say when it happens? How does this encounter make you feel? If you are a religious person, what is your take on this type of encounter? Is there a polite way of turning down the request that doesn't make me seem like a jerk?
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Post by Deleted on Oct 19, 2019 21:03:14 GMT -5
I believe that religious people do it for the purpose of just that, to pray for you and for you to have strength or positivity in life in a spiritual way. I agree with tc on that I don't believe they do it for selfish reasons.
But I also don't think there is anything wrong with actually respectfully decline and let a person who says that know, that you are not religious and they really don't need to pray for you because you don't believe in prayer and that you are doing good in your life without prayer.
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Post by newjess on Oct 19, 2019 21:24:27 GMT -5
Just my personal opinion, but I think it's rude for a stranger to ask if they can pray for you.
1) why do you need to announce it and make a show of it? If you want to pray for someone, then just pray for them silently to yourself or during your own personal prayer time. Asking if they "can" does kind of make it seem selfish and a bit of a show to me
2) religion is a person's own personal business and I do find it rude when a person just assumes that I would even want any part of it. I'm not religious at all, and I don't like strangers pushing their religious stuff onto me, even if it's "well intentioned". I have no problem with them doing their own thing in their own personal life
3) saying "you're going to walk again very soon" is just incredibly offensive and inappropriate
Reading your post I actually commend you on being so nice and patient about this, because what you experienced is really uncool. I think it is perfectly reasonable to say "no thanks, I'm not religious" or "nope, I'm good", etc etc.
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Post by devogirl on Oct 19, 2019 21:24:59 GMT -5
Is there a polite way of turning down the request that doesn't make me seem like a jerk?"No thank you." "Thanks but no, it makes me uncomfortable." Repeat as necessary. I know it's really hard to resist the intense social pressure in the moment but I wish everyone felt empowered to politely refuse these kinds of interactions.
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Post by devogirl on Oct 19, 2019 21:31:44 GMT -5
I think it is perfectly reasonable to say "no thanks, I'm not religious" I wouldn't even go there because it gives them an "in" to try to save you or draw you into a religious discussion. I would just leave it at a very simple "no thanks" with a bland blank smile, repeat over and over until they get that you're not going to take the bait. It's really hard to do in the moment though without getting flustered. Huge sympathies to everyone who has to endure this intrusive BS.
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Post by newjess on Oct 19, 2019 21:34:31 GMT -5
I think it is perfectly reasonable to say "no thanks, I'm not religious" I wouldn't even go there because it gives them an "in" to try to save you or draw you into a religious discussion. I would just leave it at a very simple "no thanks" with a bland blank smile, repeat over and over until they get that you're not going to take the bait. It's really hard to do in the moment though without getting flustered. Huge sympathies to everyone who has to endure this intrusive BS. Excellent point, couldn't agree more
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Post by Nate on Oct 19, 2019 22:26:10 GMT -5
One day about five years ago, I was out having lunch with a lady from my office when we were stopped by not one but two... I dunno, evangelist-types... wanting to tell me about their new ministry and to ask if we could all just hunker down right there in the middle of the sidewalk and pray for a righteously hot minute. The Monty Python-loving atheist in me wanted so desperately to take off one of my shoes and insist that they rally around it and just leave me alone, but my sense of decorum got the better of me; I gave in.
Then I just had to mention to my colleague that I don't believe in any invisible sky creepers -- not a one -- and she was all like, "You know, I used to not believe in Him either. But one day, my three-year-old son was crying and I was having a hard time and I-I-I... <lip quivering, face flushed, the whole number> I prayed so hard and He came into my life and made everything the best it could be!"
There were a few more conversations with her over the next week or two in which I actually had to defend my non-beliefs, and I was just about to report her to our supervisor when she stopped bringing it up altogether.
I think she went on to get a masters degree in ministerial mashugana and is currently a pastor. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
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Post by sy on Oct 19, 2019 22:28:20 GMT -5
They just want to seem like a good person, pray for me behind my back or something don't fucking tell me.
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blindLeap
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Post by blindLeap on Oct 20, 2019 2:57:49 GMT -5
This has happened to me once on my way to work, a woman actually got out of her car to come ask me, but she was being very polite about it. She was asking if I was ok with her praying for me, and I told her that to be blind is not a curse or punishment for me but another way to look at the same world we all live in. I also told her that I appreciated her politeness , that I was sorry I had to turn down the offer and that I really had to go since I was late for work This doesn't always happen quite as peacefully though ...I'm sure I don't need to explain here that people can get rather overzealous, I know people who suddenly got surrounded by a bunch of people speaking in tongues and trying to drive out the devil, which can of course be incredibly traumatic. At that point I authorize creative use of disability ...totally bash into someone with your wheelchair, smash someone with a cane or do anything else you can to just get away. At that point politeness is done and stuff needs to happen, I would say.
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Post by robbb on Oct 20, 2019 3:02:35 GMT -5
To some extent this depends where you are located and the attitude to religion there. For example in the US I am always struck by how openly religion is discussed, almost advertised, compared to here in the UK where it almost mustn't be mentioned in case it offends anyone.
My Mum is a good Catholic girl and I'm sure she prays for people but she would never tell them unless she knew them.
I also think there is no harm in politely saying you'd rather a person didn't pray for you.
R.
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Post by linda on Oct 20, 2019 3:42:37 GMT -5
I was really surprised to read about this, I would have never thought of something like this. People get the strangest ideas!
But as much as I see that this can also feel invasive depending on the way of approach, I think it is nice when people mean well. There are so many crazy, aggressive people out there. I can’t help but get a warm feeling about this as long as people don’t push it on others.
The other day I was riding my car in a big city. There was a guy standing in the pouring rain at the side of the road, holding up a sign: „Jesus Is Alive!“. He had this big happy smile on his face and I smiled at him and he smiled back to me and I was really happy in that moment thinking that someone is doing this totally selfless act there for others and for me, even though I might not be of much use...
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blindLeap
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Post by blindLeap on Oct 20, 2019 5:10:52 GMT -5
That does ring true with me. I'm not quoting because both posts do, in a sense. Here in the Netherlands religion is generally practiced among those who believe, there's not a very strong conversion effort for as far as I am aware. People will talk to you, discuss religion with you if you engage them in conversation about that, but it's not so in-your-face as scenes I've seen in the US. There is the occasional person that will talk to you on the street about it but they generally tell you a thing, hand you a flyer and let you go on with your day.
And I also resonate with whatLinda said about the selfless act the person of faith participated in, standing in the rain with that sign. That sort of brings the Jehova's witnesses to mind ... here in the Netherlands they go door to door and try to tell you about their religion. To be frank, very few people like such encounters, and I'm sure they know that, yet they keep trying. Not because they're whiny bastards but just because it's that important to them. These people get ridiculed and laughed at but still keep going, I think that deserves a lot of respect even if you don't agree with the viewpoints expressed ...
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Post by Nate on Oct 20, 2019 7:28:56 GMT -5
I am failing to understand how standing in the rain with a sign is selfless. 🤪
Also, if Jesus is alive, doesn't that mean Satan won?
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Post by bojangler on Oct 20, 2019 7:55:19 GMT -5
”Thanks but no, it makes me uncomfortable." Repeat as necessary. I know it's really hard to resist the intense social pressure in the moment but I wish everyone felt empowered to politely refuse these kinds of interactions. This is what I wish I could have said. Because not only is it polite, it also is informative for the other person. It sends the message that not everyone likes or appreciates this type of interaction. Telling myself that I’ll use this line next time and actually having the wherewithal to do it in the moment is a whole other thing. Also I appreciate hearing everyone’s perspectives on this from both the religious and non-religious. I definitely see how they mean well by it. It’s just the disconnect between how it’s perceived on each side of it.
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Post by AlrightyAphrodite on Oct 20, 2019 8:31:17 GMT -5
Is there a polite way of turning down the request that doesn't make me seem like a jerk?"No thank you." "Thanks but no, it makes me uncomfortable." Repeat as necessary. I know it's really hard to resist the intense social pressure in the moment but I wish everyone felt empowered to politely refuse these kinds of interactions.
"Thanks, but I think it only really works if there's a human sacrifice."
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