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Post by linda on Oct 21, 2019 14:39:07 GMT -5
My boyfriend broke up with me.
I understand his situation. He is stressed about starting work again in November but doesn’t know how to get to work since he’s still fighting in court for approval of the car he needs.
He has terrible health issues which also make him worry in regard of work since he is physically much more impaired than he still was a few weeks ago.
He doesn’t really see a perspective for the future since we live far away from each other and he is worried that it is too much for me to handle the frequent trips to his place. He is place-bound due to his work, I am, both because of work and my children. This situation couldn’t be changed for at least the next 10 years.
One thing he hasn’t told me until now in order to not make me worry was that he couldn’t go to the toilet whenever I stayed in his place or during the entire week when he stayed with us.
He has dozens of other issues that stress him out. It’s simply all too much for him. He wants to sort out his health problems first and get back to work life before he feels ready for a relationship, as he realized now. After all, it’s only been two and a half year since his injury.
Maybe it’s simply that his love was not strong enough. But no, I really can’t imagine that. It was just magic between us.
I‘m devastated. I can’t believe it’s been only a bit over one week since we spent his birthday together. These have been two incredible months. God, was I happy, proud, insanely in love. Actually I still am, my feelings for him haven’t changed a bit.
Why I am sharing this here? Since I’ve posted openly about our relationship here and also participated in some threads in regard of him, it would somehow feel dishonest if I „sailed under false flag“ here.
But most of all: closure.
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Post by Dr. BiPAP Sachin on Oct 21, 2019 15:03:39 GMT -5
He has dozens of other issues that stress him out. It’s simply all too much for him. He wants to sort out his health problems first and get back to work life before he feels ready for a relationship, as he realized now. After all, it’s only been two and a half year since his injury. Maybe it’s simply that his love was not strong enough. But no, I really can’t imagine that. It was just magic between us. I‘m devastated. I can’t believe it’s been only a bit over one week since we spent his birthday together. These have been two incredible months. God, was I happy, proud, insanely in love. Actually I still am, my feelings for him haven’t changed a bit. So sorry to hear this.  Glad you at least got to spend whatever time you could with him. |
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estelle
Junior Member
Posts: 50 
Gender: Female
Dev Status: Devotee
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Post by estelle on Oct 21, 2019 15:11:55 GMT -5
Oh Linda, I'm so sorry to hear that. I could feel in your previous messages how happy you felt with him and how you tried to find ways to make his life easier and better. And I'm sure you made his life better, but he has maybe to figure out a way for himself first. It's too bad that he can't just see where things would go with the two of you.
Thank you for being so open with us.
Big dev-hugs
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Oct 21, 2019 15:16:22 GMT -5
I know you invested a lot into your new relationship but maybe it was just the wrong time for you both if he has too many other things to think about. Be happy that you had a chance to get to know each other and see what the future holds as you move forward. It’s not what you will want to hear but 2 months is very early and by being honest now he has saved you from real heartbreak if it was to happen after a year or more. Good luck and stay positive.
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Post by Amee on Oct 21, 2019 17:17:30 GMT -5
I'm so sorry to hear that Linda! It was so nice to see you so happy and to have you share it with all of us. I hope PD can be a place where you can find a little bit of solace and support - big dev-hugs from me too!  |
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Post by pam on Oct 21, 2019 18:18:42 GMT -5
So sorry to hear that linda. I could tell how excited and in love you were. I can understand that you are devastated. It sounds like he was just not ready to handle all of this. But you will be ok because you are strong. One day at a time. |
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Post by lizzy on Oct 21, 2019 18:42:13 GMT -5
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blindLeap
Full Member
The right-side-up edition
Posts: 192
Gender: Male
Dev Status: Disabled Male
Relationship Status: Single
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Post by blindLeap on Oct 21, 2019 18:46:00 GMT -5
I am sorry to hear this. I haven't been around long enough to see you interact, but from this thread alone I can see how devastating this must be for you.
I admire your strength as well, posting this can't have been easy and I hope it gave you some of the closure you sought. These things are never easy and even though I am new , I think I speak for all of us when I say you know where to find us when you need us. A hug if you want it ... a wish for strength if you don't.
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Post by SouthernCalGal on Oct 21, 2019 19:12:15 GMT -5
linda , thank you for sharing with us. I hope your feelings and pain subside. I think this can be a lesson for some of us devs with no real life PWD experience. I know that I might underestimate some of the challenges that come with paraplegia and quadriplegia. Never in my fantasies are situations dealing with high blood pressure spikes, temperature regulation issues, toileting, work, transportation and a variety of others issues. I think we all need to be sensitive to that. Sometimes, our enthusiasm may get in the way or paint the picture differently-it probably would for me 😢. I’m hoping you two can remain friends and perhaps when he gets things more sorted out...you never know ❤️. Take care.
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Post by sy on Oct 21, 2019 22:07:40 GMT -5
I kind of understand how he felt, he probably did not want to break up. He probably ended up feeling like a burden more than a boyfriend. He probably felt emasculated and humiliated not being able to go to the bathroom. He's also still probably in love, why do I say this? It's because I've been through a very similar scenario.
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Post by newjess on Oct 21, 2019 22:33:06 GMT -5
Linda I am so sorry to hear this it is a heartbreaking thing to go through. It is just such a hard situation. Honestly, dating in this realm has brought me so much joy, but a lot of pain also. There tend to just be so many more boundaries involved with finding love (distance, accessibility stuff, health stuff, overcoming society's views, etc). It can be overwhelming, sometimes for the dev, sometimes for the PWD, sometimes for both. It is very clear that you love deeply with all of your heart and I think that is such a beautiful thing, even though I know it can be incredibly painful too. We are always here for you <3 |
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Post by linda on Oct 21, 2019 23:01:51 GMT -5
Thanks to all of you.
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Post by Emma on Oct 21, 2019 23:35:51 GMT -5
Oh Linda. I know how incredibly hard this must be for you. I'm so sorry this happened.
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Post by blueskye101 on Oct 22, 2019 0:00:38 GMT -5
linda, I’m so sorry. What a heart breaker. Hugs and peace to you, my dev friend.
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Oct 22, 2019 0:52:26 GMT -5
I'm so sorry linda I don't even know what to say. I guess the only thing I can think of right now is that I wish you lots of strength to get through this rough time and heart break and hopefully you will come out stronger and more experienced on the other side. At least you were able to enjoy this time with him for what it was and it was good and awesome for the time being. Lots of hugs!!! |
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Glad you at least got to spend whatever time you could with him.
