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Post by zacc on Nov 1, 2019 19:15:05 GMT -5
This thought has been a consistent struggle for me but my outlook on it has recently changed. I think a big reason why my thoughts have changed are a podcast called “Disability After Dark” which is hosted by a Queer man with CP, Andrew Gurza. Through listening to that podcast I realized that many other people with physical disabilities have little confidence in their sexual abilities, and just that fact has helped me feel more confident. Also finding some wheelchair users on instagram who post very intimate images of themselves and their disability has been great.
And I can’t forget PD, the fact that devs exist and are attracted to something I find so unattractive about myself is very empowering. It gives me a ton of confidence.
This is a question for the PWD, have you been able to get past feeling like you’ll be alone because of your chair? And if so how?
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Post by devogirl on Nov 1, 2019 20:11:35 GMT -5
I think a big reason why my thoughts have changed are a podcast called “Disability After Dark” which is hosted by a Queer man with CP, Andrew Gurza. This is an awesome podcast! Glad to hear it helped you. He has a great interview with a dev and PD member. I can't recall the episode number but it came out several years ago. |
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Post by Nate on Nov 1, 2019 20:22:07 GMT -5
Then there’s “Disability After Dark Souls,” a public access program showcasing two snarky devils’ ability to cooperatively bungle their way through various Miyazaki masterpieces in spite of their physical limitations. The show airs once every two months; the time it takes for both gamers to overcome their Souls-induced conniptions. But yah, I am also wildly inspired by the membership on this very forum and am often wishing I had the wherewithal to seek out this place like a decade ago. It’s through simply being here and finding common ground with others, devs and PWDs alike, that my outlook – my life, truly – has been changed dramatically. To your question about conquering alone feelings: I’m not sure I have, and I suspect I won’t know what’s what until ~that~ vacancy is filled.  |
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Post by Braced4Impact on Nov 1, 2019 22:13:19 GMT -5
I don't have a chair, per se, but I'm 38 going on 39 and I don't think I'll ever be with anyone. I've come to terms with that and even a sort of peace with it. I certainly don't want anyone else to be discouraged, and if the opportunity presents itself, go for it, full steam ahead. I just gotta be realistic; I'm not young, not particularly handsome, so I don't think it will ever happen for me in particular.
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ONLYUSEmeFEET
New Member
Posts: 13
Gender: Male
Dev Status: Disabled Male
Relationship Status: Single
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Post by ONLYUSEmeFEET on Nov 1, 2019 23:02:17 GMT -5
I've been very confused and frustrated on being alone forever recently, and it has been difficult to overcome. I remain a little hopeful, but that hope lessens every day.
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expresso
Junior Member
NYC here -
Posts: 76
Gender: Male
Dev Status: Disabled Male
Relationship Status: Single
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Post by expresso on Nov 2, 2019 12:43:15 GMT -5
thats a tough one - for the longest i was dealing with it the fact of being alone - it didnt hit me as much up till about this year - it started to be on my mind also - the facts are most likely i will be - being Disabled etc, is for sure the only reason i am alone - i dont think i would not have a girlfriend or partner if i wasnt disabled wheelchair user. not that i am special in any way etc, or would have many knocking on my door - but i feel confident that i wouldnt be alone if not for my condition.
what can you do - have to deal with it and move on -
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expresso
Junior Member
NYC here -
Posts: 76
Gender: Male
Dev Status: Disabled Male
Relationship Status: Single
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Post by expresso on Nov 2, 2019 12:44:59 GMT -5
I don't have a chair, per se, but I'm 38 going on 39 and I don't think I'll ever be with anyone. I've come to terms with that and even a sort of peace with it. I certainly don't want anyone else to be discouraged, and if the opportunity presents itself, go for it, full steam ahead. I just gotta be realistic; I'm not young, not particularly handsome, so I don't think it will ever happen for me in particular.
Your not Old - we can switch if you like actually 40's is a good overall age to be mature enough - |
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Post by Dr. BiPAP Sachin on Nov 2, 2019 15:57:03 GMT -5
I've been very confused and frustrated on being alone forever recently, and it has been difficult to overcome. I remain a little hopeful, but that hope lessens every day. Don't lose hope, bud. Here at PD in the virtual sense, to say the least, you are never alone. In terms of a potential companion, you never know…  |
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Post by zacc on Nov 2, 2019 19:12:12 GMT -5
Then there’s “Disability After Dark Souls,” a public access program showcasing two snarky devils’ ability to cooperatively bungle their way through various Miyazaki masterpieces in spite of their physical limitations. The show airs once every two months; the time it takes for both gamers to overcome their Souls-induced conniptions. Yeah, and each episode would have to begin with a detailed description/retelling of one of said conniptions. We need to know all the gory details. |
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Post by blueskye101 on Nov 3, 2019 1:10:32 GMT -5
I don't have a chair, per se, but I'm 38 going on 39 and I don't think I'll ever be with anyone. I've come to terms with that and even a sort of peace with it. I certainly don't want anyone else to be discouraged, and if the opportunity presents itself, go for it, full steam ahead. I just gotta be realistic; I'm not young, not particularly handsome, so I don't think it will ever happen for me in particular. Age and looks are all relative. But, I get it. Seems like even on here, everyone is always saying, “I want a really attractive wheeler.” I guess this really bothers me cause I think everyone can’t be a model and that would be so boring anyway. And are all the people saying this, really attractive? Personally, I kinda like non traditional faces and bodies. Hello, dev 😉 Ha, maybe that’s what I’ve always told myself cause I’m no raving beauty. Most people aren’t. Anyway, if I were 20 years younger 😆. |
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Post by Braced4Impact on Nov 3, 2019 2:39:35 GMT -5
I don't have a chair, per se, but I'm 38 going on 39 and I don't think I'll ever be with anyone. I've come to terms with that and even a sort of peace with it. I certainly don't want anyone else to be discouraged, and if the opportunity presents itself, go for it, full steam ahead. I just gotta be realistic; I'm not young, not particularly handsome, so I don't think it will ever happen for me in particular. Age and looks are all relative. But, I get it. Seems like even on here, everyone is always saying, “I want a really attractive wheeler.” I guess this really bothers me cause I think everyone can’t be a model and that would be so boring anyway. And are all the people saying this, really attractive? Personally, I kinda like non traditional faces and bodies. Hello, dev 😉 Ha, maybe that’s what I’ve always told myself cause I’m no raving beauty. Most people aren’t. Anyway, if I were 20 years younger 😆. I don't blame people for wanting an attractive wheeler here. I know that the former athletes/daredevils who got injured suddenly are usually more attractive than those born with a disability, and I also know the majority of devs prefer a guy in a wheelchair rather than a guy who merely walks with a limp and braces. I won't criticize anyone for having their preferences or desires, because we all have them, and the last thing I want is for devs to feel more guilt than they already self-prescribe. Is it nice to think one day a dev out there would be interested in me? Of course. Is it probable? I doubt it. It's kinda like playing the lottery, I have a 1 in 70,000,000 chance of winning, but there's still that chance, lol. |
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Post by feelsunshine on Nov 4, 2019 12:47:45 GMT -5
Age and looks are all relative. But, I get it. Seems like even on here, everyone is always saying, “I want a really attractive wheeler.” I guess this really bothers me cause I think everyone can’t be a model and that would be so boring anyway. And are all the people saying this, really attractive? Personally, I kinda like non traditional faces and bodies. Hello, dev 😉 Ha, maybe that’s what I’ve always told myself cause I’m no raving beauty. Most people aren’t. Anyway, if I were 20 years younger 😆. I don't blame people for wanting an attractive wheeler here. I know that the former athletes/daredevils who got injured suddenly are usually more attractive than those born with a disability, and I also know the majority of devs prefer a guy in a wheelchair rather than a guy who merely walks with a limp and braces. I won't criticize anyone for having their preferences or desires, because we all have them, and the last thing I want is for devs to feel more guilt than they already self-prescribe. Is it nice to think one day a dev out there would be interested in me? Of course. Is it probable? I doubt it. It's kinda like playing the lottery, I have a 1 in 70,000,000 chance of winning, but there's still that chance, lol. keep your head up high! We are all dreaming here and I see chances pretty low that all of us dev ladies here will find their cute para (or whatever disability) that they wish for. I have mentioned it many times and will repeat myself over and over again if necessary: I truly believe that there is a significant other waiting for everyone of us, we just have to find them. And, as I said, for most of us, it probably won't be the type of partner that we had wished for, but he/she will be just perfect in the way they are. |
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Nov 4, 2019 21:45:55 GMT -5
At the risk of being a boring cliche, I have to say that I spent a long time also thinking that I would be alone unless I compromised greatly on what made me happy. Eventually I decided that I’d rather be single than in a relationship that was a compromise. I hate to agree with all those silly magazine articles that say you have to become happy with yourself before you can become happy with someone else.......but in my case it was true. I had to get through losing myself in order to find myself. So good luck, there is someone out there for us all. There are no guarantees that we will cross paths with the right person but it’s worth waiting and hoping because if you do find it, then it’s truly worth it x
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Post by Nate on Nov 4, 2019 22:25:55 GMT -5
I don't blame people for wanting an attractive wheeler here. I know that the former athletes/daredevils who got injured suddenly are usually more attractive than those born with a disability, and I also know the majority of devs prefer a guy in a wheelchair rather than a guy who merely walks with a limp and braces. I won't criticize anyone for having their preferences or desires, because we all have them, and the last thing I want is for devs to feel more guilt than they already self-prescribe. Is it nice to think one day a dev out there would be interested in me? Of course. Is it probable? I doubt it. It's kinda like playing the lottery, I have a 1 in 70,000,000 chance of winning, but there's still that chance, lol. keep your head up high! We are all dreaming here and I see chances pretty low that all of us dev ladies here will find their cute para (or whatever disability) that they wish for. I have mentioned it many times and will repeat myself over and over again if necessary: I truly believe that there is a significant other waiting for everyone of us, we just have to find them. And, as I said, for most of us, it probably won't be the type of partner that we had wished for, but he/she will be just perfect in the way they are. Whateverdevo.net -- launching January 1, 2024.
I will be designing the forum from scratch in three and a half minute coding sprints every eighteen days. I thought about a more ambitious timetable -- bumping up the frequency to every seventeen days -- but then I said to myself, "Whatever."
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Post by zacc on Nov 5, 2019 10:47:46 GMT -5
At the risk of being a boring cliche, I have to say that I spent a long time also thinking that I would be alone unless I compromised greatly on what made me happy. Eventually I decided that I’d rather be single than in a relationship that was a compromise. I hate to agree with all those silly magazine articles that say you have to become happy with yourself before you can become happy with someone else.......but in my case it was true. I had to get through losing myself in order to find myself. So good luck, there is someone out there for us all. There are no guarantees that we will cross paths with the right person but it’s worth waiting and hoping because if you do find it, then it’s truly worth it x Personally, and I am not speaking from a place of experience, I wouldn’t mind compromising in a relationship. I mean I wouldn’t compromise to the point of being in a relationship with someone that I don’t like, but I would be willing to compromise to the point of being in a relationship with someone I have at least some things in common with and is down for long discussions on random shit, and isn’t an Ancient Greek beauty (that’s really my main list of criteria for someone I would date). My ideal would be someone who is very similar to me and I know that probably won’t happen. Also I know whoever would be in a relationship with me would have to compromise, and isn’t a good relationship all about compromise anyway. But I don’t really know seeing as I have very little experience, but in theory that’s what I believe. |
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