jta0093
New Member
Posts: 4 
Gender: Male
Dev Status: Devotee
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Post by jta0093 on Nov 19, 2019 17:31:11 GMT -5
Hi,
This is my first post so please be kind,
I'm interesting in people's opinions with regards to what appears to be quite the minority even in this community,
Do people generally accept BIID as a genuine condition?
Do people belive its wrong for a person to desire having a disability?
Is it acceptable in your mind for an able bodied person to use a wheelchair in public even if the reasons for doing so would be considered entirely phycological? (for the purposes of this question I would of course exclude any actions that might put a PWD at any disadvantage, ie use of a disabled parking space etc)
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Post by rebeckers84 on Nov 19, 2019 21:28:02 GMT -5
I’m pretty much of the opinion of to each their own. Not something I’m interested in but if it’s your thing, you do you.
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Post by myrrh on Nov 19, 2019 22:07:52 GMT -5
Is it a genuine condition? Yes, no different than depression or anorexia. Keep in mind that we don't treat anorexia by allowing a person to starve themselves.
Acceptable in public? Absolutely not. I was never sure how to feel about it, until one day I had a conversation with a PWD who compared it to blackface. It's taking the very thing that oppresses a class of people, performing it explicitly for personal purposes, all the while retaining the privilege of having an able body.
Not to mention that if more people knew about BIID, people with actual physical disabilities would be taken less seriously because people would have a lurking suspicion that they're pretending on have harmed themselves intentionally.
Behavior at home, involving consenting adults, isn't something I will comment on.
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Post by linda on Nov 20, 2019 11:07:39 GMT -5
I have recently come in contact with a person with BIID. A warm-hearted, kind and very intelligent person. Before that, I didn’t have the slightest idea that something like this even exists. I didn’t even know that devness is a thing for the longest time of my life... I cannot at all relate to BIID personally, but that is said without any judgement.
I can understand that it might feel like a slap in the face to make the deliberate choice to become disabled for the people who have to learn to cope with a disability against their will. Devness is hard to accept. To accept BIID from the point of view of a PWD with an acquainted disability must be unlikely harder. But still, I think the main point is this: no matter whether it is being disabled, being a dev, being a pretender or being a person suffering from BIID, none of us has chosen this. I know the hardship of being a dev. How much harder must it be to live with BIID?
No one should have to hide. The point in life is to accept who one is. So in that sense I think it is not only ok but the only possible way to lead an honest life with personal integrity to also act out on BIID if that is what it takes. What our world needs more than anything is more openness, more understanding, more acceptance and love for all kind of minorities which have every right to be the way they are for the mere fact that they do exist.
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Post by linda on Nov 20, 2019 12:25:14 GMT -5
If people tend to question „real“ disabilities because of people with BIID using a wheelchair for instance (while I doubt that they would ever find out that the person with BIID can walk), the problem lies in the lack of understanding about BIID. Not in the people suffering from it. Who are already victims themselves because of their condition.
Every PWD with an acquired disability knows how hard it is to be an „AB in the body of a disabled person“. Nothing but this is BIID. Being in a body that does not belong to you. I think it is not less „valid“ than any other disability.
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Post by mona on Nov 20, 2019 16:07:42 GMT -5
Hi, This is my first post so please be kind, I'm interesting in people's opinions with regards to what appears to be quite the minority even in this community, Do people generally accept BIID as a genuine condition? Do people belive its wrong for a person to desire having a disability? Is it acceptable in your mind for an able bodied person to use a wheelchair in public even if the reasons for doing so would be considered entirely phycological? (for the purposes of this question I would of course exclude any actions that might put a PWD at any disadvantage, ie use of a disabled parking space etc) Hello and welcome! It's not an easy topic you're raising. Your questions have been discussed controversially on here and maybe it would be helpful to use the search function on the general board and look into some threads from the past. |
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Post by linda on Nov 20, 2019 17:51:41 GMT -5
I agree with what you say about only pretending the easy parts of having a disability, @tc123. In that sense, I don’t think it’s to be seen as equivalent.
Even though I said that none of us has had a choice, there is a big difference between pretenders and people with BIID, if my understanding is correct. The person I know wishes to have no limbs at all and feels that this is the only way she can feel „complete“. Trying to amputate both legs, she succeeded only with one. Now she struggles with the idea of realizing what she really would hope for, because it would be such a deep impact not only on her life. I think this extreme case shows how serious the condition is, if someone is willing to go that far.
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Post by missparkle on Nov 20, 2019 18:02:56 GMT -5
I do believe it is genuine condition and I feel deeply for them, it must be a struggle. However, I simply don't know what to think of it, what is right or wrong, what is "better" and what is "worse", pretender or wannabe...
@tc123 , I believe I know you well enough to be aware that you are never putting anything here lightly, but very well thought out. Can you explain this stance of yours, please? I want to understand.
I actually would be more supportive of a person with BIID that goes through with self-injury. I used to be against self-injury, but now I feel if a person with BIID feels the need to be in a disabled body, then I would prefer they actually get a disabled body. I do wonder how many would actually go through with it.
Do you think we should encourage self damaging? Is it socially responsible? Should we encourage and support suicide then as well? And I am not talking about euthanasia.
One other thing I often have in my mind. Sometimes I think that being dev is very similar to BIID, I really easily see the parallel. The difference is that in dev case the individual doesn't have a problem with self image, but does have "wrongly imprinted" image of couple.
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Post by ada on Nov 20, 2019 19:22:52 GMT -5
Sometimes I think that being dev is very similar to BIID, I really easily see the parallel. The difference is that in dev case the individual doesn't have a problem with self image, but does have "wrongly imprinted" image of couple. [/div] I strongly disagree with this parallel. And I could be misunderstanding it, so what exactly do you mean by "wrongly imprinted image of couple"? |
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Post by strawberrybubblegum on Nov 21, 2019 1:21:25 GMT -5
@tc123
Very well written answer with valid points. I disagree with the part about people with BIID rather wanting to be seen as disabled than actually being disabled. As far as I know, BIID is about body dysphoria and a “wrong” body mapping, so that the brain actually believes parts of the body shouldn’t be there or function properly. So I believe that they actually do want to be disabled.
At the same time, I also wonder how many people with BIID actually go through with it. I believe it’s comparable to being transgender. Not all trans people transition, because of many different reasons. But it’s still valid that they actually do feel as if they should be disabled or a different gender.
For me, there’s a difference between people with BIID and pretenders. Not all people with BIID pretend and not all pretenders have BIID. So I find it’s not accurate to generally compare them to one another.
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Post by missparkle on Nov 21, 2019 6:05:11 GMT -5
Sometimes I think that being dev is very similar to BIID, I really easily see the parallel. The difference is that in dev case the individual doesn't have a problem with self image, but does have "wrongly imprinted" image of couple. I strongly disagree with this parallel. And I could be misunderstanding it, so what exactly do you mean by "wrongly imprinted image of couple" ada: " I strongly disagree with this parallel. And I could be misunderstanding it, so what exactly do you mean by "wrongly imprinted image of couple"?"
I am glad that you asked , it gives me opportunity to explain better what I mean. 
I would not go deeper into BIID since I believe I don't know enough about it, I don't understand some issues about it, I've never met anyone with BIID and therefore I think I shouldn't jump to any conclusions. I would address only that parts that I find similar, if not same as devness.
People with BIID have a desire to be part of "disabled word", I believe in many aspects, not just physical, but psychological, emotional, social, etc. They simple feel wrong in their (AB) body, having image in their minds what would be right for them (disabled) and where they belong.
Isn't it very similar with dev? Dev doesn't have problem with its own body identity, but when it comes to a partner, it simply feels "right" if he is disabled. The abstract image of "the man of one's dream", "the perfect one", "knight on white horse" includes disability. Dev also has a desire to be part of disable world and all aspects of it, being part of a couple, where disabled partner is being "ticket to the Dreamland".
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Nov 21, 2019 7:48:50 GMT -5
ada: " I strongly disagree with this parallel. And I could be misunderstanding it, so what exactly do you mean by "wrongly imprinted image of couple"?"
I am glad that you asked , it gives me opportunity to explain better what I mean.
I would not go deeper into BIID since I believe I don't know enough about it, I don't understand some issues about it, I've never met anyone with BIID and therefore I think I shouldn't jump to any conclusions. I would address only that parts that I find similar, if not same as devness.
People with BIID have a desire to be part of "disabled word", I believe in many aspects, not just physical, but psychological, emotional, social, etc. They simple feel wrong in their (AB) body, having image in their minds what would be right for them (disabled) and where they belong.
Isn't it very similar with dev? Dev doesn't have problem with its own body identity, but when it comes to a partner, it simply feels "right" if he is disabled. The abstract image of "the man of one's dream", "the perfect one", "knight on white horse" includes disability. Dev also has a desire to be part of disable world and all aspects of it, being part of a couple, where disabled partner is being "ticket to the Dreamland".
I strongly disagree with your comparison of being BIID and being a dev. My attraction to disabled men is just that...an attraction. I look on my partner as a bloody amazing man with a physical trait that im attracted to NOT " a ticket to dreamland " !! |
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Post by devogirl on Nov 21, 2019 8:27:21 GMT -5
I get the comparison but I don't agree. BIID is a mental illness. Being a dev is not a mental illness, whether you think of it as a kink or orientation or preference, it's not the same. Unfortunately for people suffering with BIID, there has been very little research and no effective therapies. It's one thing to say "get help!" but people who have tried talk therapy often say it hasn't helped them. I have seen them say that acquiring the desired disability is the only known cure, but as Linda pointed out, it doesn't always work out the way the person imagined.
I agree that it's somewhat comparable to being transgender, but the social acceptance of changing gender vs acquiring a disability on purpose is very different. So while both may originate as body dysphoria, actual lived experience will differ dramatically. I think the comparison to anorexia might be more apt.
We used to have a few active members here with BIID who were good advocates for themselves but they stopped posting a long time ago. We have also had quite a few members with BIID who engaged in some questionable public pretending, which caused some otherwise sympathetic people to lose patience with them. If you search back through the old threads you can see these discussions.
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Post by linda on Nov 21, 2019 12:05:14 GMT -5
I can’t relate to pretending and I don’t feel any kind of sympathy or compassion, other than for people with BIID. But still, I just cannot understand where the feeling of disrespect towards real PWD comes from, @tc123. As long as it’s not taking away the legit advantages of PWDs such as parking spots or so. I simply don’t see the connection. Why would it influence the life of any PWD if someone else thinks that they want to pretend needing a wheelchair? I can understand how it is not understandable or seems very weird, but I can’t understand why it would be seen a matter of respect or disrespect.
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Post by blueskye101 on Nov 21, 2019 19:00:02 GMT -5
jta0093, what do you think of this conversation? What are your feelings about the comments made since you started the thread.
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