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Post by wonk on Dec 6, 2019 23:37:11 GMT -5
I don't think as a whole we are more approachable. There seems to be way more assholes that are pwd's than in the general population.
I am still a bit of a country boy at heart and say hello to everyone I pass in my small town, not so much when I venture into the 'city', however I always reply and smile.
It reminds me of when I was younger and there was so little traffic that you waved to every car you passed
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Post by linda on Dec 7, 2019 3:06:05 GMT -5
I don't think as a whole we are more approachable. There seems to be way more assholes that are pwd's than in the general population. Why do you think there would be more assholes among the pwd‘s, Wonk? I think in general all people of all kind are the same, notwithstanding their race, orientation or physical ability for that matter. I‘m listing this up, because often enough people tend to idealize people of another group out of a desperate attempt to approach them, to connect with them on an emotional level but they don’t know how. So psychology seems to work in a way that people tend to see or stress the positive sides while they rather ignore the negative ones when wanting to overcome this „gap“. I often observed this attitude among people dealing with groups as e.g. foreigners or homosexuals. And then it hits them hard when they realize that also foreigners are „just people“ and no saints, and they step back again with the feeling of „I tried so hard, but in the end it turned out that they are difficult to interact with.“ Often enough combined with a feeling of disappointment because the others have not been grateful enough for all the effort so generously made for them. While the whole problem from the beginning was approaching the others with a certain expectation of how they should be. And as soon as they don’t fit the pattern, it’s easier to get back to the safe ground of the own group instead of trying to understand why people are the way they are... But to take it back to the original question – while I believe that people in general come with the same likeliness of being or developing into a good or a bad person (no need to mention the fact that both sides are there in everyone and it’s a dynamic process that continuously takes place and can change the direction at any time), the experiences of life shape the personality and I do believe that a traumatic experience as acquiring a disability can make one more understanding. Or not only acquiring one but also having to deal with the obstacles of living with a disability. You may as well argue that it can make one bitter.
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Post by wonk on Dec 7, 2019 4:06:44 GMT -5
30+ years of meeting and talking to PWD's gives me a sense that there is a way way bigger proportion that are asswipes than in the general population. Add to this the people who have felt patronised and no longer want contact, and the ones who don't feel good about themselves.
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Post by missparkle on Dec 7, 2019 4:24:55 GMT -5
I do believe that a traumatic experience as acquiring a disability can make one more understanding. It can, but not necessarily does.
I think it is, again, one common idealization that we devs like to believe in. That traumatic experience "gives lesson" of humbleness, understanding, empathy, kindness, patience, superficiality, determination, goal orientation... However, it is not necessary the truth, disability is not magic wand that makes people better and deeper, turning assholes into saints. I think it only amplifies some traits, being it good or bad.
I also learned that some pwds can be more selfish and egoistic than you would expect, but it is completely understandable too. Like some raw primal survival instincts, being concerned about satisfying their (special) needs.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 7, 2019 4:52:11 GMT -5
Just wondering why you don’t want people to say hello to you? I really don’t understand why it’s an issue. As a teenager it annoyed me. Think of my street cred when amongst all my punk rock frtiends, I'd be singled out by the old ladies I wrote above how nowadays it's more annoying to have to pull my headphones to reply,or when I'm clearly in a hurry and people still do it.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 7, 2019 4:54:24 GMT -5
I do believe that a traumatic experience as acquiring a disability can make one more understanding. It can, but not necessarily does.
I think it is, again, one common idealization that we devs like to believe in. That traumatic experience "gives lesson" of humbleness, understanding, empathy, kindness, patience, superficiality, determination, goal orientation... However, it is not necessary the truth, disability is not magic wand that makes people better and deeper, turning assholes into saints. I think it only amplifies some traits, being it good or bad.
I also learned that some pwds can be more selfish and egoistic than you would expect, but it is completely understandable too. Like some raw primal survival instincts, being concerned about satisfying their (special) needs.
Some are fairly isolationist, feel like the world owes them or just can't empathise with anyone better off with themselves... I went to a special needs School - wrongly - it was a learning curve if nothing else.
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Orion50
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Post by Orion50 on Dec 7, 2019 9:28:17 GMT -5
What I notice is that people tend to remember me because I might be the only person in a wheelchair that they encounter in a day. I’m complete shit with names so I always feel like an ass because they’ll greet me by name and I have no idea what theirs is. They’re like the 100th AB dude I’ve encountered that day and don’t stand out (there’s a pun in there that I'm too lazy to flesh out). This is spot-on for me as well, it’s like being some sort of weird celebrity 😂 I was trying to explain it to a friend recently.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 7, 2019 10:06:07 GMT -5
I never really thought about this, but perhaps you are right. People love telling me their problems for some reason. I'm not sure if that has to do with the chair or what. Yep! That's another thing... people love telling me all about their health problems... Either that or "I have a daughter who has your disability etc etc" Or even just "I have a son like you"
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Post by feelsunshine on Dec 7, 2019 10:34:24 GMT -5
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Post by Nate on Dec 7, 2019 11:23:21 GMT -5
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Post by feelsunshine on Dec 7, 2019 11:28:11 GMT -5
nate, you're right!! I totally had put these two threads together as one in my memory. Yes, "lies" was good, too!
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erikajulia
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Post by erikajulia on Dec 7, 2019 11:35:57 GMT -5
I am still a bit of a country boy at heart and say hello to everyone I pass in my small town, not so much when I venture into the 'city', however I always reply and smile. I'm so happy it's not only me behaving that way. I always greet the people in my street - and most of the time I earn a blank stare. Some elder people seem to feel happy to be greeted, but one day one elderly lady stopped dead in her tracks and stared at me hard - even remained rooted to the spot looking at me when I was already 50 meters away...
I moved from the country to our (small) capital, and as I work in the center, I have to remind myself frequently that "you don't greet random people on the street here". Still feels veirdly impolite. :-D
We are allowed to have lunch in the state parliament, and my colleague whacked me in the back when by entering the building, out of polite habit, I started greeting the people we met inside. We had quite an argument about it. What I find awful, too, is, when one enters a room and there are already people, that so many people don't greet when entering. Just like zombies.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 7, 2019 11:43:20 GMT -5
I do believe that a traumatic experience as acquiring a disability can make one more understanding. It can, but not necessarily does.
I think it is, again, one common idealization that we devs like to believe in. That traumatic experience "gives lesson" of humbleness, understanding, empathy, kindness, patience, superficiality, determination, goal orientation... However, it is not necessary the truth, disability is not magic wand that makes people better and deeper, turning assholes into saints. I think it only amplifies some traits, being it good or bad.
I also learned that some pwds can be more selfish and egoistic than you would expect, but it is completely understandable too. Like some raw primal survival instincts, being concerned about satisfying their (special) needs.
I think you are so right with your comment. Devs certainly do idealise the perfect pwd, in reality we are all just people. Some genuine, some idiots. In my experience no matter how accomplished the pwd is in their life, they still cope with more frustrations, pain, irritations etc and on those days it would make anyone appear a little less approachable.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 7, 2019 12:37:53 GMT -5
I would have to say no. A trip to the grocery store last night is a perfect example.
I'm parked in front of the milk and cream. A pretty woman in the right pair of pants goes by. She smiles I smile. I don't say a word.
On the way back from my car with the basket. She's coming out as I'm going back in. Again smile, smile. I manage a hi. I turn around and expected her to be much further along.
Long dormant instincts scream at me to say something as I pass. Get a name. Introduce yourself. Get a fucking number!!
Stronger dominate cowardice prevailed...
As I told a friend last night. Missed opportunities are my only sins these days.
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Post by wonk on Dec 7, 2019 13:27:50 GMT -5
. Missed opportunities are my only sins these days. Remember that great Wayne Gretzky quote 'you miss 100% of the shots you don't take'
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