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Post by cilantro on Sept 3, 2020 13:44:08 GMT -5
I didn't chose to be a dev. For most of my life I would have given up a lot not to be one, but here's the deal, I don't think I would give it up anymore. I've spent a lot of energy on the negatives of being a dev, but it's a part of me and has made me who I am and I LOVE WHO I AM.
Lately I have connected with incredible people who I would have never even crossed paths with if I weren't a dev. I've gotten to take a really fun trip to goof around with a friend who I met on pd. I've become more aware of accessibility issues and the ways that I can be an advocate for all sorts of communities. I've become a part of the pd community, a small but kind corner of the internet. I've enjoyed great movies, books, comics, and fanfics that I never would have found if not for my devness. I've gotten to connect even more with my friends by being open with them and seeing that they love me for everything that I am, even the parts I was afraid to show.
I just wanted a thread to acknowledge all the positives of devness because there are many.
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Post by robbb on Sept 3, 2020 16:11:31 GMT -5
I've never really thought of my devness in terms of positives or negatives, I don't think I analyse it enough to do that. (I'm a bloke after all!)
I do agree that it is part of me though, and I love being me so I figure it can't be a bad thing.
R.
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Post by devogirl on Sept 4, 2020 22:32:34 GMT -5
Yes!!!! I love this post so much. Thank you!
I feel exactly the same way. I've had so many amazing experiences that I would never have done if I didn't have my dev desires driving me on. I certainly would never have taken up fiction writing again or put the effort into writing novels if I weren't a dev.
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Post by doe on Sept 5, 2020 2:27:53 GMT -5
This is a great topic. Being a dev has given me: . Lasting, friendships with devs and PWDs . Opportunity to visit places in the world I never would have visited, but for this board . Connection on an extraordinarily deep level with some others who share being a dev . Insights in who I am and who I wish to be.
Most of this takes place off board nowadays, but this board and a willingness to explore devness is where it all began and I will be forever grateful.
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Post by kyliestarz on Sept 11, 2020 16:24:22 GMT -5
For me, I’m not really sure if the positives out way the negatives or not. Like if given the opportunity to have gone through my whole life not being a dev, I would for sure have to think long and hard. But if it were to suddenly disappear FOR SURE I would miss it. At this point (36 years old) I would not want to lose my devness.
Also for me, one of the best things about being a dev is the amount and level of sexual gratification I get from it. Granted it’s solo online, or in my head with my AB partner, but do get sooooo much gratification from satisfying such a deep craving, whenever I please. I don’t really think my non-dev friends for example have something close to a never ending well like my devness.
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Celeste
Full Member
Posts: 126
Gender: Female
Dev Status: Devotee
Relationship Status: Single
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Post by Celeste on Sept 27, 2020 20:04:36 GMT -5
I love this topic! cilantro I'm really glad that you've found self acceptance and embrace being a dev! I personally would not give it up. Here's my list: - I know exactly what I like. My preferences are subject to change, but in any given moment I usually know. This extends to other areas of my life, too.
- I am open about the different ways that people do things and approach situations. A combination of disability and cultural awareness has made me more open about how people live (and less judgmental).
- Watching devvy movies can be great foreign language practice!
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Kahanah
Junior Member
Posts: 59
Gender: Female
Dev Status: Devotee
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Post by Kahanah on Sept 27, 2020 23:28:07 GMT -5
I can say the only positive for me is that I’m working in male dominated industry and I can keep my head clear because I’m not sexually distracted. At all.
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Post by ContingentlyComposite on Oct 22, 2020 12:24:05 GMT -5
To be honest, I was really struggling to think of positives when you first posted this cilantro . But now that I've decided to be a little more open about being a dev with folks, I've found a positive-- it's a great way to squash unwanted romantic advances from men!
Every now and then long-time friends, or men I've dated very briefly, out of nowhere express romantic interest. Sometimes even if I'm dating someone. It's very annoying. Not only is it awkward and uncomfortable, I don't want to have to say things that hurt their feelings. And I know that without providing a specific explanation I'm liable to get the low-key misogynist whining about how unfair it is when women always "friend zone" them, etc. And of course it strains your friendship to have to have those conversations.
It turns out that saying "actually I'm really attracted to PWDs, and I literally can't orgasm with able-bodied dudes" shuts them up real fast and preserves their fragile egos. I think it's because it's such an unlikely explanation of why you're not/were not interested, they accept it as a legitimate and non-emasculating explanation for your persistent lack of interest. It's great! Although obviously only useful for men you know to be open-minded and trustworthy.
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Post by cilantro on Oct 22, 2020 16:21:39 GMT -5
Too be honest, I was really struggling to think of positives when you first posted this cilantro . But now that I've decided to be a little more open about being a dev with folks, I've found a positive-- it's a great way to squash unwanted romantic advances from men!
Every now and then long-time friends, or men I've dated very briefly, out of nowhere express romantic interest. Sometimes even if I'm dating someone. It's very annoying. Not only is it awkward and uncomfortable, I don't want to have to say things that hurt their feelings. And I know that without providing a specific explanation I'm liable to get the low-key misogynist whining about how unfair it is when women always "friend zone" them, etc. And of course it strains your friendship to have to have those conversations.
It turns out that saying "actually I'm really attracted to PWDs, and I literally can't orgasm with able-bodied dudes" shuts them up real fast and preserves their fragile egos. I think it's because it's such an unlikely explanation of why you're not/were not interested, they accept it as a legitimate and non-emasculating explanation for your persistent lack of interest. It's great! Although obviously only useful for men you know to be open-minded and trustworthy. So true. I used this on the last guy I needed off my back, but then I got the whole desperate "I could pretend" and then the wounded "So you want me to break my neck?" No and no. I seriously hate guys.
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Post by myrrh on Oct 22, 2020 16:36:19 GMT -5
That is some really outstanding desperation.
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Post by SouthernCalGal on Oct 27, 2020 17:06:56 GMT -5
cilantro, I can't believe I am just getting to this thread. I accept and embrace my dev uniqueness now and some of the positives include: - Awareness of accessibility and an interest and eye that others don't see - Amazing ability to use my imagination and explore my devness through daydreams - The discovery of my devness brought me to amazing books and authors who I thoroughly enjoy - Embracing my devness and opening myself up on PD has enabled me to grow as a person and really be true to myself and also open up about my sexuality - I have met amazing people and want to continue to meet people in person once it is safe You are very lucky to have discovered this aspect of yourself and able to explore it so early in your life. I would have loved to have PD 35 years ago.
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Post by lisa on Oct 31, 2020 5:11:41 GMT -5
I've been meaning to comment on this thread for ages. While I have to admit that there are lots of negatives about being a dev, in my experience there are a bunch of positives as well. The greatest thing for me is having a positive influence on the PWDs I meet. Some of them have expressed that knowing that there are people out there who find them attractive not only despite but because of the disability has given them a much more appreciation for themselves and their bodies. This is such a life-changing thing for me. Knowing that my devness can create beautiful change in others. (About the most recent example I talked in the wheeler spotting thread) Being a dev there is a trait about me that makes me special. This might be a bit self-centered, but it has helped me to find a place for myself in the world. I've been interviewed about being a dev a few times and if only one in-the-closet-dev reads this and knows that she or he isn't alone with this attraction, it was worth it. I've never really thought about it in depth, but when Kahanah mentioned that it can be a positive to not be distracted by the males around you, I could relate. It's not the workplace for me, but dancing. I know that most of the guys go dancing because they want to get to know girls. But for me, dancing was always about the synchronized movements, about the music, about interpreting music... Sure, sometimes you notice a dancing partner being aroused. But it never was like that for me. And I think the ability to concentrate purely on the movements and the music has given me the opportunity to enjoy dancing much more. Finally, and this one is something that I wasn't able to appreciate for a long time: I know exactly what type of people I am attracted to. There are so many people out there who can't really pinpoint it or for who the attraction is more about internal things. And this is something that I have hoped for myself for a long time. But I had to admit to myself that internal factors just aren't enough. And this is fine, as long as they still do play a role. And I know exactly the type of man I am or would be most attracted to. It is super hard to find someone to check all the boxes, as always, but at least I have some clue where to begin looking (not that I am looking :P).
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Post by devogirl on Oct 31, 2020 8:08:11 GMT -5
^^^^ So much this!! I am so grateful that I know exactly what turns me on. Talking to many of my non-dev female friends, it's something many of them really struggle with.
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Post by mona on Nov 1, 2020 3:29:08 GMT -5
cilantro, thanks for starting this thread! I think it is so important to look on the good sides of our attraction. You put it so well by saying "it has made me who I am". I feel that's true for me as well. It's not only about who I feel attracted to romantically and sexually. It's also about how I look at the world. I like things that went through hardship/traumatic events and it made them stronger and more interesting - that applies to cities (like my hometown Berlin), art objects like the Japanese Kintsugi pottery, architecture, even to trees and so much more. I embrace differences. I am not afraid of being friends with someone whose experience differs a lot from mine. I am convinced that through good communication these differences can be addressed and overcome. I believe that it makes my life rich and significant not only to surround myself with people who share my background but also with those who don't. And as you already mentioned: We have a very particular perspective on disability and that makes us unique - and really cool! I see beauty where others see abnormity. I see inner strength and resourcefulness where others see struggle. I see resilience when others feel pity. As you pointed out, lisa, with our particular perception, we can make feel other people really good about themselves. And that's an incredible gift.
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Post by elbs on Jan 1, 2021 19:40:49 GMT -5
For me, the main positive has probably been how it's affected my writing. I get so many story ideas from my fetishes.
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