Hypothetical question

[indigo44]

Hi! 

So, I know that for many devs this attraction began in childhood, and many of us can't explain why we have the feelings we do. 

Imagine you grow up in a world where disability didn't exist at all and then for the first time as an adult you are exposed to it, would you still find yourself attracted to it? 

It's theorised that fetishes are caused by childhood experiences, and yes I know that for many devs it isn't a fetish, but if devness is possibly caused by childhood experiences, Would you still be a dev if you were only ever saw disability when you were an adult? I wondered if devness may be caused by how we percieve disability when we are children, so that got me thinking about this.

[Dani]

I am attracted to and curious about people who are different, so I think yes, I would still be attracted.
I'm actually not sure how much my childhood had to do with my devness...

[Inkdevil]

I didn’t really see anyone with a disability growing up and then BAM!! I went to watch Born on the Fourth of July and I knew I was different to most others. Never knew I was a dev for the next 25 years though…

[prrrowr]

I partly agree with you, Indigo. I think human sexuality, like other kinds of human psychology, is part nature, part nurture. I do think there is a strong component of childhood experiences forming our sexuality and what we think is sexual / attractive. I heard an NPR radio show about this topic, where a man recounted how he would have to hold his bathroom door shut while masturbating at a young age, to keep anyone else from walking in on him in the bathroom. As an adult he had a doorknob fetish, he had to have doorknobs involved in his sex life!!

For me, my father is disabled - a RAK amputee. It makes me feel really gross and squicky to think about it too much, because who wants to think about their parent when analyzing their own sexuality? (Shudder!!) But I know my dev-ness is completely related to his being disabled.

Also interesting - my kids also think people missing a leg is normal, because that's what Grandpa is like. They sometimes draw pictures of 1-legged people, like it's no big thing, no one even comments on it. I wonder if they have any devotee feelings, but I haven't asked them. They are still young and figuring things out and exploring.

Funny side note - I didn't know my father was disabled until I was older. His body and everything related - prosthetic leg, crutches at night, never playing tag, etc - was totally normal to me. I knew that other people were "disabled", like people who used wheelchairs or crutches or had other disabilities. But I never connected the concept with my own dad until I was in college!! Maybe I'm just dense, hahaha. I had to write a paper about disability and it hit me like a bolt of lightning. **My father is actually disabled! Other people see him as a disabled guy!** It seems ridiculous and obvious, but I was astounded to realize that my lens was different than the world's; to me he was just my father, shrug.

2nd tangent, kind of related! In college I was lab partners with a guy who was missing an arm, from his shoulder on. I didn't notice, for about 2 months. Honest to god, I thought he was just cold all the time, and would stick his arms inside his shirt to keep warm, like I often did, but he would have to take one arm out to write and take notes. So one day we had a lab exercise to figure out which eye was dominant, by holding out your hands at arms length, making a triangle with your pointer fingers and thumbs, and then aiming at something like a photo on the wall. When you have sighted the object in your triangle, you close one eye at a time to see which eye has the object lined up,and which one doesn't. Aaaanyway, he asked to borrow an arm to do the exercise. I asked him "Why?" He looked at me like I had 3 heads, and said "Because I only have one arm." Like it was completely obvious (it was!) and I was a total idiot. Again, lightening bolt of realization from the sky, and I was So Embarassed. I wanted to melt through the floor. There are only a handful of times I've ever been more embarrassed than that, gahhh.

[Deleted]

Oct 11, 2022 9:27:15 GMT -5 Inkdevil said:

I didn’t really see anyone with a disability growing up and then BAM!! I went to watch Born on the Fourth of July and I knew I was different to most others. Never knew I was a dev for the next 25 years though…

For me it was the opposite. I grew up having people around with a variety of disabilities, so... it is very hard for me to imagine a world without disabilities in the first place. I'm speculating here a bit but... I guess the result would be the same. I think it is not that I'm attracted to some body features as a consequence of being attracted by a disability. I think I feel attracted by a disability because it sumarizes things that I would like anyway.

[ayla]

Oct 13, 2022 14:06:48 GMT -5 @aldebaran said:

I think it is not that I'm attracted to some body features as a consequence of being attracted by a disability. I think I feel attracted by a disability because it sumarizes things that I would like anyway. :D

I have often felt this to be the case as well, but other times I feel the opposite. It's complex! To answer the OP's question, I think if I encountered disability for the very first time as an adult I would still be attracted, but I think the attraction would be missing some of the "excitement." I say this because I'm sure that feeling wrong/bad/inappropriate as a kid, and hiding my feelings, contributed hugely to the sexual side of my devness.