How do you all handle being ~too~ attracted to someone?

[lazuli]

Hi friends, hope everyone is well  

I've been talking to a PWD who I met online for a few months now. We've had a couple zoom calls and we've floated the idea of me going to visit him in the not so distant future.

I am wildly attracted to him. Like really truly unfathomably attracted to him. To the point where it's almost a challenge to think about anything other than ripping his clothes off kind of attraction. His disability is so aligned with my primary attractions and he has such a beautiful face and body oiiii I could go on. I guess maybe this is what non-devs experienced back when they were like 14 and feeling sexual attraction for the first time. But this is genuinely the first time that I've ever felt this level of sexual arousal when talking to another person. It's magical and terrifying and makes me so sad and so happy and all of the things. 

I don't want to get rid of the sexual attraction I feel for him, but I am worried that it's a little too intense right now. And the fact that my body is reacting this way to just video chatting makes me somewhat concerned that my head will just explode with arousal when we finally do meet in person. How to let myself be sexually attracted to him without letting it overwhelm me like it has been? Would love to hear everyone's experiences with modulating levels of sexual arousal/attraction!  

[Dani]

I am not sure why you need to "lower" the sexual attraction. Isn't it just awesome that you are so attracted to him? I honestly don't see the problem.
What is the downside of you being so sexually attracted to him? Does he feel the same way about you?

[lazuli]

He is sexually attracted to me, yes. And I've told him, in broad terms, about my attraction to disability so it's all out on the table.

I guess the thing I'm grappling with is the fact that I'm so aroused by things that aren't explicitly sexual at all. Like I would be fine with it if I were wildly turned on when we were talking about sexy things. Which I, of course, am. But I'm also wildly turned on during every minute of every conversation with him. Not because we're always talking about sexual things but because his disability is so arousing to me. It just feels off to be squirming as we talk about our families, our schoolwork, ya know just normal "get to know each other" things. I guess I just wish my arousal were more contained to situations that are explicitly sexual. Because it feels a little unsustainable to be turned on constantly hahaha

[lazuli]

Or are people typically constantly aroused around their partners? I just had the thought that maybe this is how all people feel and I'm only now realizing it for the first time? I genuinely do not know hahahah send help

[rebeckers84]

I’d say go with it! Be wildly attracted to every ounce of him.

My only word of caution would be, don’t set yourself up for total failure if/when you ever do meet. Meeting in real life in person is definitely very different from even video chatting. Just keep your expectations tampered down. If you get together and it’s still wild then absolutely just go with it!!!

[lisa]

I know this situation and I totally understand your concerns. For me it was a whole new world when I was wildly attracted to someone for the first time. It only happened maybe two or three times in total until now and I could still imagine it being even stronger, because even though it was crazy, I could imagine it even a tiny bit more intense (with just the right disability and stuff, you know ;-)).

Anyway, in my experience it is much "worse" when you're not together. Every time I met someone I had these strong feelings for (as I've said, only two times until now in my whole life), it was much more down to earth when I finally met him. Maybe that's just me, but in these situations I am so preoccupied with all the organizational stuff and the what-ifs in my mind, that it suppresses the sexual attraction a bit. I always thought that this was too bad, but in such situations it might come in handy.

I don't think that's how people feel all the time. Even though I wouldn't really know, since my sexuality is almost exclusively the devness. I always thought that because it happens so rarely that I meet someone so attractive to me, all the sexual feelings are focused like through a lens on this one person after years of being dormant.

Also, it's quite normal for a dev (I guess) to be attracted especially to the non-sexual stuff. I know I am much more attracted to the famous "making a sandwich"-type of situations than to actual nakedness and sex. Don't take it too hard. It is what we are. Accepting it and using this quite unique ability to see beauty in disabled bodies and share it with people is what makes me deal with it most of the time.

[Dani]

I think it does have a bit to do with being accepting of yourself and who you are as a dev. It's not bad to be sexually attracted to this person all the time, and it's also not bad to still be attracted to them while you are talking about normal stuff.
As for things that you are fascinated with and drawn to which are normally not the primary attraction factors for a non-dev (as far as the disability)...well, I would say that is what being a dev is all about. We see beauty, sensuality, and sexuality in a person's features that non-devs usually don't see. 
I think it's a wonderful thing, and I can only echo what is said above.

[ichbin]

I think it's a great thing to be aroused and attracted by a person, no matter why. As Dani stated, the fact that it's often not "sexual" things that we Devs are attracted to is what being a dev is all about.

However, you might wanna think about lowering your expectations of your feelings being the same when you meet the guy in person. From my experience I often was very attracted to a guys pictures and videos and while video chatting, but when I met him, all the arousal was gone.

[Kahanah]

Hi! I met my husband online, and we chatted for 2.5 months before we met. I would love to talk more to you and share my experience!

I, apparently, scared my husband because I was too intense and too into him, and he instead kept on seeing other women, thinking I was cray cray. 

[devogirl]

I know how you feel. It does your head in to be that turned on all the time. I don't think non-devs experience that, maybe only as teens. In my experience, the intense, overwhelming feeling fades over time, the longer you are with someone in real life. So have you met this guy yet?

[not THAT violet]

You never know what will happen. Build in some time and activities when you’re not in a position to get wrapped up in waiting for the phone to buzz. Limerence is great! Just don’t let it get in the way of everything else.

[lazuli]

Feb 18, 2023 7:39:23 GMT -5 devogirl said:

I know how you feel. It does your head in to be that turned on all the time. I don't think non-devs experience that, maybe only as teens. In my experience, the intense, overwhelming feeling fades over time, the longer you are with someone in real life. So have you met this guy yet?

I’m flying to meet him next weekend!!

[koala]

I felt this way when I first met my husband, as well. We met in person relatively quickly, and it continued even then. It was fun and exhilarating, but I did have a hard time concentrating on anything else, and sometimes I felt like I was just going to explode. I decided to enjoy it, though, and I'm glad that I did. I think we're lucky to be able to experience such intense feelings/attraction.

[feelsunshine]

Feb 28, 2023 22:49:32 GMT -5 lazuli said:

Feb 18, 2023 7:39:23 GMT -5 devogirl said:

I know how you feel. It does your head in to be that turned on all the time. I don't think non-devs experience that, maybe only as teens. In my experience, the intense, overwhelming feeling fades over time, the longer you are with someone in real life. So have you met this guy yet?

I’m flying to meet him next weekend!!

Sooo… how was it?

[Deleted]

im finding myself in this same scenario currently, lazuli. couldnt have related more to your words. would love to find out how things have turned out for the both of you!