queerwheels
New Member
Posts: 25
Gender: Non-binary
Dev Status: BIID
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Post by queerwheels on Dec 16, 2022 16:34:11 GMT -5
Hi all, I made my account ages ago and then never used it so I wanted to introduce myself. I'm queerwheels, I'm in my 20s, living in a currently quite cold part of the US, I use they/them pronouns, I am ethically non monogamous, and I'm primarily attracted to women and feminine people. These days I define myself as post-BID/BIID - I had body integrity dysphoria since my earliest memories, but was able to achieve my desired body recently, which has relieved an inordinate amount of my dysphoria and improved my life somehow both subtly and massively. Nowadays I am a wheelchair user about 90% of the time, and walk with aids for short distances or inside my apartment. In the process of learning about and adapting to my changed body, I'm discovering that although I don't have sexual feelings connected to my disability, when someone I'm seeing just ignores the disability, it feels wrong somehow. I would love to get to know someone who actually takes in and appreciates my disability, who understands the fact that it is inherently an important part of me - although in a different way than for most disabled people, and who maybe even finds it attractive as a part of me. And I'd love to make friends too. Hoping to have a good time here!
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c56sciguy
New Member
Posts: 36
Gender: Male
Dev Status: Disabled Male
Relationship Status: Single
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Post by c56sciguy on Dec 16, 2022 16:45:15 GMT -5
how did you achieve your desired body?
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queerwheels
New Member
Posts: 25
Gender: Non-binary
Dev Status: BIID
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Post by queerwheels on Dec 17, 2022 13:30:46 GMT -5
I'd rather not discuss the details here if that's okay. That sort of discussion is against many forums' policies.
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Post by Green on Dec 17, 2022 19:34:20 GMT -5
I can only imagine that it was self-amputation or extreme self-harm if you can't mention any details. Deliberately causing yourself to require the use of a wheelchair is quite disturbing. Altering your body is quite fine and acceptable, but wanting to cause disability in yourself (and following through) is more like a person who cuts saying that cutting improves their life. Sure you are disabled now, but it still sounds very disingenuous for you to suggest that you should be part of any disabled community (where everyone has involuntarily acquired disability whether through birth or accident) or the people that love/appreciate them.
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Post by someonerandom on Dec 18, 2022 0:17:10 GMT -5
This strikes me as selfish. There are not enough resources in the US for people who had no choice in their disability or enough medical resources for people in general. I can't imagine deliberately taking those resources from those who need them as a matter of life and death and then celebrating that choice and hoping others will love you for it. There are enough resources, but we spend them on military industrial complex and tax cuts for the rich because “socialism” is evil and we want the supposedly undeserving to suffer. But yes I agree, seems like intentional injury is perhaps a poor way to deal with body dysmorphia.
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Post by lisa on Dec 18, 2022 8:15:24 GMT -5
BIID has been quite a controversial topic on PD in the past. I do not really want to add an opinion here, just welcoming you, queerwheels, and expressing the hope that you will find what you are looking for. I think we all struggle with things we haven't chosen ourselves and some of them do have quite tragic parts. I would understand my devness as something like this as well, so I can't and won't judge. Welcome!
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queerwheels
New Member
Posts: 25
Gender: Non-binary
Dev Status: BIID
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Post by queerwheels on Dec 18, 2022 20:00:40 GMT -5
I can only imagine that it was self-amputation or extreme self-harm if you can't mention any details. Deliberately causing yourself to require the use of a wheelchair is quite disturbing. Altering your body is quite fine and acceptable, but wanting to cause disability in yourself (and following through) is more like a person who cuts saying that cutting improves their life. Sure you are disabled now, but it still sounds very disingenuous for you to suggest that you should be part of any disabled community (where everyone has involuntarily acquired disability whether through birth or accident) or the people that love/appreciate them. I appreciate you sharing your perspective! Yes - it is disturbing, I agree. BID has manifested for me in constant, severe dysphoria about my body since my earliest memories, with an accompanying relatively consistent knowledge of how my body "should" function. Having now achieved something close to that body image, I find that I essentially do not have dysphoria anymore. So although people sometimes bring up cutting, body dysmorphic disorder, anorexia, etc. in comparison, I don't find that accurate because those conditions cause one to keep self-harming indefinitely in pursuit of moving goalposts or temporary highs. In my experience, BID is a mismatch of body image that, if corrected, generally does not recur in different forms, and results in a significant, permanent quality of life improvement. (If you're curious, I find this paper a pretty layman-understandable discussion: www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3326051/)That said, I definitely do understand your feeling that it's disingenuous. I was under the impression that others with BID were part of this forum, hence my joining (in fact, it looks like BIID is a possible drop down on the dev status portion of the profile). But I will say that I am very keenly aware that BID is often seen as an attempt to take something from an already marginalized population. In my personal life I try to be very mindful of how I present myself. In particular, I do my best to avoid speaking for or as part of the disabled community, or taking up resources allocated for disabled people. It is personally very important to me that I don't cause harm or cross boundaries for other people as I attempt to live a more authentic life. So I am always open to feedback on how to continue to do so.
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Post by Green on Dec 18, 2022 22:50:40 GMT -5
Disability is certainly not a matter of image. You can have self image in terms of gender identity, body size and shape, or maybe even personality. But, regardless, unless you abstain from taking any social services or charitable help for disabled people, you are quite literally taking something from a marginalized population.
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spartanfan
New Member
Posts: 14
Gender: Male
Dev Status: Disabled
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Post by spartanfan on Dec 19, 2022 0:30:03 GMT -5
I don't think we should judge how people became disabled. If you are disabled you deserve services no matter how you came about your disability. That's my two cents. Now if you pretend that obviously you shouldn't get any "help"
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queerwheels
New Member
Posts: 25
Gender: Non-binary
Dev Status: BIID
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Post by queerwheels on Dec 19, 2022 11:29:25 GMT -5
Disability is certainly not a matter of image. You can have self image in terms of gender identity, body size and shape, or maybe even personality. But, regardless, unless you abstain from taking any social services or charitable help for disabled people, you are quite literally taking something from a marginalized population. I'm not a neuroscientist, but the brain-body mapping is something that exists and influences one's "body image." BID is a dysphoria that arises from a mismatch of the body and the brain's image of how one's body should look or function. I find that it's somewhat similar to gender dysphoria in that the brain thinks the body should look one way, but the body looks another way. Like I said, from childhood my brain has told me that my body should function a very specific way (in my case, partial paralysis primarily in my right leg) and this is an experience that many people with BID have, knowing specifically how their body should look down to the exact line of amputation etc. So evidentially speaking, people can in fact have a body image that includes disability. I absolutely do not receive any social services or charitable help for disabled people. That would certainly be crossing a line for me. Again, I have very strong personal ethical boundaries in this realm and would rather go without than take up resources in an area where there are already limited resources for disabled people, or cause harm by projecting my own experience over anyone else's. I will conclude though by saying that I'm not here to defend my condition. I know that it is what I experience, I have discussed thoroughly with therapists for years throughout my journey, and in the end I know that I am now living a life that is authentic and comfortable for me. I appreciate the reminder that involuntarily disabled people certainly have it much harder, and I hope you believe me that I always keep that in mind and feel very strongly about not overstepping or crossing lines there. There are several medical papers on BID in addition to the one I linked above if you're skeptical of the scientific details, but I'd prefer not to continue insisting that what I've experienced my whole life is in fact real. I'm just here to get to know people.
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Post by Green on Dec 19, 2022 13:43:32 GMT -5
The problem is, people will look at you as a disabled person, and people will probably think that you didn't choose it. It's not like physical disability is a set of behavioral characteristics set by society as it would be with gender identity. Perhaps you feel better, but that might be only because people don't know that you chopped off your legs.
I believe your experiences, but I think that the choices you made in regard to them are overstepping all kinds of lines all over the place.
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spartanfan
New Member
Posts: 14
Gender: Male
Dev Status: Disabled
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Post by spartanfan on Dec 19, 2022 14:08:36 GMT -5
So maybe I'm misunderstanding. If he is disabled, he is disabled no matter how it happened. If he's not than that's different that's all I'm saying
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Post by ayla on Dec 19, 2022 15:03:33 GMT -5
We can get extra philosophical and say that while he may have “chosen” to get himself physically disabled, j can guarantee he did not choose to *want* /need* to be disabled in this particular, exceedingly specific way...
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Post by Green on Dec 19, 2022 15:54:13 GMT -5
Why put chosen in quotes?
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Post by Amee on Dec 19, 2022 15:59:57 GMT -5
Welcome queerwheels! I hope PD can be a positive part of your journey! Green as far as I'm aware, people with BIID are welcome to join the board, so I'm not sure what's disingenuous about wanting to be part of this community. If there is a general consensus among devs and PWDs that BIID people shouldn't be a part of PD, maybe the rules should be changed. But as long as the forum is open to people with BIID, can't we just let them be? What exactly is the point of letting them join and then attacking them for who they are? And I'm a bit tired of the resources argument... Yes, of course people should try to live in a way that doesn't put unnecessary strain on society's resources. I'm all for trying to be a productive part of society. But really, is the number of people with BIID so big that it even matters? And are you as hard on every other person, who unnecessarily takes up resources? What about the millions of overweight people, who take up resources in the health care system? What about people who smoke, people who drink too much alcohol, people who got disabled through some fault of their own (but not intentionally)? Are you gonna attack them the same way you're attacking someone who harmed themselves because of a mental state/illness they did not choose?
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