Dealing with sexual frustrations with stemming from disability

[Deleted]

i really feel this. like i have many of the attributes that i think are ideal for a dev or non dev partner i suppose but…

the topic of sex or pursuing sex has — and still is to some degrees — always been difficult for me bc ive always tried to live up to AB expectations and AB ways of approaching sex and desire. and i think thats not entirely divorced from me doing what many in this thread have recommended: to like strive for an AB lifestyle essentially. but as someone who for the most part — considering my level of injury — does have have many of those qualities like some physical independence, social skills and a social circle, hobbies, pretty ok looking i guess but still is not as fit as id like to be tho lol, in a relationship, etc, navigating sex has still been difficult. so at least for me its not as simple as like striving to better myself — which is important dont get me wrong. so like op i do think there is something else i can do that is more proactive.

and so ive also started to reconsider whether a traditional relationship actually works for me and my partner and am now getting comfortable thinking about some consensual non-monogamous relationships and other ways of feeling sexual fulfilled. i dont know yet if thats like a sex worker, or whatever. but ive heard people recommend reading ‘the ethical slut’ so i’ll probably dive into that soon. but for me its not just about having a willing partner available. i think what im searching for is a person who is attracted to me physically yes but also really into and excited about experimenting and like working through the sex struggle together. and that is something i do not have. plus it sounds kinda hot too tbh.

i think to synthesize all this my own frustration stems from my own insecurities about living up to an AB lifestyle — both sexual and non sexual — and the difficulties of finding a person who’s excited about like navigating the complexities of sex with a PWD. and maybe looking outside of what is considered a normal relationship is a way to deal with frustration. feel like im rambling now but mostly wanted to say that ops thoughts really resonated with me

[loveonaroll2]

I never looked at that way I also have sexual frustrations stemming from disability too unfortunately I’ve had to pay for sex and sexing i’ve lost a lot of money because of it i’ve only dated one person seriously and one person casually and the rest I’ve paid there’s nothing wrong paying for sex I feel guilty like I shouldn’t be spending money on that but Sometimes you have to do what you have to do I really wish it was something I could get for free gone overboard in my past with the girls that I was paying because sex is the best feeling in the world I really regret that

[loveonaroll2]

Feb 1, 2023 21:17:05 GMT -5 Dr. BiPAP Sachin said:

Jan 31, 2023 15:28:31 GMT -5 scarletfire said:

I think this is the right attitude. Using a wheelchair makes dating harder, no question, and the less independent you are, the harder it is, maybe much harder, but I also have met many highly disabled men, like quadriplegia and CP, who are married and have had multiple relationships. I also know single men who have no disability whatsoever but have never had sex or only with one or two people, and not by choice. Maybe the disability is a big barrier, but it's not the only factor. Social skills and life accomplishments are equally important. Lacking those is more debilitating to a dating life than a physical impairment. The reality is that if you have a moderate to severe disability it will help to make up for it with something positive. Good style, physical fitness, a witty sense of humor, talent, and success. Those things will make it a lot easier for women to have something else to focus on than the disability.

I couldn't agree more. The wheelchair, for certain pwds, is just a means of mobility. The person that is seated in the chair is the focus here. What truly matters, in the grand scheme of things, are the characteristic traits of the wheeler, which include, but are not limited to, sociability, sensibility, sensitivity, etc.
I couldn’t agree more

[scarletfire]

Apparently everyone is having less sex than in the past 30 years: men, women, young, old, everyone. Some men might have the tendency to think everyone is having sex but himself, but evidently it's the opposite these days. It's a bit surprising to me that the trend has happened at the same time that polyamory, non-momogamy, casual hook ups, and friends with benefits have become more acceptable.

[Braced4Impact]

Feb 13, 2023 14:59:12 GMT -5 scarletfire said:

Apparently everyone is having less sex than in the past 30 years: men, women, young, old, everyone. Some men might have the tendency to think everyone is having sex but himself, but evidently it's the opposite these days. It's a bit surprising to me that the trend has happened at the same time that polyamory, non-momogamy, casual hook ups, and friends with benefits have become more acceptable.

There's probably a lot of risk involved.  From STDs and unexpected pregnancy, to dangers on the woman's side of being raped or sold into sexual slavery, or on the male side of an accusation being made that can destroy a life.  So, there's probably a lot of caution on both sides.  Then, you have the rise of porn, as some find they can just "get their rocks off" themselves.  Plus, I think with our disconnected lives, people living online these days isn't as much of a stigma as it once was.  So, even though a lot of aspects of sex have gotten looser and freer, a lot of people are choosing not to for those reasons and probably much more.

[loveonaroll2]

Feb 13, 2023 14:59:12 GMT -5 scarletfire said:

Apparently everyone is having less sex than in the past 30 years: men, women, young, old, everyone. Some men might have the tendency to think everyone is having sex but himself, but evidently it's the opposite these days. It's a bit surprising to me that the trend has happened at the same time that polyamory, non-momogamy, casual hook ups, and friends with benefits have become more acceptable.

I did hear that somewhere and that is absolutely insane to me

[wheelsthrowaway1989]

It's normal to feel frustration in our situation and super common. With limited experience, obviously I feel it to. But at the point I'm at, I honestly care more about other types of affection. Lacking a real emotional connection with somebody frustrates me much, much more.

[Boyinwheelchair]

I'm actually thinking of trying to go to an erotic massage/show to have some fun, relieve some hornyness/frustration/fantasy