It still stings

[justnick]

So, I got shot down again tonight on a dating app. I am used to rejection so that part doesn’t bother me, I reject people all the time. The part that stings is that it was solely because of my disability. I wish it was because of my shitty personality or bad haircut or something that I can potentially change or improve upon. But of course it’s the one thing about me that I can do nothing about. So yeah, it still stings.

[lazuli]

I'm sorry, Nick That sounds really frustrating. Did the person you were talking to tell you that they were rejecting you specifically because of your disability?

[justnick]

Feb 5, 2023 23:41:31 GMT -5 lazuli said:

I'm sorry, Nick That sounds really frustrating. Did the person you were talking to tell you that they were rejecting you specifically because of your disability?

Yeah, there weren’t any misunderstandings or miscommunication with this one.

[lisa]

I'm sorry you have to go through this. But I guess at least the person has been honest, even if it hurts. At least for me this is often preferable over some lame excuse.
And even if there should be no one at the moment to appreciate it - you know that the one thing you can't change is something that adds a lot to your attractiveness when the right dev (or non-dev for that matter) comes along. You're a great guy from what I know. Don't forget that.

[ichbin]

I'm really sorry. Having to experience this sucks a lot!

[someonerandom]

It sucks. I’d rather just get ghosted since my interpretation of that is usually more charitable than assuming flat-out ableism. I’m sure it’s the case more often than I think!

[hiimkai]

I'm sorry man it's always rough when that happens. It stings on a soul level.

[britishtetra]

I have been on the Internet since 1996, and during that time I have been on loads of dating sites. Honestly, getting rejected, it’s just normal for me. I was not judged on my personality, humour, interests, it was just “Oh”… so you can’t do? It’s like a stigma hanging around your neck, being in a wheelchair. This year is my 33rd year since my accident, and during that time, I have never really dated, had intimate relationships, just a kiss and a cuddle. Recently, I had a good friendship that I knackered up myself, being paranoid that I think could’ve led to something. Hopefully she will forgive me one day. I was on Zoosk, and it was just a con.

Nick, keep smiling mate, hopefully you will meet somebody one day.

Pete 👍

[Braced4Impact]

I feel ya bro. I've been there. But think about this silver lining. If they couldn't be with you because of your disability solely, you probably dodged a bullet by avoiding that kind of person. In some ways, I almost prefer when they're blunt enough to tell me that's the reason rather than inventing an excuse.

[ayla]

That sucks, hopefully you didn't invest too much time or energy into this person before getting slapped with that bit of prejudice.

[sungod]

Sorry to hear that, dude. Ghosting or fake excuses are hard enough, but it's a surprise and unexpectedly harder when someone tells you they can't be with you due to the disability.

I usually end up assuming that every woman that I have right-swiped doesn't match with me because she saw the chair...whoops. It's probably not the healthiest way to think about things, and leads to a lot of breaks from dating apps.

Devs, you see the big reason many of the men here are so pleasantly surprised to discover that you exist! You help us realize that we don't need to be ashamed. Thanks for being you.

[smilefile]

Let me add another perspective: in my opinion rejection is rejection. It hurts not more or less because of a certain reason It doesn´t feel better e.g. if you are turned down because of your personality traits or the wrong body height instead of your disability. The more you are emotionally involved the more your feelings are sincere for that person the more it hurts if he or she says "no".

What I try to do in such situations is not to focus to much on the reason. I try to think on my successful flirts , relationships, friendships.

yes it might be harder to find a prtner if you have a disability but if it had happened in the past it can also happen in the future ( and it will!) because I have everything I need to attract another person who can make me (and herself ) happy

that mindset has helped me to recover faster from break-ups and to reduce the time I suffered.


all the best to you Nick (... and to everyone else who may also need it)

[mnquad07]

sorry to hear. People can really suck sometimes, a lot of times. I do applaud you trying, that part you should be proud of. I'm not that strong, myself. Almost 16 years of nothing, barely even try.

[vvulfie]

big question who liked/messaged who? In case it applies the basic rule is let the other party initiate. its the first and easiest way to filter out those who dont mean shit

[someonerandom]

Feb 6, 2023 18:31:45 GMT -5 vvulfie said:

big question who liked/messaged who? In case it applies the basic rule is let the other party initiate. its the first and easiest way to filter out those who dont mean shit

Lol, you wait for women to make the first move you will be single for a long time.