Post by newjess on Feb 18, 2023 17:34:51 GMT -5
I have been doing inner child work with my therapist for a while now and feel like it is something that has truly helped me have some breakthroughs in healing. I've had mental health struggles for a very long time, and thankfully am starting to come out of a deep depression that lasted for years. This depression really started when I first entered a 9 to 5 type workspace, relocated to an area I wasn't very excited about, and had gone through a significant break up. I have always struggled with feelings of not fitting in, and I very much tried to force myself into a box of "put together young professional" for several years before I realized how much I had lost myself. I struggled to feel like I really belonged there (or anywhere).
There have been many factors that played in to this feeling of loss of self/not fitting in, including being a dev and repressing that part of me for so long. Something that has really resonated with me is this concept that my self-hatred wasn't just directed at my current self, but at my younger self too. I felt so much shame and guilt for being a dev, even from a very young age before I even fully understood what it all meant. My younger self did not have anyone to talk to about these things, or any help with navigating these feelings. Seeing myself through that lens has really helped me develop more self compassion.
In addition to feeling a new sense of freedom in terms of living life as my authentic dev self (regardless of how others may perceive it), I have seen other ways in which this healing is showing up for me:
Connecting back to my "style": I've always gravitated toward more of the "alt" style (piercings, tattoos, funky hair, etc) but when I was entering into the 9 to 5 world, I was just convinced that it was not really a thing I could do anymore. I focused a lot more on having practical/"professional" hair, clothes, etc. Over the past year or two I slowly started finding those pieces of myself again. I recently got an edgy, short haircut and cannot describe the joy it has brought me. I'm excited for the next piece I'm adding to my half sleeve, and excited to go thrifting to find weird stuff and clothes like my younger self always did.
Buying/doing things purely for fun: e.g., Bought some slime because it was sparkly and pretty and smells good and I like it. Buying a Switch so I can play Mario Kart and Stardew Valley. I had completely stopped doing things like this
Understanding the root of my fear of conflict and feeling like I may actually be healing in that department (something I never thought would happen).
Curious to hear if this resonates with others and if so, would love to hear how this has shown up for you in your life
There have been many factors that played in to this feeling of loss of self/not fitting in, including being a dev and repressing that part of me for so long. Something that has really resonated with me is this concept that my self-hatred wasn't just directed at my current self, but at my younger self too. I felt so much shame and guilt for being a dev, even from a very young age before I even fully understood what it all meant. My younger self did not have anyone to talk to about these things, or any help with navigating these feelings. Seeing myself through that lens has really helped me develop more self compassion.
In addition to feeling a new sense of freedom in terms of living life as my authentic dev self (regardless of how others may perceive it), I have seen other ways in which this healing is showing up for me:
Connecting back to my "style": I've always gravitated toward more of the "alt" style (piercings, tattoos, funky hair, etc) but when I was entering into the 9 to 5 world, I was just convinced that it was not really a thing I could do anymore. I focused a lot more on having practical/"professional" hair, clothes, etc. Over the past year or two I slowly started finding those pieces of myself again. I recently got an edgy, short haircut and cannot describe the joy it has brought me. I'm excited for the next piece I'm adding to my half sleeve, and excited to go thrifting to find weird stuff and clothes like my younger self always did.
Buying/doing things purely for fun: e.g., Bought some slime because it was sparkly and pretty and smells good and I like it. Buying a Switch so I can play Mario Kart and Stardew Valley. I had completely stopped doing things like this
Understanding the root of my fear of conflict and feeling like I may actually be healing in that department (something I never thought would happen).
Curious to hear if this resonates with others and if so, would love to hear how this has shown up for you in your life
