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Post by ayla on Mar 14, 2023 17:00:41 GMT -5
What makes a dev "creepy?" We've all heard horror stories about creepy male behavior, directed at both male and female pwd. What about creepy women? Do they get a separate set of rules to play by? Or is creepy just creepy, no matter your gender? And are creepy female devs common? inspired by ichbin's recent comment in hot takes!
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Post by atlwheelin on Mar 14, 2023 17:03:59 GMT -5
I can say I've never encountered a female dev I could call "creepy". I'm just not positive that it's 0%
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Post by quadin91 on Mar 14, 2023 17:34:25 GMT -5
I guess it boils down to what you are comfortable with as an individual. What one person might find creepy another may find flattering for want of a better word for.
Just as an example- someone may find many messages a day a sign of being wanted/needed whereas another might find it overwhelming and creepy.
We are all individuals and view things from different angles therefore seeing it in a different way even though we are looking at the same object.
I think its difficult to pin it down to something in particular.
Saying that I think we could all agree turning up on a doorstep unannounced would be seen as a little creepy. Or would it be seen as romantic 🤷‍♂️.
Very difficult to say and depends on context I suppose.
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Post by Quad787 on Mar 14, 2023 17:34:35 GMT -5
What makes a dev "creepy?" We've all heard horror stories about creepy male behavior, directed at both male and female pwd. What about creepy women? Do they get a separate set of rules to play by? Or is creepy just creepy, no matter your gender? And are creepy female devs common? inspired by ichbin 's recent comment in hot takes! No personal experience positive or negative, but when I think about the stereotype, I imagine someone like the housekeeper in the 1991 movie "Proof" Russell Crowe and Hugo weaving. Great movie by the way. Weaving plays a blind character. He hires this housekeeper to provide verbal descriptions of photographs he takes. Everything works well and they get along... until he gets a new friend. She starts rearranging the furniture and fucking with his life generally. I highly recommend the movie. The acting is excellent. I saw this during my Australian movie phase. Also Muriel's Wedding, strictly Ballroom, if you like Aussie films. See link below PROOF
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Post by Quad787 on Mar 14, 2023 17:39:52 GMT -5
I forgot to mention that the link will bring you to a movie trailer. Watch that and tell me she's not a creepy Dev!
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Post by ichbin on Mar 14, 2023 18:16:45 GMT -5
What I find "creepy behaviour" in a dev is: objectification. meaning, the woman with disability becomes a sexual object for the man.
The worst a dev male wrote to me about his point of view (because I asked him) is that he doesn't care about the woman as a person at all, he just wants to f*%k the crippled hole. THIS to me is creepy.
also creepy: chasing disabled women while they walk or stroll on a street with a camera and posting it on YouTube, obviously without consent, even worse with hearing the heavy aroused breathing of the filmer. THIS to me is creepy.
also creepy: approaching a woman in real life or online ONLY with the purpose of having sex with her BECAUSE of her disability, not knowing the woman at all and not accepting obvious signs of disinterest. THIS to me is creepy.
now... of course my "there are NO creepy female Devs" in the other thread "hot takes only" was a deliberate exaggeration. However... not THAT much of an exaggeration. I'd be very much interested what the guys on the board here have experienced so far regarding "creepy" female and gay male Devs.
Were there any creepy females at all? Or were there more creepy gay male devs?
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Post by Quad787 on Mar 14, 2023 19:25:24 GMT -5
Wow. Those examples. That's not just creepy. That's sick.
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Post by Braced4Impact on Mar 14, 2023 20:08:46 GMT -5
It depends on where you interact. If you're at a site where sex is more the main focus, creepy comments can come from anyone, women included. There are dev interests that are all over the spectrum, from the sweet and wholesome to the wild and wicked. I also think in general, women are more liberated sexually than in the past and are closing the gap with men in some regards to those behaviors. I mean, most of the creepiest comments I've received were from male devs, but sometimes females can raise an eyebrow with their remarks.
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Post by loveonaroll2 on Mar 14, 2023 20:42:07 GMT -5
I don’t know if she was a Dev but a few years back when I was in college I had an interesting interaction with a woman at a restaurant it’s a long story
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Post by someonerandom on Mar 14, 2023 20:46:48 GMT -5
I think most people would agree that men are more likely to exhibit creepy behavior than women, but I would also add that I think the creepy behavior takes different forms. The standard is different because the behavior is different, due to whatever combination of social upbringing and hormonal differences you buy into.
But yeah, you got me, as I don’t have a damn wealth of female dev creep experiences. The only two that come to mind are:
1. A situation in which I was on the receiving end of obsessive stalking like harassment behavior that I had to do some blocking to stop. 2. A lady dev I had been talking to for a while confided in me some really dark shit she enjoys about disability, that I found pretty unsettling even though I outwardly took it in stride. I recognize the hypocrisy of that, because I am into some fucked up shit myself, but this seemed different somehow. And it took a while to come out, so who knows what could be lurking beneath the surface with people.
I think PD is very clearly a bubble with a strong ethical culture that self-selects for people who are more motivated by a holistic view of the individual rather than an objectifying perspective. I think it’s not realistic to think that the average dev woman is like the devs here. We all have seen stories like the Snapped TV show and Jodi Arias case. It would be ridiculous to think that dev women are somehow immune to the worst impulses of women, simply because they are devs.
In thinking about this topic, I would also add that I think the concept of politically conservative devs is really fucking creepy. It doesn’t fit the usual definition of creepy, but I find it super disconcerting that there are people who are attracted to us, yet at the same time actively seek to make it harder/impossible for some of us to receive healthcare and services.
I have one creepy male dev story that I’ll add because I think it’s funny. Some dude had messaged me on another site, and I answered a couple times. He had smoking and wheelchair fetish. I got bored and stopped responding, but he just kept messaging me regularly, checking in on me. I wanted to see how long it would go on; and I believe it was about a year and a half before he stopped messaging me. It slowed down over time, but every once in a while I’d still get him asking me how I’m doing and if I’ve smoked any cigars lately. Lol. Funny guy.
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vvulfie
Junior Member
Posts: 56
Gender: Male
Dev Status: Disabled
Relationship Status: Single
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Post by vvulfie on Mar 14, 2023 22:11:16 GMT -5
creepy is creepy is creepy. i agree with the statement that it boils down to what the individual is comfortable with. now on the topic of creepers and devo stigma, with a subject as sensitive as disability, how does someone who isnt familiar with disability or their own attraction to it supposed to do to show attraction?it sure can be done but people are just bad at it and awkward. its far easier for an onlooker's behavior to bring up questions rather than to appear ...admirable? theres creepy people across the board, in our case theyre more proportionally noticed, which adds to the stigma
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Post by darthoso on Mar 15, 2023 0:22:27 GMT -5
PD definitely has a different culture than devs I've met online elsewhere. Not creepy, just more direct.
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~creepy~
Mar 15, 2023 5:10:03 GMT -5
via mobile
Post by atlwheelin on Mar 15, 2023 5:10:03 GMT -5
PD definitely has a different culture than devs I've met online elsewhere. Not creepy, just more direct. On the flip side, the limited groups on the "geezer" social media Facebook, has both the completely normal and the extremely creepy all mingled together.
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Post by britishtetra on Mar 15, 2023 5:51:39 GMT -5
I have been on the Internet since about 1996, and I first started to talk to dev’s on Yahoo groups. I don’t know if anybody else was on these. They were basically chat sites where they were wheelchair devotees, amputees, and lots of all the different ones. I am pretty open about everything, nothing really shocks me except I spoke to somebody once who had a fetish about diapers.… she actually wore them soiled, which to me I felt was odd! I think you could call that creepy.
Pete
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Post by ichbin on Mar 15, 2023 7:39:24 GMT -5
what I mean by "creepy" is not in a judging sense ... "this or that I find creepy" (as in wearing soiled diapers). Here, everyone's opinion varies of course.
What I mean by "creepy" is a behaviour that is disrespectful, offensive and abusive against the PWD - THIS is the behaviour I have heard of a lot by male devs (straight and gay) and I have never heard of by female devs.
EDIT: ... AND by male pretenders, BIIDers... against female Devs.
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