You're not coming off rude at all. What I mean to say, and probably did not say very clearly, is that whatever baggage you bring to a relationship (and we all bring baggage) the thing that matters most is how you and your partner communicate and handle problems. Not what kind of problems they are. Partners need to be compatible in how they approach life's difficulties.
I get what you're saying, I'm sure it's very painful to have people literally telling you that your disability is the reason they don't want to stick it out. I recommend you don't take that statement too literally, because what can it is an oversimplification of a very complex interpersonal dynamic. This is what I mean by not focusing on the baggage, but the handling thereof. You can't change your disability. So if you focus on whether or not someone else "can deal with disability" and won't "promise what they can't deliver" (stuff you have no control over) you are making the content of your baggage (disability) the focus. Furthermore, people will not know ahead of time what your disability entails -- most people are inexperienced in this domain but even if they're familiar with disability generally, or even your condition specifically, they don't know YOU. Therefore, I think it would be more productive to focus on the handling of the baggage: how you personally handle challenges, conflicts, compromises, communication -- and whether your prospective partner handles those things in ways that are compatible. Those things can be explored with lower-stakes issues, and you can learn what the best strategies are for tackling things as a couple and not just as an individual.
There are many different ways to handle challenges as a couple, none of them are the one right way. For example, perhaps you work best with someone who sees things very much like you do and has similar responses, so you understand one another better. OR, in a completely different paradigm, maybe you work best with someone who has an opposite, yet complimentary, way of handling things. Are you a person who likes to talk everything out? Do you like when a partner intuits what to do, even if they might be off the mark? Or do you hate assumptions being made? What are your expectations around time spent together? What ways do you like to give and receive support? And so on. This is what I mean by focus on the handling of the baggage. The specifics -- disability, financial problems, differences in culture/upbringing/priorities, work stress, kids, other areas of incompatibility -- for the most part, they are what they are. That's the baggage we all bring. Looking for someone who can handle the contents of our particular baggage is less productive (bc how would you/they know, nobody has YOUR exact baggage so it's hard to foresee) than looking for someone who you work well with when dealing with problems of all kinds. You can improve, or be flexible about, how you work together as a couple much more easily than you can change the content of your baggage (which often isn't changeable at all).
For example. My husband and I are great at problem solving together for the most part. This is because 1) we are both "talkers" so we align in the sense that we both want to discuss things at length and want to feel heard, so it's natural to give that to one another. AND, even more importantly, 2) we do NOT stress about the same aspects even of the same problem. He is a classic "details person" and I am the "big picture" thinker. If we are planning a trip, he will be stressing about "do we have the passports, what time do we need to call the cab, have we packed all the chargers" and none of that stuff will faze me. Yet, I will be stressing about "will this be a good trip, what will we do if one of us doesn't enjoy it as much, what if the vibes are off at our destination" kind of stuff -- which will not have even crossed his mind. We provide balance to one another's perspective and as a result, are rarely falling apart at the same time and almost never over the same thing. For us, that works very well. For others, the lack of common perspective could be an instant dealbreaker! It all depends on how you, as an individual and as a partner, handle problems best. And yes, problems caused by disability fall under this umbrella too.
Consider WHAT about past experiences has been intolerable for partners. Was it seeing you in pain? Was it not getting enough attention? Was it logistical inconveniences? Were they phobic of hospital environments? There could be 1,000 answers here. You mentioned compassion fatigue. How did that manifest? How could that be mitigated? You can't change the disability (content of baggage), but you can be mindful of avoiding partners who have chronic burnout and don't know how to maintain boundaries for their own wellbeing (handling baggage). Or perhaps there are ways in which you unintentionally make it hard for someone to keep up with the self care that allows them to support you in a sustainable way (I have no idea, this is not an accusation). That -- if relevant -- would be an example of something that you could change ABOUT the disability experience. Like in this hypothetical scenario, if you had a habit of wanting your partner to be available 24/7 by text (I picked this bc it's one my husband would like, lol) you could identify friends or other trusted supports to take on this "I'm here for you anytime" aspect, and encourage your partner to keep up with personal commitments like a dance class or weekly dinner with friends, whatever it is that fills her cup. That's what I mean by focus on the handling, not the content, of the baggage.
Some things about disability are hard, but saying "can you *really* handle disability? Don't get involved if you can't..." completely glosses over your role as an INDIVIDUAL with a disability. Even someone with your exact physical needs might handle it a completely different way, due to their own personality or skills they have learned, etc. What you're ultimately wanting to know is if they can handle the way YOU handle challenges, including those related to your disability. So, it would be more productive to say "there are things in my life that are challenging, THIS is how I deal with them [currently. - leave room for growth and evolution], THESE traits are what I [believe that I] need from a partner." In your example, someone saying "I will be there for you if you're in the hospital" - what does that LITERALLY mean to you, and to them?? Does it mean they will physically be there with you? Does it mean they will be in mental solidarity with you, and not leave the relationship? Does it mean they will bring you cards and flowers, call you? There are so many potential assumptions and expectation (on both sides) of that statement. And what promises are you making to them about how you will handle disability-related issues?
So in short (HAHA), in my opinion it is far more useful to focus on HOW we handle problems rather than WHAT problems we have. When searching for a compatible partner, you want to know: can we tackle life's challenges well together? Yours AND mine?
Plus, if you fail to focus on the handling of the baggage, there is a strong likelihood you will blame the inevitable breakdown on the content of the baggage. This puts you in a worse position going forward and leads to bitterness and despair. Focus on the handling.