|
Post by Pony on May 2, 2008 17:42:46 GMT -5
Yep, some of the 'patronizing' remarks are just ignorance, and unavoidable. My former boss at my work, sometimes, says 'Hi little buddy...' i just grin like an idiot!! lol Hey, I'll tell yo truth, I don't care TOO much about what people call me, or those stupid remarks. I've got my eyes set on other goals, and in this world, we're going to face this shit...it's part of the game!!
|
|
|
Post by Ouch on May 2, 2008 20:21:58 GMT -5
Ah yes, the 'buddy' or 'dude' remarks - I've received a bucketful of those.
...and of course my reaction is just a slight nod while inside - 'WTF? Do I even know you?'
|
|
|
Post by matisse on May 2, 2008 21:18:27 GMT -5
Hehe, I suppose I need a vacation. Although I don't recall censoring myself on this board. Profanity is pretty normal for me.
|
|
|
Post by Pony on May 2, 2008 21:27:06 GMT -5
WAIT...I don't think there's anything wrong with 'buddy' or 'dude', I call people that all the time, especially at work. And I prefer it coming at me, but there are those patronizing 'looks' and remarks that most people don't even realize they're doing it. I know when I go in Walgreens, or general public, like a beach bar I was at the other day, that it catches people off-guard - they honestly look like they've seen a ghost, staring so hard, expressionless. After 28 years of being in a chair, it's never gotten a lot easier to handle, but I tell myself, 'I don't look anything like what they're used to seeing in a chair.' My mother tells me, 'I'm too goodlookin, it shocks them that it can happen to the best.' She's obviously biased, but I know what she means. Triassic has a point, physical logistics play a part at times...people put their hands on my shoulders a lot, but it's because my shoulders right at hand level, and I take it as a sign of affection. But, please, don't get any ideas, Triassic!!!
|
|
|
Post by BA on May 3, 2008 9:43:28 GMT -5
It's normal for wheeler to get peeved (to put it lightly) with patronizing people, but is it normal for partners of wheelers to feel the same? Yeah, Isabelle, I think I've probably gotten more pissed off and defensive than my partner did - at times just wanting to haul off and pummel someone for a stupid remark. But, I guess, in time you just learn to chill with it to some extent. Like Matisse, I want to create some sort of positive karma on my path.
|
|
|
Post by Pony on May 5, 2008 14:06:03 GMT -5
You know, in the early years after my 'quadism', people I was with would get so pissed off at people's looks/actions/ignorance/remarks and physical barriers. I had to calm people down, and it was embarrassing, too. I Also, I met guys that decided to take on the world, fighting for more 'disabled rights', attending city council meetings, etc. Now, there have been times when I spoke up about things, but I never wanted this 'chair shit' to become my LIFE. In my 28 yrs I've seen a LOT of things change towards wheelchair users in the way of laws, parking spaces, automatic doors, willingness to hire and, generally, public attitude. With all that said, I'm still running into ridiculous physical barriers, tables I can't get under, ramps only intended for strong paras and people that look at you like they just seen an alien. I fucking hate all of it, but you can make yourself crazy, and depressed, if you try to fight everything. For the most part, not completely, I just accept that this is part of the 'game'. I have to admit, I wonder if Devs really understand the complicated bullshit that goes along with SCIs, especially quads. I do GREAT for c5c6, but let me tell you, it's stressful, irritating and frustrating. I have mostly AB friends, except for Triassic, and I rarely reveal the ugly side of situation, but it's part of the 'reality' of chair life, maybe not so much for paras. I know I'd be hell on wheels if I was a para, but I'm just half-hell as c5c6. lol
|
|
|
Post by Ouch on May 5, 2008 16:32:39 GMT -5
...don't know about that, Tony - I think you're twice the hell-raiser that I am!
|
|
|
Post by €squire on May 5, 2008 18:30:50 GMT -5
RE: Tony's post --
Preach on my brother! No truer words have I heard today. I will still fight the devil over the dark if provoked just right (or paid). But the fact is, it is frustrating to know that no matter how hard we work to overcome stereotypes, there just aren't enough of us to make it stick. Let me tell you what happened to me back around Christmas:
I was sitting outside of a department store waiting for my friend to finish checking out, just sitting next to the curb, minding my own. Suddenly over my left shoulder I noticed an old black man, his worn face and yellowish bloodshot eyes showing a life of hardship and strife that shocked even my sensibilities. He seemed troubled as he moved very slowly and respectfully around to my front, his lips slightly parted, but never saying a word. His clothes were old and tattered, with a straight-brimmed cap crowning his graying head. The intensity of his gaze had me transfixed for a moment. Then I noticed his hand raised in front of me holding a dollar bill. He began moving his head up-and-down in a nodding motion as he extended his hand closer. I didn't know what to say, and I was horrified to know that people were watching (they seem to always be watching). I couldn't speak, and I couldn't physically take the dollar because my right-hand is in a brace and my left lacks the dexterity to grasp. So there we were, a man touched and clearly emotional at the cripple on the corner. He finally laid the dollar on my leg and shuffled away, never saying a word.
|
|
|
Post by Ciao Bella on May 5, 2008 23:40:20 GMT -5
Hey Esquire not to sound sympathetic to your story, but at least you had an extra dollar for a coffee LOL
|
|
|
Post by Ciao Bella on May 6, 2008 0:06:04 GMT -5
To Tony: Being with my partner has opened my eyes up to the reality of SCI - from the UTIs to really bad spasms to the discrimination. I have seen it all and I wish there was something I could do to benefit him and other SCIs. The little that I can do is to support him in his chosen competitive sport and "educate" people that as a matter of fact he is very independent both mentally and physically. I have been asked about our sex life and I say it's the absolute best I have ever had and leave people wondering HTF??? But that's digressing a bit LOL
and yes, I have come across unbelievable obstacles with my partner, but you know what? we always found a way around them. Once he was interviewed for a local sports channel on TV. so we went to the studio and waited for his segment. Now, the producers invited a guy in a wheelchair but did they think of how he would get from the floor to the platform which was oh about a foot off the floor? Of course not. I had to pull his chair up from the floor (yes with him in it duh). I decided to do it myself because the other people wouldn't have a clue. Since I've been with my partner, my arms have had the bestest workouts ever!
I must say, I have become more pedantic about disability rights, etc (I have started checking every car parked in disability bays for their permits, and have actually told off a few ABs using the disabled toilet) and have also become more considerate of my partner's needs. And you know what? Being with him makes me a better person and there's not a day when I am not thankful to be with this wonderful man.
So yes, from this dev's point of view, I do know the "ugliness" that comes with chair life. And since we can't change the scenario in one flick, we just have to do what we can to reduce discrimination - in our own little ways.
|
|
|
Post by Pony on May 6, 2008 6:51:09 GMT -5
Damn Isa, I really like your post!! You know why?, coz despite the obstacles and hardships you have embraced 'the man', even making you a better person, more enlightened, stronger and empathetic. It's really not so odd, as I think I'm a better man because of the accident, but most people would think you have chosen a 'wrong' path, but you are proving the wrong as you are obviously happy AND love the dude you're with. Look, most AB couples don't have the bond you and your guy do. What a good success story!!
as for pulling up a level, I played music in bars with my bands, and they players I played with became great friends, and laughing about yanking my ass up on the stage. Some stages weren't easy, and it was weird feeling to me as patrons would stare like WTF, but once we started playing it erased the strangeness.
|
|