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Post by vonvon13 on Sept 21, 2009 0:47:53 GMT -5
I think we all go thru that....My soon the be hubby is hard of hearing. He does not know about my devo site. And most likely never will. I try not to think about it to hard....don't want my brain to hurt. LOL!
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Post by BA on Sept 21, 2009 5:02:43 GMT -5
Wait, Vonvon! Are you sure you don't want to make a few more visits to the VA hospital before you commit to getting married?  ? I wish I knew then, what I know now. If I did, I'd have said "OMG, stop the train, I need to get off!" |
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Post by faith on Sept 21, 2009 12:37:08 GMT -5
Von- I am in 100% agreement with AB!
Knowing what I know now and knowing that "this" doesn't go away, but only gets stronger, I would have made different choices years ago.
I do wish you the best in whatever your choice, but DO think upon it. It is a space in you that he can not fill.... no matter how wonderful he is in other ways.
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Post by Valkyrja on Sept 21, 2009 12:53:09 GMT -5
Same here!! I love my partner but, if I knew 20 years ago what I know now... perhaps I would never met him. Perhaps I would find a wheeler to share the life...
Now, Von... knowing what you know now, don`t you want to "investigate" a little more?
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Post by vonvon13 on Sept 21, 2009 20:34:52 GMT -5
He's married! LOL! I have done my fair share of dating disabled men. Most of them have a hard time with commitment. I want to feel loved. Jason treats me better than any man I have ever dated. I love him. Doesn't mean i will ever be different cuz i am marrying physically abled person. He just disabled in a different way. I would have stayed with my first love. But, he could not understand how i could love him disabled. He didn't understand i loved him for him. He pushed and pushed me away and then finally broke my young heart to pieces. Now he is alone. Took me 6 years to get over him. I have been thru the crazy caregivers. Crazy parents who can't let go of them. I have even moved one guy i dated away from his step mother. She just wanted the check every month. He wanted to be with me. He was 35 years old at the time. The last disabled man i dated. I told his caregiver I would mop her face with the kitchen floor if she ever disrespected him or his mother. Ever again. He didn't want to get married. But, he would have kids with me. That stung. I have dated 4 paras, 4 quads, one amputee and one walking quad. LMAO! So, yes i have had my fair share.  |
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Post by Valkyrja on Sept 21, 2009 21:50:26 GMT -5
You're completely right, Von... you Did have your share!!! LOL!!
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nell
Full Member
Posts: 110
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Post by nell on Sept 22, 2009 8:11:31 GMT -5
Wow, you ladies are all old hats at this. Where do you find these guys?? I doubt I ever would have dated a disabled man if he hadn't practically fallen into my lap. Even if I were a bigtime stalker, you just don't see many cute wheelers on the street.
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Post by devogirl on Sept 22, 2009 9:27:54 GMT -5
Right on, Vonvon. You make the choice that feels right to you. There's a world of difference between settling for an AB guy because you feel you have no choice, and making an informed decision after having lots of devo experiences.
As for AB's original comment, I know just how you feel. It can be overwhelming. But also exciting! Try to focus on the positive aspect, and channel that energy into something creative. Enjoy it and indulge your feelings however you can safely, even if it's just by reading or watching a movie or something, rather than fixating on the frustration.
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Post by vonvon13 on Sept 22, 2009 16:16:33 GMT -5
Wow, you ladies are all old hats at this. Where do you find these guys?? I doubt I ever would have dated a disabled man if he hadn't practically fallen into my lap. Even if I were a bigtime stalker, you just don't see many cute wheelers on the street. I actually looked thru profiles on yahoo or AOL. I use to belong to a group on yahoo for the disabled and devotees. I use to go in a chat room call Wheelchair Stories. That is where I met three of them. Some have noticed I have alot of disabled friends and just guess I'm a devotee. Some just imed me just cuz. Then i found out they were disabled.  |
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Post by Ciao Bella on Sept 22, 2009 18:51:23 GMT -5
Oh Vonvon, I'll bet a a million bucks you're not the only one who's become a member of the varied disabled groups on the internet |
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Post by Dee Dee on Sept 23, 2009 17:51:19 GMT -5
Wait, Vonvon! Are you sure you don't want to make a few more visits to the VA hospital before you commit to getting married? ? I wish I knew then, what I know now. If I did, I'd have said "OMG, stop the train, I need to get off!" AB, your comment made me think about the reasons for stopping the train. Would you rather have been on a different train, carrying wheelers, or did you realise, that the train you were on, was generally going in the wrong direction? Perhaps a combination of both? Vonvon, the walking quad - hmm, pardon my ignorance here, but did he fulfil your dev needs so to speak (not being in a chair as in opposition to your other boyfriends/dates)? |
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Post by vonvon13 on Sept 23, 2009 19:44:06 GMT -5
Oh Vonvon, I'll bet a a million bucks you're not the only one who's become a member of the varied disabled groups on the internet I use to be....LOL! |
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Post by vonvon13 on Sept 23, 2009 20:02:53 GMT -5
Wait, Vonvon! Are you sure you don't want to make a few more visits to the VA hospital before you commit to getting married? ? I wish I knew then, what I know now. If I did, I'd have said "OMG, stop the train, I need to get off!" AB, your comment made me think about the reasons for stopping the train. Would you rather have been on a different train, carrying wheelers, or did you realise, that the train you were on, was generally going in the wrong direction? Perhaps a combination of both? Vonvon, the walking quad - hmm, pardon my ignorance here, but did he fulfil your dev needs so to speak (not being in a chair as in opposition to your other boyfriends/dates)? Yes, he was my friend with benefits for 2 years. Until, his wife decided to take him back.  He had to use his chair off and on. Walking long distances were out. He was one of my top lovers! ;D |
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? I wish I knew then, what I know now. If I did, I'd have said "OMG, stop the train, I need to get off!"
He had to use his chair off and on. Walking long distances were out. He was one of my top lovers! ;D