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Post by BA on Oct 31, 2005 21:44:09 GMT -5
Now how did I know that?
See Carp, now you know what you'll look like in another 60 years.
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Post by Sean on Nov 1, 2005 17:06:14 GMT -5
Alas! Wylz is a Zealander! I guess summer is on it's way to you now, right? Why "alas" Did you have designs over my body that I wasn't aware of? ROFLMAO Yep, heading towards summer, and not a moment too soon As for Carpenter's scan showing him how he'll be in another 60 years... With the current embalming techniques pushed on the majority of people, it'll take more than a few decades to wear the flesh off the bones like that <shudder>
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Post by BA on Nov 1, 2005 17:13:24 GMT -5
Wylz your location has always been a great mystery. I knew you weren't from the US and not a Brit (even tho' your spelling is "coloured" in that fashion). My next guess was Aussie, but you suprised me alright!
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Post by Sean on Nov 2, 2005 4:56:04 GMT -5
the US is pretty much the only country that doesn't spell "colour" properly Or Honour". Or "centre". Or "Tyres" LOL I'm not an aussie. I'm not a kiwi either for that matter Nor am I a pom... I am... Hmm, I am, a mongrel, some would say. Proud of my mongrel heritage
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Post by Triassic on Nov 2, 2005 11:15:01 GMT -5
Are you a Maori?
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Post by Sean on Nov 2, 2005 14:52:56 GMT -5
ROFLMAO! No, I'm not I'm not native to NZ
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Post by Tinbasher on Nov 2, 2005 15:51:05 GMT -5
Now I think about it Guy Fawkes Night is a celebration of terrorism
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Post by BA on Nov 2, 2005 19:18:07 GMT -5
Well, thank you all for letting me know just what Guy Fawles Night is all about. I'll just keep eating my candy-corn and playing with my pumpkin. Anyone care to join me?
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Post by carpenter on Nov 2, 2005 20:04:53 GMT -5
Well, thank you all for letting me know just what Guy Fawles Night is all about. I'll just keep eating my candy-corn and playing with my pumpkin. Anyone care to join me? Playing with your pumpkin? Wow that's a visual.
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Post by wheelie37 on Nov 3, 2005 2:24:48 GMT -5
i think fireworks should be banned too. that includes religous ceremonies know matter the their culture!
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Post by carpenter on Nov 4, 2005 5:50:32 GMT -5
A Message from John Cleese To the citizens of the United States of America:
In light of your failure to elect a competent President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (excepting Kansas, which she does not fancy).
Your new prime minister, Tony Blair, will appoint a governor for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.
To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:
You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up aluminium, and check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'favour' and 'neighbour.'Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix ize will be replaced by the suffix ise. Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up vocabulary).
Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. There is no such thing as US English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of -ize. You will relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The Queen". July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday. It will be replaced by Empire Day: 24 May.
You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent. Guns should only be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you're not grown up enough to handle a gun. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. A permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.
All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and this is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour. The Former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline) - roughly $6/US gallon. Get used to it. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.
The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie MacDowell attempt English dialogue in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.
You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies).
Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.
An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).Anyone not complying will be deported to Kansas.
Thank you for your co-operation. John
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Post by BA on Nov 4, 2005 17:13:33 GMT -5
OMG Carpenter, I have had to print this one out!
However, as a member of the new Unites States of the British Commonwealth I would like to rid myself of the following associations:
Chavs
Innits
The Spice Girls
Mushy Peas
Salad Cream
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Post by Sean on Nov 5, 2005 16:58:47 GMT -5
eheheheh carpenter. It's a funny letter, alas, not sure it can be attributed to Cleese. That letter's been floating around on the web for as long as I can remember (and I got on the 'net) in 91... Still, quite amusing
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Post by carpenter on Nov 5, 2005 18:37:18 GMT -5
eheheheh carpenter. It's a funny letter, alas, not sure it can be attributed to Cleese. That letter's been floating around on the web for as long as I can remember (and I got on the 'net) in 91... Still, quite amusing Oh gosh i wouldn't know. It sure sounds like something he would write. It is funny, and seemed topical here. So i have the will to believe that it is his work.
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Post by Triassic on Nov 5, 2005 23:06:54 GMT -5
No, I don't think it sounds much like Cleese at all.
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