bit offtopic but

[lavly]

ath
you post really moved me.

i remember when you first told us about the guy next door ... and now you guys are on !!! woo hoo.

i have some questions though... does he know your a dev? how does ne feel about it?

wether he is into the dev part of you or not its not what is making him get worse. sadly this apart of life for someone in his situation.

but i hear what you saying about just cos your a dev you dont want this for him and you would give anything to make him ok. i so feel you on that ... i have felt like that so many times. with diffrent wheelers that i have had stuff with.

i have no advise all i cant say is that i hear you ... and i hope you find your own way of handling this challenge in your life.

ps sorry about the spelling

[ruthmadison]

I don't think that's off-topic at all! It's a really important issue. How you respond to his disability as a dev and as a human being can be different. I've never been with someone with a progressing disability, so I have no advice to offer, but I think it's great that you're thinking about these things and caring about what's best for him before all else.

And congrats on being in a relationship! ;D

[devogirl]

Hi Ath, welcome back. I'm sorry to hear you're going through this. Yes, definitely get him to see a doctor when he gets back. Falling like that is no joke, he could really hurt himself. It's not the dev talking, that's just common sense.

But it also sounds like you need to talk to him about the dev thing more. Not at the same time as talking about going to the doctor, but at some point soon. I have found that one conversation about devness is not enough, at least to assure myself that the guy really understands and isn't harboring some misconceptions. I know it's scary, but you seem to be hanging on to a lot of guilt, and it's affecting the way you feel about him. The only thing that will make it go away is talking openly. Your dev feelings are not making him worse or pushing him to use a wheelchair more if he needs it. Let him know that even though you're a dev, you hate seeing him suffer or possibly injure himself.

[Inigo Montoya]

I don't think that you would necessarily be pleased with his beginning to use a chair because you're a dev. Even though we're devs, we're still humans and most of us good, kind and caring people. It's only natural that seeing him decline will upset you and make you unhappy because our dev-ness doesn't supersede our humanity.

You know that this will likely be a hard adjustment for him, it usually is for most people... the loss of some independence, etc., and since you care for him then it'll likely be hard for you too. I'd think that after you've both adjusted would be when you're ready to dig into the sexual zing that him being a full time wheeler could bring.

For me, other emotional issues can completely kill my inner dev. It probably isn't that way for everyone, we're all different. But, for example, I'm focused on something else right now and I've been watching stuff that should be giving me serious dev tingles and it just isn't.

I also want to say that you have balls, girlie. Degenerative scares me. So hugs and kissed for everything.

[Emma]

Welcome back Ath!

I too have no experience with CMT and agree with Inigo, degenerative disabilities are a whole other game because you don't know what type of help he will need over time so what your role will be in the long run.

I don't think you should expect to be excited about his disability getting worse. I know that if my husband somehow ended up loosing another limb I would not be happy about it. You love him for who he is and seeing him loose abilities upsets you as a person, forget why you think it should do to you as a dev.

I also wholeheartedly agree with Devogirl that you should talk to him more about your devness and how it plays into your relationship. I am a big believer that being open about your devness to your guy is very important. It takes away his questions and doubts about your attraction to him as well as can free you from feeling so guilty about it. I think you got over the biggest hurdle of telling him initially about your attraction, you just need to expand on it and have some more discussion.

[devogirl]

I will add, you might consider posting a similar question in the general forum. Some of the guys here might have insight for you on dealing with degenerative disability.