Do you get offensive?

[Emma]

Yeah the staring is annoying and I wish there was a way to stop it. I don't know why but somehow I seem to miss the really obvious starers. It really bugs my husband and he will avoid situations where there are lots of kids because of how they react to him. I have actually been thinking a lot about this topic since it is the focus of the book I'm reading (Double Take - Our dev book selection for the November chat). Occasionally I'll say something to an adult or older kid who is being appropriate. Usually I say something like "really?" in an annoyed tone while giving them a 'your being inappropriate look'. The reality is that it's never going to go away so us devs and our guys need to figure out how to deal with it appropriately. I think the best way to deal with inappropriate stares is for the guy to go up to them and ask something like "did you want to talk to me". IDK though since we haven't tried it yet.

[ruthmadison]

Oct 31, 2011 18:04:49 GMT -5 lucretia said:

I don't have a ton of experience, but the few times I've been out, yup, there were looks. I'm something of an exhibitionist anyway, so I prefer making out as a counter to the looks. I mean, if they're gonna look, give them a show. Also, the last time I was out, I figured it was just righteous jealousy. He was so awesome, I was jealous of myself... LOL

Same for me. I like to shock people.

[brookea]

I know its why PJ walks as much as he can...it annoys him. He uses his chair alot more with me because I like his uniqueness in it, but nobody else understands like I do that the chair doesn't define him like they think it should.

[Inigo Montoya]

Hey, fireberry? If you want responses from the guys then this needs to be in general.

I don't really have a whole lot of experience with this. I have a tendency to mostly just notice the wheeler when I'm with one.

[~Z28gal~]

Ditto, Inigo. But then again, I can be really oblivious in general. If I do catch someone staring, I usually try to catch their eye and just raise an eyebrow. If it's a little kid and they're being REALLY rude, I'll do the same to the parent. And yes, I usually mind more than he does (for his sake, not mine) though I'm used to getting stared at when I'm alone. Skipping down the hallways singing 'Desperado' in the hospital always strikes people as strange for some reason...

[dolly]

Oct 31, 2011 19:09:34 GMT -5 Inigo Montoya said:

I have a tendency to mostly just notice the wheeler when I'm with one.

ditto!!!!!


on the occasions when i have noticed the 'look' it hasn't phased me. the few times when someone has said something inappropriate or embarrassing the wheeler quickly handled the situation much more succinctly and eloquently than i probably would have.

people are weird.

i've always been the type of person looks-wise and personality-wise that people tend to notice a lot anyway, so i'm kind of used to generic people looking, for whatever reason. it doesn't really phase me if they aren't rude about it.

i wouldn't be shy about saying something if they were really rude, depending on the situation and on my relationship with and the personality of the wheeler. i'd have to know them well enough that i'd know they'd be cool with my reaction/retort. in my very limited experience i've just let them be the one to set the tone and respond in their own way.

but people just staring, i make direct eye-contact (and sometimes smile) so they see that i know they are staring and that usually puts an end to it. usually...

[Pisti]

I'm really good at ignoring the world around me, either while walking with my man or fooling around with my dog near the cathedral (turists use to take pictures of us). The only thing that bothers me is when men try to make out with me when I'm with my man (without him too - but I just don't care and they give up). So to make it clear to everyone why we walk side by side I make sure to lean over and kiss him every 5-6 meters, or I hold his hands or fondle his ears - a nice little spectacle for everyone to understand. Anyway - I'm proud of being with him.
He is acostumed to the stares, so he won't get mad if I show off a bit.
There are always people who come to talk to him mostly about the chair, and it is a bit awkward, but mostly because my man does not understand any foreign languages, and I have to translate.
Kids used to be quite cool. They are rather interested in the wheelchair, too, than the person in it. There were some of them comparing their buggy with the chair, others asking questions about highest speed or playing with the buttons. My man is really nice with them - he has more patience than I do.
What I find fun, too, is that when another wheeler passes by they surely greet each others.

[Deleted]

I am actually surprised that some of you have experienced these "rude" stares. Are there people out there that really do this for being rude or maybe just curiosity?
I have kids and I never really judge kids for staring at someone who may be a bit different. The point is how are the parents explaining to them the situation, so it is really only up to the parents to sit down with their children and explain to them the different people in the world and how it makes the world interesting and never judge a person by how they look.
On the making out part, I get annoyed seeing anyone right in front of me making out, no matter who they are, able bodied, disabled, young, old, gay, straight or whatever. It makes me feel disrespected. I have no problem with people holding hands, showing they belong together, maybe a little kiss but standing behind any couple in a line or whatever while they are all over each other makes me feel uncomfortable. I hold hands all the time with my husband or we hold our arms around each other but I won't put anyone in the situation to watch us almost doing it right there in front of them at the store.
Making out in front of others in public is on the same level to me as people talking all loud on the cell phones or even while they are paying at the register, just disrespectful.
It comes down to everyone respecting each other but also being open minded about different people on both ends.

[devogirl]

Yes, being stared at is an unfortunate fact of life for many disabled people. Probably most. Read the book "Double Take"--it's all about the staring. And it's our book club book this month.