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Post by Cake on Nov 16, 2011 19:11:16 GMT -5
Today's a big day for me. I told my boyfriend. Everything. The crazy thing is, I didn't even really plan it (had definitely been thinking about it, though). It just sorta happened "accidentally". He was quite surprised, to say the least, at first. But by the end of a long conversation he was very OK with it and even thanked me for putting so much trust in him. Because he quickly realized what a big deal telling him was for me. I feel so weird now. In a good way. I haven't even fully realized it yet. It really is SUCH a huge thing for me to know that he knows and is fine with it. ETA: This thread helped me significantly with doing this. All the good stories about supportive partners inspired me, I guess  So thanks, ladies! |
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Post by BA on Nov 16, 2011 20:45:13 GMT -5
Omg Cake, I am sooo happy for you.
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Post by Inigo Montoya on Nov 16, 2011 23:02:38 GMT -5
That is so incredibly, beautifully awesome!
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Post by Emma on Nov 16, 2011 23:56:43 GMT -5
Cake that is great! I'm curious how it happened accidentally. I waited for that to happen many times and it never did.
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Post by lavly on Nov 17, 2011 0:06:54 GMT -5
that is wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy cool cake im super happy for you xxx
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Post by Peony on Nov 17, 2011 4:20:58 GMT -5
Oh man! Congratulations! Glad it went so well!
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Post by Cake on Nov 17, 2011 6:45:02 GMT -5
Thank you girls!  Emma, the "accident" was that I was talking about a friend of mine who is a dev herself and whom I met on this board. I didn't talk about her being a dev, obviously, or the board, LOL. Just something random. So he goes "So where do you know her from?" And I - usually a very good and quick liar - am completely taken off guard, because in my stupidity didn't consider the possiblity that he could ask me that. So I stammer something along the lines of "Um... well... that's... kind of a long story", and he of course immediately gets curious. And because I act so weirdly in response to such a simple question, he kind of gets worried and at some point is like "OK, now I'm beginning to feel freaked out. Just tell me!!" At that point I had no choice. Not telling would have been so unfair to him, because he quickly sensed that it was something big. I suspect that my subconscious wanted that all along and a part of me had worked towards such an "inevitable" moment |
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Post by Emma on Nov 17, 2011 14:01:45 GMT -5
Thanks Cake. It's almost perfect how it came up. So now a day later how do you feel about telling him?
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Post by ruthmadison on Nov 17, 2011 14:07:33 GMT -5
Ruth, it was totally unintentional, I just could barely get it over my lips, I was devastated and super scared how he would react. He thought it was something more like I was cheating on him or another man was in life or something. Weird thing is, I did feel like I was cheating on him if I would have kept in to myself...I have this incredible sense of honesty and I am neither a good liar, nor pretender...so I just had to tell him...I could have not kept going with keeping it secret. Dani, I think you were clever. You made him fear that it was something so incredibly horrible that when you finally said what it was, it became a relief! I'm the same way. I am honest to a fault and a terrible liar! Spiral, I agree that I've also felt like my relationships aren't honest enough if I'm not telling him something so big! |
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Post by Deleted on Nov 18, 2011 17:13:09 GMT -5
Very happy for you Cake....especially that your man acted to tolerant about it and did not freak out about it....I know it is such a relieve that is out in the open and there are no secrets...Like I stated earlier, it felt like I was cheating on my husband in a weird way by not telling him, I just had to somehow...
Anyways, congratulation Cake and I hope you opening up to him will lead to an even closer relationship.....
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Post by ruthmadison on Nov 18, 2011 19:14:51 GMT -5
Oh jeez, Cake, I totally missed your announcement! That is wonderful. Congratulations. I'm so happy for you that you were able to do that.
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Post by Cake on Nov 19, 2011 6:33:06 GMT -5
*Sigh* girls... Three days after telling him I kind of wished I didn't.
The day after I told him he admitted to me that it was a lot to process for him after all and that it was a thought he first has to get used to. He was very sorry, especially when he saw my tears in response to that and he assured me he didn't love me any less or anything, but that he just didn't really have any experience with fetishes and similar stuff. He was kind of at a loss for words, and it was the most horrible thing for me. I just wanted to take it all back.
We talked for hours after that and he assured me that I shouldn't worry and that he is OK with it, or at least will be.
Still, I feel terrible. Especially after I was so happy and relieved at first, it was a real shock to hear that it wasn't all that peachy after all.
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Post by ruthmadison on Nov 19, 2011 7:21:48 GMT -5
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Post by Peony on Nov 19, 2011 8:32:21 GMT -5
Goodness. Not having had any experience going through that process, this may be utterly worthless, but, like you say, it must be a lot for him, especially if he doesn't have much experience with that kind of thing...and guys are so "I will do this to achieve that". He might just be in his mental mind cave just figuring it out. I hope you are ok, though, that kind of emotional shock of having your happiness and openness taken away (only temporarily!) can be really difficult.
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Post by Inigo Montoya on Nov 19, 2011 12:12:06 GMT -5
*hugs* Cake, I can only imagine how vulnerable you must be feeling right now. But we're here for you!! Telling can be a huge relief, but the rawness immediately after can be difficult to deal with, even if the response is entirely positive. +1 and hugs, Cake. I'm here for you. |
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So thanks, ladies!
