Post by darkie on Nov 11, 2011 3:00:23 GMT -5
This morning I woke up after having a dream. Therefore I remember it so well and even the feelings and emotions are present.
I dreamt about being with a wheeler. A friend of mine usually helped him with these little things in the household where help might be needed but this time she was ill so she asked me to do this. I had never seen him before and was insecure because I was afraid not to deal with it in the right way or the way he was used to.
One scene I remember because it was so intense. He was sitting at the desk working and I came from behind, just rub his back and shoulders softly. He turned his head and looked at me surprised and then nodded as to say that it's okay that I do this. The other thing I remember was helping him with a transfer. I just did it and he smiled and this made me feel sooo good. And it was this feeling I woke up with. Feeling good, feeling alive, feeling whole. I long for my wheeler so desperately. I am so deep into my dev cycle these days and it hurts. In reality my life lacks of so many things and after wakening today this was so damned evident.
I enjoyed the dream and the feeling it gave me after wakening but the longer I am awake the more it hurts. Does this make sense ?
Maybe a wheeler or a disabled person isn't feeling whole (not speaking for everyone of course and knowing that many of them feel whole despite their disability) but I don't feel whole either. I hate this feeling of missing something in my life so deeply.
I dreamt about being with a wheeler. A friend of mine usually helped him with these little things in the household where help might be needed but this time she was ill so she asked me to do this. I had never seen him before and was insecure because I was afraid not to deal with it in the right way or the way he was used to.
One scene I remember because it was so intense. He was sitting at the desk working and I came from behind, just rub his back and shoulders softly. He turned his head and looked at me surprised and then nodded as to say that it's okay that I do this. The other thing I remember was helping him with a transfer. I just did it and he smiled and this made me feel sooo good. And it was this feeling I woke up with. Feeling good, feeling alive, feeling whole. I long for my wheeler so desperately. I am so deep into my dev cycle these days and it hurts. In reality my life lacks of so many things and after wakening today this was so damned evident.
I enjoyed the dream and the feeling it gave me after wakening but the longer I am awake the more it hurts. Does this make sense ?
Maybe a wheeler or a disabled person isn't feeling whole (not speaking for everyone of course and knowing that many of them feel whole despite their disability) but I don't feel whole either. I hate this feeling of missing something in my life so deeply.
Maybe it'll ease soon or something in your life will change. 
