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Post by Peony on Nov 11, 2011 5:06:59 GMT -5
This may be a bit of a sensitive question, but, has anyone ever had anything that's really diminished their devness at all? Not in terms of 'I want to get rid of this thing I love but don't understand', but more to do with life occurrences, I guess. The reason I ask is because of some of the threads in general at the moment, which are very open and personal (a great thing!), especially where people's bodies, their perceptions and attractions are concerned. I was going to put this in general, but I felt it was probably more appropriate in here, for a few reasons. Anyway, it got me thinking. A few years ago I had a pretty horrific hand injury, and was incredibly lucky that nothing had to be lopped off. I also now have a pretty substantial lack of sensation in most of one of my hands, and part of my foot, which is semi-hilarious given my devness. Anyway, without going into excruciatingly boring detail, it was probably a year before I could even entertain any kind of thought of being attracted to anyone who was disabled. I was actually pretty horrified that I ever had, knowing that a lot of the stuff they would have to have gone through would put my own experiences to shame. I slowly, but eventually, came to the conclusion that sometimes sh*t happens to people, and that being disabled is just one part of a person. And that it's also not something to be scared of (which had previously been a bit of an issue for me). Just curious if any of you had had anything comparable happen to you..but re-reading all of it also makes me wonder if everyone just goes through a different 'acceptance trajectory'...which of course would be the case. Anyway, I'm starting to ramble, so I'll cut it short, but would be interested to know your thoughts  |
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Post by Inigo Montoya on Nov 11, 2011 7:59:39 GMT -5
Eh, ramble away. First of all, I'm sorry for your injury. I think everyone does go through a different acceptance trajectory. But there are also things that can and will fix it so that my dev-ness is kind of suppressed. The thing I can think of at the moment is when I was in grad school and working full time at the same time. There was no energy to spare for dev-ness, that I recall. I've heard other women say that the early years of motherhood, the most dependent years, will suppress it for a while. In the beginning, the stress of trying to conceive did... |
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Post by Peony on Nov 11, 2011 8:51:22 GMT -5
Eh, ramble away. First of all, I'm sorry for your injury. I think everyone does go through a different acceptance trajectory. But there are also things that can and will fix it so that my dev-ness is kind of suppressed. The thing I can think of at the moment is when I was in grad school and working full time at the same time. There was no energy to spare for dev-ness, that I recall. I've heard other women say that the early years of motherhood, the most dependent years, will suppress it for a while. In the beginning, the stress of trying to conceive did... Thanks, that's sweet of you to say Ya, I guess there's a big element of how much time or energy you can devote to being a devotee! |
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Post by Inigo Montoya on Nov 11, 2011 9:25:30 GMT -5
Eh, ramble away. First of all, I'm sorry for your injury. I think everyone does go through a different acceptance trajectory. But there are also things that can and will fix it so that my dev-ness is kind of suppressed. The thing I can think of at the moment is when I was in grad school and working full time at the same time. There was no energy to spare for dev-ness, that I recall. I've heard other women say that the early years of motherhood, the most dependent years, will suppress it for a while. In the beginning, the stress of trying to conceive did... Thanks, that's sweet of you to say Ya, I guess there's a big element of how much time or energy you can devote to being a devotee! You're welcome. Well, NOW I'm not sure about that. lol About what I said. Because there have been times when I had SO much going on and the dev-ness wouldn't leave me alone. I'm not sure what makes the difference... it's such a complicated and confusing business... I hope others weigh in... I think this is definitely worthy of discussion and mulling over. Thanks for bringing it up. |
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Post by ruthmadison on Nov 11, 2011 10:29:19 GMT -5
I want to start actually carefully tracking my dev cycles and keeping notes about what else is going on in my life to see if I can find a pattern.
Because it does seem like sometimes it can be triggered by a random movie, but other times a movie won't spark me. And sometimes hearing about someone being in pain with his disability kills the "buzz" for me, and other times it makes me feel guilty but doesn't diminish the desire.
Research is showing that at different times in your regular "cycle," you feel drawn to different kinds of people. Like, when you are ovulating you're more likely to be attracted to a man with highly masculine characteristics and at other times in the month you're more likely to be attracted to more "sweet" guys. I'm curious to see if dev cycles are in any way related to that.
My mom came with me last week to my therapy appointment and she said one thing she doesn't get is that when I go for AB guys I am drawn to the ones who are not as attractive to other girls, the ones that get rejected a lot. I don't like competition. My mom says she's the same way. HOWEVER, when I go for a disabled guy, I'm drawn to the super manly "Fabio" of wheelers. Don't know why that is.
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Post by BA on Nov 11, 2011 16:38:23 GMT -5
A few years ago I had a pretty horrific hand injury, and was incredibly lucky that nothing had to be lopped off. I also now have a pretty substantial lack of sensation in most of one of my hands, and part of my foot, which is semi-hilarious given my devness. Anyway, without going into excruciatingly boring detail, it was probably a year before I could even entertain any kind of thought of being attracted to anyone who was disabled. I was actually pretty horrified that I ever had, knowing that a lot of the stuff they would have to have gone through would put my own experiences to shame. I slowly, but eventually, came to the conclusion that sometimes sh*t happens to people, and that being disabled is just one part of a person. And that it's also not something to be scared of (which had previously been a bit of an issue for me). Just curious if any of you had had anything comparable happen to you..but re-reading all of it also makes me wonder if everyone just goes through a different 'acceptance trajectory'...which of course would be the case. Anyway, I'm starting to ramble, so I'll cut it short, but would be interested to know your thoughts I totally relate to this and I mean totally. I also was in a bad accident (car) in my early 20's that demolished most of my lower left leg, foot and ankle and I went thru 2 surgeries (a final one will eventually be due). I went thru a ton of physical therapy and pain and had all sorts of appliances and casts. I was even one time followed into to a parking lot by a man who I think must have been a dev who was attracted to the post surgical brace on my leg. I didn't like it at all. I felt like shit. When I applied to go to nursing school a few yrs later, they denied me admission b/c they considered me disabled and I fought them on it and finally won. I was even more freaked out by my own devness at that point b/c I knew what hell I was going thru and could only imagine what someone with a worse injury was dealing with. As I have gotten older I have accepted the limitations I have (never going to be a runner, a hiker or even a long distance walker. Not a big deal in the scheme of things but when I was 20, I felt really screwed and self conscious. |
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Post by Peony on Nov 11, 2011 23:39:19 GMT -5
I totally relate to this and I mean totally. I also was in a bad accident (car) in my early 20's that demolished most of my lower left leg, foot and ankle and I went thru 2 surgeries (a final one will eventually be due). I went thru a ton of physical therapy and pain and had all sorts of appliances and casts. I was even one time followed into to a parking lot by a man who I think must have been a dev who was attracted to the post surgical brace on my leg. I didn't like it at all. I felt like sh*t. When I applied to go to nursing school a few yrs later, they denied me admission b/c they considered me disabled and I fought them on it and finally won. I was even more freaked out by my own devness at that point b/c I knew what hell I was going thru and could only imagine what someone with a worse injury was dealing with. As I have gotten older I have accepted the limitations I have (never going to be a runner, a hiker or even a long distance walker. Not a big deal in the scheme of things but when I was 20, I felt really screwed and self conscious. Interesting interesting interesting. But also horrible, and sounds like a really serious accident, and nightmarish afterwards too. Shudder. But good for you about winning on the nursing front!  I had to use a wheelchair a few times (well, be pushed) when it first happened-I was mortified, and my usually well-behaved superstitious self gloatingly came to the fore. I was sure the universe was teaching me a lesson for liking wheelers! I'm pretty sure there is a sexual attraction to almost anything (there are boards and fanfic for those who like sneezing!), and I swear one of the hand rehab therapists was a dev...maybe I was just supersensitive to it, and I wasn't one of his patients, but just his manner...I dunno. In someways I like the fact that I feel like I can put that immediate negative reaction that a lot of disabled people have to devs in a bit more context-I think to some degree it takes the 'sting' (the feeling I have, not their vehemence) out of it. |
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Post by Peony on Nov 11, 2011 23:42:59 GMT -5
I want to start actually carefully tracking my dev cycles and keeping notes about what else is going on in my life to see if I can find a pattern. Because it does seem like sometimes it can be triggered by a random movie, but other times a movie won't spark me. And sometimes hearing about someone being in pain with his disability kills the "buzz" for me, and other times it makes me feel guilty but doesn't diminish the desire. Research is showing that at different times in your regular "cycle," you feel drawn to different kinds of people. Like, when you are ovulating you're more likely to be attracted to a man with highly masculine characteristics and at other times in the month you're more likely to be attracted to more "sweet" guys. I'm curious to see if dev cycles are in any way related to that. My mom came with me last week to my therapy appointment and she said one thing she doesn't get is that when I go for AB guys I am drawn to the ones who are not as attractive to other girls, the ones that get rejected a lot. I don't like competition. My mom says she's the same way. HOWEVER, when I go for a disabled guy, I'm drawn to the super manly "Fabio" of wheelers. Don't know why that is. Funny that there is such a big difference...weren't Cake and Val talking about certain wheeler types in another thread? Hmmmm. I can't say I've noticed a difference, personally, actually. So long as there's big broad shoulders involved, I'm in! ;D |
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Post by lavly on Nov 12, 2011 8:33:20 GMT -5
this is a bloody great thread ! sorry peony and ba about the injury's you have to go through, and how funny that your therapist might have been a dev. i think that was a topic in chat once that alot of devs end up in industry's like that. so maybe  Inigo i think you might be on to something with the time thing. well at lest for me anyway. i think my devness is a musel like anything else if you work it its stronger. wait thats not always true though cos sometime you can be in that dev space and nothing does it for you so ... i dont know ... < so profound i know lol ruth i think im might do the same ... i might try and track when im in the dev space. the only real problem with that is that when im in the dev space ... im really in the dev space and have no time for anything else ... like writing about being in the dev space. one last thing ... i know of two wheelers that have talk to before, who said that they think they where devs before there disabilty happend to them. one is a quad and the other is missing a leg ( sorry im so not down with the right lingo... how ever non dev of me lol). both say they dont feel like they did before but are super open to being with a dev cos they reamber what that feeling was like. the quad said he crush on this para girl. they hooded up for a long while . he said after he got hurt he thought about how he felt for her and looked up. so here i was saying " do you know what a dev is ... " blah blah and he was like yeah i am one i think ...lol i was like hell no your a pretender ...( i so put the guy through hell before i belived him though) |
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Post by ruthmadison on Nov 12, 2011 9:18:30 GMT -5
this is a bloody great thread ! sorry peony and ba about the injury's you have to go through, and how funny that your therapist might have been a dev. i think that was a topic in chat once that alot of devs end up in industry's like that. so maybe Inigo i think you might be on to something with the time thing. well at lest for me anyway. i think my devness is a musel like anything else if you work it its stronger. wait thats not always true though cos sometime you can be in that dev space and nothing does it for you so ... i dont know ... < so profound i know lol ruth i think im might do the same ... i might try and track when im in the dev space. the only real problem with that is that when im in the dev space ... im really in the dev space and have no time for anything else ... like writing about being in the dev space. one last thing ... i know of two wheelers that have talk to before, who said that they think they where devs before there disabilty happend to them. one is a quad and the other is missing a leg ( sorry im so not down with the right lingo... how ever non dev of me lol). both say they dont feel like they did before but are super open to being with a dev cos they reamber what that feeling was like. the quad said he crush on this para girl. they hooded up for a long while . he said after he got hurt he thought about how he felt for her and looked up. so here i was saying " do you know what a dev is ... " blah blah and he was like yeah i am one i think ...lol i was like hell no your a pretender ...( i so put the guy through hell before i belived him though) Hahaha, just put a little star on your calender at the start of a high dev cycle That's my plan! |
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Post by Inigo Montoya on Nov 12, 2011 10:25:37 GMT -5
Yeah, lavly, it's confusing because I can't tell if the whatever that's going on... working and going to school.. or whatever is absorbing all my energy or has been suppressed by my subconscious or if the devness is just politely leaving me alone. That's kind of what it seems like because there are other times that it's totally devilish and it doesn't matter how much I've got going on, or how stressed I am, it's sitting on my shoulder, whispering in my ear, "Yooouuuuutttttuuuuubbbeeeee... Boooookkkkksssss.... " etc. I STILL can't really paint it though... I think I'm going to try this weekend. I only recently had a breakthrough where I could paint about the reproduction thing... but I've got a couple in my head now... one similar to what you showed me once... and another reproductive one. So that's the plan this weekend.. paint and clean my filthy house.  I never have done what you told me to do... although I do continue with the hearts and tears... |
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Post by devogirl on Nov 12, 2011 13:15:28 GMT -5
Haha, yes! I have that little voice whispering "youtube" too. I'm pretty sure it's not strictly hormonal because my dev cycles are way longer than one month. Sometimes stress at work will shut it down, and sometimes it seems like an escape mechanism from a stressful situation. But it is definitely a muse for me too. Obviously in my dev fiction writing, but even in other aspects of my life, I feel much more creative in all ways when I'm on a dev high.
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Post by Valkyrja on Nov 12, 2011 13:49:57 GMT -5
Here I am! During pregnancy and in the first 2 years of life of my child, devness was totally suppressed. Can’t tell you how strong it was once it come back again …  Same here... kinda!... During the pregancy I was like a "cat in heat"... LOL... I was easily rage and absolutley in heat. And my devness was... WOW! high as never!! LOL But once my child born and for the next 2 years I was breast feeding her... (yes, 2 years by pediatric recomendation)... my devness and any sex desire was totally suppressed too. Yes, Cake and I talked sometimes about our "preference"... it took me a lot of time to say it out loud because I was always affraid of "hurting suceptibilities" LOL... I think you all know that I like low paras. But... Sorry, Ruth... I don´t like Fabio... nor walking neither on a wheelchair!... really... not hot at all for me! DG... I´ve discovered that, when my devness enter in a low cycle... I quit the "dev books" and I´m much more dark... I grab the vampire books again, or the obscures ones! LOL But what I did realize is that I´m not a "Youtube dev"... I dont enjoy it... only if we are talking about movies, but home made vids I dont like! |
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Post by lavly on Nov 12, 2011 17:01:43 GMT -5
DG... I´ve discovered that, when my devness enter in a low cycle... I quit the "dev books" and I´m much more dark... I grab the vampire books again, or the obscures ones! LOL But what I did realize is that I´m not a "Youtube dev"... I dont enjoy it... only if we are talking about movies, but home made vids I dont like! see this is cool cos im the exact oposit to this. when im dev space im dark and loveeeeeeee youtube (like IM said its like a voice in my head). but when im out of it im way happyer and in this ummm like " more social awareness stage." like i read / listen to things to do with social and econimical devalopment and watch doco's on things that will inspire me to give to the world. ps this is such a good topic ... i like it when the dev section is popping |
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Post by Valkyrja on Nov 12, 2011 21:09:52 GMT -5
I enjoy all the movement in here too!!
And about what you said, Lav... I was never a social kind so... no matter what stage I am in... I'm not very social! LOL
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