Post by rollingtrouble on Apr 4, 2012 11:19:23 GMT -5
Ha! Deeds, rolling around in my underwear may be a combination of things. Being a quad and getting dressed is a pain, and I can be just lazy sometimes and just don't want or feel like bothering putting pants on. And there's the comfort factor too, a crips got to be comfortable while crippin'. And finally, just because I can get away with it, kinda like a young child again. There's only really two times in life that one can enjoy that kind of "freedom", and no one really cares because of the innocence factor. When you are real young, say 2 or 3, going out front playing in your underwear is no big deal. When you get real old and don't care anymore, you can sit on your front porch and again, no big deal. I wear boxer briefs, and nothing shows or hangs out. And it is comfortable as hell.
Faith, its kind of strange about the "feelings" thing. I don't feel embarrassed running around in my underwear. But asking for help makes me feel like I'm exposing a weakness. I already feel like a "mark" when I'm out. I experienced being robbed and beaten while in my chair a few years ago. That experience left me confused, feeling very vulnerable and to be honest, messed with my head pretty good. I have been working on issues that have arisen from that, and am just now coming back out of my shell. I now carry a sub compact .40 pistol when I go out, and in spite of the limited use of my fingers, can shoot OK using both hands. I may have suppressed a lot of feelings before I was a quad, I'm sure. I have much more compassion, and empathy for people now, and feel different about many things that I didn't feel pre-quad. I appreciate and enjoy some of these feelings that were suppressed, and am constantly learning myself again inside and out. Sometimes I feel like a freak when I go out in public, it bothers me. I can drink a few beers and suppress that feeling. I find I have a hard time when I'm out judging people, friend or foe. I have met a few friendly people, mostly women out there. Women seem to be more understanding and I feel more comfortable around them. When you start out in life, you search for your identity and find yourself eventually. You get into that comfort zone of knowing who and what you are. My experience of becoming a quad is like starting all over again in that respect, trying to find my way again, who and what I am. Its harder this time around it seems, because the parameters of life are so different. And having been set in my ways for so long, the changes are hard, and can be quite confusing at times. I do think that once I'm there, I will be a much better person because of it. I want so much to get there, but I know it will come in its own time.
Faith, its kind of strange about the "feelings" thing. I don't feel embarrassed running around in my underwear. But asking for help makes me feel like I'm exposing a weakness. I already feel like a "mark" when I'm out. I experienced being robbed and beaten while in my chair a few years ago. That experience left me confused, feeling very vulnerable and to be honest, messed with my head pretty good. I have been working on issues that have arisen from that, and am just now coming back out of my shell. I now carry a sub compact .40 pistol when I go out, and in spite of the limited use of my fingers, can shoot OK using both hands. I may have suppressed a lot of feelings before I was a quad, I'm sure. I have much more compassion, and empathy for people now, and feel different about many things that I didn't feel pre-quad. I appreciate and enjoy some of these feelings that were suppressed, and am constantly learning myself again inside and out. Sometimes I feel like a freak when I go out in public, it bothers me. I can drink a few beers and suppress that feeling. I find I have a hard time when I'm out judging people, friend or foe. I have met a few friendly people, mostly women out there. Women seem to be more understanding and I feel more comfortable around them. When you start out in life, you search for your identity and find yourself eventually. You get into that comfort zone of knowing who and what you are. My experience of becoming a quad is like starting all over again in that respect, trying to find my way again, who and what I am. Its harder this time around it seems, because the parameters of life are so different. And having been set in my ways for so long, the changes are hard, and can be quite confusing at times. I do think that once I'm there, I will be a much better person because of it. I want so much to get there, but I know it will come in its own time.
